


Pretty Girls.

by exiiliious



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cocaine, Dangerous, Dark, Drugs, F/M, Rude - Freeform, Sex, asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 19:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 69
Words: 111,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14268384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exiiliious/pseuds/exiiliious
Summary: Valerie: A sweet, innocent girl who deserves all the love in the world, yet has always felt unwanted.Luke: A rude, belligerent man who's never felt loved because he always leaves in the morning.What happens when the two collide? Will opposites attract, or will they ruin each other?





	1. Cast:

Valerie Moretti.

Age 18.

Luke Hemmings.

Age 21.

Lea Kalu.

Age 21.  

Michael Clifford.

Age 22. 

Mandy Rhodes.

Age 19. 

Calum Hood.

Age 22. 

Ashton Irwin.

Age 23. 

Cassandra Prince.

Age 20. 

Monica Wheeler.

Age 22.

May Olson.

Age 23.


	2. Who the Fuck are You?

My first two months of college proved to be nothing but boring. I’d wake up, go to class, come back to my dorm, eat alone, and do my homework. My weekends were spent staying in and catching up on the sleep I’d lost due to the excessive load of homework I’d been assigned. When I first started at the University of Florida, I’d thought that it was finally time to break out of my shell. I wanted to go to parties, stay out all night, and not have to worry about what my overprotective parents would think. Sure, my family was only a three hour drive away, but I still felt free. I’d counted the hours of my summer vacation, waiting until I got to live in a dorm, with a roommate I didn’t know, and get into trouble. 

All of that came crumbling down when I got to campus. My roommate decided to switch colleges last minute, so I was alone. Without having even a roommate, I got used to doing things on my own. Almost overnight, I’d turned from an eager girl, ready to party—To a lonesome girl, ready to study. Of course, my parents were happy about that: They didn’t want me to go away for college in the first place. But it was something I had to do. 

Another thing I had to do was find friends before my first year of college was over. I didn’t want the rest of my college experience to be like the first two months were, so I took a risk. I’ve never been one for risks, so when I told my parents about my plans to allow another student to move in with me, they freaked out. I’d assured them it would be fine, but all I knew about my new roommate was that she was a girl and she’d move in while I was on Christmas break. I feared that she’d go through my things, but I put on a fake smile and told my parents that a roommate is what I needed. 

Whatever the reason was for her getting kicked out of her old place, I didn’t care. Getting rid of my single room status and moving into a roommate situation meant that I’d finally have a friend. Maybe more if she’d introduce me. I finally felt like I was going to do this whole college thing properly, but my mom and dad didn’t: And they made it very clear to me on the ride over.   
“It’s not too late to go back to find a single dorm, Valerie,” dad told me, staring at me through the rearview mirror before he focused back on driving.   
“Aren’t you worried about living with someone you don’t even know?” Mom asked.   
“No,” I sighed. “I’m not worried at all.” I smiled out the window, eager for my chance to make dumb decisions on my own. “You can just drop me off outside the building,” I told them. “I think I can manage by myself,” dad eyed me through the mirror as he turned into the small parking lot, littered with cars that seemed they could break down at a simple touch. 

“Sweetie,” mom sighed. “What if this girl is dangerous?” I smiled up at the rundown building, I’ve missed these horrible accomodations for the few weeks I was away (probably because I wanted to meet my new roommate).   
“I think she’ll be nice,” I told them, clambering out of the car. Seconds later, my parents joined me by the trunk of the car and helped me get out my suitcase and box of items.   
“I really think we should come up,” dad shoved his hands in his pockets, suspiciously eyeing a broken window.   
“Dad no. I need to do this alone,” I sighed.   
“Well, sweetie. We could always find a new place where you could live alone,” mom gushed. “It’s not like we’re tough on money,” she tried to joke, earning an eye roll.   
“Mom,” I paused, shaking my head. “I like living here. Okay? I’m going to go up alone and meeting my roommate and I’ll see you guys soon,” my parents shared a look before my dad finally nodded.  
“Remember to go to church,” mom smiled warmly, squeezing my hands and brushing a piece of hair out of my face. After saying my goodbyes to them, I headed into the building and pressed the button for the elevator, waiting patiently. 

“Doesn’t work anymore,” A girl’s voice mumbled, walking past me. Smiling to myself, I headed to the stairs. As soon as I made it to floor 3, my floor, and managed to drag my heavy suitcase up all those stairs, I pulled my keys out of my bag. Although the broken elevator bothered me, I was still glad to be back: Away from my overbearing parents.   
“317,” I whispered to myself. As I neared the end, the music coming from my door got louder, and the stench of weed filled the area. This is perfect, I thought, just what I need. With a smile, I stuck my key in the door, only for it to fly open seconds later. As I struggled to pull my keys out, three heads turned to me. They were sitting on the bed on my roommates side, passing a bong around, music blasting.   
“Oh, sorry, I broke the door,” the girl spoke, blowing out smoke as she set the bong down on the window sill. She had blonde hair tied into space buns with a navy blue hat on. “You must be Val,” she smiled, jumping off the bed and pulling me into a hug, shutting the door behind me. I was immediately taken back by her touchy gesture.  
“Hi. Um, Lea, right?” She chuckled.  
“Yeah. And that’s Michael. The other one, that’s Ashton,” she pointed out the boys on her bed and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Val,” Ashton stood up, making his way over to me and shaking my hand. “Very nice to meet you,” he smirked, his eyes trailing my body.   
“God, keep it in your pants Ash,” Lea rolled her eyes, pushing past him and taking her place back on the bed. My face heated up as I smiled lightly, was he hitting on me or was Lea messing around? Either way, I immediately felt uneasy. I could already tell this would be a great term.  
“Let me help you with your stuff,” he insisted, grabbing the suitcase and wheeling it further into the room. I glanced at Lea, who shrugged and leaned forward to grab the bong. I had no choice but to follow Ashton, who was standing in front of the closet door and lighting a cigarette. “This is you,” His voice was quiet. My gaze travelled to the ceiling, wondering how all the smoke didn’t set off the alarms, only to find that there was a plastic bag covering it: A strict violation of dorm living. “Feel free to come and join us,” he left my side with a wink, and I couldn’t help but think of how perfectly everything had fallen into place. As soon as I walked in, they were already doing things I’d never even thought of doing before. 

It didn’t take me long to unpack, as I didn’t bring much. When I finished, I decided on taking a shower. I grabbed my clothes and a towel, heading into the coed bathroom. My favorite part about college was the coed bathrooms. To me, it was all the leverage I needed to stay true to my purity ring: I could look all I wanted (as long as I didn’t get caught) and it wasn’t necessarily a sin. The coed bathrooms gave me an insight into what I’d be thrown into once I got married. I was in the shower for what felt like two hours, and the process afterwards felt like it took even longer. I’d forgotten how hard it is to put lotion on and change in the small area provided. Not to mention the most difficult part: Not getting your clothes wet from the tile floor. Because I was unsure of whether or not there’d still be people in my room when I got back, I grabbed leggings and a baggy sweater. Normally I wouldn’t wear leggings because of their revealing buttox area, but I was too exhausted to put a skirt and tights back on. As I walked back to my room, I felt anxious going in. Somehow, knowing that there were people in there—Waiting for me to return, looking at my things, possibly going through them, or even waiting for me to get back so I can do awful things with them—made me extremely nervous. I pushed the thought aside and opened the door to the even more crowded room. 

“Who the fuck are you?” The deep voice asked. Turning quickly, I held in a gasp. He was tall, intimidating, and his arms were covered in tattoos, crossed over his broad chest. He was sitting on my bed. I usually wouldn’t have a problem with it, but he had boots on, tracking dirt and god knows what on my comforter.  
“Luke!’ Lea spoke from the other side, throwing a small pillow in his direction. He caught it and immediately whipped it back in Lea’s direction, causing her to laugh. “I told you to get your feet off!” The man scoffed, jumping off the bed.   
“Who is that?” He repeated, completely ignoring me. 

“That’s Val. My roomie,”  
“You gave my bed away?!” His voice boomed.   
“It’s not your bed and it was her room first!” Lea argued.   
“But it’s where I stay!” Luke was loud, rude, and the way he carried himself made me think he as much too arrogant for his own good. His shoulder length, blonde hair held a certain curl to it and his tall height intimidated me. He had to be at least a foot and a half taller than me, but I couldn’t be sure unless I was standing next to him.  
“Well now you can stay on the floor!” I couldn’t help but peak at them while I put my stuff away and watch them interact. 

There were six people in total, not including me. One boy was sitting in Lea’s desk chair, Ashton was in mine—Pulled across the floor and set next to the other rocking chair. Lea, Michael, and another girl were on the bed. Luke was standing with his arms crossed in the middle of the room. “Or you can stay in that perfectly good frat house of yours,” she challenged. The entire group was carrying on with their business, leading me to believe Luke’s yelling was a common occurrence. He shook his head, clearly frustrated.   
“This is bullshit,” he muttered before wetting his lips and heading to the door. 

“Come on, Luke,” the unknown girl spoke, twirling her thin hair. Her top was low cut and tight, leaving little to the imagination and I wanted to judge her because of it, but Lea was dressed similarly and I didn’t want to have any problems with my new roommate, so I pushed the thought out of my mind. “Stay a while,” she purred and Luke rolled his eyes before plopping on the edge of Lea’s bed. Lea offered him the bong with a smile and he snatched it out of her hand before taking a hit and passing it along. I let out a long breath before turning my back again. Okay… Maybe this could take a bit of getting used to, but it’s what I wanted… Right?


	3. You're a Joke.

I had my back turned to the group as I scrolled through facebook on my laptop. As much as I wanted to join them, I didn’t want to do so without an invitation. So, I pretended to mind my own business as they chatted. All I knew was that they’d moved to the floor, formed a circle, and tunend the music down. I also learned that the unknown boy was Calum and the girl was Cass There were too many conversations for me to keep track of. As I scrolled past the same post of a dog everyone keeps sharing, I let out a quiet sigh.

“Val,” Lea called out, causing me to stare down at her. I was sitting on my bed and had a taller viewpoint. “Come sit with us,” she patted the empty space in between her and Luke. Why they chose to sit on the hard floor rather than the bed, is beyond me.   
“Oh… I don’t want to intrude,” I smiled lightly, trying to seem calm and collected.   
“Please! We want to get to know you!” Lea encouraged. With a small nod, I climbed off my bed and sat in between the two. I noticed that the bong was on Lea’s desk and it’d been replaced by a bottle of cupcake flavored Vodka. 

“Okay,” Lea spoke as she grabbed a sleeve of plastic cups from under her bed and took ahold of the vodka. “The game is Never Have I Ever,” she began to fill the cups halfway full of vodka and passed them out. “You know how to play?” She asked me. With a red face, I shook my head and Luke snickered next to me. “So someone says something that they’ve never done and if you’ve done it, then you take a swig,” she motioned to the cup in front of me.   
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll be very good at this game,” I explained, embarrassed. “I haven’t done many interesting things,”  
“God, I bet you twenty bucks we’re playing with Mother Theresa,” Luke sneered, causing me to send him a rude look before rolling my eyes.   
“Why don’t you start, Luke?” Lea prompted as the group lazily grabbed their cups. I followed the crowd, wrapping my small fingers around the cup, sitting up straight. 

“Never have I ever gotten an STD,” Luke spoke.   
“Yeah, right!” Ashton joked, making the rest of the group laugh. I kept my mouth in a hard line as I looked around the room, watching as Cass took a long drink, causing Lea to laugh.   
“It’s gone,” she rolled her eyes.   
“Never have I ever experimented with the same sex because I was curious,” Calum went next and I saw Michael, Lea, and Cass all take drinks.   
“Never have I ever done coke,” Cass looked directly at Luke as she said it and he was the only one to take a drink.   
“Never have I ever watched porn with someone else,” Ashton said with a laugh. When Michael and Lea took sips with red faces, we all laughed. 

“Never have I ever had sex with more than one person within 24 hours,” Michael spoke: Luke, Calum, Cass, and Ashton took drinks.   
“Never have I ever done anal,” Lea smirked. “And that includes sticking it in, too,” she warned, glancing around the group. My face burnt up at the thought. Luke, Ashton, and Cass were the took long drinks.   
“Um…” I mumbled as the group stared at me. “Never have I ever… Eaten a moldy piece of food,” as soon as I said it, I realized how stupid it was compared to the others. Calum took a drink as Luke laughed smugly.   
“This is bullshit, she hasn’t taken a drink all game,” he blurted out.   
“Well, then maybe we should all stop being such horrible people,” Lea joked, lightly jabbing me with her elbow. “Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “Let’s just play the question game,” she offered before turning to me. “You get asked a question and you can chose to answer it or take a drink,” I nodded slowly, staring down at my cup. I wanted to drink it, I really did, but I didn’t want to tell them things that aren’t true. 

“Okay… Cass what is the kinkiest thing you’ve done?” Lea asked.   
“This guy I knew was pretty into feet,” she shrugged. “Oh, or that time with bondage,” I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening. I didn’t know people really did that… I thought it was a joke. “Ash, out of all the people in the room, who do you want to make out with most?” She shot back.   
“Oh god…” He stayed silent for a few moments. “Gonna have to go with Val on that one,” he sent a wink my way, and my face turned three shades darker, Luke choked on a laugh. “Mikey, who do you think is the sluttiest person in the room?” Light chuckled emitted.   
“Sorry… But Luke,” I couldn’t help but glance at the boy who sat next to me, who merely shrugged. “Val, how many people have you fucked?” My eyes widened at his brash choice of words. I debated not answering.   
“I have a purity ring,” I stated with a small smile, earning yet another laugh from my right. “Why do you keep laughing at me?” I huffed. 

“Is that your question? Really? Don’t have anything better?” He teased, earning a glare from me. His eyes burned into me for a few moments before he leaned forward. “Because you’re a joke,” His voice lowered, but was still clear enough for the entire group to hear. I hadn’t noticed his accent in the prior times he spoke, but I found it extremely irritating once I did. Rolling my eyes, I looked away from him and pretended like I didn’t care about what he just said. “Calum what’s the most you’ve masturbated in a day?” Luke spoke in a dismal tone, picking at the holes in his black skinny jeans. Calum scratched the back of his neck.   
“God, I don’t know… Four?” The answer came out as more of a question. “I wanna know more about that purity ring,” he turned to me and I gave him a small smile before picking up the cup and drinking. It wasn’t the first time I’d tasted alcohol, but it was the first time I’d had some that strong. I tried to hide the sour expression on my face. “Fine,” Calum sighed. “Lea, how long did you make Mikey wait before you fucked?” My purity ring wasn’t something I liked to talk about. Mostly because I was always made into a joke, or so Luke says, because of it.   
“Maybe like a week,” she shrugged, and the game ended. 

“I never saw you at any parties last term,” Cass mentioned to me.   
“Oh… Uh… Yeah I don’t have many friends, so…” My voice trailed off and I prayed she didn’t see my embarrassment or through my lie: I don’t have any friends, at all.   
“You should totally come tonight,” she offered. “The boys have a great frat house-” She began, but was cut off quickly.   
“Speaking of which, we should get back and help set up,” Calum mentioned, and the other three stood to follow him.   
“See you tonight, babe,” Michael rasped as he kissed Lea’s forehead.   
“You should come,” Cass repeated.   
“It’ll be so fun,” Lea agreed. “And I think Ashton likes you,” she winked and I blushed.   
“Okay… Okay I’ll come,”


	4. Pretty Girls:

After about ten minutes of begging, I finally agreed to let Lea and Cass help me get ready. As Lea poked at my face with cosmetics, Cass searched through my clothes. I was apprehensive to let Lea put makeup on me, as I normally only wear mascara, but I figured nothing bad could come of it. Cass, on the other hand, was more than displeased with my clothes. She kept complaining that I had nothing fun and that I needed to get new clothes, and I began to get upset about it.

“I like my clothes,” I told her with a frown.   
“I’m sure you do,” she rolled her eyes. Lea was quick to finish my makeup and started on my hair, curling tiny sections and refusing to let me peek at myself in the mirror. I was careful to pull on the top that Cass had chosen, not wanting to mess up my hair. She grabbed a high-neck top that had lace covering the neck and arms, and plain black covering the rest, the top had a peplum that made me feel slightly less inappropriate. Although I wasn’t a big fan of it, I appreciated the fact that it covered me up for the most part. The whitewashed jeans she chose were a different story: They were my least favorite pair because they hugged my rear with such tightness, that I get unwanted stares. 

I was slipping on the heels that Cass picked when I looked up to see their outfits. They wore tight, cropped tops and short skirts. I was shocked at how little they were covered, but I didn’t want to comment on it and ruin my chances to go to the party.   
“See how hot we look?” Cass encouraged, pulling out her phone to take a picture of us in the mirror. “We’ll turn all the boys’ heads,” I wasn’t sure if she was joking.   
“Mike’s here!” Lea announced, pulling me out of the room by my hand.   
“Is the party close?” I asked, trying to keep up with their long strides.   
“A ten minute drive,” part of me wondered how we’d get back, but I didn’t want to ask. As we approached a small black car, I noticed Luke was sitting in the passenger seat and couldn’t help but roll my eyes.   
“The princess has arrived,” he sneered as I got into the car, just loud enough for Michael to hear as well, who merely laughed along. 

***

We’ve only been at the party for about an hour and I’ve managed to lose Cass and Lea. We’d played a drinking game in the car and another in the frat house, and by the time I found myself alone, I was stumbling over my feet in search of a familiar face.   
“Calum!” I called once I entered the kitchen, rushing up to him.   
“Val! Have a shot,” He offered a small glass out to me and I took it, downing it before I had a second thought, he took a long drink out of the bottle.   
“Have you seen Cass or Lea?” He shook his head with an apologetic smile, some girl came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist “Where’s the bathroom?” I asked, trying to escape before they started making out.   
“Yeah, it’s upstairs,” Calum mumbled, spinning the girl around and catching her by the waist. I took that as my cue to leave. 

Pushing my small body through the crowd of people, I started to become aware of how drunk I was due to the room spinning. Finally, I found the stairs and squeezed my way up. There were so many doors, that I just started trying the knobs to see if they were open. When I finally found a knob that would turn, I crept it open to see Luke and Cass in the bathroom. Both of their tops were on the floor, and he was pushing her body into the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. They tore their lips away from each other, but every other part of them stayed connected.   
“Oh… Um… Sorry I-I was just looking for the bathroom,” I stuttered, my face bright red.   
“It’s occupied,” Luke snapped, leaning forward and slamming the door in my face. The wind of the impact caused me to gasp. With irritation, I stalked back down the stairs and found Ashton sitting on a couch in the living room. 

“How's it goin’?” He asked, taking a swig of his beer.   
“Fine… But I can’t find Lea,” I leave out the fact that I’d been looking for Cass too, and I just stumbled in on her with Luke.   
“Hmm. She’s probably in Mikey’s room,” he shrugged. I sighed, glancing around the crowded living room. Ashton patted the space next to him and I reluctantly nudged myself between him and a couple making out. “You can hang with me if you want,” he slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I gave him a small smile but felt uncomfortable from his touch. I tried to squirm out of his grip, but he only pulled me closer.   
“I-I think I’m going to get some fresh air,” I mumbled, standing quickly and walking away from him before he could protest. 

As I stepped outside, I immediately felt better. My anxiety of not being able to find Cass and Lea diminished, and the breeze made me feel more sober than I was. I dug in my purse for my phone, and a voice interrupted me.   
“Need some help?” It asked.  
“Excuse me?” I scoffed quietly, not bothering to look up. Maybe if I didn’t acknowledge them, they’d go away.   
“Pretty girls don’t light their own cigarettes,” the voice explained, causing me to roll my eyes.   
“Too bad I’m not out here for a smoke,” I finally looked up to see Luke, lighting his own cigarette and my mood worsened.   
“Oh. It’s you,” he stated, rolling his eyes. I wanted to be rude to him, like he was to me, but when I opened my mouth, I had to shut it suddenly and hold my head. 

“Leave me alone,” I groaned, forcing myself to sit on the concrete steps, my head against the wooden pillar.   
“Are you okay?” Luke asked, seeming annoyed that he had to be out here with me.   
“I think I drank too much,” I whined as he took a long drag and blew the smoke directly at me.  
“Stand up,” He ordered with a small smirk. Without waiting for me to comply, he pulled me up by my arm. “Now walk in a straight line,” Rolling my eyes, I scoffed.   
“I can’t even do that when I’m sober,” I complained.   
“Could be possible that you’re an alcoholic and don’t understand the definition of sober,” I was unsure of whether or not he was joking or just being a jerk, but I laughed anyways, shaking my head and complying to his request, attempting to walk in a straight line.   
“See, two left feet!” I snapped, toppling over. Luke swung out his hand, quickly grabbing my arm before I fell to the floor.   
“Okay, I believe you. But you’re definitely drunk so sit back down,” He pulled my arm to the side, forcing me to sit back on the floor. His body sunk down next to me as he stomped out the cigarette. It was only half finished, but he didn’t seem to care. 

“Oh my god, I think I’m going to be sick,” I whined, my body falling against Luke’s. With an angry sigh, he pulled me into the grass. Almost immediately, I hunched over, vomiting onto the freshly mowed grass. Luke grumbled to himself, collecting my hair in his fist. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he was pulling at the roots because I was thankful it wasn’t in my face.   
“Take a deep breath, Valerie, jesus,” He ordered once I started heaving. After a few minutes of me puking, Luke pulled out his phone, typing away as he continued to hold my hair back. Finally, I pulled back, out of breath and feeling like absolute trash. Luke let my hair loose, and I wiped my mouth on the back of my sleeve.   
“I’m sorry,” I rasped.   
“You should be. We just spent money on a lawn treatment.” My body found itself on the grass as I tried to catch my breath. “Get up,” he ordered, but I didn’t. I was too tired to continue listening to his angry words and rude opinions. Instead, I lied back, staring up at the stars. 

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “Will you get up?” He tapped his foot next to me, waiting for me to comply. “Get up!” He repeated, nearly shouting. My body jerked at the loud noise, but I didn’t budge. “Are you deaf or something?” He spat, grabbing me by the forearms and pulling me up. He didn’t release my arms once I stood on the ground. “Goddammit, what’s wrong with you?” He shouted. I began to struggle in his grip, trying to push him away.   
“Don’t… Touch… Me…” I managed to mutter out. Luke scoffed, letting my arms go with a light push. As he did, I toppled backwards, landing back on the grass and in the puke that left my body minutes ago.


	5. Covered in Vomit!

I could tell that his intentions weren’t for me to land on the ground, let alone in my own vomit, from the shocked look in his eyes, but he maintained his hard composure.   
“Get up,” he ordered. I wanted, with all my will, to get up and walk away from him, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know what came over me, but I began to cry. “Oh, come on,” he complained. I watched as he huffed, setting his hands on his hips and impatiently tapping the ground with his foot. “Quit crying,” his voice was cold and hard. Luke pulled at his roots, letting out a long sigh as he looked at all the people who were outside; watching our interaction. “Please stop crying,” his voice was softer, but still angry. I held my breath, trying to calm down. Luke crouched down, folding his hands. “Why are you crying?” He asked in a harsh tone, lowering his voice to a whisper.   
“Because I’m sitting in puke and you’re yelling at me!” I nearly shouted.   
“Valerie,” he growled through his teeth. “You need to take a deep breath and calm down,” he told me. “If you keep yelling, the police are going to come and I know you and half the people in there are underage,” he warned. I did as he told me, taking in a deep breath and calming my breathing as Luke stood. 

Once again, he pulled me up by my arm. This time, he was quick to let go of me once I got my balance. I took another deep breath before turning on my heels and walking away from him.   
“Where are you going?” He asked, running after me. When I continued on, he grabbed my wrist, pulling me to a stop.   
“Home.” I growled, trying to leave. Again, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.  
“What, are you going to walk?” He laughed. “It’s three in the morning, you’ll be murdered,”   
“Then I’ll find a bus,” I began to walk away and this time he let me, following after me.   
“Then you’ll be mugged,” he laughed at me again. I clenched my jaw, balling my fists. I was getting sick of all the mockery.   
“I don’t care,” I spat. And neither does he, for that matter, so why is he stopping me?  
“Valerie, just stop,” he demanded. “Cass is in one of the empty rooms. You can stay with her,” he offered. “Or don’t. I don’t care,” he turned around, heading back to the house. 

“Wait,” I called, running up to him.   
“What?” He nearly yelled, sounding exhausted.   
“I’m covered in puke,” I stated, causing him to roll his eyes.   
“Yeah, I can smell it from about a mile away,” he began walking again and I trailed after him.   
“I can’t sleep covered in vomit!”   
“Then maybe Ashton will lend you a shirt,” his response surprised me enough for me to stop in my tracks. What does Ashton have to do with anything? Had Luke spotted Ashton with his arm around me and misinterpreted it? Why would he care either way? Luke kept walking, disappearing into the house. When I got into the house, I spotted Luke at the top of the stairs and rushed after him. I got to the room he went into as soon as the door shut. After my second knock, Luke pulled the door open, glaring at me.   
“Will you show me the room?” I asked, earning a cocked eyebrow. 

“Aren’t you going to change?” He prodded.   
“No… I-I don’t want to bother him… I’ll just… Figure something out,” with a displeased look, Luke ushered me to the last door on the left, pushing it open to reveal Cass sleeping in a large bed.   
“It’s an empty room,” he told me as I walked in. “You should lock the door,” I ignored him. I heard the door shut and thought I was finally alone, but Luke stepped in front of me. “Why don’t you ever answer me when I talk to you?” As intimidated as I was by his tone, I rolled my eyes.   
“I don’t respond well to rude people,” I spat, a small frown indented Luke’s face. He stared at me for a long time, and I hadn’t realized how blue his eyes were until they were glued to me. Finally, Luke let out a frustrated sigh and peeled off his plain black tee. I stared at him with confusion as he handed the shirt to me.   
“I’ll wash your clothes,” he offered, clearly not happy about it. I was slow to take the shirt from his hand, my eyes flickered to his broad chest and strong arms, speckled with tattoos. 

“My offer expires in about thirty seconds if you don’t change,” he spat.   
“I’m not going to change with you in here,” I frowned. “I don’t want you to look at me,” Luke scoffed, placing his hands over his eyes and turning to face the wall.   
“Don’t want to look at you anyways,” he muttered as I peeled my jeans and top off, careful to fold them so the puke was on the inside and Luke wouldn’t have to touch it. As I slipped on his shirt, I couldn’t help but notice the warmth and how good it smelt and how it fell to the middle of my thigh. My eyes fell to the sleeping girl and I couldn’t help but wonder why she was in here instead of Luke’s room.   
“Are you dating Cass?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. He laughed loudly.  
“Not that it’s any of your business,” he paused. “But I don’t date,” I stared at the muscles in his back as they retracted. I’d never been this close to such a strong, shirtless boy. “Are you done?” Luke snapped, breaking me out of any good thought I had about him.

“Yeah,” I muttered, holding my stained clothes. Luke’s eyes flickered down to my legs, and I cleared my throat. “I-I can do it… It’s okay,” I spoke in order to get his eyes off me. It worked, to say the least.   
“You’re not going out there looking like that,” he laughed. “There are about 30 drunk, post-party, frat boys. I’ll do it,” he snatched the clothes out of my hands and briskly walked away. As he pulled open the door, he stopped, his head turning to the side. “Remember to lock the door,” he said before leaving me alone. With a dry laugh, I walked over to the door and locked it before climbing into bed with Cass. 

***

I sprung awoke to a knock on the door, and it took me a second to realize where I was. When I did, I clambered out of the bed and to the door, pulling it open to see Luke.   
“Did I wake you?” He asked, pushing past me and entering the room. His eyes fell on Cass’ sleeping body before they turned to me.   
“Yes,” I spoke, grabbing my clothes from him. “What time is it?” I scratched my head, positive that my hair looked ridiculous.   
“4:30,” He shrugged, sitting on the bed and immediately tapping his foot. He seemed restless, to say the least.   
“You didn’t have to wake me up in the middle of the night,” I sneered, climbing back into the bed and covering my exposed body.   
“Yeah, well I did it anyways,” he let out a dry laugh, running his hands through his hair. He did have nice hair, I’ll give him that. I watched as he sniffled, wiping his nose and his head twitched. His eyes bounced off objects in the room. “Why are you awake?” He shot at me.   
“I wasn’t,” I raised an eyebrow. “We’ve already established that,” he stayed silent for a long time. 

“Right,” he finally spoke, his fingers tapping his knee. “Hey, do you want to take a walk?” He blurted out, his mouth forming in a small smile.   
“No,” I rejected. “I want to go back to bed,” Luke rolled his eyes, standing up and pulling at his hair as he paced. I hadn’t realized how attractive he was until this moment. Maybe it was because he’d been nothing but rude, but I slowly started to take him in: His curly blonde hair, his bright blue eyes, strong body covered in tattoos.   
“Fuck,” He cursed, stopping in his tracks. “I can’t sleep,” he told me, laughing as he wiped his nose again.   
“What are you on?” I didn’t mean to say it, but it just came out. Luke’s mood instantly changed. He took long strides over to the bed. 

“What makes you think I’m on something?” He growled, his eyes digging into me.   
“The way you’re acting,” my voice cowered. Suddenly, I couldn’t look at him. I was much too nervous. Luke laughed loudly, clearly not caring if he woke Cass up.   
“Fuck you,” he growled. “I’m not on anything!” He yelled. I glanced at Cass, who was still sleeping soundly. I noticed a white powder lined Luke’s right nostril. Cocaine, I assumed; though, he really could have snorted anything. “I want my shirt back in the morning,” he demanded and, within a second, he was slamming the door on the way out. I let out a breath of relief and lied back down. It took me a while to fall back asleep and when I did, I had odd dreams of the blonde haired cocaine user. Each time I woke up from a dream, I tried to push Luke out of my head but he just kept creeping back in.


	6. Part of the Band.

Michael gave us a ride back to campus after we woke up in the morning. He dropped Cass of at a small house down the street from campus and Lea and I in our dorm. He stuck around for a while because, in his own words, the longer he stayed, the less he had to clean. As the couple sat on Lea’s bed, they pried into me with questions.   
“So what’d you do after I lost you?” Lea asked, wrapping her hands around Michael’s arms, setting her head on his shoulder.   
“Um… Well I threw up,” I shrugged, earning a small laugh from her. “And then Luke pushed me in it,” I stated before going back to my business on my phone. 

“He… Wait what?” Michael asked, holding a concerned expression.   
“We were arguing and he pushed me in my vomit,” they exchanged glances before Lea sighed.   
“That’s Luke for you,” she shrugged.   
“I don’t like him,” Michael let out a loud laugh.   
“No one likes Luke.” He told me. “We just put up with him because he’s part of the band,” Lea was hardly paying attention to the conversation, she was engulfed in trying to get Michael’s attention back on her.

“Band?” I questioned further.   
“Yeah, babe,” Lea laughed. “They’re in a band. Isn’t that hot?” She winked at me, fanning over Michael.   
“It’s nothing big,” he shrugged. “We just play at some bars and house parties,” my mouth formed in the shape of an ‘o’.   
“Luke used to be great,” Lea admitted. “I mean… He’s always been rude but before he’d apologize for it. I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” she frowned, her thin body leaning into Michael’s. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.   
“Drugs,” Michael muttered under his breath. I pretended not to hear him and let them have some privacy as I showered.   
“We do drugs, too. It’s not an excuse,” Lea sighed as I left the room.

***

As I entered the room again, a haze of smoke plagued the small area.   
“Shut the door,” Michael whined, and I complied, shutting the smoke in with us.   
“I have a question,” Lea brought up, shifting in her bed to face me. “I just want to know why you choose to wear a purity ring,” her voice was sweet, though she spoke slowly due to her intoxicated state. I frowned, finally turning to the couple. “Come sit,” She offered, patting the spot next to her. With reluctance, I obeyed and took the place between Lea and the wall. My eyes fell to the bong in her lap. “Wanna smoke with us?” She offered, causing my eyes to widen.   
“Oh… Um well… I don’t know,” I let out a small, breathy laugh. “I-I’ve never,” Lea gave me a comforting smile before holding up the bong for me to see.   
“It’s okay. You don’t have to,” she assured. 

“Well… What’s it like?” I asked after a few seconds passed.   
“Calm. Happy. Everything’s funny. You’ll probably talk loudly. Oh, and you’ll want food,” Michael answered, grabbing the bong from Lea and taking a hit.   
“Yeah, but you could also get a little paranoid,” she mumbled. “But only if you smoke too much,” she reassured, but I felt like she was lying. I’m sure I’ve heard of people who don’t smoke because they always get paranoid.   
“Okay,” I gave in, knowing if I passed something up like this, they may never ask again. With a big smile, Lea grabbed the bong back and held up a lighter. 

“So you just light the top of this, then you suck in and pull the piece out to suck up all the smoke,” I stared at her, confused as she demonstrated.   
“Okay,” I nodded. An uncomfortable sense set over me as I took the bong from her and held the mouthpiece against my lips. With worry for how it would taste, I lit where I was instructed and sucked in the smoke.   
“You should pull the piece out,” Lea suggested, and I complied. As soon as the air entered my lungs, a fit of coughing took over me. 

“Take smaller hits,” Michael laughed. “Like this,” He only breathed in for a second, and I stared at him through watery eyes as I coughed. He passed it off to Lea, who took a large hit, and back to me. With the new instruction, I only let a puff of smoke into my system and I was surprised when the cloud of smoke was so large.   
“Sometimes less is more,” Lea winked. “But from all the coughing you did, I’m sure you’ll be plenty high,” Michael reached over and grabbed the bong from me, taking a hit and passing it to Lea. “We’re good,” she shrugged him off. 

“Why does coughing have anything to do with it?” I asked, my throat burning.   
“Your lungs expand,” she contained a laugh. “More lung space, more drug space… And you get high faster too,” her head fell back as she stared at the ceiling. “I can’t believe you’re so innocent and I’m the one infiltrating you,” it was a comment mostly to herself, and I didn’t reply. “What do you think that stain is from?” Her mind went elsewhere and my gaze followed hers, to the yellow blotch. I found it hard to tear my eyes away, as the stain seemed to follow the shape of a cat’s head. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. 

“You feeling it yet?” Michael asked, finally breaking the silence, laying on the bed and hanging his legs over the edge. I wondered how long I’d been staring at the splotch.   
“I… Um… I don’t know,” I let out a dry laugh. Lea scrolled through her phone to switch the song.   
“How do you feel?” He asked and I furred my brow, slightly distracted by Lea singing along to a song with heavy lyrics.  
“Good but I-um-I don’t know why,” A loud laugh left Michael’s mouth.   
“You’re feeling it,” he assured, picking the bong back up and taking a hit before passing it to Lea. She took a hit and passed it along to me. I stared down at the glassware. “Live a little,” Michael urged and I smiled before taking another hit and passing it along. The routine continued and I had, if I counted properly, 5 hits in total before Michael declared that the bowl was cashed… Whatever that meant. Michael was rambling on about something and I noticed his accent was similar to Luke’s. I wonder if they came to college together. I wonder if Ashton and Calum have the accents too and I just didn’t notice. 

I found myself laughing along with them and participating in the conversation more than I would have if I hadn’t smoked with them, and I felt good about myself for being so talkative.   
“Val,” Lea turned to me. “Tell me about your ring,” she urged.   
“Oh… Um… I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t like to talk about it because people always judge me for it,” my face heated up. I suddenly felt like my whole body was on fire.   
“You tell us… And we will… Tell you something,” Michael struggled to spit the words out, as if he was trying to word it better and simply couldn’t.   
“What could you possibly tell me that would compare?” I ask and they glance at each other. 

“The first time I went down on a girl, she’d started her period and didn’t know until I came up with blood on my face,” Michael admits and my face flushes. I can’t help but laugh.   
“So the first time I sucked a dick,” Lea began. “He wanted me to deepthroat and I was young, maybe 15, so I didn’t really know what it meant but I agreed. So I’m sucking his dick and he grabs my hair and shoves his entirety into my mouth as he’s coming and it spewed out my nose. God it burnt so bad,” her face turned red as she laughed. My eyes widen at the possibility that either of those things could easily happen to me.   
“And that’s why Lea doesn’t like giving head,” Michael teased and she swatted at him.  
“I make up for it in other ways,” she defended herself. 

“Fine,” I sighed. “My parents are very religious. I’m talking church three times a week and I’ve only ever been in catholic school my whole life. Up until now, that is. At first, the ring was just something I did to make them happy, but as I got older I decided that it might be a good thing. I mean… I’m not necessarily saving myself for marriage… Well, unless it comes to that. I’m saving myself for love,” I’m wary in telling them this, afraid of their reaction. They don’t laugh like I’m used to people doing. Instead they just nod, no expression lining their faces.   
“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Lea asks.   
“Of course,” I laugh. “I kissed a boy in middle school once. He was very sweet and I let him touch my butt… Over my skirt, of course,” I tell them this in hopes that they don’t think I’m a prude.   
“That’s the furthest you’ve gone?” Michael asks and I nod. “So… Just sex? Or you’re not doing anything?” I frown.   
“I’ve never thought about that,” I admit honestly. “I suppose just sex,” Michael glances at his phone and nearly jumps up.   
“I’m late,” he explains, kissing Lea and calling out a goodbye before leaving us alone. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” Lea asks and I’m over the moon. I thought for sure she’d distance herself after I told her about my purity ring.   
“Sure,” I shrug, trying not to seem too eager.   
“Great!” She stands and pulls me up by my hand. “Mikey has a concert in a couple hours!” She begins to rifle through her closet. “We can smoke before and it’ll be so fun! Oh! Can I dress you?” She smiles at me eagerly, and I’m feeling too good from the high to say no. She pulls out a short black pencil shirt and pulls it on before changing into a red bralette that hardly covers her and tall red heels. I pray she doesn’t dress me like that. She notices my worried expression and laughs before giving me a (still short, but a bit longer) pale pink velvet skirt, a tight long sleeve black shirt, and pink velvet heels. My outfit is much more conservative than hers and, for that, I’m thankful. However, I still think it’s too much and I manage to convince her to let me bring my windbreaker, convincing her on bringing a leather jacket for herself. Lea curls her hair and I let mine fall to its naturally straight state. She cakes herself in makeup and does my eyeliner. As we smoke a little more and then head on our way, I can’t help but feel excited.


	7. What About Pretty Boys?

Lea and I walked across campus, the wind whipping around my body made me thankful that I was able to change Lea’s mind. I was also thankful that she’d accepted her loss and zipped up her jacket to prevent her from catching a cold.  
“Where are we going?” I ask as we turn down a street, stopping in front of the bus stop.   
“Oasis,” she pulls out her phone and checks the time. “It’s a bar,” when she sees the worry on my face, she merely laughs. “They don’t card,” she tells me as the bus pulls up. I follow her on and she finds a set of seats in the far back, flicking off a drunken man as he whistles at us. “Don’t worry,” she whispers, her hand finding mine. “We’ll be okay,” I don’t understand why she says this because I wasn’t phased by the man. I thought for a second that she was the one who was worried, but the smile on her face made me unsure. 

The bus stopped four times in the span of time we sat there, and finally, we got off.   
“It’s just about a block and a half down,” she tells me and crosses the street. I’d never been into the strip of bars as I’d never had anyone to go with. I followed Lea silently, ducking into the small, crowded space with her. She took a minute, standing in the doorway and scanning through the crowd before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the bar. We took seats next to Michael, Calum, and Ashton.   
“Let me buy you a drink,” Ashton smiled at me, flagging the waiter down. “Can I get a Sex on the Beach and a rum and coke?” The accent I’d questioned earlier was clear. Ashton winked at me, sliding a light orange drink toward me. I gave him a small smile picking up the cold drink and bringing it to my lips. I felt like the Sex on the Beach was a bit inappropriate, but I didn’t comment on it. Ashton’s eyes didn’t leave me. A smirk appeared once he took a large gulp. His pink tongue slid out to wet his lips. “You like it?” He asked.   
“Yes, thank you,” my voice was low and I’m unsure whether he heard me.  
“You look amazing,” his eyes raked down my body, “Love the outfit,” I simultaneously thanked Lea and regretted the outfit. I felt much too exposed.   
“Thank you,” my face burnt. 

“So, what’s your major?” Ashton asked.   
“I’d like to major in Creative Writing and minor in English Literature,” he stares at me while I take a long drink. It’s so sweet yet so bitter and I could easily see myself having one too many of these and getting drunk. Maybe that was his intention. I narrow my eyes at him. “What about you?” His lips tugged into a smile.   
“Education and Music,” Ashton didn’t strike me as the type that wanted to teach. He lifted his rum and coke, taking a sip.   
“Do you do covers in your band?” I ask in hopes to keep the conversation light.   
“No,” he laughs. “We write our own music, babe,” I tensed with an uncomfortable feeling as the pet name left his mouth.   
“Maybe you could help us write some,” Calum brought himself into the conversation. “Being an English person and all,” I felt my face heat up, Calum’s accent was just as thick as the other boys’, if not more.  
“Oh… I don’t know,” I muttered, taking a long drink. 

“How have your days been?” Was that the proper thing to say? I wasn’t sure how to do this whole bar stool conversation.   
“Just a lot of cleaning up after the party,” Calum shrugged. His drink was clear, I was unsure what is was, but I could smell it on his breath as he took the seat on my other side. I was now wedged between the two, taking a sip of my fruity drink in hopes to seem less uncomfortable.   
“I slept all day before I realized it was Saturday and almost missed my own gig,” Ashton’s smile beamed and I couldn’t help but laugh.   
“We don’t need you anyways,” Calum joked along with him.   
“Fuck off,” Ashton laughed. “You always need the drummer. You don’t need three guitar players,” he retaliated.   
“I play bass. There’s a difference,” I couldn’t help but laugh at the pair’s light bickering. “And Luke hardly even plays, so you do need me,” Calum spoke as-a-matter-of-factly.   
“Then it’s settled, we’ll kick Luke out,” I couldn’t tell whether or not they were joking and I wondered what their band would be like without him.   
“Where is Luke, anyways?” Michael butted in. I didn’t even know that he and Lea were listening. The mention of his name upset me, and I took another long drink. I wished we could all stay like this, laughing and talking. I was terrified that Luke would show up and be as rude to me as yesterday.   
“Fashionably late,” Lea laughed.   
“As always,” the three boys spoke at the same time and we all started to laugh. If I had to hang out with these four people for the rest of my college career, I wouldn’t mind it one bit. I sort of felt at home with them.

As if he sensed us speaking about him, Luke appeared. He took the seat next to Calum.  
“Finished already?” Ashton smirked down at my empty drink. My face burnt up at the realization that I’d drank the whole thing. “Let me get you another,” he insisted. Before I could reject, he flagged the bartender down. “She’ll have another Sex on the Beach and I’ll have…” His voice trailed off. “A screwdriver,” he finally decided. I wondered if his choice of drinks were a ploy to bring up sexual tension. If it was, it wouldn’t work.   
“Thank you,” my voice was quiet now, as if the presence of Luke had forced my mouth shut.   
“Pretty girls don’t buy their own drinks,” he winks and my mind flashed back to last night, when Luke claimed that pretty girls don’t light their own cigarettes. I took a long drink, wondering what smoking a cigarette is like.   
“What about pretty boys?” Luke’s voice sounded. It was low and hoarse as if he’d been yelling. His tone was neutral, I couldn’t tell whether he was leaning toward an angry side or a pleasant side. I’d yet to see the latter. 

“Pretty boys can go to hell,” Ashton’s eye fell down in a wink and Luke rolled his eyes, his lips falling into a straight line.   
“I’ll meet you there,” Luke snapped. I couldn’t tell whether their banter was playful or purposeful. Feeling caught in the middle, I took a long drink. Maybe it isn’t a good idea to mix alcohol and weed, but Lea was doing it, too.   
“Alright boys,” Calum laughed. “Relax, we have to go on stage in a few,” As if on cue, they all checked the time and began to pack up their items. Ashton chugged down his drink and set a hand on my thigh. I wanted, with all my might, to push his hand away but I   
“I’ll see you later, yeah?” He asked, his fingers feeling warm against my cold skin.   
“Yeah,” my voice was quiet. As Calum got up, I couldn’t help but notice that Luke’s eyes were glued to Ashton’s point of contact. I looked away, pretending not to notice and the boys all left. Feeling uncomfortable from the intimate touch, I slid next to Lea and Cass, finishing off my second drink.

As much as I disliked Luke, I couldn’t deny that he looked good on stage—A loose white button up that his tattoos peaked through (only buttoned up halfway, revealing a large portion of his strong chest), black pants, black boots, with a black leather jacket. Rings were adorning his fingers and a thin chain hanging down, kissing his chest. I hadn’t noticed the blonde flecks of hair that decorated his chest. His golden hair seemed to glow under the spotlight. Luke’s blue eyes turned to Ashton and he gave him a swift nod before Ashton held up his drumsticks, banging them together four times before they all started playing their instruments. I danced along with Lea, hardly focusing on the lyrics as they all sung together. The tempo quickened and I felt a lump in my throat rise.   
“When you’re talking to your girls, do you talk about me? Do you say that I’m a sweetheart? Do you say that I’m a freak?” I felt my body jolt to a stop and I looked at the stage to find the source of the soothing, deep voice, my eyes widening as I saw Luke holding onto the mic stand.   
“Do you tell them white lies? Do you tell them the truth?” Calum took over.   
“Do you tell them that you love me, the way that I’ve been loving you?” Luke’s voice sounded again, making me feel weak in my knees. In this moment, I found him incredibly attractive. 

“They’re good right?” Lea asked, still jumping up and down. “Almost makes Luke’s whole asshole routine worth it,” she joked with me, but I didn’t feel much like laughing. I could hardly breathe. My chest felt tight and the bar was much too hot. I don’t know if it was the drugs, the alcohol, or the crowded space and screaming, but I needed to get out of there. Maybe it was Luke, I thought. The second he walked out on stage I nearly melted to a puddle. And when he opened his mouth to sing, a whole different feeling came over. I don’t find many people attractive, but Luke makes the top of the list. He’s the best looking boy I’ve ever met and I’d even say he’s sexy… If that’s something girls say about boys, that is. I pulled myself out of my thoughts, grabbing Lea’s arm. She immediately stopped jumping and looked at me.   
“I’m just going to get some air,” I told her, escaping before she could object or follow. 

I didn’t want to think of Luke that way, especially since he’s been nothing but a total jerk. I didn’t want to be in the same room as him. I wanted to go home and fall asleep and forget I ever saw him in this state. The effects of the drugs seemed to be wearing off and I was no longer feeling as confident as I did before. I was now feeling tipsy and emotional. I hated the outfit that Lea guilted me into and I hated myself for wearing it. I wanted to go back to my long skirts and loose blouses. I no longer felt as great as I did when I arrived, and seeing Luke up there—So loved by everyone—Made me sick to my stomach. How could he put on such an act? Smiling and singing for the screaming girls when less than 24 hours ago, he was pushing me into my own vomit. 

The air was cold against my face, but the emptiness of the alleyway was comforting. Clutching my windbreaker to my body, I found comfort in sitting on the chilled concrete, leaning my back against the brick wall of the building and letting my head fall back so I could stare at the stars. A train whistled in the distance and I closed my eyes to feel—Really feel—The stillness of the night. I don’t know how long I was sitting there, but I felt so at peace that I couldn’t move. I thought about the stars—how small I am in retrospect to the earth—How small the earth is in retrospect to the universe. I knew that the diminishing high had caused these thoughts, but I didn’t mind. It felt… Therapeutic to think about all the possible worlds that we don’t know of. Worlds I might be able to visit some day. The possibility of a world where there would be people like me, and I wouldn’t be so invisible. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the bang of the heavy metal door against the brick and boots stepping onto the pavement. I ignored the presence, keeping my eyes shut until the stench of cigarettes filled my senses. Finally opening my eyes, I lifted my hand to brush my hair out of my face, my ruffled windbreaker causing a sharp intake a of breath to be heard.   
“Jesus, fuck, you scared me,” the familiar voice started. My eyes left the stars and landed on Luke. “What the hell are you thinking, just sitting there like that? I could’ve had a fucking heart attack!” He scolded, taking a long drag of his cigarette, as if it calmed him down. “And what is it with you always sitting on dirty fucking floors?” His face indented with a frown. “You know, you can’t seem to shut your trap when it comes to anyone else, but when it comes to me, you don’t say a damn word,” he rambled on, his voice getting louder by the second. I remained silent, I didn’t want his yelling to bring down my high like his presence did. “Jesus Christ, will you fucking talk to me?” He nearly screamed, stomping out his cigarette and taking long strides over to me. 

I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. Why does it matter whether I speak to him? He hardly likes me, anyways.   
“Valerie,” he warned, earning a scoff from me.   
“I prefer Val,” I finally corrected him after who knows how many times he’s called me Valerie.   
“I prefer Valerie,” he shot back, his blue eyes challenging my green ones. “Why don’t you talk?” He asked before I had the chance to reply.   
“I do,” I crossed my arms. “Just not to you,”   
“Well, why not to me?” He snapped. The tips of his boots were touching my heels.   
“A pretty boy is nothing if he has an ugly attitude,”


	8. Virgin Mary.

“A pretty boy is nothing if he has an ugly attitude,” Luke laugh loudly as soon as the words left my mouth.   
“Well, pretty girls are nothing if they can’t hold their liquor,” he shot back, staring down at me. I felt so vulnerable in this moment. Like at any second, he could ruin me.   
“I can too hold my liquor,” I defended myself, knowing that probably wasn’t true. Luke raised an eyebrow.   
“I bet you’re one of those girls who gets really horny when they’re drunk but won’t give out.” My eyes widened at his brash words.   
“I am not!” I don’t know what came over me, but my voice was loud. Much louder than he or I anticipated.   
“Sure looked that way when Ashton’s hands were all over you,” he smirked. I could tell that he found amusement in my uncomfortability.   
“I let him buy me a drink, I had no control of him putting his hand there,” I huffed. “And besides, I wanted to tell him to move it,” I don’t know why I was trying to prove myself to him. 

“I’m just testing your purity and faith,” Luke’s eyes were wild and I wanted to stand up and slap him, but I didn’t.   
“Well, that is none of your business,” I told him, and I meant it. Who was he to judge me?   
“Just saying. You shouldn’t let a guy buy you a drink if you’re not going to fuck him,” I clenched my jaw at his words. What I do with my body is my choice.   
“Boys like you are so entitled!” I snapped, standing up. The tips of our shoes were touching and with the added height of my heels, he still towered over me. A smirk plastered on his face. “You always think someone owes you something. Well guess what, they don’t,” he laughed. I couldn’t tell whether or not he was laughing at me, but I was getting frustrated.   
“Calm down, Virgin Mary,” he mocked. “I don’t think anyone owes me anything,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “You know you don’t belong here, right?” He changed the topic. “Just because Lea likes you for some reason doesn’t mean you belong at my parties, with my friends,” when I didn’t respond, he stepped closer to me. In a nervous action, I stepped backwards, hitting the wall. Our shoe tips connected again. 

“Valerie, Valerie, Valerie.” He tsked, his breath was hot against my face and had a lingering scent of mint mixed with tobacco. “You don’t fit in. We don’t need some Jesus freak cramping our style,” his voice held a hint of threat. My breath was caught in my throat. I didn’t know what to say, but I certainly wasn’t a Jesus freak. The only reason I went to church and catholic schools was because my parents made me. It was never my decision.   
“I’ll stop coming around when I stop getting invited,” I challenged in a bold move.   
“Then I’ll make sure they stop pitying you,” his tongue flicked out to wet his lips. Did they really pity me? Was that why they invited me? Was that why they were being so nice? “Did you really think they wanted to be your friend?” He laughed as if he read my mind. “They want to dress you up like this, get you drunk, and humiliate you,” he threatened, his eyes scanning down my body. I felt so small compared to him.   
“That’s not true,” I defended. “I know when people pity me, and this is not the case,” I refused to believe it. “The only one who is trying to humiliate me is you,” his eyes narrowed, a mocking smile formed on his face.   
“You make it so easy,” he whispered, his breath hitting my face. 

I didn’t know what to say. Or do, for that matter. I was angry beyond belief and if I stood here any longer, I felt I could do something stupid, like smack that dumb look off his face.   
“I am going back inside,” I waited for him to step away and when he didn’t, I pushed past him. He was quick to grab my wrist and pull me back to face him.   
“Don’t trip on the stick that fell out of your ass on the way,” I didn’t reply. Instead I pulled my arm from his grip and stormed inside. It took me a second to find Lea. She was sat at a table in the back with Ashton, Calum and Michael. Taking a deep breath, I walked towards them and slid into the booth next to Ashton. He immediately turned to me.   
“You like the set?” He asked. He smelt of whisky.   
“Yes. It was very good,” I lied.   
“You only stayed for about ten seconds,” Calum laughed from the other side of Ashton, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table. I smiled lightly, fighting off the urge to tell him that it wasn’t polite to put your elbows on a table. When I glanced at Lea and Michael on the other side of the table, I grimaced at the way they were so engrossed in each other. I could hear them kissing from here. 

“Well, those ten seconds were lovely,” I turned my attention back to them.   
“Where’d you go?” Ashton asked, his face falling as if he was hurt by the fact that I left.   
“I felt crowded. I needed some air,” I left out the bit about Luke’s state being what dragged me to get air in the first place.   
“You always seem to need air,” Ashton smiled, taking a sip of his drink.   
“Well you need air to live,” I stated simply, and the two boys laughed.   
“You’re a funny girl, Val,” Calum complimented. They couldn’t be pitying me, could they? They don’t have to talk to me, but they are. I hated Luke for putting the thought in my head.   
“I don’t mean to be,”   
“You should change to a comedy major,” Ashton slurred and I couldn’t help but giggle.   
“Too bad there’s no such thing,” 

I wanted the light conversation to continue, but as soon as I thought about it, Luke walked over to the table.   
“Scoot over,” he demanded.  
“Go sit on the other side,” I let out a dry laugh.   
“I don’t want to sit next to the two sucking face,” his face was disgusted.   
“I don’t care,” I crossed my arms. “I am not moving,” Luke’s eyes glared into me and he stood there for a second, as if contemplating what to do. His eyes shifted to Ashton and Calum before he sighed and slid next to Lea and Michael. He immediately pulled out his phone and slouched down. I ignored the fact that his long legs took up the entire space underneath the table.   
“You don’t like Lukey Luke?” Calum asked, his voice low though I knew Luke could still hear. I shrugged, my eyes focusing on my white painted nails.   
“I can’t get over how great you look,” Ashton breathed into my ear. My body stiffened as he placed his hand on my thigh. I wanted to push it away but I didn’t want to anger him. 

“How about a round of shots on me?” Luke asked without looking up from his phone. The mention of shots had caused Lea and Michael to pull away from each other. With a sigh, Luke stood, his eyes beaming into me. “Help me grab them,” he ordered. I didn’t mind that he was pulling me away from the group, most likely to make more rude comments. I just wanted Ashton’s hands off of me. I clambered out of the booth and followed Luke, who was already heading to the bar. “You really should tell people when you don’t want them to touch you,” his voice was rough as he grabbed ahold of my arm. I stared at him. Was he concerned? Certainly not, minutes ago he was mocking me.   
“Don’t touch me,” Luke laughed loudly, so loud I was startled.   
“Six tequila shots,” he told the bartender. “Or would you prefer a Sex on the Beach?” His eyes were hooded. I didn’t reply, merely rolling my eyes. When we got back to the table with the shots, Michael and Lea were pulling on their coats.   
“Michael and I are going back to the party,” she told me before picking up the shot and downing it. “I’ll see you later,” she smiled as Michael took his shot and gave Luke a pat on the back before the two left. I slid into the booth that they’d just been in, wondering how I’d possibly get home when I didn’t know which stop to get off at. 

After we took the round of shots, Ashton tried to buy me another drink, but I refused. The alcohol was wearing me down and I felt so tired. I was leaning my head against the wall while the three boys chatted. Calum and Ashton repeatedly tried to bring me into the conversation, but I was too exhausted to participate so I just smiled and nodded. After what felt like an hour of sitting around, listening to their conversations, Ashton suggested we all go back to the frat house. As much as I wanted to go to bed, I couldn’t. As we left the bar, I tried to go my separate way, saying goodbye, but Calum and Ashton weren’t having it.   
“You can’t go yet!” Ashton slurred. “It’s still early,”   
“Yeah, Val, come on!” Calum agreed. I didn’t want to go, but seeing the look on Luke’s face when I agreed to come back was worth it. He was clearly angry, and that fueled me. We got into Calum’s car and I was forced into the back seat with Luke but strangely, I didn’t mind. It was better to be with him in the back than drunk Ashton, who couldn’t keep his hands to himself.


	9. Ditto.

(I changed Valerie's character)

 

 

 

When we pulled up at the house, the lawn was littered with drunk college students and empty red cups. Ashton was quick to pull me out of the car and lead me inside with Calum trailing behind. He immediately pulled me into the kitchen and poured drinks for Calum, himself, and I. I didn’t feel much like drinking anymore, but I took it anyways and the three of us found a place to sit in the living room. The music was blasting, Ashton and Calum were yelling over it to talk to one another, and I felt overwhelmed. I found myself bringing the cup to my lips and drinking down some of the harsh liquid in hopes to calm down. 

 

When that didn’t work, I thought about the room I’d stayed in last night and told them I was going to bed. I ignored Ashton’s pleas for me to stay awake for  _ just a little bit longer _ and wished them a good night before stalking up the stairs. As I entered the room, I found that my luck worsened. There were three sleeping bodies on the bed; two boys and a girl. Without having anywhere else to go, I pulled a blanket off the bed and settled on the hard, wooden floor. It took me a long time to fall asleep and when I did, my dreams were full of parties, bars, and other uncomfortable situations. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

I stopped drinking after the one shot I had at the bar and locked myself away in my room while the party roared downstairs. I didn’t care much for it, I wasn’t in the mood to drink or do drugs or even fuck a random girl for that matter. I just wanted to sleep. All the fighting I’d been doing with Valerie was wearing me down, exhausting me. No matter how tired I was, I couldn’t help but yell at her whenever I saw her. Maybe a fight would wake me up. Or maybe it’d push me to get drunk enough to pass out. With hopes to find her and cuss her out, I searched the crowded house before pulling myself back up the stairs to check the empty room she’d slept in last night. 

 

That’s where I found her. She was lying on the floor, a red blanket wrapped around her torso, doubling as a pillow and cushion from the hard wood. I thought it was extremely stupid of her to sleep on the floor when Dom and Nick were passed out in the bed (with a small, unknown girl wedged between them). Let alone wearing  _ that _ . The way her legs lied on the floor made it easy to see up her skirt, revealing her light pink panties. As hot as I thought the sight was, I still thought she was stupid for putting herself in this situation. But then again, where would she go? She didn’t have much of a choice. 

 

It wasn’t long until the party started dying down and the music shut off. I still couldn’t sleep and was left to stay up and read  _ The Awakening _ by Kate Chopin. Sappy romance novels weren’t typically my style, but we needed to have it completely read and analyzed by the first day of my Literature and Power course. By the time I was halfway through, the house was quiet and I was able to focus on marking up the text. The quiet didn’t last long, I heard a loud slam followed by footsteps and a small voice. 

“Leave me alone!” The girl yelled. I was quick to get out of bed and rush into the hall. Valerie was rushing away from the room and bumped into me, nearly falling back. And she would have if I hadn’t caught her arm. I glanced over her shoulder to see Dom coming out of the room. “Luke,” her voice whined. “Can I come in? He-” I cut her off with a glare before sighing and opening the door for her to step in. I didn’t have to deal with Dom. As soon as he saw me, he rushed back into the room. I had half a mind to go in there and beat the shit out of him and take the other girl out of the room, but I didn’t have the energy and I didn’t want to leave Valerie alone in my room. 

 

Her eyes travelled around my room in silence. She had tears staining her cheeks and her hair was a knotty mess. The velvet skirt she was wearing was hiked up slightly, revealing an oval scar on the top of her thigh. Her tight long sleeve was twisted around her abdomen. I tore my eyes away from her, setting my book on the dresser before sitting on the bed. I watched her as she looked into the mirror hanging on the wall, fixing herself up. 

“What happened?” I asked, when she walked over to me, not expecting her to talk.  

“He… He tried… And…” She couldn’t get the words out, and that aggravated me. Why won’t she ever fucking talk to me?

“Well you shouldn’t have slept in that room with them in the first place,” I stated, earning a gasp. 

 

**_***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

“Fuck you!” I couldn’t help but yell. “I’m sorry for my language, but you are rude, entitled, and you do not care for other people at all!” Tears began to prick at my eyes for the second time tonight, but I didn’t bother to stop them. What was the point? Sooner or later he’d see me cry if he kept treating me like this. Couldn’t he just be kind to me for once? Especially after having to push the drunk man off of my unconscious body. He was kissing down my neck and when I woke up, I was mortified. “I can’t stand you!” My voice was loud, but that didn’t matter. Everyone in the house was likely in a liquor induced coma, anyways. “Fuck you!” I repeated, at a loss for words. Luke stared at me for a long while, folding his hands as he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and hunching over. I couldn’t judge his reaction: He held a blank face. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” I prodded. It felt as if we’d swapped places, he was now the silent one and I was yelling, angry beyond belief. Luke’s face was now beginning to turn red from anger. 

 

“You think you’re original? I can’t stand you either!” He stood, his face inches from mine. “You’re bitchy, privileged, annoying, and quite frankly, you need to learn to mind your own business!” His hands flew up to his hair, pulling at the roots and frizzing the golden curls. “I’ve never met anyone who’s pissed me off  _ so _ much. I hate your guts!” We stared at each other for what felt like hours, Luke’s angry blue eyes into my watery green ones. The creases in his face slowly started to relax. 

 

“Your eyes get so green when you cry,” his voice was soft, nothing like I’m used to from him. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. Regret? Remorse? No, he’s going to yell again, I’m sure of it. He took me by surprise when his large hands reached up to my, placing themselves on my cheeks as the pads of his thumbs wiped away my tears. “Stop crying. The fight is over now,” he whispered. Before I could reply, he crashed his lips against mine. His lips moved roughly against mine. At first, I tried to push him away with my hands on his chest, but after a few seconds, I gave in and started to kiss him back. His hands moved from my face down to my arms, his grip gentle on my elbows as he walked backwards, taking me with him as he sat on the bed. I stood between his long legs, his arms wrapping around my small body, pulling me closer. 

 

His tongue glided across my bottom lip and, without better judgement, I granted him access: Our tongues battled for dominance, a battle that he easily won. I don’t know what was coming over me, but I was climbed onto his lap. His hands settled on my thighs, squeezing gently as I tangled my hands in his hair. The golden locks were so soft and full, and his hands felt gentle yet rough. My insides were tight, my stomach fluttered with butterflies. As we moved our lips together, I felt a certain spark of electricity I’ve never experienced before. If this was lust, I was not sure. All I knew was that the feeling was addictive and I wanted more. Much more. Luke took a bold move in moving his hands to the hem of my shirt, slowly pulling it up. All of a sudden, I felt sick. I had to get out of there, now. I couldn’t keep kissing him, or I’d make a grave mistake. I was quick to pull away from him and clamber off his lap, staring at him with wide eyes. 

 

“I-I have to go,” my voice was rushed as I grabbed my purse and headed to the door.

“Valerie,” he called once my fingertips grazed the cold doorknob. I didn’t turn back to him, but I stopped moving. I knew if I looked back at him, I’d feel an overwhelming urge to join him back on the bed and press my lips to his skin. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes despite the fact that I knew he couldn’t see. 

“Ditto,” I barked, slamming the door on my way out. We had just shared a kiss, and now we’re back to the yelling match we keep finding ourselves in. As I rushed out of the house, I pulled out my phone and searched for directions before I made the long walk back to my dorm. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fire in my body that ignited when we kissed, and I hated myself for that. 


	10. God Dammit, Luke!

By the time I got home, it was nearly 4:30 in the morning. I took a long shower to remove the guilt from my body and I appreciated how alone I was. Maybe I’d have to start taking showers in the middle of the night to have some privacy. It took a long time to detangle my hair, seeing as I’d slept on the floor and there was a large knot in the back of my head. After my hair was smooth, I braided the wet strands and crawled into bed at 5:45, immediately falling asleep. 

***

I’d slept in later than I usually would, and when I got up, Lea was getting ready. She begged me to come out with her and buy our books, and I appreciated that she wanted to do something so dismal after our long weekend of partying. It was the day before classes began and I spent the rest of it getting everything in order, writing my schedule in my planner. I was extremely excited for this term: Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I had Biology at 9:00am, Nonfiction Writing at 10:40am, and Literature and Power at 1:00pm. I had just enough time to get lunch after Nonfiction Writing before finishing my classes for the day. 

Tuesdays and Thursdays I had Fiction Workshop at 9:00am and Art History at 2:30pm. I would have to get lunch in my spare time before Art History. I began to regret taking five classes, but I felt like I would have no problem keeping up with the workload seeing as I did well last term with only four, and I even had an excessive amount of free time. I’d hoped that Lea was in at least one of my classes but, as my luck would have it, she wasn’t. 

***

I woke up at seven in the morning on Monday to ensure I’d have enough time to get ready for class. I decided on wearing my favorite white dress with a pale pink floral pattern along with pink flats. The pinks matched perfectly, which made me even more excited to go to class and show off my outfit. Because it was the first day, I drew a thin line of brown eyeliner on my top lid and put on mascara, topping it off with a clear lip gloss. After blow drying and curling my hair, I smiled at my reflection and snapped a picture to send to my mom. She always loved to see what I wore on the first day of school. 

By the time I’d picked up a coffee from the on campus starbucks, it was 8:45 and I headed to class early. Walking in, I was surprised to see that I wasn’t the only one who came early. There was a red haired girl sitting in the front row, scribbling something down in her notebook. I decided to sit next to her and introduce myself, in hopes that she could become my friend. 

Mandy and I immediately bonded over the fact that we didn’t want to be in Biology, but we’d both decided to get our science credit out of the way this term. She was an English and Education major and I’d learned that she was in my Literature and Power class. She and I got along well in the fifteen minutes before class and decided to introduce ourselves to professor Franco after class. Calum was in the class as well and sat on the other side of me, strolling in just as professor Franco began going over the syllabus. 

My next class went by quickly and we got out an hour early after going through the syllabus. I grabbed a quick lunch, running into Mandy in the cafeteria and we sat together before grabbing coffee and walking to Literature and Power. She and I decided to get lunch and walk to class together every other day. We sat on the left end of the first row, Mandy against the wall next to the door. About half an hour into class, as professor Smith was talking about our assignment, Luke walked in. He mumbled an apology for being late and sunk down in the seat next to me before pulling out a worn out copy of The Awakening. I didn’t look at him. I kept my eyes on my notes, taking down everything professor Smith was saying. 

I could tell he was trying to get my attention as he tapped the desk his pen, staring at me. When it didn’t work, he leaned over and poked at my coffee cup. As he did, it caught on my highlighter and toppled over, the hot liquid seeping through my notes and the white fabric of my dress.   
“God dammit, Luke!” I swore, jumping up. My face turned bright red as the class fell silent, staring at me. I hadn’t meant to swear, but it’d been such a long day and this was my favorite dress. “I’m sorry, excuse me,” my face turned bright red as I rushed out of the class and to the bathroom. 

I hiked my dress up and dabbed at my dress with a wet napkin, hoping to lessen the stain. I knew it was hopeless, that it’d be impossible to get the brown stain out and it was already beginning to set. I didn’t care that my dress was pulled up, revealing the scar on my thigh, I just wanted to salvage the piece of clothing. I was so consumed in doing so, that I hadn’t even heard the door open. I didn’t realize Luke was standing there until he spoke.   
“What happened to your leg?” He stared down at my burn scar.   
“None of your business! Get out!” I ordered, but he didn’t listen. He stepped toward me, reaching across and turning the faucet off as I spun around to face him, letting my dress fall back down my legs. The wet cloth sent shivers down my bare skin. 

“This was my favorite dress. And now it’s ruined!” I yelled. I didn’t care that he was in the ladies bathroom, I wanted to yell at him. Scream at him, and I appreciated the privacy.  
“It’s a shame,” he shrugged. “Looked good on you,” before I could reply, he pressed his lips to mine and lifted me up to sit on the porcelain sink. He pressed his body in between my legs and I couldn’t help but kiss him back.

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***

I don’t know why I was kissing Valerie for the second time in two days, but I couldn’t pull myself away. The feeling I got from kissing her was so abnormal. It sent fire through my body. I knew the feeling only existed because two people like us, two polar opposites, should never kiss. It was a feeling of rebellion, of two wrongs making a right. I loved the way her lips felt against mine and how conservative she was when sticking her tongue in my mouth. I loved the way her small hands tangled themselves in my hair and the way my hands fit on the small of her back. But mostly, I loved to hear her screaming at me. As soon as she raised her voice, I was turned on. The fact that our bodies had such good chemistry together drove me crazy. I didn’t find her attractive, I didn’t even like her as a person. Hell, I hated her. But god, I loved feeling her lips explore mine. We stayed like this for a while, our lips molded together and my body pressed into hers. All until she pulled away. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

“I need to get back to class,” my voice was hoarse. I don’t know why he kissed me again. I don’t know why I liked it so much. I was out of breath and a tingling sensation was flowing through my body. Luke pressed his lips to my neck, moving my hair out of his way.   
“Stay,” he mumbled against my skin. The vibration of his lips when he spoke drove me crazy. As much as I wanted to stay, I couldn’t. So, I pushed him back by his chest and hopped off the sink. Our eyes found each other for a split second. His impatient blue ones in my curious green, but I looked away and grabbed a stack of napkins before leaving him behind in the bathroom. He was quick to grab some as well and follow me out, back to our class. 

As soon as we walked in, professor Smith stopped speaking and all eyes fell on us as Luke helped me soak up the coffee on the desk. I wondered if they could tell we’d been kissing. I wondered if my lips were swollen like they’d been by the time I got home last night, after kissing Luke for the first time. When the mess was cleaned up and we were back in our seats, she continued on with her lesson.


	11. Safe With Me.

After class, I went home to my empty dorm. I hadn’t bothered to change out of my stained dress due to the fact that Lea wasn’t in the room and I wanted to get a head start on my homework. By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, Lea stormed in, slamming the door. I’d been so occupied in my work that when she entered, I nearly had a heart attack.   
“Are you okay?” I asked as she plopped down on her bed, taking her heels off and throwing them on the floor.   
“No,” she huffed, tucking her feet under her.   
“Would you like to talk about it?” I left my work and sat on her bed with her.   
“Mikey can be such an ass!” She complained, her face red. “I mean, not like Luke’s level, but… I’m his girlfriend and sometimes, he just plain disrespects me!”   
“What did he say?” I’d never thought Michael would be the kind of guy to treat his girlfriend badly, especially not one as perfect as Lea. I personally thought she was way out of his league. Not that he was an unattractive guy, it’s just his punk demeanor.   
“That if I had Cass’ face with my body, I’d be perfect,” she chewed at her nail, picking off the black polish. 

“Oh my gosh,” I gasped. “I’m so sorry,” she let out a long breath, shaking her head.   
“He’s just so rude sometimes,”   
“I think you’re perfect the way you are and if he doesn’t see that, then…” I paused, judging her reaction. “Then fuck him,” I finished. Her eyes widened at my swear before her lips curled into a wide smile.   
“Thanks Val,” she grabbed my hand, giving it a small squeeze. “It’s just… My friends are his friends and frankly, I don’t like Cass much but she’s always around. And now that I know how attractive he finds her, I don’t know what to do,” I nodded despite the fact that I had no idea how that felt. I’d never had a boyfriend before, let alone one who commented on my appearance in such harsh words.   
“Maybe we should do something to get your mind off of it,” I smiled. 

“How about some retail therapy?” Her eyes immediately lit up.   
“Really?” She squeaked, getting out of bed. “Cass refuses to shop with me! It’s been so long since I went shopping with someone other than Mikey!”   
“Just give me a second to change,” I laughed. “I spilt coffee on my dress this morning,” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her that Luke had done it when she was already so upset. I didn’t want her to think I was trying to make this about myself. Lea applied another layer of mascara as I changed out of my dress and into jeans and a plain white t-shirt. 

As I was grabbing my bag to leave, Luke barged in the room. We really had to get that door fixed.   
“Perfect timing!” Lea smiled as he walked in, leaving the door wide open. It bothered me that he hadn’t knocked. “Will you take us to the mall?” She asked, slinging her purse onto her forearm.   
“Nope,” Luke smiled, beaming into her. The way he interacted with his other friends was much different than the way he and I interacted. He was still rude to them, but he was rude with a smile or with a laugh. Whereas with me, we ended up screaming every time we were alone… And sometimes kissing.   
“Aw, come on!” She begged. “It’s raining and I don’t want to pay a bus fare!” Luke raised an eyebrow, sitting down on Lea’s bed. “You can bring Ashton or Calum,” she offered, in hopes that he’d agree.   
“If I wanted to be with Ashton or Calum, I’d be at home. Not here,” Lea huffed out an angry sigh.   
“I’ll buy you food,” she finally offered. I could tell that this was how their interactions usually went: Luke would only do things if he got something in return.   
“Fine,” he stood. “But I get to pick,” 

The ride to the mall was long and awkward. I sat in the backseat and Lea was up front with Luke. He had a small, red convertible with the top up that was in great condition. I was taken back by how new the old car looked and how smoothly it ran. He blasted music the entire way, giving me a huge headache. I wanted to tell him to turn it down, but I knew if I did, he’d only turn it up. When we got to the mall, Lea and Luke got into a bickering match about dropping us off at the doors; a match that Lea had won. We waited in the dry store for Luke to join us and, when he did, he was soaked… And irritated. I found myself staring at his wet clothes, his black t-shirt clung tightly to his abdomen, showing off his well sculpted muscles. His hair bounced up higher, the rain had refreshed his curls. The water that dripped down his face made him look so natural, so raw. He noticed I was staring and smirked, wiping the beads of water away before following Lea and I. 

As we strolled around the shops, Luke would sit with his back against the wall and his arms crossed. He acted like he wasn’t watching when Lea or myself would try on clothes and come out to get the other’s approval, but the look in his face told me things Lea was too kind to say: Whether or not I should actually get the article of clothing. In total, I got four shirts(two of which were crop tops), one pair of jeans, a pair of leggings, and a dress that was a bit tighter than what I’d normally wear. Lea bought three crop tops, two regular tops, one short skirt, one very tight dress, and new eyeliner. 

We were about to head to the food court, but Lea pulled me in one last store: Victoria’s Secret. Luke didn’t sit down like he had in the other stores. Instead, he followed us closely, making sure to tell us he was bored through his body language. Lea rifled through the matching sets of bras and panties, pulling out a white lace set and held it up.   
“You should get these,” she insisted. “They’d look so good on you!” My face turned bright red at the thought of wearing something so… Sexy. Luke held an amused look plastered on his face, pinching his bottom lip, waiting for me to reply. I couldn’t tell what either of them were thinking.  
“It’s not my usual style,” my face burnt up. 

Lea grabbed my arm and pulled me aside, away from Luke and lowered her voice.   
“With all due respect, I’ve seen your style and I think you should change it up,” I glanced at Luke, who was impatiently leaning against the wall and scrolling through his phone. With reluctance, I grabbed the set and headed to the front to pay. Lea bought three sets and a night dress. I wasn’t sure why she was buying so many attractive undergarments when she was angry at Michael. Would he ever see them? Would anyone? Maybe it was a confidence thing. I was unsure, as most of my bras and panties were solid colors and… Well, boring. I wondered how I would feel in my new set.

When we finished shopping, Luke led us to the food court. Lea hooked her arm around mine as we walked.   
“Val, can you keep this whole Mikey thing a secret?” She asked quietly, careful not to let Luke hear. “I just… I know that if Cass found out about what he said, then she’d steal him,” her eyes were full of worry.   
“Of course,” I gave her a small smile. “The secret is safe with me,” Luke stopped in front of a pizza stand.   
“I want to eat here,” he stated before sauntering off and taking a seat at a nearby table. Lea and I exchanged glances before rolling our eyes and splitting the cost of the pizza. After eating in a near silence, Luke drove us home; dropping Lea off at Michael’s on the way before dropping me off at my dorm. I didn’t think it was a good idea for Lea to see Michael so soon, but I promised I wouldn’t bring it up in front of anyone (let alone Luke), so I didn’t say anything. I put my new clothes away and took a long shower to unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A SECOND UPDATE TODAY BECAUSE THIS ONE WAS BORING!


	12. Make Me Feel Good.

After my shower, I put on my new set of bra and panties along with a baggy white shirt. Even dressed in them with pajamas made me feel confident. I understood why Lea liked wearing stuff like this so much. I felt so great about myself that I hadn’t put pants on when I got back to my room. I wanted to stay like this. Hell, I wanted to wear it without the shirt, but I was worried someone would come in. My fear was confirmed when the door busted open. Luke walked in, bringing the stench of cigarettes with him. I’ve always hated the smell of cigarettes because they reminded me of my uncle Paul. But on Luke, mixed with his cologne, it smelt like heaven. I spun around, holding a gasp as I set my mug of tea on the desk.   
“Well, would you look at you,” he laughed. “I see those new panties have already given you confidence,” my face burnt up as the words left his mouth. How did he know I was wearing them? I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just tugged my shirt down slightly. Luke didn’t waste any time in crossing over to my side of the room and crashing his lips against mine. He scooped up my small body and brought me to the bed, lying me down. Our tongues fought against each other and I couldn’t help but pull at Luke’s hair. “Let me make you feel good,” he rasped, kissing down my neck. 

That was all it took. I may have melted to the floor if we hadn’t been lying on the bed. My heart was beating in my throat, my face was hot and I felt an odd tingling in my stomach. Not quite like the butterflies I experienced when Luke kissed me, but more. It travelled all the way to my core. My insides tightened and, for some reason, I wanted to explore what he was talking about.   
“Say the word,” He rasped. “And I’ll make you feel like you’re in heaven,” He bit his lip. “I know it’s scary, and I can tell you’re nervous,” He paused, dragging my face so our eyes met. “I’ll make you feel so good, baby,” He whispered. My hand shook as I set it on his chest, trying to increase the distance between us as the words knotted in my throat. 

Does he want to have sex with me? Or is he implying something else? What else is there? I’m so confused and I can’t speak because I’m too focused on the fact that he’s peeling off his black v-neck shirt, pressing his warm skin against me as he took my wrists in his hand and set it by my waist. As he drew back, he kissed down my neck, inching up my top. His hand lightly brushed over my scar as he moved my shirt up.   
“Say the word, baby,” He spoke quietly. His lips came in contact with my neck, kissing it roughly, likely forming bruises. He pulled my baggy top over my head slowly, setting a warm hand on my shoulder before his hand ran down my skin. He grinned against my lips before moving to my neck once again. I wanted to run. To hide away from my disgusting body. But at the same time, I wanted more. "Please," He begged. I closed my eyes, unconsciously giving him access to my neck while he left sweet kisses over the sore spots.

"Okay," I told him, surprising us both.   
"Say it," He urged. I was silent for a short moment.  
"I want it," I breathed, my face bright red.   
"What do you want, baby?" He asked, his weight on his hands which were placed on either side of me. His eyes burnt with lust, I'm sure mine did, as well.   
"I want you," I whimpered. His skillful hands moving tracing my stomach with impeccable ease.   
"What do you want me to do?" He asked. Oh god, why was he making this so difficult? His eyes examined every inch of my exposed body. I silently thanked Lea for pressuring me into the bra and panties I was in, and silently thanking myself for recently shaving my legs. "Tell me now," He growled against my lips, kissing me with passion. He left more delectable, sloppy kisses on my neck whilst my fingers gripped his hair, breathing heavily.   
"Make me feel good." I insisted, his dark grin widening.

His hand reached up, gently caressing my purity before forcefully yanking it off and throwing it to the floor. I didn't care that it’d likely become lost in a corner of the rook. Or that my finger stung from the pull. I sat up, kissing him with a tingling sensation forming, full of adrenaline. He reached back, unclasping my bra and throwing it on the floor. His hands cupped me; fingers playing with my nipples. He broke the kiss, pushing my shoulders down and kissing my skin, down to my breasts. He didn't linger long. Instead, he continued down my stomach, kissing until he reached the edge of my panties. His hands parting my legs slipping off my underwear. I tried to close them again, hiding myself from him. He glared at me, pulling them open again.   
"Don't be embarrassed," He cooed, moving up to my lips for another enchanting kiss. "You have a lovely body. You have nothing to be ashamed of," His words heated my face as he continued to kiss me. His breath was hot, a fresh smell of mint occupying it and his cologne and cigarettes, making my head spin.

"I'm going to make you feel so good," He growled, his hand following the curve of my body and down to my lower lips, gliding his hand up and down; causing me to gasp, my breathing becoming ragged. My delicate fingers gripped the sheets out of nervousness and his eyes found mine for reassurance. I nodded slowly, in fear of what he needed consent to do. A long, deft finger slid inside me and a loud gasp left my lips, feeling oddly foreign at first, but soon I grew accustomed to it. He gently slid it in and out, eyes refusing to leave mine. "Pretty girl," He mumbled, taking his finger out and shoving it back in, his index explored the inside of me. My eyes screwed shut once Luke moved down. My back arched once his mouth came in contact with me. A loud moan left my throat, I’d never experienced a feeling like this. 

The steady pace he moved at allowed me to feel the joints, warmth, and kinks of his skillful fingers. His mouth left me for a split second.  
"Keep your eyes open," He ordered. "I want to see you," forced my eyes open, staring at Luke's dark, fixated gaze. His lips were there again, staring at me through his dark eyelashes whilst he worked. Another involuntary moan escaped my lips before I bit the bottom one; trying to keep myself from coming undone. "Come on baby," He cooed. Short, sharp breaths escaped my lips as Luke closed the distance between us once again, pressing his body against mine and kissing my neck. I moaned again, feeling weak.   
"L-Luke," I whimpered, he grabbed my hand for reassurance.   
"Give yourself to me," It was only seconds later when I cried out in another moan, falling apart at Luke's will. 

He removed his fingers from me, smiling deviously as he held my tired body close to him.   
"We're going to have a lot of fun, baby. I can already tell," He didn't hold me for long. Instead, he stood, pulling his shirt back on.   
“You’re leaving?” I asked, immediately embarrassed of my exposed body, covering my breasts with my arms and clamping my legs shut.  
“What, did you expect me to stay?” He asked, his voice cold.   
“No,” I replied honestly, watching as he picked his keys up and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. 

Mom and dad would kill me if they knew. I closed my eyes, inhaling the scent that Luke had left lingering in the room; taking everything in. This beautiful boy was just in my room, we had just shared a beautiful, intimate moment, and then left. But he made it clear that this was only the first of many beautiful moments we'll share. And to be quite frank, I didn’t mind going against my beliefs for him. He made it feel okay, despite the fact that I was alone, naked in my room. After what felt like an hour of me sitting there, I picked up my clothes and slid them back on before looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were wide and wild, my hair was a mess, and there were three hickies lining the left side of my neck. With a small sigh, I turned off the light and went to bed, dreaming of the sin that Luke and I had just committed.


	13. I Can Fix That.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A COUPLE NOTES:  
> I wanted to thank you all for reading and commenting, it makes my day to read your comments!   
> Also wanted to say that I'm not emotionally prepared for what I have planned (do with that what you will)  
> Furthermore, it'd be really awesome if you showed your support on my other writing sites:  
> Quotev: quotev.com/exiiliious  
> Wattpad: exiiliious  
> Harry Styles fancfiction: exiiliious  
> One Direction fanfiction: exiiliious  
> Niall Horan fanfiction: exiiliious  
> 5sos fanfiction: exiiliious  
> AO3: exiiliious

When I woke up, Lea was sound asleep in her bed, clinging to Michael. I should have known everything would be fine between the two. I wondered if they did anything intimate while I was asleep. I wondered how it was possible to find someone who wanted to be intimate with you and actually stay the night. I choked back my tears as I thought about my encounter with Luke and the way he left me, so cold and alone and needing validation. How could he do something like that? All I wanted to do was wake up Lea and tell her what happened, but she was with Michael and the last thing I wanted was for any of Luke’s friends to know. Swallowing back my sadness, I took a long shower and got ready. It took me nearly two hours to find something to wear and fix myself up, hoping to look presentable for class. I decided on a light purple dress with white polka dots and white flats. It flowed out at my waist and fell to the middle of my thigh. It was a little shorter than I was comfortable with, and very tight on my chest, but I felt like the confidence I had in wearing it would do me justice, especially after my horrible morning. 

I let my hair dry to it’s naturally straight state and drew a small line of brown eyeliner on my top lid with mascara and lipgloss. By the time I as ready, I had twenty minutes to get to class. So, I left the sleeping couple in my room and headed to get coffee before Fiction Workshop. While I waited in line, a voice sounded behind me.   
“Damn, Val!” Ashton spoke, grabbing my hand and twirling my body in a circle as his eyes raked down my body. “You look wonderful,” he complimented as I giggled. “You coming to the show tonight?” He asked, setting a hand on the small of my back as I moved forward in the line.   
“Oh, I don’t know,” I let out a dry laugh. “Probably not,”   
“Why?” He frowned. Geez, maybe because Luke went down on me yesterday and then left and now I feel ugly, slutty, and just generally horrible.  
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to go out on a school night,” I lied.   
“Lea’s coming,” he pointed out and I shrugged, placing my order. Ashton surprised me by paying for my coffee and led me to the other half of the counter with the other waiting students. 

“Is Cass?” I asked, mostly for Lea. I didn’t have a preference on whether or not she was there, but I knew it’d make Lea uncomfortable.   
“No,” he shrugged. “She thinks the band is stupid,” my mouth formed in the shape of an ‘o’. “Do you?” He asked. “Think it’s stupid?” I furrowed my eyebrows, stepping forward to grab our coffees and walking out of the small shop.   
“I think you guys are great,” I smiled lightly and his face lit up.  
“Thanks Val,” his cheeks tinged pink. “Let me-” he began, but was cut off.   
“Valerie, Ashton,” Luke walked up to us. Ashton’s hand dropped from my back and Luke’s eyes glanced down at my body as he wet his lips with his tongue. My eyes immediately found the floor. I couldn’t bear to look at him.   
“I gotta go,” Ashton cleared his throat. “See ya tonight, Val?” Luke raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to respond to Ashton’s question.   
“Maybe…” My voice trailed off as Ashton gave Luke a pat on the shoulder before walking off. 

I started to walk away as well, but Luke grabbed my wrist.   
“I have to go to class,” I mumbled, pulling myself out of his grip and continued on. He walked after me, his long strides quickly catching up to mine.   
“See ya tonight, Val,’” He mocked causing me to roll my eyes. I had fifteen minutes to get to class, so I stopped walking, my head snapping to him.   
“What do you want?” I asked, my voice harsher than I’d meant for it to be.   
“Someone’s in a bad mood,” he smirked, sitting on a bench. I let out a huff of breath and sat next to him.   
“I am not,” I argued, but we both knew that wasn’t true.   
“What class are you going to?” He asked, further irritating me. Why would he care?  
“Fiction workshop,” I stared straight ahead, crossing my legs and taking a sip of my coffee, letting the hot liquid slowly make its way down my throat.   
“Would you look at that,” he laughed. “Class together every day,” I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to see him. I certainly didn’t want to have class with him. 

“Well we should get going then,” I tried to stand but his hand stopped me, pulling me back down on the hard wood.   
“We have more than enough time,” he smirked.   
“What do you want?” I asked again.   
“What happened to your thigh?” His finger traced over my scar, and I immediately pulled down my dress.   
“I don’t like to talk about it,” I stood up and this time he didn't stop me. He followed me into the building we had class in and sat next to me in the small room. “Why are you even in this class?” I asked, my voice low as a few more people walked in.   
“Chad said I could submit songs instead of stories,” he shrugged.   
“Chad?”  
“Professor Fitch,” he mocked my voice, rolling his eyes. Before I could come up with a clever comeback, Chad—Professor Fitch walked in and began going over the syllabus. 

I didn’t look at Luke the entire time, my eyes focused on my notebook as I drew swirls and scratched horrible doodles. When we were dismissed, I got up quickly and tried to make a break for it before Luke could speak to me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quick enough. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me back to face him. He waited until the classroom emptied before speaking.   
“Do you have a fucking problem?” His voice was cold.   
“No,” I growled and tried to walk away.   
“Let me guess, you’re thinking about how wet you were for me last night?” My eyes widened at his words. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t get anything out. “What’s wrong? Does it feel weird not moaning my name?” I clenched my fists, my face turning red.   
“Stop it,” I demanded, but he didn’t listen.   
“Why? Does thinking about it turn you on? Because I can fix that,” his eye dropped down in a wink and mine narrowed. “Why aren’t you coming tonight?” He asked. “You afraid Ashton is going to make a move on you? He won’t make you feel as good as I do. No one can,” If I stood there any longer, I knew I’d snap. His dirty words were making me angry and all I wanted to do was cry and forget it ever happened.   
“I’m leaving,” was all I could muster out before storming out of the room. I heard him laughing as I left, and it hurt terribly. I felt like a joke to him. 

As soon as I got to my room, I started crying. Pushing the door open, I saw Lea getting ready.  
“What happened?” She asked as I slammed the door and threw my bag down. I was at a loss for words, I didn’t know where to begin, and I told her just that. “How about the beginning?” She asked with a trace of humor on her face that quickly faded when she remembered I was crying.   
“Well… Luke… He’s just so mean and all we do is scream at each other and then… He just kisses me and it so nice that I couldn’t help but kiss back and last night he came over and he… He went down on me and it was a mistake and he just left right after and this morning he was so rude about it, it was like he was using it against me and I just-” I stopped rambling, taking a deep breath to try and calm down.   
“Oh my god,” she mumbled, sitting down on her bed.   
“I knew it was a mistake,” my eyes found the ground particularly interesting.   
“So why’d you do it?” She asked in a soft, understanding tone.

“It just… It felt so nice and I wanted to know what it would feel like. I was curious and… Fuck I don’t know. I didn’t think he’d use it against me,” I watched Lea as she pursed her lips together.   
“He’s only doing it to get under your skin,” she explained. “He wouldn’t have hooked up with you if he wasn’t attracted to you and the only way he knows how to talk to people is through insults,” she tried to make it better, but it didn’t work. I sat next to her, pushing my thick brown hair out of my face.   
“I don’t get it,” I let out a dry laugh. “We are polar opposites. I don’t even like him as a person but… I don’t know, when we kiss it’s just so exciting and passionate,” she nodded, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my tears away. “It’s been a long couple of days. I must just be tired,” she stared at her hands for a second before her face lit up. 

“You could just get even with him… You know, for being so rude,” she suggested, and that peaked my interest.   
“How?” My voice was slow and quiet.   
“Come to their gig tonight. All you have to do is talk to Ashton. I bet it’d drive him crazy,” she had a wicked smile.   
“But, what if Ashton gets the wrong idea? Or what if he tries to make a move?”   
“Just remember that you’re coming home with me. Not him. He can’t make a proper move if we’re in a sweaty cramped bar,” I thought about the look on Luke’s face this morning when Ashton had his hand on my back. I’d kill to see it again. The way jealousy took over his eyes and the way his jaw clenched. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.   
“Okay,” I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go,”   
“Great,” she grinned before getting up and finishing getting ready.


	14. Voodoo Doll.

I didn’t pay much attention in Art History. All I could think about was what to wear tonight and how to act. When class ended, I rushed home to find Lea taking a nap. I thought that she had the perfect idea and I pulled her comforter over her body before lying in my bed and doing the same. It felt like hours before I finally fell asleep. I’ve never been a nap person for that reason: It took me forever to fall asleep. 

 

***

 

I was woken up by Lea shaking me. 

“If we don’t get ready now, we’ll be late,” I could tell that she had just woken up too by her raspy voice and messy hair. It was nearly 7:30 and I rolled out of bed, following Lea to her closet. She sifted through her clothes before pulling out two bodycon dresses: One black and one red, and handed the black one to me before she began to undress. 

“This is a little too much for me,” I mumbled as she pulled her dress on before removing her panties from underneath it.

“Come on,” she whined. “You’ll look so hot and besides,” she leaned close to me, as if sharing a secret. “If Luke sees you in that dress, he’ll go crazy,” she laughed. “They all will,” I stared at the thin material in my hands, holding it up to my body to see it’d only partially cover my scar.

“I don’t think I have any panties that wouldn’t show through,” I tried to get out of it. Although I knew that Luke would like the dress, I just didn’t want to go out flaunting my body. 

“Then don’t wear any,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m not,” I let out a defeated sigh and put the dress on while Lea touched up her makeup. 

 

She, then, sat me down and drew a thick black wing and put red lipstick on me before pushing me towards the mirror. 

“Don’t you feel great?” She asked, coming up behind me. I did feel great. I looked great. The dress accentuated my curves and made my butt look bigger than it was. I never saw my body in this light. I’d only ever had critiques for myself, but in this dress, I almost looked hot. And the red lipstick added a spark of color that shaped my face nicely. I smiled at my reflection before turning to Lea. 

“Yeah,” I laughed. “I do,”

 

***

 

Michael picked us up and we rode with him to the bar, picking up Ashton on the way. We sat in a booth, waiting for Calum and Luke to arrive and Michael ordered a round of shots for the four of us. It was just what I needed to calm my nerves. I needed to get through the night in one piece. After a second round of shots, Ashton ordered a beer for himself and a Sex on the Beach for me. He slid it over, giving me a wide grin. I wondered if his intentions were to pick the most sexual drink on the menu… Probably. As Lea and Michael kissed each other, Ashton scooted closer to me, placing his arm on the back of the booth and hanging his hand down to graze my shoulder. 

 

As uncomfortable as it made me, I couldn’t wait to see Luke’s face when he saw us sitting like this, but I wished it was Luke who had his arm around me. When Luke and Calum entered the bar, Ashton moved his arm from the back of the chair to my shoulders. They stopped at the bar before meeting us at the booth. Calum slid in next to me, sandwiching me between himself and Calum and Luke sat across from Calum, eyeing the contact that Ashton had on my body. His jaw tensed as he took a sip of his beer. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

I knew she was only here to annoy me, but  _ fuck _ it worked. The way Ashton forced her body close to his pissed me off. I wanted to grab him by his collar and punch him square in the nose. Calum, too, for sitting so fucking close to her. I don’t know why it pissed me off so much. She looked ridiculous in the bright red lipstick and the skin tight dress. Sure, it made her body look good, but the way she carried herself was a fucking mess. I could tell she didn’t want to be here, let alone in that skimpy outfit. 

 

“Val, you look amazing as always,” Calum spoke, tearing me out of my thoughts. “I was thinking… There’s a party tomorrow night. One of those formal things that you have to bring a date to. Would you accompany me?” My fingers gripped my glass so hard that my joints were turning white. They knew I wanted to take her to that party. 

“Don’t think so, mate,” Ashton butted in, pulling Val’s body closer to him. “Come with me, Val,” he insisted. I could tell she was confused from the way she furrowed her brow. Fuck, she looked so innocent when she was confused. As much as I wanted to yell at them for doing this, I kept my mouth shut. I knew I would be able to convince her to come with me. They didn’t share the intimate experience that her and I did… At least I didn’t think they did. She seemed so uneasy around them, I doubted she’d give herself to them. Then again, she hated my guts and she still gave herself to me. Anger flooded through my system as I thought about her with them. 

“I-I don’t know… Tomorrow is a school night,” her voice was so quiet, I hardly heard her.

 

“Where’s your purity ring, Valerie?” I couldn’t stop myself from speaking. Her cheeks flooded with red as she stared at me with wide eyes. 

“I must have left it in the bathroom,” she stared down at her hand. “I don’t know where it is, I lost it,” I scoffed, pushing my hair out of my face.

“Sure you didn’t lose something else?” I snapped, my head crooking to the side as I pursed my lips. Did she fuck one of them? God, I hoped she didn’t. 

“If you’re wondering if I’m still a virgin, then I am,” her voice was flat. I could tell she was trying to contain her temper. She looked so hot when she was angry. 

“About that party, then,” Ashton cleared his throat but I wouldn’t let him bring himself back into the conversation. 

“We have to go set up,” I spoke, standing up and pulling Mikey away from Lea. Cal and Ash rolled their eyes and climbed out of the booth. As soon as we got to the stage, I turned to them. “First song, Voodoo Doll,” it wasn’t a suggestion. 

“Nice move,” Michael laughed before picking up his guitar. 

 

**_***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

“Don’t go to that party,” Lea told me once we were alone. “Well… At least not with Ashton or Cal. Just go with Luke or don’t go at all,”  

“Why not?” I furrowed my eyebrows. 

“They don’t have the best intentions,” I snorted out a laugh as I finished the drink Ashton bought for me. 

“And Luke does?” 

“His intentions are better than theirs, Val. They-” She began, but shut herself up once Michael began speaking. 

“Hey what’s up, we’re 5 Second of Summer and this is Voodoo Doll, an original,”

“One, two, three, four,” Ashton counted off and they began playing. 

“ I don't even like you, why did you want to go and make me feel this way? I don't understand what's happened, I keep saying things I never say,” Luke began singing and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. 

“Told you this would work,” Lea laughed. I gave her a small smile but continued to listen and guilt washed over me. Why am I trying to get even with a boy I don’t even like?


	15. Uncle Paul.

After their set, the boys joined us back at the booth. This time, I was wedged between the wall and Luke, with ashton on the other side of Luke. Lea, Michael, and Calum sat across from us. They continued to take shots and crack jokes, but I didn’t. I was done drinking for the night and it was getting late. I just wanted to go home. Luke’s knee grazed against mine as he slouched in the seat, crossing his arms.   
“We’re going to head out,” Michael stated, grabbing his coat and standing up to let Lea out of the booth. “Anyone need a ride?” Ashton and Calum stood as well. I tried to get out of the booth, but Luke didn’t budge.   
“I’m staying at Mikey’s tonight,” Lea told me with a slight slur. “But we can drop you off if you-” She was cut off.   
“I can take her home,” Luke spoke, glancing at me. “But you’ll owe me,” his eyes glared into her and she gave me a small smile before walking off with the crowd. 

“Let’s go,” his voice was cold. I followed his command and he led me out to his car, surprising me when he pulled the passenger's side door open for me. “Ashton and Calum aren’t shit,” he told me, peeling out of the parking lot. “Come to the party with me,” I scoffed.   
“What makes you think I want to go anywhere with you?” I snapped, not meaning to sound as rude as I did.   
“Because I turn you on,” he smirked. His left hand was on the top of wheel as his right set itself on my thigh. I tried to shy away from his touch, but his strong grip held me in place.   
“My hormones have nothing to do with it. I don’t like you as a person,” I frowned, staring out the window. Luke’s laugh sounded throughout the car.   
“So I do turn you on?” I wanted to slap the smug look off his face.   
“That’s not what I meant!” I defended myself, crossing my arms. His car was cold and I regretted not wearing a bra with this dress. His gaze fell to my breasts and he leaned forward, turning up the air. I rolled my eyes at the action. Pervert.   
“It’s alright. I’ve already seen how wet I make you,” he pulled into the parking lot near my building. “I’m doing it right now, aren’t I?” He asked, trying to hike my dress up. I pushed his hand further down my thigh. 

“Stop it,” I growled, reaching over to open the door. Luke was quick to lock it so I couldn’t get out.   
“What’s the rush?” He asked, a trace of humour in his voice. “You don’t want to have some fun?” Again, his fingers attempted to slip under my clothing.   
“Luke,” I warned, stopping his movements.   
“I know you want me,” his voice was low. “I can tell by the way you push your thighs together when I’m near. And how your breathing slows, you start to blush, you never really know what to say,” he listed off the actions I’d been completing all night. “You don’t do that when you’re around Ashton and Calum. Admit it. I turn you on,” my cheeks burnt and I pushed my thighs together. Fuck, he’s right. I wanted him more than anything right now. I wanted him to do what he did to me last night. “Say the word and I’ll make you feel like you’re in heaven,” I couldn’t breathe. God I wanted it, no matter how wrong it was, I wanted it. His eyes beamed patiently into mine, his thumb drawing circles on the inside of my thigh. I couldn’t stop the warmth spreading in my body. All I could do was nod and we quickly clambered out of the car. Luke kept his hand on my back as we rushed up the stairs and down the hall to my room. 

As soon as the door shut, his lips were against mine. He grabbed my waist and lifted me up as I wrapped my legs around him. I pulled at his hair as he led me to the bed, pushing me down on it and hovering over me before kissing down my neck.   
“Let’s get this off,” he mumbled against my skin, pulling up the thin fabric. He broke off the kisses and stared down at my body as he undressed me. “Fuck,” he whispered. “If I’d have known you weren’t wearing anything under that, I’d have taken care of this in the car,” my cheeks burnt up and he kissed down my neck and to my breasts, tenderly sucking on each nipple before kissing down the valley of my breasts and down my stomach. My breathing was heavy as he rubbed over my heat, smirking. “God you’re already so wet,” he pushed a finger inside of me, causing me to let out a quiet moan. I covered my mouth in embarrassment, but he pulled it away. “I want to hear you,” he told me before his lips connected with me. I moaned again, bucking my hips up to increase the contact. He laughed against me, holding me down and continuing on. “I’m going to put two in,” he warned, removing his finger and sticking two in. I let out a loud groan. The pleasure from his lips made the discomfort of his fingers slightly diminish. 

“You’re so tight,” He rasped against me and my insides tightened. “Do you like it when I talk to you that way?” He asked, but I couldn't speak. “I asked you a question,” he pulled his mouth and fingers away. I gasped at the loss of contact before nodding quickly. He chuckled, continuing on with his actions. As his fingers went back in, I moaned, throwing my head back. His lips were next and my hands tangled themselves in his hair. I wanted to feel this way forever, the rush of his lips on me and the fullness of his fingers inside of me, but my breathing was quickening and I didn’t know how much more I could take. 

Soon, I was moaning out his name and grabbing his wrist to stop his movements. I was out of breath when he pulled away. I was shocked as he brought his fingers to his lips and sucked on them, removing the excess juices before shifting his body off of me. I was quick to stand up and pull on a clean pair of panties before turning to Luke and covering my breasts with my arms. I was confused as to why he was lying back in my bed with his arms propping his head up.  
“You’re not leaving?” I asked, confused as to why he was still there.  
“I’ll stay the night if you come to the party with me,” he stood up, judging my reaction. 

As much as I wanted him to stay, to feel his arms around me, I knew it would all change in the morning and he’d be cruel again. But that didn’t matter to me in the moment. Instead I nodded, agreeing to his compromise. He pulled off his shirt and handed it to me.   
“You can wear it,” he scratched the back of his neck. “You know, if you want,” I took it from him with a smile and pulled it on. It smelt like him and was so warm. I wanted to crawl back in bed and fall asleep, but I couldn’t move. My eyes didn’t leave him as he unbuttoned his black skinny jeans and pulled them down so he was only in his boxers. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he joked. Embarrassed, I tore my eyes away from him and crawled into the bed, hiding my body with the comforter. Luke walked to the corner my desk was in and leaned down, picking something up. He tossed my ring at me with a smirk. I put it back on my finger, but I didn’t feel like it belonged on me anymore. When he finally got in the bed with me, he turned out the light and pulled my body close to his. In a bold move, I set my head on his chest and traced the ink from his tattoos until I fell asleep. 

***

When I woke up, my head was still lying on Luke’s chest. He was scrolling through his phone, trying not to disturb me. My neck ached and I couldn’t help but sit up.   
“What time is it?” I asked, my voice quiet.   
“Six thirty,” it was clear that he was upset about the fact that he’d woken up so early. I folded my legs under me and he continued to busy himself with his phone. “Why were you so angry yesterday?” He finally asked, setting his phone down and staring at me. I nearly melted into the blue, but I looked away and started picking at the skin around my nails.   
“Because you left,” I shrugged, trying to seem like it didn’t matter.   
“I didn’t think you’d want me to stay,” his voice was so quiet, I hardly heard. “No one ever really wants me to stay,” I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t true, that I wanted him to stay, but I didn’t.   
“You made me feel unwanted,” his eyes found me again as I spoke. “And guilty,” I added.   
“What happened to you that made you think you don’t deserve someones touch?” I was taken back by the personal question and debated not answering it. 

“Do you remember in primary school, when you’d make a little box and your classmates could give you handmade cards on Valentine’s Day? Well, I remember when I was seven years old, I made everyone in my grade a Valentine. I drew them all a picture and put some candy on it. It took all night, and after I was done passing them all out and school was over, I got my box back. I didn’t get a single Valentine. I was crushed. It was the first time I ever felt unwanted,”  
“Well… I want you… So,” he paused, shrugging. “So that’s that,” my heart wrenched at the words. No one has ever told me that they wanted me before. “But I really don’t think that’s what made you afraid to be touched,” I didn’t even know that he was able to read me so well. I thought I was an expert at hiding this.  
“My uncle Paul,” I stated, my eyes finding my lap.   
“What did he do to you?” I couldn't read Luke’s eyes. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should tell him. My eyes found my burn scar and I traced the outline of it. “He did that?” Luke asked and I nodded. “Talk to me Val,” his voice was soft and kind. 

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***

I couldn’t stop the anger that flowed through me as she told me about her alcoholic uncle molesting her when she was seven, holding a lighter to her leg so she wouldn’t move but the pain was so unbearable that she just couldn’t help it. She tried to push him away and he forced the fire to her skin as she cried out and got a permanent reminder of what he did. I wanted to lean over and kiss the scar, but I didn’t. Instead I just nodded as she told me about it and kept a straight face. If I ever met the man, I’d kill him for tainting such a pure soul. When she was finished telling me her story, I tried to hold her, hug her and tell her that it was okay, but she pulled away and wiped her own tears.   
“And since then, I’ve been sent away to boarding school for causing trouble in the family,” she finished off, and I wanted to kill her parents, too, for not getting her the help she needed. I wanted to soothe her, but she climbed off the bed and told me that she needed to get ready for class and that I could let myself out. Once she was gone, I did just that. As much as I hated her, I understood why she was the way she was. As much as I hated her, I didn’t want to take her to that party anymore. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

When I got back to my room, I was upset that Luke wasn’t there. Why did I think he would be? I told him to let himself out. I tried to remind myself of that as I got ready. I chose a denim blue dress with buttons going up. The hue of blue was not very flattering for my body, but I loved denim dresses. I curled the ends of my hair and put mascara and lip gloss on with my white high top converse before going to class. 

My first two classes went by quickly. Mandy and I got lunch together before walking to Literature and Power together. Luke sat next to me, but didn’t say a word the entire time. He didn't even look at me. When we were dismissed, he grabbed my wrist gently before I was able to leave. Mandy waited for me at the door, watching our interaction. 

“You know, we don’t have to go to that party tonight,” he told me, staring straight ahead.   
“I’d like to go,” I frowned, pulling my arm away from his grip. “I mean… If that’s okay,” he let out a long sigh before nodding.   
“Then I’ll pick you up at 7,” I gave him a small smile before meeting Mandy.   
“What was that about?” She asked as we walked towards the dorms.   
“We’re going to a party tonight,” I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal it’s just a party,” she looked at me, as if judging my reaction.   
“Well, have fun,” she hugged me and we went our separate ways.


	16. The Party.

I’d asked Lea what to wear a million times, but she just kept telling me that she wasn’t good in formal situations, so she couldn’t help me. I was left alone to sort through my clothes and find something suitable. I ended up deciding on a simple maroon dress with a pleated bottom. It fell just below my knee, it had long sleeves, and the neck covered my collar bones. I liked how conservative it was and I paired it with black tights and short black heels. Lea let me use her makeup and I drew a thick line of black eyeliner on my top lid with a small wing. I put blush, mascara, and red lipstick on and put my hair in a low bun, braiding my bangs back. I didn’t look my best, but I certainly looked better than I had for my classes. After taking a long breath and asking Lea how I looked, I waited for Luke to arrive. 

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW*** 

As I buttoned up my white dress top and tucked it into my pants, Petunia whimpered from the bed, staring up at me.   
“Don’t look at me like that,” I begged, walking over to her and scratching behind her ear. “Come on, girl,” I whined. Her face still held a small scowl, as if she knew where I was going. “I know I’m a shitty person,” I sighed, sitting next to her. “Maybe I should just take you as my date,” I joked as she stuck her tongue out and panted. I couldn’t help but smile at her. She was honestly the best dog a guy could have; so kind and calm but playful at the same time. I didn’t deserve such a great dog. “Wanna go for a walk?” I asked, her ears perked up as she jumped off the bed. It was only 6:15, I had plenty of time to take her out for a bit. 

After strapping her harness on and exiting the house, I thought about Valerie. I didn’t want to take her to the party, she didn’t belong there: Amongst all the drunk assholes. I knew that there was no way I could convince her not to come unless I told her the true intentions of the party, but she’d kill me for sure if she knew. I tried my best to push the thought out of my head as I finished up the walk with Petunia and brought her back to my room, filling up her food and water bowls. I wasn’t sure whether I’d be back tonight, with or without Valerie. 

When I got to her dorm, it was 7:05 and I couldn’t bring myself to go up. Fuck, I didn’t want to go, I just wanted to stay home and hang out with Petunia. I dragged my body up the stairs and to her room to find Lea lying on the bed, scrolling through her phone and Valerie applying another layer of lipstick. She quickly stood and shoved the lipstick in her purse before meeting me in the hall. As ridiculously bulky as the dress was, she looked amazing in it. Her green eyes popped from the black eyeliner and the red lipstick, though it didn’t match the shade of her dress, made her lips look so full. Fuck, she looked good. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

“You look… Nice… Val,” Luke told me as we walked down the hall. It was the first time he hadn’t used my full name when addressing me. “I like your dress,” my face heated up as I smiled.   
“Thank you. It’s not too much, is it?” He opened his mouth but quickly shut it, shaking his head. He led me to his car and opened the door for me.   
“You know, we don’t have to go,” he mentioned as he pulled onto the freeway.   
“We might as well just go. We’re already dressed and on our way,” I pointed out, frowning. Was he embarrassed to be seen with me?  
“Fine,” he grumbled. “But let’s not stay long, okay?” I nodded slowly, staring at my hands. He was embarrassed to be seen with me, I just knew it. He pulled up to a small nightclub and we got out of the car and headed to the doors. Before we went in, he stopped me. “If you want to dance, we can just go somewhere else,” he nearly pleaded, his eyes looking past me, to the street.   
“Luke, what is your problem?” I finally asked.   
“I don’t have a problem,” he spoke through clenched teeth. I could tell he was trying to contain his anger. God, he looked good in that shirt. It was a thin, white material that his tattoos poked through. “I’m just not in the mood to go to a party,” he softened, taking a deep breath. 

As I was about to reply, I noticed Ashton walking across the street and Luke pulled me by my waist so our bodies connected.   
“Ashton,” he nodded and I could feel the tension between the two.   
“Luke, Val,” he smiled at me, putting his arm around the girl he was with. She was smoking a cigarette and wore a bright green, almost neon, cocktail dress. I’d normally chastise her for wearing such an atrocious color, but it looked nice against her black hair. She had a large nose and when she smiled, I noticed her front tooth was chipped. In fact, about half of it was gone. I didn’t peg her as Ashton’s type, but he looked happy to have her accompanying him. “This is Miranda. Miranda, this is Luke and Val,” I reached out to shake her hand, but she brought me in for a hug.   
“Nice to meet you,” she had a thick southern drawl. Ashton and Luke exchanged glances before entering the club. Luke stared at me for a second before sighing and pulling open the door.   
“Let’s get this over with,” he mumbled. 

Luke led me to a small table that Ashton, Miranda, Calum, and another girl were sitting at. We sat between the two pairs and Calum introduced us to Bethany. She was a plump girl with a short bleach blonde bob. She was very nice and very talkative, but she had a whiny voice that made me cringe each time she opened her mouth. There weren’t many people in the club, leading me to believe it was rented out for the night. Luke ordered himself a beer and me a lime margarita and while I engaged in conversation with the group, Luke stayed silent. As soon as the group left to hit the dance floor, I turned to him. 

“Are you okay?” I asked as he began his second beer.   
“Fine,” his voice was flat and emotionless.   
“Do you want to dance?” I asked, my voice full of hope. He merely shook his head, glancing at a table full of guys our age, laughing along with each other. I sighed and took a drink of my margarita. Of course he didn’t want to dance, he doesn’t even want to be here with me. It’s weird to admit it, but this is the nicest he’s been to me since we met, despite his passive aggressive nature. As we sat in silence, one of the men from the table Luke was looking at stood up and joined us. 

“You’re not going to dance?” He asked us with a wide grin.   
“Not tonight,” Luke replied, staring into his glass.   
“Luke being nice to you, darling?” The man asked me, filling me with unease.   
“Yes,” I replied quietly, finishing off my drink.   
“I’m Brad, nice to meet you,” he stuck out his hand and I shook it.   
“Val,” I gave him a small smile. I wanted him to go away.   
“Val,” he turned my hand. “That’s a very nice ring you’ve got on,” he complimented, causing a real smile to form on my face. Maybe he wasn’t so bad.   
“Thank you, it’s a purity ring,” amusement took over Brad’s face.   
“I should get going,” he set a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Dance with the girl, it’ll do you good,” and with that, he was back at the table with the other laughing men. 

Luke looked pale, uncomfortable even.   
“Can we just get out of here?” He asked, desperation written all over his face. A frown took over my face and I bit my lip, nodding. I was in no shape to force him to stay somewhere he didn’t want to. He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd and out of the club. As soon as we got in the car, I turned to him.   
“Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?” I blurted out, terrified to hear the answer.   
“What? No,” he seemed taken back.   
“Then why didn’t you want to dance?” I knew I shouldn’t pry into him because of how nice he was this evening, but I couldn’t help it.   
“I don’t dance,” he snapped, his voice rough and further proving that he couldn’t be nice for more than a couple hours.   
“Maybe I should have went with Ashton or Calum,” I crossed my arms, staring out the window.   
“Maybe you should have!” He yelled, the volume of his voice startling me. I stayed silent as he pulled onto the freeway, staring at the passing cars. 

After a while, Luke put his hand on my knee.   
“I didn’t mean to yell,” his voice was soft. God, what was wrong with him? His mood changed quicker than anyone I’d ever met, even my mother. “I’m sorry,” he stated, giving my knee a light squeeze before placing his hand back on the wheel. I didn't feel like talking. I didn’t even want to be in the car with him. I just wanted to go home. “Look, you don’t want to associate yourself with those people,” he explained. “They’re not good people,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.   
“You hang out with them,” I mentioned, trying to keep my temper intact.   
“Well, I’m not a good person either,” he stated, staring straight ahead. “Don’t be mad at me,” it was less of a request and more of a demand. “Do you want to get some ice cream?” He asked, and I finally looked at him. I didn’t understand him one bit. One second, he’s yelling at me. The next, he’s desperately trying to make up for it. “I’ll let you pick the flavor,” a smile tugged at his lips and I couldn’t help but smile as well. His smile was contagious. I wished he smiled more often, it was a good look on him.  
“Fine,” I gave in with a sigh. “But you have to be nice to me for the rest of the night,” he gave me a curt nod and took an exit, getting off the freeway. If he wasn’t so attractive, I don’t think I would have agreed to go out for ice cream. 

When we got to the parlour, he pulled a chair out for me. Surprised, I sat down and looked up at him with a confused expression.   
“Who are you, and what did you do with Luke?” I joked, earning a small laugh.   
“I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain,” he grumbled, crossing his arms, but I saw a slight smile. “What kind would you like?”   
“Mint chocolate chip,” I smiled. He mumbled a gross and left me alone at the table for a few minutes before coming back with two cones, handing one to me. I thanked him as he sat across from me. We ate our ice cream in silence for a few moments and I wondered how he would react if I asked him a personal question. “Who is your best friend?” I asked, testing the waters. He raised an eyebrow as he licked the side of his chocolate scoop. 

“I don’t have one,” he scoffed.   
“Everyone has a best friend,” I argued, taking a bite of my cone.   
“I’m not everyone,” his tone was slightly harsh, as if I’d struck a nerve.   
“Well… If you had to pick one person, who would it be?” I pried and he let out an angry sigh.   
“Petunia,” he muttered.   
“Who is Petunia?”  
“My dog,” although he was sulking about the fact that he answered the question, I smiled.  
“I love dogs,” I gushed as Luke finished the last bit of his ice cream. I finished mine only seconds after he did.   
“Do you want to meet her?” He asked, not looking at me. A wide grin spread across my face as I nodded. He stood up and led me out of the small shop.


	17. Then Just Fucking Leave!

Luke was quick to lead me through the frat house and up the stairs before unlocking his door and stepping in. Petunia jumped off the bed and ran up to him, jumping up on his legs.   
“Down,” he ordered with a small smile. Petunia obliged, wiggling her butt and tail as Luke leaned down and gave her a quick pet before shutting the door behind me Petunia sat at my feet, staring up at me with her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth.   
“Hi Petunia!” I gushed, kneeling down to pet her. “You’re such a big girl,” I laughed as she rolled on her side, and started to rub her stomach. “She’s so pretty,” I smiled up at Luke, who was sitting on the bed, watching my interaction with Petunia. He shrugged, lying back on the bed and turning on the television. When I stood, Petunia walked to her bed in the corner of the room. How did all of the toys scattered around go unnoticed by me before? Maybe because I was so upset. Maybe she wasn’t even here. I walked over to the bed and sat by Luke. 

“Where does she go during parties?” I asked. His full attention was on his tv, flicking through his queue on netflix.   
“Basement, usually,” he mumbled. “She doesn’t like loud noises,” I nodded slowly, picking at the skin around my nails. “Do you want to watch something?” He asked, kicking off his black boots and lying his full body on the bed. I shrugged, following his lead and tenderly unclasping my heels, setting them by the foot of the bed. “What kinds of things do you like to watch?” He asked, finally peeling his eyes from the screen to look at me.   
“Oh… I don’t know… You can pick,” he fought back an eye roll and put on an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’ve never seen the show before, but I have heard of it’s crude nature. Luke held a hand out to me, pulling me by my arm to lie on his chest. My body was tense against his. I couldn’t get over the way he was acting tonight. He’s been weird all day, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I felt like I didn’t belong here. 

About ten minutes into the episode, Luke crashed his lips against mine, rolling our bodies over so he was on top of me. I didn’t kiss him back, instead I pulled away.   
“Luke what are you doing?” I asked, sitting up.  
“Kissing you,” he stated before trying to kiss me again.  
“Well stop,” I demanded, pushing him away by his chest.   
“Why?” He asked, moving so he sat across from me.  
“Because I said so,” I crossed my arms.  
“Fine.” He grumbled, turning his attention back to the tv with an angry scowl on his face. I doubt anyone has ever said no to him before, and that angered me.  
“Did you think that if you brought me here and introduced me to your dog, then you could get into my pants?” I blurted out, terrified of his answer.   
“What? No. Val,” All his calmness seemed to fade. He was clenching his jaw, glaring at me. 

“It’s obvious what your intentions are,” I spat, pulling my legs under me.  
“What are you going on about? This isn’t the first time we’ve fooled around,” I scoffed.  
“Well it’s the last,” I promised, though I wasn’t sure I could keep it.   
“Val-” He began, only for me to cut him off.   
“Be honest Luke. Is that the only reason you invited me here?” Tears pricked at my eyes, and I didn’t know why.  
“No,” he growled, rolling his eyes.   
“Then why did you? To embarrass me?” I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t stop talking. I couldn’t stop picking the fight.  
“No… I-I don’t know! I guess to hang out with you?” He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face.   
“Is that a question or a statement?” I asked, seeing as his answer was unsure and rushed.   
“Fuck, I don’t know!” His voice boomed. I got up and began putting my heels on. “Where are you going?” He asked, lowering his voice.   
“Home,” I stated, standing up. 

“Fine. Just leave. I don’t want you here anyways!” Again he was yelling, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell back. But instead, I replied calmly.   
“I don’t want to be here,” I headed for the door.   
“Then just fucking leave!” He ordered. When my fingers touched the knob, he yelled again. “And don’t bother coming back!” I held my pride in my hand and left his room, slamming the door on my way out and rushing out of the house to begin my long walk home. 

When I finally got home, I was extremely upset to see that Lea wasn’t here. She’s never here when I really need her. When I really need to talk. I took a long shower and put on a baggy pajama shirt and velvet shorts, this time hoping Lea wasn’t there when I got back. My wishes were granted—Partially. Lea wasn’t in the room when I got back, but Luke was. He was sitting on the bed, consumed in his phone.   
“Where were you?” He asked without looking up.   
“Showering,” my voice was quiet. I didn’t look at him. I turned my back as I put away my shower caddy and organized my work for tomorrow.   
“I didn’t mean it,” he sighed, coming up behind me. “I wanted to hang out with you, but you pissed me off and I just said it,” I knew he was talking about not wanting me there. I didn’t reply, continuing with my organizing. I was now working on my desk: Arranging and rearranging my things. “Would you look at me?” He grabbed my arm, but didn’t turn me around like I thought he would. I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see me.   
“No,” I spat and he forcefully turned me.   
“I’m sorry, okay?” 

I didn’t know why he was here. I didn’t know why he cared that I left. I just him to leave.   
“You should go,” I told him in much nicer terms than I had in my head.   
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me,” he stood his ground. He crossed his arms, staring down at me. God he was stubborn.   
“If you don’t leave, I will call campus safety,” I threatened, turning back away.   
“No you won’t,” he laughed. He was right, I wouldn’t do that. I let out a frustrated sigh, turning around to face him. He was inches away from my face and I found it unbearably hard not to kiss him. He looked so good in white.   
“What do you want?” I asked, taking a step back so I was against the desk, creating more space between us.   
“For you not to be mad at me,” he shrugged, pulling out my desk chair and taking a seat. I wish I wasn’t so angry at him. I wanted to sit on his lap and feel his lips against mine.   
“Then tell me why you invited me over or leave,” I crossed my arms. He pushed his hair out of his face and remained silent for the longest time.   
“I don’t know, Val,” he sighed and I began to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and stopped me, pulling me to sit on his lap. “I like hanging out with you, okay?” He admitted, pushing my wet hair off my shoulder. “I know I make you mad and, God knows, you annoy the shit out of me, but I just like hanging out with you,” his voice seemed sincere and his blue eyes beamed into me with patience. I took a bold move in setting my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around my waist. 

“I don’t know how else to explain it other than I just like to hang out with you,” he rubbed circles into the top of my thigh and we sat like that for a while. “I’m sorry I’m an ass,” he surprised me by saying that. I don’t think he’s ever apologized to anyone, and today it seemed like all he did.   
“I’m sorry I overreacted,” I countered, closing my eyes. He smelt like cologne, but not cigarettes. I wondered why he didn’t smell like cigarettes. As much as I hated it, it paired so nicely with his scent. “You don’t smell like cigarettes,” I pointed out, my voice soft.   
“I’m trying to quit smoking,” he shrugged, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling.   
“Good, it’s not a healthy habit,” as soon as that phrase left my mouth, I regretted it. I didn’t know whether or not he’d get angry. He laughed, his chest vibrating against my body.   
“I know,” he replied and we continued to sit together.


	18. Make it Better.

I was still on Luke’s lap by the time Lea came in with Michael. They stopped dead in their tracks as soon as they saw us and I tried to climb off of Luke, but he held me in place, his long fingers twirling the ends of my hair.  
“Did we miss something?” Michael asked as they sat on Lea’s bed.   
“Just a shitty party,” Luke mumbled, hardly loud enough for them to hear.   
“Yeah, we thought you’d still be there,” Michael started to pack a bowl before checking the time on his phone. “It’s only midnight. Why are you back so early?” Luke shrugged.   
“We didn’t want to stay,” he snapped and my body tensed against his. He noticed and took a deep breath and calmed himself down, drawing circles in my back. “It was lame,” his voice returned to the calm state. I didn’t understand how he could switch moods so quickly.   
“Alright, geez,” Michael grumbled, taking a hit off the bowl before passing it to Lea. She tried to pass it off to Luke, but he shook his head.   
“I’m not doing that shit anymore,” she passed it to me instead and I took a small hit before handing it back to Michael. I was glad that our room was so small that I didn’t have to get up to pass it along. Luke rolled his eyes at my action, but didn’t say anything. 

I found myself feeling guilty for taking the hit in front of Luke. when he said he’d stopped smoking, I thought he only meant cigarettes. The next time Lea tried to hand it off to me, I shook my head and she gave it to Michael instead. I felt uncomfortable sitting on Luke’s lap in front of Lea and Michael, but Luke seemed completely at ease and continued to play with my hair. Lea must have sensed the awkward tension, too, because she played music so we couldn’t hear their conversation. I was sure they were exchanging inappropriate jokes from the way they were looking at each other. Their body language oozed lust. I leaned my body further into Luke’s and his grip tightened around me.  
“Petunia likes you,” Luke told me, his voice low as if he was sharing a secret. I couldn’t help but smile. Despite how shitty the night had been, I was glad that our fight had been resolved.   
“I like Petunia,” I giggled. “She’s such a sweetheart!”  
“Yeah, you should see her when I’ve been at class all morning. She practically tackles me,” I couldn’t help but think about Luke sitting on the floor with her, rubbing her belly until his wrist cramped up. The thought warmed my heart.

“Do you leave her alone often?” I asked without knowing why.  
“Nah,” he shrugged. “I can’t bear it,” a small smile appeared on his lips and all I wanted to do was kiss him. I would have if we were alone. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?” I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him.   
“I have to get up early, I don’t know,”   
“I doubt you’ll get any sleep with these two going at it,” he was right. I glanced over to see them making out and I couldn’t help but laugh.   
“But what would they think? If I left with you?” He shrugged.   
“I don’t care,”   
“I need some time to pack clothes for tomorrow,” I caved in and he grinned.   
“I’ll bring the car out front. Come down when you’re ready,” he gently lifted me off his lap as he stood. I gave him a quick nod as he exited the room without saying goodbye to the couple. As soon as he left, I stood to pick out an outfit. 

“I thought you two hated each other,” Michael spoke as I searched through my closet.   
“We do,” I didn’t look at him. “Sometimes,” I added, feeling guilty. Today, we got along great… Well, for the most part.   
“Are you fucking or something?” Michael asked with a laugh and I just shook my head.   
“Did you guys dance?” Lea’s voice sounded as she shut off the music. “At the party?” I furrowed my eyebrow, staring at her as I placed a light blue dress in my bag. Why does it matter?  
“No, we left when everyone started to dance,” Michael and Lea seemed surprised by the fact and I grabbed my makeup bag.   
“Are you staying with him tonight?” Lea asked. I nodded, not speaking. “Just… Be careful, okay?” She warned and Michael sent her a look.   
“Stay out of it,” he told her and I gave them a small smile, grabbing my overnight bag and backpack before leaving the room. 

***

By the time we got to the house, it was 12:45. Ashton and Calum were in the living room with a few of the guys from the party, laughing and drinking beers. Luke tried to sneak past them but Ashton called out to us.   
“Luke! You left the party so suddenly,” he had a smirk plastered on his face that disappeared when he saw that Luke’s hand was clasped around mine.   
“Uh, yeah,” Luke dropped my hand and he scratched the back of his neck. “We just decided to get out of there,” he shrugged. I stood behind him, afraid that if I stepped forward I’d be brought to attention.   
“Just decided, huh?” The guy that walked over to our table asked with a laugh. Brett, was it? No, Brad. “Without even a dance with the poor girl?” Luke rolled his eyes.   
“I don’t know why everyone is obsessed with my fucking business!” Luke yelled. I jumped slightly, pinching my eyes shut. Ashton opened his mouth to speak. “Stay out of my shit!” He yelled before grabbing my arm and storming upstairs. I found it difficult to keep up with his long legs as he pulled me down the hall. 

“Luke!” I complained, pulling my arm back. He unlocked his door before shoving me in. “Luke, stop!” I yelled, his fingers pulled at his hair as Petunia sat at his feet, staring up at him. He took a deep breath before looking at me, then down at Petunia. “You need to calm down!” I told him, crossing my arms.   
“Okay, okay. I’m calm,” he was still tense as he sat on the bed. Petunia followed after him, jumping up and lying next to him. I stayed by the doorway, arms crossed. My arm stung from his grip, but I pushed it out of my head. “I didn’t mean to yell,” I scoffed. Of course, he thought the yelling was the problem.   
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, pursing my lips.   
“No?” His voice came out as more of a question.   
“You hurt my arm,” I stated and his face paled. He rubbed his eyes before placing his hand over his mouth.   
“Fuck, Val,” his voice was hoarse. “I-I’m sorry,” I couldn’t tell whether he was sincere. Petunia set her chin on Luke’s thigh, but he ignored it. “Please don’t be mad,” he begged. “I really didn’t mean to, I was just so angry and-“ he stopped, pushing his hair out of his face. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, but I just stood there. “Come here,” he nearly begged and my feet padded across the floor. I didn’t know why I was walking towards him, but I couldn’t stop myself. He grabbed my arm and examined the red mark. God, I hoped it wouldn’t bruise. He tenderly placed kisses across the reddened skin and stared up at me. 

“I really didn’t mean to,” he promised, grabbing my hands and pressing them to his lips. He kissed each knuckle before kissing the back and holding the palms up to his cheeks. His skin was warm and the way his eyes beamed into me physically hurt. The blue held such sadness and his lips held a small pout. “What can I do to make it up to you?” He asked, dropping my hands. I kept them on his cheeks. “I’m so sorry Valerie,” he croaked, leaning into my touch.   
“It’s okay,” I whispered, climbing onto his bed and straddling his lap. Luke’s arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me closer, nuzzling his face into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to blink away my tears. I was doing well until Petunia started to lick my arm. I couldn’t help but laugh as the tears flooded out of my eyes. 

“What?” He asked, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs.   
“Petunia is kissing it better,” I laughed and Luke stared down at his dog, whose tongue was making a slobbery wet mess on the red mark. It was slowly starting to fade. Luke let out a small laugh, shaking his head.   
“I’m glad to know that Petunia can make it better,” he joked, lying down and pulling my body with his. I set my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. It was an extremely uncomfortable position: Luke with his legs hanging off the bed and my body straddling his, putting a strain on my neck. “You know,” he began. “It’s nice hanging out with you when you’re not annoying me,” I couldn’t help but laugh, swatting his chest.   
“Well, you’re nice to hang out with when you’re not yelling at me,” Luke rolled his eyes before shifting my body off of his and undressed to his boxers before climbing back into the bed and pulling my body against his. I quickly fell asleep as Luke pulled the comforter over my body and Petunia lied at the foot of the bed.


	19. Sunday Mass.

_ A knock on the door woke me up with a jolt. As I looked around, I realized that I had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for mom and dad to return from their date. They would have woke me if they came home, and it’s nearly midnight. Where on earth are they? This wasn’t like them… The knock sounded again, this time louder. Had they forgotten their keys? Wrapping the blanket tightly around my body, I made my way to the door, opening it, expecting to see mom and dad. Instead, there stood two police officers. _

_ “Valerie Moretti?” One asked, I nodded, wearily. “I’m officer Dale, this is officer Anderson. Sorry to wake you. Mind if we come in?” He flashed his badge at me, and like mom had always taught me, I let the officers in, offering them a cup of coffee or tea, to which they had rejected.  _

 

_ They sat at my kitchen table, patiently. Allowing me to wake up for a moment while I got myself a glass of water.  _

_ “So… Uh… What do you need? Sorry if that sounded rude… But-uh-it’s just late is all.”  _

_ “Have a seat.” Officer Dale said, clearing his throat. “We-uh-we regret to inform you… This type of news is never warming-” I cut him off.  _

_ “Please… Sir, just tell me.” Dale glanced at Anderson, who nodded and took over.  _

_ “Valerie, I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your parents… We couldn’t do anything to save them” My mouth went dry— _

 

I woke up with a gasp and tears pricking my eyes. It took me a second to realize where I was, but when I saw Luke sleeping next to me, I felt safer. It was just a dream, I tried to tell myself, mom and dad are fine. I wanted to crawl next to Luke and lie my head on his chest, but he was sleeping on his side with his back to me. I also wanted to call mom and dad just to check on them, but it was 3 in the morning and I didn’t want them to worry. Instead, I got out of the bed and sat on the floor next to Petunia. She was chewing on one of her stuffed animals and I sat with her for a while, petting her and trying to forget about my horrible dream. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

When I woke up, Valerie wasn’t in bed with me. Panic washed over me, the sun hadn’t come up yet so she didn’t go to class. Upon sitting up, I saw her on the floor. Her small hands were raking through the fur on Petunia’s back. She looked so peaceful that I wanted to turn around and go back to sleep, but it was late and we had class in the morning. I knew she needed to sleep. 

“Val?” I asked. She jumped slightly, causing me to smile. “Are you okay?” I tried to keep a cool tone. I didn’t want her getting mad at me and storming out. It was much too late for her to walk home alone and I wasn’t about to get out of bed to drive her.

“Yeah,” her voice was hoarse. “I just had a nightmare,” she tried to shrug it off as nothing, but I could see the unease written on her face. 

“Come back to bed,” I whispered, pushing back the comforter so she could crawl in. When she did, her skin was cold. I pulled her body close to mine and she quickly fell back asleep, but I couldn’t. What if she had another nightmare? Who would be there to hold her?

 

**_***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

It took longer than normal for me to get ready, seeing as Luke and I had to constantly maneuver around each other in the bathroom. I settled on mascara and lipgloss and put my hair in a high ponytail. When I was done, I went back to Luke’s room to give him privacy so he could shower. I changed out of my pajamas and into a light blue dress with a halter top. It stopped at the middle of my thigh and showed off quite a bit of my back. Normally, I’d wear it with my white cardigan, but it was much too warm for that today. I put my white flats on and sat on Luke’s bed. I still had an hour to get to class and I had to wait for Luke to drive me back to campus, so I called my mom to pass the time. 

“Hello?” She picked up on the second ring. 

“Hi mom. I just wanted to see how you and dad are doing,” I couldn’t help but smile to myself as Petunia set her head on my thigh. 

“We’re doing great, honey. I’m on my way to a fundraiser that Reverend Matthews is hosting,” my smile faded upon the realization that I didn’t go to church last week. 

“That sounds nice,” I mumbled, playing with the hem of my dress as Luke walked in. He had a towel around his waist and I couldn’t help but stare at the way the muscles in his back contracted.

“How are the churches near you?” Mom asked, forcing me to tear my eyes away. 

“They’re great,” I stared at my lap. My dress was almost as light of a blue as Luke’s eyes. “I went to Sunday mass at Corpus Christi. It’s not as great as our church, but it’ll have to do,” 

 

Luke stared at me as he pulled on a pair of jeans, smirking. 

“So what’s the fundraiser for?” I changed the subject. I knew if I talked any more about the churches near me, she’d see through my lie. 

“The Anders’ youngest girl has cancer,” I couldn’t help but make eye contact with Luke as she spoke. He pulled on a shirt and winked at me. I felt bad about smiling after the horrible news she’d told me. 

“Well tell her that I wish her all the best. Say hi to everyone for me, I have to go to class,” mom sighed.

“Okay, I love you sweetheart,” I could hear the smile in her voice. 

“I love you too,” with that, I hung up and Luke walked over to the bed. 

 

“Sunday mass,” he mocked with a smirk on his face. 

“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes, standing up to grab my backpack. 

“You didn’t go to Sunday mass last week,” he laughed, pushing hair out of his  face. 

“That’s because I was busy,” I walked past him and to the door, signalling that we had to leave. Luke grabbed his keys and followed me out. 

“Are you sure that you don’t just skip church all together when you’re not home because you really only go to get your parent’s approval?” He challenged as we walked down the hall and stairs, out of the house.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I frowned as I got in his car. “I love going to church,” he didn’t reply. “Did you know that Old Catholics consider it a sin to miss Sunday mass?” I asked. 

“You’ve been doing a whole lot of sinning lately,” his face was straight. I was sure he’d have a hint of humor written in his features, but he didn’t. 

“You’re right,” I frowned, staring down at my nails. 

 

My ring sat on my left ring finger, wrapped around to remind me that I have a gift to give. Each second I spent with Luke, I was closer to giving up that gift. 

“Well, I’m not going to sin anymore,” I stared out the window, knowing that wasn’t true. Luke laughed loudly, almost mocking me. 

“You can’t not sin,” he pointed out. “Everybody sins, it’s impossible not to with all those fucking rules and regulations,” his grip was tight against the steering wheel. He was right to be mad, I’d just told him that I wouldn’t hook up with him anymore. Even if I didn’t mean it, he was right to be angry with me. 

“That’s a double negative,” I told him, trying to weasel my way out of the conversation. He pulled over in front of the building I had my first class in. 

“Look, I have to tell you something,” he began, but my hand was already on the door. 

“I’m going to be late for class. We can talk later,” and with that, I left him alone. 


	20. Dogfight.

After my first two classes, I met Mandy in the cafeteria. She suggested that we get our lunch to go and sit outside to eat. I didn’t complain because it was a lovely day outside and my skin has been looking a bit pale lately. Once we were sat down, her brown eyes beamed into me.   
“I really like being your friend,” she told me.   
“I like being your friend too,” I smiled, taking a bite of my burger.   
“You know that you can stay with me… Like, if something goes wrong or you don’t feel comfortable with Lea. You can always stay with me,” she insisted, earning a confused look. Why was she acting so weird?  
“Thanks,” I stared at her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head. “Why are you telling me that?” I asked, giving up. She took a deep breath and set her fork down.   
“Don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded.   
“I can’t promise anything,” I furrowed my brows. 

“I shouldn’t have let you go to that party with Luke,” she finally explained.   
“Why not? It was very nice,” she smoothed down the top of her hair. She had beautiful, naturally red hair that was pulled half up.   
“It might have seemed that way but… Well… I had this friend. She went to one of those parties with Luke, too-” I cut her off.  
“I’m not mad at Luke for being with other people,” I laughed. “He and I are hardly even together. We’ve just been fooling around a bit,”  
“No, Val… Listen to me,” she nearly begged. “They bet against each other to see who can bring the worst date,” my breath got caught in my throat.   
“What?” That was all I could manage to get out.   
“I-I don’t know much about it other than just that. They make a stupid bet and my friend was a part of it. Luke took her to that party,” I felt like I could cry at any second. That couldn’t be true. 

“What happened to her?” I asked, scared of the answer.   
“She put on her best dress and did her hair and makeup. Then, at the party, she won. She won the ugliest date and Luke didn’t need her anymore. So, he told her why he brought her there, collected his winnings, and left her there so he could go buy cocaine,” her eyes were sad, but mine were sadder. Luke did that to me. And Ashton and Calum tried to as well. She has to be lying. No one could be that cruel. But what was I supposed to do? Ask Luke about it? There’s no way in hell he’d be honest with me. “After that, Luke told everyone about it and she dropped out. She was so embarrassed and everyone made fun of her for thinking that someone like Luke would ever go for someone like her,” Mandy told me, but I didn’t want to hear it anymore. “Val, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was the same kind of thing until you told me about it after and I… I just had to tell you. I don’t want you to end up like Janine,” my eyes finally met Mandy’s again. End up like her? “She tried to kill herself,” Mandy told me as if reading my mind. 

Luke spotted us from across the patio and began to make his way towards our table. I was quick to get up and walk in the opposite direction. This was all too much, I can’t bear to see him right now. Luke ran after me, calling my name and grabbing my arm to halt me to a stop.   
“I didn’t realize how hot this dress was,” He smirked, letting go of me. Anger boiled inside of me and I couldn’t contain it any longer. How could he do that and go on acting like he cared about me? Like he was interested? I lifted my hand and brought it to his cheek, hard. He took a step back, surprised and placed a hand on his reddened skin.   
“Don’t ever talk to me again!” I demanded. “You’re a pig!” I couldn’t stop the tears from forming in my eyes. “I hate you!” I yelled and began to storm off. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he took a step forward but promptly stopped. He knew why I’d blown up on him and I’m glad he didn’t come after me. 

For the first time in my life, I skipped class without a medical health reason. I ran back to my dorm to find Lea sitting at her desk, watching Netflix.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I yelled, tears staining my cheeks. She turned to me, a confused look on her face. “You let me go to that party and you knew!” I accused her. Her face quickly fell.   
“Val, I-I couldn’t,” was all she said.   
“You couldn’t? You couldn’t have just told me not to go? That nobody there gave a shit about me? That none of you ever gave a shit about me?”   
“No, that’s not true. I do. I care about you. And… I-I tried, but… I don’t know. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. It’s just that Michael would have been so mad and-” I cut her off.   
“Michael would have been mad?” I asked. “I can’t believe you,” exhausted, I plopped down on my bed. Lea got up and sat next to me. 

“You don’t understand,” she whispered. “That stupid party is everything to them and if I told you, I would have lost all my friends,” I rolled my eyes.   
“Because friends are more important than the people you live with, right?” I asked sarcastically.   
“It’s not as bad as it seems,” she softened.   
“They put me in a contest! A contest to judge how ugly I am!” I couldn’t help but sob. She stayed silent for a long time.   
“It’s called a Dogfight,” she finally spoke. “And there are rules. They have to be nice to you, they have to buy you a drink, and they have to get you to dance,” she stared at me, but my eyes were locked on my lap. I felt the compulsive desire to flatten out the crinkles that formed once I sat down. “I told you to go with Luke because he couldn’t stand you so I thought that he’d be rude and you’d be disqualified. It… It was the only way for me to help you,” I couldn’t believe how selfish she was being. The only way to help me? She could have told me. “But, Val, don’t you get it?” She asked and I finally looked at her. “Luke didn’t dance with you. He took you home. You got disqualified for not dancing. He tried to stop you from getting hurt,” I scoffed. 

“If he didn’t want me to get hurt, he wouldn’t have taken me there in the first place,” I pointed out.   
“Maybe he just didn’t realize how horrible he was being until everyone started to dance. The point is, he took you out of there before you could dance,” he tried to stop it. That doesn’t make him as horrible as I thought, and I regretted slapping him. But he still deserved it. Not only for doing it to me, but for doing it to all those other girls, too. “That was his fifth Dogfight,” she told me. “You were the only girl he’s ever left with before the final judging,” I shook my head.   
“It still doesn’t make it right,” my voice was quiet.   
“No, it doesn’t. And I wish I would have just told you,” she reached over to grab my hand and I didn’t stop her. 

“It’s funny. You know, I actually thought that for once in my life, someone wanted me. Hell, I thought that three people wanted me. But it was all a lie. No, it wasn’t a lie. It was worse. It was a joke. I’m a joke, just like Luke said the first day we met. All I am is a joke. It’s just… Funny,” I pinched my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. Lea shook her head.   
“There’s nothing funny about it,” she told me. “It’s plain horrible and I see that now. I’ve never been so close to it before, so I didn’t really care. But seeing you like this, oh my god, Val I’m so sorry,” I was sick of hearing everyone’s apologies for the day. None of them would make this right. “If you don’t ever want them in our room again, I understand,” her phone rang from the desk, but she ignored it.   
“I just want to take a nap,” I whispered, pulling my hand away. Lea got up and resumed her work and I silently cried myself to sleep.


	21. Better Man.

It’d been more than a week since I last saw Luke. He stopped coming to the classes that we had together and Lea kept up her promise and didn’t invite anyone besides Michael over. I only saw him in passing and Lea spent almost every night in his room. I appreciated the fact that she understood that I needed alone time. Mandy invited me to hang out every day, but I declined. I just needed some time to think about everything. 

With all the extra free time, I was able to complete a lot of my homework ahead of schedule, but I found myself falling back into the boredom that I grew accustomed to in my first semester. I found the boredom unbearable now, and I wished that none of this ever happened. I wish I was still friends with Lea’s group. 

I’ve never felt so lonely. I didn’t have many friends growing up, and having that glimpse of how my life could have been if I did, broke me. It wasn’t fair. Why did this happen to me? Couldn’t they have just left me alone and went on with their business? I’d be much better off if they did. I felt miserable. God was just playing some sick joke on me. I was the butt of everyone’s joke and I didn’t even have anything to show for it.

My heart felt so heavy. I really felt like Luke and I were starting to get along great. I thought that Ashton and Calum could be there for me. And I thought Cass, Lea, and Michael actually gave a shit about me. I thought Luke actually found me attractive. Lea and Michael had expressed how sorry they were, but no one else did. I didn’t even know if Cass was in on it. 

It’s Saturday night, 11 days since I saw Luke. Lea was at a party at the frat house and I was sitting alone in our room, watching a romantic comedy on Netflix in my favorite pair of fuzzy pajama pants. My hair was tied into a messy bun and the baggy shirt I was wearing was extremely unflattering. But I didn’t care what I looked like, I was having a nice time just enjoying the relaxation. 

I hadn’t realized I fell asleep until I awoke from a knock on the door. Groggily getting out of bed, I pulled the door open expecting to see Lea. But it was Luke. His hands were pulling at his hair and he was drenched from the rain.   
“Can I come in?” He asked, out of breath. His hands were shaking.   
“No,” I told him. “Lea isn’t here. Go find her somewhere else,” I tried to shut the door, but he stuck his boot in and stopped me. 

“Please, I-I need-” he stopped, covering his mouth and running down the hall to the bathroom. My curiosity led me to follow him and I walked in to see him throwing up in the toilet.   
“How much have you had to drink?” My voice was quiet. I wasn’t sure if I actually cared or if I was just asking because I felt like I had to. He shrugged, lying the side of his face on the toilet seat. I cringed at the unsanitary sight as he lifted his head to puke again. The process continued for a good five minutes before he finally leaned against the brick wall. 

“Are you done?” I asked with crossed arms.   
“I think so,” his voice was hoarse. He looked miserable and I pitied him. I grabbed him a wet paper towel before helping him stand.   
“Let’s go,” I snapped when he gave me a confused look. I guided him down the hall and sat him on Lea’s bed before grabbing some crackers and tossing them at him. He caught them and stared at me. “Eat,” I ordered, sitting on my bed and staring at him from across the room. 

“Can we talk?” He asked through a mouthful of crackers.   
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I stared down at my nails, picking at the skin around them. “I don’t want anything to do with you,”  
“Come on, Valerie. Hear me out,” he pleaded. I almost felt bad for him. He looked horrible. Much different from his usual, put together self.   
“You have five minutes before I’m kicking you out,” I finally decided. 

“I tried to back out, Val. Don’t you remember? I kept begging you not to go in,” he set the crackers next to him and stood, walking over to me. “Don’t you remember?” He asked again, kneeling on the floor and grabbing my hands. I quickly pulled them out of his grip and set them back in my lap. Instead, he placed his hands on my thighs.”You didn’t belong there,”  
“None of those girls did,” I snapped, finally meeting his eyes.   
“I know,” his eyes were sad. God, I missed how blue they were. I looked away. “Fuck, I’m sorry,”   
“No you aren’t,” I refused to believe him. “People like you are never sorry,” he had pain written in his face, and that made it that much harder to reject his apology.   
“Come on, Val,” his voice was almost a whisper. “Don’t tell me that you don’t miss me,” I couldn’t help but scoff.   
“I don’t,” I lied. 

“Well, I miss you. I miss you terribly,” I rolled my eyes. He can’t be serious. “I’m serious, Val,” he read my mind. “I don’t know what it is about you, but I just can’t stay away,”   
“Well, you need to,” I countered. “Luke, you hurt me. You hurt me so bad and I don’t think I could ever trust you again,” his hands left my legs and he tried to grab my face but I pulled away. “Even after what I told you, you still went out of your way to make me feel unwanted,” he closed his eyes for a brief second.   
“That’s not who I want to be. I don’t want to be some douche who hurt you. Val, I like the person I am with you. I like being able to control my anger and I like being able to tell someone how I feel,” he studied my face. “I like that you’re making me a better man,” my eyes met his and I couldn’t look away. “This wasn’t just hooking up for me,” he said. “You know me. I’m a hit it and quit it guy. But not with you,” I rolled my eyes at his choice of words. Why did he always insist on being so vulgar? 

“No, Luke. I don’t know you. Not at all. I know your name and I know your dog. That’s it,” he pulled at the roots of his hair before rubbing his eyes.   
“Then I’ll tell you about myself,” he insisted. “Just give me another chance. Please just let me make it up to you,” he paused. “Please,” he repeated. “Please,” and again.   
“Just as friends,” I gave in. “Nothing more,” Luke immediately grabbed my body and pulled me into a hug.   
“I won’t let you down this time,” he promised. 

“What are you doing tonight?” He asked, pulling away and sitting next to me.   
“I was watching a movie, but I fell asleep,”  
“Can I watch one with you?” He pouted and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.   
“Fine, but I get to pick,” a small smile played at his lips and he kicked off his boots, moving to the corner and leaning against the wall. I followed in his lead, pulling up Netflix and scrolling through the romantic comedy section.   
“A rom com, really?” He complained, causing me to glare at him. “Alright, fine,” he held up his hands in defense. I grinned and put on The Notebook before pulling my blanket up to cover me and relaxing into the mattress.


	22. Something Fun.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Luke asked when the movie ended.   
“I don’t know. Probably just staying in,”  
“I have work in the morning,” he told me. “But would you want to do something after?” I debated whether or not it would be a good idea to spend time with him so soon after we’d made up. “I work six to noon,” he rubbed the back of his neck.   
“Okay,” I decided not to overthink it. If his plan was to scorn me yet again, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of falling for it. “Where do you work?”  
“I’m a butcher at a deli,” the image of him at work flashed through my mind and I couldn’t help but bite my lip. Luke was the kind of guy that could look attractive doing anything—Especially sitting in my bed with his arms crossed over his chest. I pushed the thought out of my head.   
“Well, if you work at six, you should probably get to bed,” he rolled his head towards me and a small smile played on his lips. It was nearly one. 

“Can I sleep here?” He asked with a small pout. I thought about letting him stay. What harm could come from him sleeping here? Of course, I’d make him stay in Lea’s bed. Then again, maybe it’s too soon.  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I sighed, picking at the skin around my nails.   
“Okay,”   
“Besides… You have to feed Petunia in the morning and-” he cut me off.   
“I get it, Val,” he moved to the edge of the bed, sitting up.   
“I’m sorry,” I told him and he shrugged, pulling on his boots.   
“Don’t be,” he stood. 

“What’s your major?” I asked, trying to strike up conversation. I didn’t want him to leave, but I couldn’t let him to stay.   
“Music production,” he chuckled, shaking his head.   
“So you want to be a producer?” I asked, despite how stupid it sounded.  
“I want to own a music studio,” I nodded. I wanted him to sit back down, but I knew he had to go to sleep. “Goodnight Val,” he smiled.   
“Goodnight Luke,” I replied and he walked out of the room. 

***

I woke up at 12:45pm from a knock at the door. Lea still wasn’t back, so I got out of bed and opened up the door to find Luke. His wet hair was tied into a bun and he was in black skinny jeans and a black tee with his signature boots. I rubbed my eyes, stepping aside to let him in.   
“Did you just wake up?” He asked with a small laugh, sitting at my desk chair.   
“Yeah. Just give me a minute to change,” I grabbed some whitewash jeans and a light pink tee before making my way to the bathroom.   
“You can change in here,” Luke told me, causing me to roll my eyes and exit the room anyways. When I got back, Luke was typing away on his phone. He was quick to set it down and pull his eyes up to meet mine. “What do you want to do today?” He asked.   
“I don’t know,” I sat on the bed, pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. “Something... Fun,” I decided and he laughed.   
“I think you and I have different definitions of fun,” he playfully rolled his eyes. “Okay, I have an idea,” he smiled, standing up. “Ready to go?” I nodded and grabbed my purse, following him out. 

“Where are we going?” I asked as we got into Luke’s car.   
“It’s a surprise,” he winked, pulling out of the parking lot. “But we have to pick up Petunia first,” within minutes, we were pulling up to the frat house. Luke ran in the house and returned with the excited dog, helping her into the backseat before pulling back onto the street. He smiled at me and I realized how nicely his stubble accompanied his face. I couldn’t help but smile back as he reached around to pet Petunia before rolling the window down for her. We were only in the car for about fifteen minutes when Luke pulled into a small parking lot near a lake.   
“What are we going to do here?” I asked as he got out of the car and grabbed Petunia’s leash, letting her out as well.   
“Something fun,” he grinned, opening the door for me and pulling me out by my hand. 

Color rushed to my face as I stepped out and followed him down a path. He led me to a small dock out looking a lake.   
“Are you ready?” He asked, picking up a stick and unbuckling Petunia’s leash from her harness.  
“For what?” I laughed.  
“Something fun,” he repeated, holding the stick in front of Petunia’s face and throwing it into the water. She ran after it, jumping in, and I laughed. “She loves to swim,” he smiled as she paddled around with the stick in her mouth. He and I sat at the edge of the dock, staring out at the once still water, rippling as Petunia splashed around. 

“Tell me about your family,” Luke spoke.   
“There’s not much to tell,” I laughed. “My mom and dad are very religious. My dad is a lawyer and my mom is a seamstress,” he nodded slowly. “I also have an older sister—Laura Gene, but we just call her Gene. She has a two year old boy and a husband named Drew. My nephew is amazing. He’s the funniest kid ever. His name is Parker,” I smiled. “ I don’t see him much, though. Gene and I don’t really get along,” I shrugged.   
“Why not?” He urged.   
“She did everything she could growing up to make me feel horrible. She’d put gum in my hair or burn my clothes to mock me. Whenever she had to babysit me, she locked me in the pantry the entire time with a bucket to go to the bathroom,” I rolled my eyes, picking at the stray string hanging off the hem of my top.   
“She’s different now, though. Isn’t she?” He asked and I frowned.   
“No,” I laughed. “The last time I saw her, she told Parker that I was adopted and that I wasn’t his real aunt,” Luke raised his eyebrows. 

“Were you adopted?”   
“No!” I snapped. “The point is, she’s horrible to me,” we fell silent. “What about your family?” I asked. He debated answering it.   
“My mum, sister, and brother are in Australia,” he told me. “I don’t know where my dad is. I haven’t seen him since I was 5. He left the day my little sister was born,” I never understood how a parent could leave their child. “But I don’t care about him anymore. He was a drunk—An angry drunk at that. My mum’s got this new husband and, god, he’s a dick,” he sighed. “My brother and I call him Dick instead of Rick,” I couldn’t help but laugh.   
“Tell me about your brother and sister,” I urged.   
“Well my brother is older than me. His name’s Simon and he’s a conceited, self-absorbed douche. Tiffany is 16 and she used to be a real sweetheart. But, she started dating this guy and now she’s pregnant and dropped out of school,” Petunia brought the stick back to Luke and he threw it for her before looking back at me. “I don’t like my family.” He stated. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I nodded as he stood up and called Petunia back, lifting her on the dock.

Luke and I walked down a path around the lake and ended up at a small park. He let Petunia loose to run around and led me to a roundabout.   
“Get on,” he smiled. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and obey, stepping on the and sitting down in the middle. “No, you’re not doing it right!” He complained. “You have to lay down to get the full experience,” I shook my head, but placed my back on the cold metal and stared up at the sky. Luke grabbed the bar and started running in circles, twirling the roundabout. I couldn’t help but laugh as it got faster and he jumped on. I stared up at him as he stood, holding his arms out and the wind whipped his hair around. God, he looked beautiful. He jumped off again and started to spin it faster.   
“I’m going to be sick!” I giggled and he jumped on again, letting his back hit one of the safety bars as he sat down. Our laughter subsided as the roundabout slowed down.   
“You have such a nice laugh,” he told me, his head rolling towards me. I bit my lip, staring at him. The sun beamed down on his golden hair and made his blue eyes pop. 

“Let’s go on the swings!” I spoke, jumping off the roundabout and walking towards the swings. Luke followed after me and I couldn’t catch my breath. His mere presence had knocked the wind out of me. I was breathing heavily by the time I sat on the swing and instead of taking the one next to me, he grabbed the chains of mine and stood in front of me. When my eyes met his, I quickly looked away and saw Petunia lying in the grass. Luke slowly pushed the swing back so we were eye to eye and stared at me. “Luke,” I whispered. As much as I wanted him to kiss me, I knew how bad of an idea it was. He sighed, stepping aside and releasing the swing before sitting on the one to my right. My swing slowed as I dragged my feet on the floor to stop the motion. “Luke,” I repeated.   
“Valerie,” he mocked with a small smile.   
“Can we go get some lunch?” I asked. Despite how much I wanted to stay here, I knew we shouldn’t be alone. I felt like being around other people would lessen my desire to kiss him. He nodded, getting off the swing and hooking Petunia back on her leash before we walked to the car.


	23. If You Were Mine.

Luke pulled up to a small restaurant and we got out of the car. After showing me to a small table under an awning and looking through the menu, he handed me Petunia’s leash.   
“Don’t let go of her,” he told me.   
“I won’t,” I rolled my eyes.   
“I’m serious, Val. She gets really excited when people walk past,” I didn’t say anything. I just wrapped the leash around my hand and gave him a small smile. It was kind of cute how protective he was over her. After giving Petunia a small pet and ruffling my hair, he went inside to place our order. I set my elbows on my knees and hunched over to look at Petunia.   
“You’re dad is so great to you,” I whispered as I took her face in my hands and scratched her cheeks. “I hope you know that,” she stuck her tongue out and began panting as if to tell me that she was aware of how much Luke cared for her. 

As I consumed myself in Petunia, I didn’t even notice the person who sat across from me at the table until Petunia looked back at him.   
“Oh-uh-hi,” I stuttered. “I didn’t see you there,” he smiled at me, his dark brown hair fell across his forehead and he shook it away, sticking his hand out.   
“I’m Pete,” he grinned. “Mind if I join you and your adorable dog?” I glanced inside to see Luke waiting for our food, busying himself with his phone.   
“I’m actually here with someone,” I straightened my body, rejecting his offer to shake hands.   
“A boyfriend?” He asked, his dark eyes narrowing. His smile put me on edge—The way his lips crooked up in a smirk made me want to slap him. “A sexy girl like you doesn’t belong here alone,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “If you were mine, I’d be fucking you in the bathroom right now,” he grinned wickedly and I scrunched my nose in disgust.   
“I’m not alone,” I reiterated, ignoring the other bit as Petunia shifted herself to sit on my shoes. Perhaps she’d sensed how uncomfortable I was.   
“So, who are you with?” He looked around. “I don’t see anyone,” before I could reply, another voice sounded behind me. 

“She’s with me,” Luke spoke, setting the tray of food in front of me. “So if you don’t mind, leave us the fuck alone,” Petunia perked up at the sound of Luke’s voice and stood to walk the short distance to him. Pete held up his hands in defense and stood.   
“Sorry man,” he muttered before turning on his heels and walking away. Luke took his seat across from me, tying Petunia’s leash to his chair.   
“Was he bothering you?” Luke asked, glaring at the empty table that Pete had went to.   
“A little…” My voice trailed off as I pushed my stray bangs behind my ears. Luke’s jaw tensed and he stood up, pushing his chair out and creating a loud screech. Petunia lied down and Luke moved away from the table. “It’s fine,” I told him. “Just drop it,” he stared at me for a long while, as if debating whether or not to take my advice. Finally he let out a long sigh and sat back down. He pulled the tray to him and grabbed his food before grabbing mine and setting it in front of me. I stared down at my lap. 

“What?” He asked with a mouthful of fries.   
“Nothing,” I sighed, picking up my sandwich to take a bite.   
“It’s not nothing. What’s wrong?”   
“It’s just…” I set my sandwich back down. “Not everything has to end in a fight,” he rolled his eyes and took a bite of his burger before feeding Petunia some of his fries.   
“It didn’t end in a fight,” he pointed out. “I let it go,” I couldn’t help but laugh.   
“It would have if I didn’t stop you,” He stuck his tongue out to wet his lips before pulling it back in and giving another fry to the begging dog.   
“Then who’s going to stick up for you?” He asked. “Because you weren’t about to do it yourself,” I rolled my eyes, finally taking a bite of the sandwich.   
“I’m not a child. I can take care of myself,” I told him, taking a sip of my water. 

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” he snapped. “You sure as hell act like a child,” he added, and I remained silent, eating my sandwich. “You know what annoys me most out of all the shit you do?” He asked. Again, I didn't reply. “When you don’t give any indication that you’re listening to me,” I finally met his eyes, cocking my eyebrow. His jaw was tense and he tossed a couple fries down for Petunia.   
“I have already told you that I don’t respond to rude comments,” he took a bite of his burger, staring at me. This time, he didn’t reply. I carried on with my silent act, taking another bite of my sandwich.   
“Fine,” he gave in. “I’m sorry,” I could tell from looking at him that the words were foreign coming out of his mouth. “But you’re too sensitive,” he pointed out. I didn’t say anything. I didn't even look at him. “I don’t mean that in a bad way it’s just that I can’t fucking say anything without upsetting you,” I set down my sandwich and took a drink of water.   
“Maybe if you didn’t say such rude things then I wouldn’t get upset,” I stated. He shook his head.   
“Well that’s just who I am,” he grumbled. 

“You said you wanted to be a better person,” I frowned. I could never wrap my head around his mood swings.   
“It doesn’t fucking happen overnight!” He raised his voice, causing a few people to stare at us. I leaned back into my chair, crossing my arms.   
“I think you should take me home now,” as much as I wanted to stay with him, I didn’t want to sit here and be yelled at.   
“That’s your fucking problem,” he said. “You don’t like confrontation and you run away from it the first chance you get,” I laughed at the fact that confrontation had nothing to do with this and he was just looking for reasons to get angry.   
“At least I have control of my temper,” I stood up and grabbed my food, throwing it away and walking to Luke’s car. I let myself in and waited for him. It was a good five minutes before he finally came back with Petunia. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized as he started the car. “I didn’t mean to be rude,” he pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street. I didn’t say anything. Instead, I stared out the window with my arms crossed. He reached over and set his hand on my knee, giving it a light squeeze and glancing at me. “Hey, I have a show tonight,” he changed the subject. “Do you want to come?” I looked over at him, a small smile playing at my lips. I wondered what kind of guy Luke would be without all these mood shifts.   
“I don’t know,” I sighed, gently picking up his hand and removing it from my knee, setting it on the seat next to me. He pulled it back and gripped the wheel. “I don’t really want to see your friends right now,” I explained, my eyes finding the window again. “And besides, I have class tomorrow morning,” he chuckled, shaking his head.   
“I won’t let them bother you,” he half-promised. “Come on,” he whined, pulling up to my building.   
“I’ll think about it,” I sighed, saying a quick goodbye before clambering out of the car and walking to my room, debating whether or not to ask Lea for advice on being friends with Luke.


	24. Wine Drunk!

I don’t know why I was surprised when Lea wasn’t in the room when I got back. Doubting she’d be back at all tonight, I called up Mandy and asked her to come over. Seeing as she was in the dorm building next to mine, it didn’t take her long to get here. She knocked on my door with a bottle of wine and pajamas on.   
“Let’s get wine drunk!” She chanted with a smile as she let herself in. I debated whether or not I should tell her I had possible plans tonight, but decided against it. I needed to be with someone who actually cared about me, not at some concert where Luke would ignore me and I’d ultimately feel uncomfortable. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever needed it more,” I laughed. Mandy kicked her shoes off and sat on my bed.  
“Rule number one about drinking wine with me,” she paused, attempting to loosen the cork. “It’s an absolute necessity to be in pajamas,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and oblige, changing into pajamas as she took the cork between her teeth and pulled it out with a loud pop. I handed her two mugs, sitting across from her.   
“I don’t have proper wine glasses,” I frowned as she poured us each a glass.   
“Mugs make it more fun!” 

After a glass and a half of wine (And Mandy obsessively talking about her boyfriend), she finally turned the attention to me.   
“What’s going on with you? I feel like we haven’t spoke in ages,” she was right, I’d been avoiding any conversation with her and Lea in my week without Luke. Regardless of the fact that I knew I’d be judged, I pounced at the opportunity to get an opinion on the status of Luke and I.   
“I don’t know,” I breathed. “Luke showed up at my door last night. He was drunk and he kept saying how sorry he was,” I explained. 

“Well, you didn’t believe him, did you?” She raised an eyebrow.   
“That’s the thing,” I took a drink. “He really did seem sorry. And I know it’s stupid, but I forgave him. He really tried to get me not to go to that party, but I just kept insisting and he said that the… Judging… Or whatever, takes place when you dance together. But Luke and I never danced. We left instead and that got us disqualified. He just kept saying he was sorry and that he missed me and… I don’t know. I just caved in,” I sighed. 

“Do you really think that’s the best idea? To forgive him just like that?” She asked after a long break of silence, occupied by the task of her refilling our mugs.   
“I don’t know. He knows he’s on thin ice. It’s like he’s on his best behavior right now and maybe he was right when he said that we couldn’t stay away from each other,” I stood to open the window and the effects of the wine made me feel lightheaded.   
“Maybe,” she mumbled.   
“I can’t stand him sometimes. You know? He really brings out the worst in me. I don’t think I’ve ever yelled at someone like I have at him and I know I annoy him but-” I stopped, sighing and sitting back down. 

“But what?” She urged.   
“But I miss him when he’s not here and I guess I kind of miss having someone to kiss and to hold me when I sleep,” I stared down into my mug. She’d brought a red wine over and I worried that my teeth were tinted pink because of it.   
“I understand.” She surprised me. “Just… Don’t let him think that he’s in the clear. Don’t let him think you’ll do anything he asks just because he’s attractive,” 

“He wanted me to go to his show tonight,” Mandy peered up at me, as if to beg me to stay with her. “But I’m not going,” I assured. “I don’t want to see his friends and I have a feeling I’d be ignored if I went,” I subconsciously checked the time on my phone. “They should be going up to play soon,” I bit my lip.  
“I hope they bomb it,” Mandy joked and I laughed. My phone chimed from an Instagram notification, saying that Michael had posted for the first time in a while. Curiosity got the best of me as I unlocked my phone, holding it out to Mandy as I pressed play on the video he put up. 

“What we doin here Ash?” Michael asked from behind the camera.   
“Pre-gig tradition!” Ashton chanted as he downed a shot. Michael panned the camera over to Lea and Calum, who were chatting at the bar. Calum looked up to the camera and gave it the middle finger as Lea blew a kiss. Finally, he panned to the other side of him and focused on Cass and Luke making out. “Get it!” Ashton yelled in the background and the video stopped. 

“Looks like Luke isn’t missing the whole kissing and holding thing,” Mandy commented as she took my phone away from me and tossed it on the bed.   
“God,” I rolled my eyes. “I feel like I can’t even be angry about this,” I took a long drink of my wine, not caring that I had class tomorrow. “We hardly just became friends again and… I don’t know. I don’t think it’s my right to be angry,” Mandy didn’t reply. Instead, she chugged down her wine and I did the same.   
“I’d be angry,” she finally spoke, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I mean, if he said he missed you, that means he missed all of you and everything that you two did together. It’s not right for him to go around kissing other girls,” I grabbed the bottle from her and took a long drink from it.   
“I just want to grab his stupid face and kiss him,” I grumbled as Mandy took the bottle back and took a drink before pouring us another glass. She laughed.   
“I totally get that,” she handed me my mug back and I took a drink. 

“This wine might be getting to my head,” I admitted, taking another sip.   
“I know!” She laughed. “Isn’t being wine drunk amaaaazing?” She drawled out amazing before taking a sip.   
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good while drunk,” I scrunched my nose.   
“That’s because you’re getting drunk with the wrong people!” She exclaimed, throwing up her left hand and finishing off her glass. I finished mine as well, setting my mug on the floor. “You’re not drinking anymore?” Her face fell.   
“I think we should save it for later,” she nodded, setting her mug on the floor and lying back on the mattress. I did the same, staring up at the stucco ceiling.

“God, college is weird,” she gushed. “We’re drunk on a Sunday night, obsessing over boys who don’t care,” she tucked her arms behind her head.   
“Who ever said Rob doesn’t care?” I asked, referring to her boyfriend.  
“He does,” she slurred. “It’s just… Not enough for me, you know? I need someone who devotes their entire life to me. Not just weekends and daily dinners,” she pouted.   
“Geez, I’d feel lucky if I just got someone interested enough in me to call me theirs.”

“I want to set you up with someone!” She exclaimed, leaning up on her elbows to peer at me.   
“I hate being set up,” I lied. I really just wanted to be available for Luke… If he ever decided he wanted to be with me.   
“Please?” She begged. “You’ll love him I swear,” she pulled at my hand and I sat up.   
“Tell me about him,” I rolled my eyes.   
“His name is Jeremy. He’s a total hottie! And he’s a real gentleman. Come on, let’s go on a double date!”   
“Fine,” I sighed. “But if I don’t like him, I’m never seeing him again,” and I knew I wouldn’t like him. Nobody could ever compare to the feeling I felt with Luke. 

“Does Luke do cocaine anymore?” I couldn’t help but ask. Mandy furrowed her eyebrows, sitting up and staring at me.   
“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I hardly know the guy,”   
“I hope he doesn’t.” I picked at my nails.   
“You wouldn’t be able to stop him if he did,”   
“I know.” I looked away from her and to the window. It was dark out now. I wondered how long we’d been sitting here.   
“He used to be an addict. Hell, maybe he still is. That shit is hard to quit,” she told me and I nodded. I didn’t have anything to say and I didn’t want to ask him myself. How could I accuse him of something like that? Would he even tell me the truth? 

My eyes felt light and heavy at the same time and I couldn’t help but close them and lie back on the mattress. I had a feeling that everything would be okay, but then again my intuition had been off lately. I let my breathing slow and my mind wander off until I fell asleep.


	25. We Ooze Chemistry.

When I woke up, it was nearly 3 in the morning. Mandy was sleeping next to me in the small bed and Lea was in her bed with Michael. I stirred, trying to pry the blanket away from Mandy. When I didn’t succeed, I sighed and climbed over her to stand up. My attention was immediately drawn to the open window and I closed it, blocking the wind from entering the room and further freezing me. I stared outside, watching the trees sway and noticing the stillness of the night. 

Everything seemed so peaceful—From waking up in the middle of the night, to the light chill in the air, to Michael’s snoring. A stray cat ran across the street to the side my dorm was on, and I couldn’t help but watch it. The cat’s eyes glew from the glare of the streetlamp and it looked up, into a tree. I wondered what it found so interesting, but when my attention fell to the tree, I saw nothing. I let out a quiet sigh and kept watching the cat. 

My near hypnosis was interrupted by the sound of my door open. I turned around, expecting to see Michael, Lea, or Mandy getting up to take a bathroom break, but they were still sound asleep. When my eyes met the door frame, a silhouette of a tall man appeared. I held my breath as he stepped in and let it out when I realized it was Luke.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. His eyes fell to Lea’s bed, then to mine, and his brow furrowed when he saw a sleeping Mandy. His head crooked towards the door, signalling me to follow him. I grabbed a cardigan from my closet and met him in the hallway, pulling it on. “What are you doing here?” I repeated, shutting the door behind me and raising my voice to a normal talking tone. It was hoarse, but still audible.   
“I just came to make sure you were okay,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I pulled my cardigan over my chest.   
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You didn’t come to the show,” I rolled my eyes.   
“So you waited until 3am to check on me?” I scoffed.   
“Well… Yeah… I guess so,” his eyes fell to the floor.   
“I’m fine,” I told him. “I just wanted to stay in tonight. Mandy and I got wine drunk,”   
“You ditched me for Mandy?” He pouted. 

“Well I never said I was going to come,” I pointed out. He didn’t reply. Instead, his back hit the wall and he slid to sit down, staring up at me. I shook my head, following in his lead and sitting next to him. “How was the show?” I changed the subject.   
“Fine,” he grumbled. “We were going to sing a song for you,” he picked at the holes in his skinny jeans and I bit my lip.   
“You were?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “We were going to do Valerie by The Zutons. But you didn’t show up, so we didn’t sing it,” I felt guilty for not showing up.   
“Ashton told me you didn’t do covers,”   
“It was for an apology,” he snapped. “They wanted to apologize,” I took interest in pulling off the hangnail on the left side of my pinky.   
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it,” I frowned.   
“It’s okay,” his voice softened. 

“So Cass, huh?” I brought up and he raised an eyebrow.   
“What about her?”  
“I just saw a video that Michael posted of you two kissing,” I tried to seem like it didn’t bother me, but he saw right through that.   
“It was just a kiss,” he laughed, throwing an arm over my shoulders. I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what he thought when we kissed. “I was sad that you didn’t come and she was comforting me,” there was a strain in my heart and I slowly nodded, pulling away from his grip.

“What?” he asked, lightly bumping into me.   
“Nothing,” I sighed.   
“Are you jealous?” He turned to me, an amused look splattered over his features.  
“No,” I gritted through my teeth. “Why would I be jealous?”   
“Because you miss kissing me,” he teased and I rolled my eyes.   
“No I don’t.” My answer was too quick and I cursed myself. “That’s ridiculous,” I added in hopes to make it better. 

“So you wouldn’t mind if I did this-” he paused, scooting closer to me.   
“Luke-” I warned as he brushed a piece of hair out of my face. I shied away when he cupped my chin, but he tightened his grip and pulled me back to look at him. My eyes immediately fell to his lips and I parted mine with the intention of saying something, but I couldn’t think of what to say. He leaned in and, out of reflex, I shut my eyes.   
“I missed kissing you, too.” He whispered, his breath hitting my face before he crashed his lips against mine. 

I forgot how soft his lips were and I couldn’t help but kiss him back. My hands tangled in his hair as he pulled my body closer to his by placing his hands on my waist. We sat like that for a while, our tongues sliding against each other, until I wrapped my head around what was happening and pulled away. Luke’s face fell and I stared at him, confused. 

“What?” He asked.   
“This isn’t right,” I croaked, standing up. Luke followed after me, grabbing my hand to stop me from walking away.   
“How is this not right?” He asked. “Val, we ooze chemistry,” I stared at the floor, unable to look at him and I shrugged.   
“Because everytime I turn my back, you’re just giving me more reasons not to trust you,” Luke flicked his tongue out to wet his lips.   
“You don’t trust me?” He asked, a sad look on his face.   
“No,” I replied honestly. 

“Let me take you out,” he nearly pleaded. “I want to show you that I can be a good guy,” I didn’t know if he was being serious.   
“Luke-” I started, but stopped. “I can’t,”   
“Well, why not?” He finally released his grip on my wrist.   
“Because I’m going on a date with someone else,” he stared at me, eyes wide before shaking his head and scoffing.   
“If you don’t want to go out with me, just say so. You don’t have to lie to me,” he shoved his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.   
“What’s so unbelievable about me going on a date?” I frowned, crossing my arms.   
“That’s not what I meant,” he rolled his eyes.  
“Then what did you mean?” I pressured. 

“That you don’t go out with people,” he tried to soften, but I shook my head.   
“Just because I don’t make out with every boy that gives me attention, does not mean I don’t go out with people,” I shot, feeling upset from my lack of sleep.   
“You’re taking this too far,” he muttered, pulling out his phone. “Whatever, go on your date,” he insisted. “I didn’t really want to take you out anyways,” and with that, he tapped his phone screen and put it to his ear, walking away. I knew he was calling Cass and that killed me a little bit.   
“Luke,” I called, but it was too late. He was gone. With a knot in my throat, I went back into my room and climbed back into bed with Mandy. It took what felt like hours to fall asleep, and when I did, I dreamt about having an actual date with Luke. I hated myself for getting angry at him when he was trying to do right by me. Why does everything have to end in a fight with us?


	26. 5:25.

(Picture is Jeremy)

 

It was 5:25 on Monday afternoon and I was standing outside of a pizza restaurant, where my date Jeremy sat at a booth. Mandy just texted me and told me that she and Rob were stuck in traffic and they’d be late. I debated not going in, but then I thought of how horrible I’d feel if I was in his position, so I fixed my hair in the reflection of the mirror. I wore a light gray pleated skirt with white stripes that fell to just above my knee and a white top with a pink floral pattern. I kept my shoes casual, tan ankle sandals, and let my hair fall down with a light curl. I only wore mascara and lip gloss. I wanted to give off a natural appearance rather than making myself up and putting on a full face of makeup. 

 

Holding in a breath, I entered the restaurant and the cool air from the ventilation ducts sent goosebumps over my skin. 

“Val,” a voice called from a table in the middle of the small space. With a small smile, I walked over to him. “I’m Jeremy. It’s very nice to meet you,” he pulled out my chair and helped me in before sitting across from me. It was single kindest thing a boy had ever done for me.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” we shook hands and he turned my palm to the table, peering at my purity ring. 

“My sister has a purity ring,” he noted, running his thumb along the small indent of a cross. 

“You come from a religious family?” 

“More like religious to the extreme,” he laughed quietly.

“Me too,” I blushed, glancing down at the menu. 

“We go to church twice a week,” he admitted. 

“No way!” I laughed. “We go three times,” we shared a quick laugh. 

“What religion are you?” He inquired. 

“Catholic,” his face lit up. 

“That’s crazy! So am I!” It’s unbelievable to find someone with parents as crazy religious as mine.

 

“What kind of pizza do you like?” He asked, picking up the laminated sheet. 

“Oh, um, it doesn’t matter. We can get whatever you want,” a waitress came over and brought two glasses of water, setting them down in front of us. 

“But what do  _ you _ want?” He pressed, shooting me a wide smile. He had dark brown hair that was gelled into a quiff out of his face and a sickening white smile. His teeth were so perfect, I swear he could be a model for a toothpaste ad. 

“I like Hawaiian,” I spoke shyly and he grabbed the menu from my hands. 

“One Hawaiian it is, then,” he told the waitress, handing her the menu before turning his attention back to me. I had a feeling that if I was here with Luke, he wouldn’t have let me choose. 

 

“So what’s your major?” I asked, trying to change the topic to get Luke out of my head. 

“Accounting,” he smiled, running a hand across his clean shaven chin. “And a girl like you must be an English major?” He assumed and I smiled back at him. 

“English minor,” I laughed. “Creative writing major,” he seemed a little embarrassed of his prediction. “But I guess my appearance kind of gives it away,” I joked and he laughed. His laugh was a light hum that emitted from his chest. I don’t think I’ve ever made Luke laugh unless he was making fun of me. Well, so much for pushing him out of my thoughts. 

“I like your appearance,” Jeremy’s smile reached his mocha brown eyes. “In fact, I think you’re a very beautiful girl.” I blushed. 

“Well, you’re not so bad yourself,” he let out another quiet laugh.

“And funny too! I guess you’re the total package,” my face color deepened. 

“I guess so,” my voice was quiet as my gaze landed on the door to see Luke, Ashton, and Calum walking in. My smile immediately fell. 

 

“Are you alright, Val?” He asked, beginning to turn around. 

“Yes,” my answer was immediate, tearing his attention back to me. “I just saw some people I know,” I tried to shrug it off, hoping they didn’t see me as well. 

“Should we invite them to sit with us?” 

“No,” I almost laughed. “I mean, I think they’ll be okay by themselves…” My voice trailed off as the three boys headed towards our table. 

“Valerie,” Luke greeted, smirking down at me. 

“Luke,” I muttered, giving him a fake smile. “Hello Ashton, hello Calum,” I turned my attention to the other boys, hoping they’d save me from the awkward situation. 

“Hi, I’m Jeremy,” he stood up and offered his hand out. Calum and Ashton quickly shook his hand before he turned to Luke, who crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him. Jeremy uncomfortably drew his hand back and sat down. 

 

“Are you two on a date?” Ashton grinned at us. 

“Yes!” Jeremy spoke. “After weeks of begging Mandy to set us up, I’ve finally had the pleasure of taking Val out,” he seemed proud of this and I couldn’t help but smile as Luke rolled his eyes. I didn’t know he’s been asking for weeks, I thought this was all Mandy’s idea.

“We have a show tonight,” Ashton told me. “You should come,” 

“You can bring Jeremy,” Calum added. I figured they were being so nice because of the whole Dogfight and they wanted to apologize. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m kind of busy…” My voice trailed off and the boys stared at Jeremy. 

“I don’t really go to concerts,” he shrugged. 

 

“Of course you don’t,” Luke muttered, turning around and heading towards an empty table. Calum and Ashton said a quick goodbye and followed after him. 

“I didn’t know that you hang out with those type of people,” Jeremy mentioned, taking a sip of his water, staring at me. 

“I don’t,” I cleared my throat. 

“Good. They seem like trouble,” he folded his hands together and I furrowed my brow. 

“They’re not that bad,” I defended them without knowing why. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

“God, what a dick,” I muttered, sliding in the booth. Ashton and Cal took the seats across from me and I flagged down the waitress to order a beer. 

“I didn’t think he was  _ that _ bad,” Cal shrugged. 

“You’re just jealous because you have some weird fascination with Val,” Ash mocked and I glared at him to shut him up. 

“It’s not weird and it’s not a fascination,” I growled. “I just think it’s cool how different she is,” I glanced over at the table to see Jeremy setting his hand over hers as she laughed. Fuck, I wished I was the one who was making her laugh. 

“Dude,” Calum brought my attention back. “You haven’t brought a girl home in weeks. I’d say it’s both weird and a fascination,” Ashton laughed at his comment. 

“You’re off your game,” he mocked. I wanted nothing more than to punch him. I pulled my hand into a tight fist, but kept it under the table. 

“Good thing it’s none of your fucking business,” I snapped, snatching the menu out of Cal’s hands and looking through it. 

 

I slouched down in the seat, hiding my face with the menu and staring back at Val’s table. He said something and she started laughing again, covering her mouth and he smiled at her. I wanted to fuck up his perfect fucking smile. She pushed her hair out of her face and replied to him and he was the one to laugh. God, what overkill. Neither of them could be  _ that  _ fucking funny. Mandy and another guy joined them at the table and their pizza came. Who the fuck orders a Hawaiian pizza on a date?

“Does Lukey care about someone other than himself?” Cal laughed, noticing my gaze. I threw the menu on the table with a loud smack and leaned forward. 

“If you don’t fucking watch it,” I warned and Cal held his hands up in defense. 

“Dude, seriously,” Ashton spoke, his tone suddenly serious. “If you like her, then don’t let her go off with that prick,” I opened my mouth to say something but quickly shut it and looked over at their table. They were all laughing and seemed like they were having a great time. How could she be so happy with someone else?

 

“I don’t like her,” I lied, calling the waitress over and ordering a pepperoni and sausage pizza before downing my beer. 

“I just don’t think that he’s right for her,” he added. 

“Oh, and I am?” I laughed loudly, crossing my arms. 

“I don’t know man,” he sighed. “All I know is that he isn’t what she needs,” 

“I don’t think anyone is,” Calum added. 

“She thinks she’s too good for everyone, that’s the problem.” I grumbled. 

“Dude, she doesn’t think that,” Calum defended her. “She just knows that she deserves someone who actually gives a shit about her,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. 

 

“Well, that isn’t me,” I held my ground on the whole  _ not liking her _ thing, even though I wished I was what she needed. 

“It could be,” Ashton noted. 

“Why does it matter to you?” I lost my temper. “What, are you after her now?” I accused. 

“No,” Ash laughed. “I’m after Monica Wheeler,” he winked.

“As if she’d ever go out with you,” Calum joked. 

“Fuck you. I’ve got a date with her tomorrow. I’m taking her to the Paramount,” he nudged Calum with his arm and I rolled my eyes, busying myself in my phone for the rest of dinner.


	27. She's Kinda Hot.

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***

I couldn’t get out of that restaurant any faster. That dickhead was holding Val’s hand under the table and it was driving me crazy. As soon as I finished eating, I rushed outside and lit up a cigarette the second the door shut behind me. My back found a brick wall and I took in a large breath of smoke, letting it infiltrate my lungs, before blowing it back out. It’d been far too long since I’d had a cigarette and it felt so fucking good to finally cave into the temptation. I stood outside, waiting for the boys to finish so I could drive them home. I knew they were taking their sweet ass time on purpose and that pissed me off to no end. 

When the bell finally rang, signaling that someone had left the restaurant, I tore my eyes off the floor and to the doorframe, expecting to see Ashton and Calum, but they were still eating. Instead Mandy, Jeremy, Val, and that other guy walked out laughing. I took another puff and pushed out my chest, trying to seem tougher than I felt.   
“Luke,” Mandy sneered and I rolled my eyes.   
“Mandy,” I sneered back.   
“How’s the coke problem?” She sent me a smirk and Val lightly smacked her arm.   
“Does the carpet match the drapes?” I shot.   
“Alright, that’s enough,” Mandy’s date stepped in, but she held her hand out.   
“Go get the car. We’re fine,” she spoke and the two boys obliged, leaving the three of us alone. 

“Are you coming tonight?” I turned my attention to Valerie.   
“I thought you quit smoking,” she noted and I flicked the cigarette on the floor, stomping it out and giving her a wink.   
“Not what I asked-”  
“Coming where?” Mandy interrupted and I let out an angry huff.   
“Luke’s band has a show tonight,” Val explained with a small smile that made me feel like she was proud of me. My chest tightened.  
“You’re not going, are you?” Her tone was disgusted and I just wanted her to shut up already. Val shrugged, her eyes finding the floor.   
“You can come too,” I told Mandy. I didn’t really want her to come, but I felt like if I got her to agree, Val would tag along.   
“I don’t think so,” she laughed. 

“Come on,” I urged. “Let your hair loose, have a couple drinks. My boys and I will show you both a good time,” Val’s eyes shot up at me with jealousy. Did she think I was flirting with Mandy?  
“Maybe. Val and I will talk about it later,” in my experience, maybe typically meant yes.   
“We’ll sing that song for you, Val,” I bit my lip, staring at her and she blushed. God, she looked so fucking innocent when she blushed. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a horn honking. Mandy held a finger up to the car, telling them to wait and the pair didn’t budge. Maybe that meant I’d convinced them to come. “Who’s the ball and chain?” I leaned back against the brick wall and Mandy rolled her eyes.   
“Rob,” she muttered, crossing her arms.   
“You don’t seem so happy about being here with him,” Val narrowed her eyes at me. God, Val, stop thinking I’m flirting with her. I’m doing this to get you to come, not her.   
“I’m breaking up with him in-” she paused, checking the time on her phone. “Approximately half an hour,” this news didn’t come as a surprise to Val. Maybe that’s what they talked about when the boys went to the bathroom. I didn’t ask why she was breaking up with him, I didn't care. Maybe if I got Cal or Ash interested in Mandy, Val would start coming around the group more often. My best bet was Cal, seeing as Ash had been going on about Monica Wheeler possibly coming tonight. 

Mandy wasn’t anything like Val. Sure, she dressed like her on the weekdays, but I’ve seen Mandy in hardly anything, drunk out of her mind at our parties. I was confident that if they showed up, Mandy was Val’s way back into our group.   
“We should go,” Mandy broke me out of my thoughts. “I have a guy to break up with,” she laughed and Val gave her a small, uncomfortable smile. “And Val has a goodnight kiss to initiate,” Val rolled her eyes and Mandy turned on her heels, stalking towards the car.   
“Don’t kiss him goodnight,” my voice came out hard, but I didn’t mean for it to. It was more of a plea. An amused smile took over her face and she shrugged.   
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she joked before walking to the curb. 

That fucking Jeremy guy got out of the car and opened the door for her before they sped off. God, I hope she didn’t kiss him. If she did, maybe she’d feel something she didn’t feel with me. Then I’d lose my shot for sure. I pulled out my phone and texted Lea, telling her of my plan to set up Cal and Mandy. That way, I could be sure Val would be there, without telling anyone that I actually wanted her to be there. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

I was sitting on my bed scrolling through instagram, when Mandy walked into the room. Lea paused her movie, waiting for an explanation as Mandy sat on my bed with me.   
“How’d it go?” I asked with a small smile. I didn’t think she should break up with him, but then again, it wasn’t my decision.   
“He took it like a champ,” she joked, turning to me. “He only cried for about fifteen minutes,” I raised an eyebrow.   
“Who’d you make cry?” Lea asked, grabbing her tea from the microwave and sitting on the other side of me.   
“I broke up with Rob,” she shrugged.   
“Oh my god!” Lea exclaimed. “Why?”   
“He’s too controlling,” she sighed. “I just want to have fun. I want a boyfriend, not a second father,” we shared a small laugh.   
“Well…” Lea’s voice trailed off as she smirked. “I wasn’t going to say anything because you were taken, but I totally think you and Calum Hood would be cute together!” Mandy’s face lit up and mine fell. I tried to figure out her end game. 

“Really?” She asked, unconsciously twirling her red hair.   
“Oh my god, yes! And he’s single,” Lea reached across me and set a hand on top of Mandy’s. Mandy looked at me to judge my reaction, and I just smiled. “You know, I wasn’t going to go but the boys are having a show tonight. We should all go together!” Luke set her up to this, I’m sure of it. I stayed silent, but I was so angry about this whole situation. He was trying to trick me into going, knowing fairly well that I wouldn’t want Mandy to go to the show without me.   
“Can we go, Val? Please?” Mandy begged and Lea shot me a smile. I let out a quiet sigh.   
“I’d rather not,” I mumbled, picking at the hem of my skirt. What would Luke say to me if we weren’t around other people? How angry would he be about the date? 

“Come on!” Mandy whined and Lea lied back on my bed.   
“I really don’t want to see Luke,” I wasn’t sure if that was true. I did want to see Luke, I just didn’t want to be alone with him. I was regretting my bold words that I left him with, and I had no idea how he’d take it.  
“If you do this for me, I’ll owe you like twenty!” She promised and I couldn’t help but send a glare to Lea, who was laughing.   
“And I’ll owe you twenty more,” she added, sitting back up.   
“Fine,” I gave in. “But I swear if you leave me alone with him-” I started, but was unable to finish as Mandy collapsed me into a hug. 

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW*** 

“Hey Cal,” I called as we pulled up to the house. Ashton had left the car and Calum stared at me, waiting for me to continue as I shut my car off. “What’d you think about that redhead that was sitting with Val?” He raised his eyebrows.   
“She’s kinda hot,” he shrugged. “I have a class with her and Val,”   
“She’s into you,” I lied. Well, I wasn’t sure if I was lying. Who knows, she could be in love with Calum and I’d never know.   
“Val?” He asked, taken aback and I slapped the back of his head.   
“No, Mandy. Dumbass,” he nodded slowly. “If she comes to the show tonight, you’ll keep her busy, right?” I prayed that he didn’t see through my excuse for getting Val alone. A wide grin took over his face.   
“Definitely,” he nodded. “Thanks man,” he gave my shoulder a slap before exiting the car and I let out a long breath. Now, if Lea does her part, everything will fall into place. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

“I’m not changing!” I argued, crossing my arms over my chest. “I think my outfit is very cute,” Mandy and Lea simultaneously rolled their eyes and turned back to the closets, shifting through the clothes. I lied back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. How do I keep getting tricked into spending time with Luke? My phone went off beside me with a text from Jeremy, telling me that he had a nice time. I smiled and replied that I did too, then threw my phone on the mattress. How can he say that he had a nice time, when he tried to kiss me and I shut the door in his face?


	28. Not an Update.

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	29. A Tongue That Won't Quit.

My anxiety was through the roof as we stepped into the bar. I made sure to stall our leaving by taking off my makeup and redoing it. I thought that maybe if we got there five minutes before they were supposed to perform, they wouldn’t have time to talk to us and I wouldn’t be left alone with Luke. By the time we sat ourselves in a booth, the boys were already on stage setting up. Michael waved to Lea and Luke followed his gaze, his blue eyes landing on me. A small smile played on his lips before he turned around to talk to Ashton. 

 

Luke was wearing a white button down and I could see his tattoos poking through the fabric. His black skinny jeans and boots complimented his legs and I stared at him as he pulled on his always present leather jacket. Tonight, they didn’t introduce themselves. Instead they just started playing and I turned back to Mandy and Lea. I felt like if I watched him sing, the anger I felt for being dragged here would go away.

 

“How was your date?” Lea asked over the music. 

“It was okay,” I plastered on a fake smile. 

“Did you like him?” 

“We had a lot in common,” I glanced back at the stage to see Luke holding the mic close to his face. I wasn’t listening to the words he was singing, but he looked so good pouring his heart into the song. 

“Okay, but did you  _ like _ him,” Lea repeated with a smirk. I merely shrugged. 

“I think it’s too early to tell,” I told her honestly. “He was very cute and sweet. I guess I kind of liked him,” my face burnt up as I stole another look at Luke. 

“But you like Luke more,” Lea teased and I glared at her. 

“I do not like Luke!” I wasn’t sure if I was lying. She held up her hands in defense and laughed. We were all silent for the rest of the set. 

 

For their last song, they played  _ Valerie _ and my face turned red when Mandy and Lea looked at me with amused grins. 

“What?” I asked, trying to get them to stop looking at me. “They’re only singing it because they feel bad about the dogfight,” I reasoned and Lea crossed her arms. Mandy laughed, busying herself in her phone. 

“Yeah, and Luke  _ only _ keeps looking at you to make sure you didn’t leave.” Lea rolled her eyes. I glanced over and caught Luke’s blue eyes with my green ones. I took in a sharp breath and tore my eyes to my lap. 

 

When they finished the song, they left the stage. Ashton was the first to move through the crowd, but went straight to the bar and began talking to a tall girl with pink hair. Calum, Michael, and Luke met us at the booth. 

“Mind if I slide in next to Mandy?” Calum smiled down at me and I held in a sigh as I got up to let him in. Michael slid next to Lea and Luke sat across from me. Luke and I both stayed silent as the four talked about the show and an after party at some guy’s house who always came to the bar. I didn’t care if Mandy and Lea decided to go to that, I refused to. I’ll just come up with some excuse like not feeling well to get out of it. Soon enough, Michael and Lea were making out and Calum was flirting with Mandy. 

 

I was thankful when my phone started to ring and immediately excused myself to answer it outside. Once I was in the alleyway, I felt a huge load lifted off my chest. I sat on the curb and answered the call from my dad. 

“Is everything okay?” I asked. It was nearly 11, and my parents typically went to sleep at 9:30. 

“I just wanted to check in. I had to work late tonight,” he explained and I stayed silent. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No. I’m just doing some homework,” I lied, wondering if he could hear the muffled music coming from inside the bar.

“You shouldn’t stay up late to do homework. You need to be responsible enough to do it at a reasonable time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. 

“I know,” I muttered. It’s just like him to call and lecture me about something so pointless. “How is everyone?” I changed the subject. 

“Parker won an award at daycare for Best Sharing Buddy,” he laughed. “Gene was so excited about it,” I frowned at the mention of my sister. I heard keys jingling, followed by our dog Warren barking. I assumed he’d just gotten home. 

 

“How are classes going?” I shrugged despite the fact that he couldn’t see me.

“Good,” I told him. “I have a story due this Thursday and I’m excited to get it workshopped so I can improve as a writer.” He sighed. 

“Are you  _ really _ sure that you want to major in creative writing? I just don’t see how you could possibly make a living with it,” I frowned. 

“Yes. I’m sure.” I spat. 

“Uncle Paul is here, do you want to say hi?” 

“Why is he there?” I felt like my heart stopped. 

“He needed somewhere to stay, so we put him in Gene’s old room.” I scoffed. Of course they did. 

“I don’t understand how you could let him in our house after-” I began, but was cut off. 

“Valerie, family is the most important thing we have. Moretti’s don’t turn their backs on their family,” maybe they should if that family did unspeakable things to them.

“I have to go,” I lied, hanging up before he could reply.

 

I buried my face in my hands and let out a loud sigh. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch the brick wall behind me until my knuckles were bleeding. Instead, I started to cry. I don’t know how long I was crying, but my eyes were tired and puffy. I hadn’t realized someone was sitting next to me until they spoke. 

“Valerie?” Luke’s voice was soft. I took in a loud gasp and whipped my head to him. 

“You nearly scared the life out of me,” I scolded as he lit up a cigarette. 

“Are you okay?” He took a drag. 

“No,” I let out a dry laugh. Although I didn’t want to be here with Luke, he was the only person (outside of my family) who knew about Uncle Paul. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I nodded, but stayed silent. I didn’t talk for a long time, I was trying to calm my breathing. It was bad enough that it was obvious I’d been crying, I didn’t want him to have to console me if I started up again. 

 

“My uncle is staying at my house,” I finally explained. 

“The bad uncle?” He asked and I nodded. “Well-” he started, but stopped to take another puff. “At least you’re here and not there. You won’t have to see him for a while and maybe he’ll be gone by the time you come back.” He was right. The short three hour drive to my house now seemed miraculous. 

“What if he isn’t gone, though?” I asked, fearing the possibility. Luke put an arm around my shoulder and took another drag. 

“Then you can stay here all summer and hang out with me. I don’t go home and it gets pretty boring on campus when all my friends are away.” I couldn’t help but lean into his touch and set my head on his shoulder. He stilled for a second, but tightened his grip on my shoulder. He let his hand dangle down and graze my arm. When his fingers began to slowly create patterns in my skin, I got goosebumps. 

 

“Why don’t you go home?” I asked, trying to forget the tingling sensation shooting through my arm. His fingers stopped moving for a second, but then he picked the pace back up. 

“There’s nothing for me there,” he replied. I didn’t know what to say to that, but it made me sad. How could someone feel like there’s no reason to go home and see their family. Well… Unless your uncle who ruined your innocence was there. I began to understand his reluctance in going home, but I didn’t say anything. “Do you want to get out of here?” Luke finally broke the silence. 

“Don’t you want to go to that party?” I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared at the passing cars on the street as he stomped out the butt of his cigarette. 

“Not really,” he pulled his arm away and stood up. “Come on,” he held out his hand. “I have something that might make you feel better. She’s got four legs, super soft fur, and a tongue that won’t quit,” I giggled and took his hand, allowing him to pull me up. 

 

Once I was on my feet, he didn't let go of my hand. Instead, he led me to his car and opened the door for me. The drive from the bar to the frat house was shorter than I remembered and when we walked in, Petunia was lying on the couch in the living room. When she got a glimpse of Luke, she stood up and followed us up the stairs. She immediately took a place on the bed and I sat next to her, scratching behind her ears. She stared up at me with tired eyes and I drew my hand back, looking up at Luke. He was watching our interaction, biting his lip, and tore his eyes away when I looked back at him. 

 

“Val?” He asked, sitting on the other side of me. 

“Yes?” I looked at Petunia, who set her head on my knee and closed her eyes. 

“Did you kiss that guy?” His voice was so quiet that I hardly heard him. When I looked at him, his gaze was focused on the ground. 

“No.”

“Are you going to date him?” I didn’t know why he was asking me, but he seemed upset. 

“I don’t think so,” he lifted his head to look at me, and I was the one to stare at the floor. 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” His question caught me off guard. “I mean… You just seem exhausted and… I don’t know, I can take you back if you want,” he rambled. 

“You’d have to take me back in the morning so I can get ready,” I told him before I could think it through. I didn’t really want to be alone, and I doubted that Lea would be back tonight. 

“Bright and early,” he promised, standing up and walking to his dresser. 

 

He pulled out a plain white shirt and gray sweatpants, handing them to me before grabbing out a pair of athletic shorts for himself. 

“I’ll-um-I’ll give you some privacy,” he mumbled before exiting the room and pulling the door shut behind him. I was quick to peel off my clothes and change into Luke’s. I folded my skirt and top, setting it on his dresser and sandwiching my bra in between the articles of clothing. A knock at the door made me jump. “Val, can I come in?” Luke asked. I called out a yes and sat on the edge of the bed, where Petunia was softly snoring. Luke entered, wearing only athletic shorts, and tossed his clothes on the floor. I couldn’t help but stare at his broad chest and miss the feeling of lying my head on it, listening to his heartbeat as I fell asleep. 

 

Luke peeled back the covers and I climbed into bed with him. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I let out a sigh of relief. I’d had such a long day and felt like I’d never lied on a bed before. My eyes fluttered closed as he shut off the light. 

“Hey Val?” He asked quietly. The bed shifted from his weight and I hummed in response. “What was Catholic school like?” I forced my eyes open to look at him. He was laying on his side and his blue eyes were beaming into me and I couldn’t help but smile. “I heard they’re the wildest place a kid could go to school,” I laughed, nodding. 

“Some of them are,” I admitted. “But mine wasn’t. The nuns were so strict that you couldn’t leave your room past eight without them demanding to know where you were going. We needed escorts to go to the bathroom at night. Usually the nuns would take turns wandering the halls during the night shift and followed us to the bathrooms. They didn’t trust us one bit,” I smiled at the memory and Luke playfully rolled his eyes. 

 

“Were you angry with your parents for sending you away?” My smile faltered. 

“I was at first. But, you just get used to it. It made going away to college a lot easier,” Luke nodded but didn’t say anything. He shut his eyes. “Luke?” I asked and he flung them open. “Can… Nevermind,” I chickened out, my nerves getting the best of me. 

“What?” He insisted. 

“I’m just a little upset and I was wondering if-” I stopped and he smiled, pulling my body closer to his. In this moment, I was glad that he could practically read my mind. I turned around in his grip and pressed my back against his chest. His arm snaked around my waist, but I pulled it up so it was lying across my chest and wrapped my hands around his wrist. Within seconds, our breathing synced and I drifted off to sleep.


	30. When I'm With You...

“Valerie,” Luke’s voice was soft. He pushed a hair out of my face as I struggled to open my eyes, ultimately keeping them shut because it’s much too bright in his room. 

“What?” I groaned, pulling the blanket over my exposed arm.

“It’s time to get up,” 

“Five more minutes,” I pleaded as he laughed. 

“I already gave you five minutes. I don’t want you to be late for class.” I was so comfortable in his bed, I wanted to lie there forever. I peeled my eyes open to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed and ready to go. 

 

“I don’t want to go,” I complained. “I want to sleep.” Luke smiled, shaking his head. 

“I brought you coffee,” he handed me a mug and I sat up, taking a sip. 

“What time is it?” The bitterness of the coffee ran down my throat. I’m normally not one for black coffee, but I figured it’d help with how exhausted I was. 

“Seven.” I didn’t have to be at class until nine, but I appreciated that he knew how early I needed to be awake in order to get ready in time. If I wasn’t back to my room in 30 minutes, I would be late. With reluctance, I pushed the covers off my body and took another sip of the coffee. “We have to leave,” he stood, grabbing his keys and I groaned. 

 

“Can’t we just stay here and sleep in?” I begged and he turned back around with a small smile.

“Are you suggesting we play hooky?” He asked. 

“Maybe.” I set the mug on the nightstand, lying back down. I peaked at him, watching as he peeled off his black shirt and began undoing his pants. “What are you doing?” I asked with a small laugh. 

“Getting back in bed,” he pulled his jeans down and crawled under the covers, pulling them over my arms and nestling into the pillow. He pulled me closer to his body by my arm and I tensed, setting my head on his chest. I didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable being so close to him, when less than 24 hours ago I seemed to need it. When he began to rake his fingers over my spine, I relaxed into him and all the feelings of uncomfortability went away. I forced my eyes shut and went back to sleep. 

 

***

 

When I woke up, it was nearly 10:30. My head was still on Luke’s chest and he was scrolling through Facebook his phone. One of his arms was trapped under me, his hand on the small of my back. I didn’t move, I didn’t want to leave the warmth of his body. My eyes fell to the arm that was holding up his phone and I reached over, tracing along the black lines of his tattoos. He stilled for a second before tossing his phone beside him. I sat up and went over the ink on his chest. He didn’t say anything, he just let me continue my actions. 

 

“Did they hurt?” I finally asked and he smiled. 

“Some of them did, but with others I didn’t feel a thing,” I smiled, tracing the words across his ribs. He moved his arm behind his head to give me more access and his eyes fluttered shut. 

“Did this one?” I asked, drawing my hand back from his ribs. His smile faltered and I wondered if it was because of the loss of contact. 

“Like hell,” he laughed. I crooked my head to read the words.  _ ‘Art never comes from happiness’ _ . My eyes fell to his chest and I watched it slowly rise and fall with his breathing. The tattoos covering his arms were seemingly pointless. Some of them were simple scrawls on his skin that I didn’t understand why he’d permanently put them on his skin. Others were more reasonable: A mermaid with it’s top off, a pinup girl, a boxer holding his tattooed arms out to fight. Although I’d never consider getting any of them, I understood how someone would like them enough to get them. “Have you ever thought of getting one?” He asked and my eyes widened. 

“I don’t know,” I smiled. “I think my parents would kill me.” He raised an eyebrow. 

 

“But I think I want one,” I blushed. 

“What would you get?” 

“A sunflower,” I told him and he smiled. “Probably on the back of my shoulder,” I lied back down and set my head on his chest. 

“Why a sunflower?” He set his hand on my arm, his thumb slowly grazing back and forth. 

“When my dad picked me up from school for breaks, he would always bring me a big bouquet of them.” I set my hand on his chest and heard his heartbeat quicken. 

“That’s nice,” his thumb stopped moving. 

 

“Luke?” My voice was quiet and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have the impeding conversation. He hummed in response and the way his chest vibrated made me nervous to speak. “What are we doing?” I finally asked. I wanted to pick my head up and look at him, but his grip was firm and I wasn’t ready to be without his touch. 

“I don’t know Val,” he sighed, “You know that I like you.” He paused, “and I know you like me.”

“So why are you doing this whole back and forth thing with me?” I frowned. 

“Fuck, I don’t know.” He wriggled out of my grip and sat up. I did the same, sitting across from him with my legs crossed. “It’s just what I do,” he leaned against the headboard. I didn’t reply. Instead, I looked at the floor. Petunia was lying on her bed in the corner, chewing on a rawhide bone. Luke sighed. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he admitted. 

 

“What do you mean?” I looked back at him, but his gaze remained on the wall.

“You’re turning me into someone else. I mean, when I’m with you… I-I don’t want to go to parties or get drunk and do drugs. I don’t even want to pick fights or fuck with people I just… I just want to be a better person and treat you well,” I was shocked at his admission. He’s never opened up to me like this. 

“Well, why don’t you then?” I asked and his blue eyes finally met mine. He shrugged. 

“Because that’s not me. I don’t know how to do that shit,” I didn’t know what to say to that. I stared at my lap, picking at the skin around my nails. “I wish I did, Val. But my family didn’t raise me that way.” I nodded, still unable to look at him. 

 

He pulled my face up so I could meet his eyes, but I looked away despite his hold on my chin. 

“Come on,” he rasped. “Look at me,” he pleaded. “I’m trying. I swear I am,” I finally met his eyes and nodded. 

“I know.” Even a blind man could see how much Luke had changed since our first encounter. 

“You mean a lot to me. Did you know that?” He moved his hand from my chin and intertwined our fingers. 

“Not really,” I let out a dry laugh and he frowned. 

“Why else would I keep bothering you?” He joked. I couldn’t help but smile. 

“I don’t know what you’re doing to me either,” I whispered and his eyes saddened. “I’ve had my entire life planned by the minute since I was born and now… Now I don’t even know what I’m going to do tomorrow. Let alone in the next couple hours.” He didn’t reply.

 

We sat like that for a while. His hand holding mine, just staring at each other. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. It was much different than our usual passionate kisses. This one was slow, soft, and delicate. I kissed him back for a split second before he pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine. 

“I want to be the right person for you Val,” He whispered. 

“I want you to be the right person for me, too.” 

“Then just give me a chance,” he pleaded. 

“Luke, if you hurt me-” I began, but was quickly cut off. 

“I won’t,” he promised. 

“Okay,” I agreed and he pressed his lips to mine again. 


	31. Right Here. With You.

“What do you want to do today?” Luke asked, raking his hand through my hair. It was nearly noon and my head had been resting on his chest for what seemed like hours (when in reality, we were probably only there for about fifteen minutes). We were consumed in each other, just lying there, not speaking up until now. We didn’t mind the silence, it was almost peaceful. 

“I don’t know,” my voice was quiet and Petunia stood up from her place near our feet to jump off the bed and grab her kong. Luke’s hand left my hair to wrap his fingers around mine and place a soft kiss on the back of my hand. I lifted my head up to look at him and he smiled. 

 

“I have class at 2:30,” I told him. 

“Don’t go,” he shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, you already missed one today. What’s the harm?” He was right. It was only one class. With a sigh I sat up.

“You’re a horrible influence on me.” I stated and he grinned. 

“Ouch.” He held his hand over his heart, pretending to be wounded and I shook my head, laughing. “Come back,” he mumbled, trying to pull me to him.

“No.” I giggled, biting my lip. 

 

His bottom lip formed into a pout as he yanked my arm down. I fell on top of him, laughing. Wrapping his arms around me, he stared at me for a moment, pressing his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss and started to kiss him back when the door opened. We were quick to tear away from each other. I tried to bolt up, but Luke’s grip held my body down. 

 

“Sorry mate,” Michael grinned as he closed the door behind him. 

“What do you want?” Luke’s tone completely changed. The once happy man who was pulling me down to kiss me and making me giggle was now angry and his grip on me was far from loose. 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding out all day?” Michael smiled down at me, walking over to Petunia and scratching behind her ears. “You should answer your phone. Lea’s going mad. She thinks you’ve been murdered.” I opened my mouth to speak, but was quickly cut off. 

“Well she hasn’t been, so…” Luke’s voice trailed off. “What do you want?” He repeated. 

“Just popping in to say hi,” he sat down on the bed and Luke rolled his eyes. 

“You said it. So leave.” Michael didn’t listen. Instead, he lied next to Luke on the bed and tucked his arms behind his head, crossing his legs. “Get your dirty ass shoes off my bed,” Luke growled. Michael complied, kicking his shoes off to the floor and resuming his position. 

 

“Do you guys want to get some lunch?” Michael beamed up at Luke. I wanted to shy away from his grip, but I was being held too closely. Luke debated whether or not to agree before finally sighing and turning his attention to me. 

“Are you hungry?” He asked and I nodded. Luke’s grip finally loosened and he sat up, gently ushering me off of him. “Get out so we can change,” he told Michael. 

“Dude, I’ve seen you naked like a million times,” he laughed, grabbing his shoes as he sat up. 

“Not me, you dick. Valerie,” Luke shoved Michael off the bed and he walked out of the room to give us privacy. “I don’t want to go,” Luke admitted, pulling on the jeans that he left on the floor earlier today. 

“I do,” I laughed, standing up and walking to my folded clothes. One of my biggest pet peeves was wearing clothes that I wore the previous day, but I decided to suck it up so I wouldn’t cause a fuss. 

 

Luke pulled on his shirt, staring at me as I slowly unfolded my top. 

“Turn around,” I complained and he rolled his eyes. 

“Val I’ve seen-” I cut him off. 

“Luke!” I whined and he obliged, turning around. “Don’t look.” I warned and he covered his eyes. I was slow to take off his shirt and replace it with mine, nervous that at any second he could turn back around and look at me. I know that he’s seen me naked before, but it just felt different. As I took off the sweatpants Luke had leant me, I folded the dirty clothes and set them where mine lied seconds ago. 

“Val, if you don’t hurry up, I’ll-” he began. 

“I’m almost done.” I pulled up my skirt and put my hair in a ponytail. “Okay,” I sighed. “I’m done.” He turned back to me with a raised eyebrow, watching me as I put on my sandals. 

“Ready?” He asked, slipping on his converse. 

“Nope.” I shot him a smile before walking over to the mirror hanging on his wall and fixing my day old makeup. Luke came up behind me, snaking his arms around my waist and setting his chin on my shoulder as I tried to make myself presentable. 

 

“I really don’t think that Mikey’s going to care whether or not your makeup is perfect,” he complained and I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m not trying to look perfect, I’m trying to not look like I crawled out of the gutter.” I pulled a few chunks of hair out of my ponytail and soothed them down in front of my ears. 

“I wouldn’t say you crawled out of a gutter. Maybe the side of the road,” he joked and I laughed, turning around in his grip. 

“You’re so kind,” I replied sarcastically and he pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back for a brief second before pressing on his chest, pushing him away. “We have to go,” I laughed. 

“God! Are you getting ready for the prom? Let’s go!” Michael complained from behind the door and Luke gave me an annoyed look. 

 

“If we sneak out the window now, we could probably make it a block before he even notices we’re gone,” he pointed out and I playfully swatted his chest, wriggling out of his grip and heading to the door. 

“I’m driving,” Michael held up a set of keys and Luke swatted his hand away. 

“Like Hell you are,” he scoffed.

“Come on! My car is cool!”

“Yeah, and it runs as well as my eighty year old grandma.” 

 

*** 

 

After lunch, we dropped Michael back off at the house and Luke turned to me. 

“Let’s go somewhere. Get out of town for a bit,” he insisted and pulled out of the driveway. Despite my numerous attempts to ask him where we were going, he remained silent and kept on driving. After about 45 minutes, we finally arrived at a small, vacant beach. “Come on,” he smiled, pulling me by my hand out of the car. We walked in the sand until we were inches away from the waves crashing against the ground and sat down. Luke peeled off his black shirt and threw it in the sand, complaining that it was too hot outside. I closed my eyes, breathing in the ocean air and let the breeze flow through my hair. I opened my eyes back up when Luke lit a cigarette, taking a long puff before turning to me. 

 

“Where do you want to be in ten years?” he asked and I furrowed my brows. 

“Out of Florida,” I laughed. 

“Where do you want to go?” 

“I don’t know. Far away. I’ve always wanted to see Chicago. I want to be somewhere that snows in the winter. I want a little white house with a red door and lots of garden space so I can plant roses. And I want a family that’s so close, we annoy the hell out of each other,” I smiled, lying back in the sand and staring up at the clouds. I didn’t care that I was getting sand on my clothes. Luke didn't reply, so I turned my head to look at him. He was staring out at the water. “Where do you see yourself?” I prompted when he peered at me out of the corner of his eye. 

“I don’t even know if I’ll be alive.” He tried to laugh it up and I propped myself up on my elbows. 

“What do you mean?”

“I make a lot of dumb decisions,” he stared back at the water. “May says that one day, they’ll surely kill me.” I wanted to ask who May was, but I so consumed in what he had just said, that I couldn’t bring myself to. “But you know,” he shrugged, taking a drag of his cigarette. “That’s life, I guess.” I didn’t think I’d get anywhere with him if I pressed him further, so I remained silent. 

 

“Do you ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere?” He asked, burying his cigarette butt in the sand. “Like you’re just kind of here because you have to be? Not because someone needs you to be?” I wanted to tell him that I needed him here, but I didn't. Instead, I intertwined our fingers, running my thumb along the vein crossing the back of his hand. I wanted to kiss it, to release the tension in his joints, but I didn’t. I wished I wasn’t so timid, that I could rid all of his frustrations and anxieties by kissing along his jaw. I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly how he felt.

“Everyone belongs somewhere,” I told him in a whisper and he tore his eyes from the ground to me. “Even if it doesn’t seem like it,” I added, in hopes of getting a response. 

“Maybe I belong right here. With you. Just wasting time away on a Tuesday afternoon.” I couldn’t help myself. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled him close by the hand I held. My strength wasn’t enough to bring him to me, but he leaned into my touch and I pressed my lips against his. 

 

As we kissed, I wasn’t sure what he would do if I initiated further, so I took a shot. I broke off the kiss and pressed my lips to the stubble on his jaw, tailing down and peppering kisses on the soft skin of his neck. His breathing heavied and he crooked his neck to give me more access. I moved to a spot below his ear and a throaty groan left his mouth. 

“Hey,” his voice was shaky. “Do you want to go back to mine?” My face burnt up as I nodded and he pulled me up by my hand, leading me back to the car. He didn’t seem to care that he left his shirt in the sand or that he was holding my heart in his hand. 


	32. Talk Dirty.

Luke sped down the highway, passing each car in his way. The 45 minute drive took 30 and he kept his right hand on my thigh, rubbing circles into my skin. I felt like my insides were slowly twisting themselves into a knot. All the sweet words and confessions he’d made in the past 24 hours combined with the heated kiss we’d shared on the beach, made me want him so bad. I wasn’t sure what we’d do when we got to his room, but I was ready for whatever he had planned. I was also ready to give him something in return. I was planning to suck up my shyness and give him the release he needed. 

 

Luke pulled into the driveway of the frat house, screeching to a halt and grabbing my hand before rushing inside. As we made our way past the living room, Ashton came out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in his hand. 

“Hey Luke, where’s your shirt-” he began with a mouthful of food, but was cut off. 

“Hey Ash, fuck off,” Luke snapped, quickening his pace. He dragged me along with him, up the stairs and to his room. Petunia lied on her be in the corner, not bothering to look up as Luke slammed the door shut. As soon as he did, he pulled my body to his and presses his lips against mine. 

 

His hands found my waist as he walked into me, gently ushering me backwards. When my legs hit the edge of the bed, he pushed me down. I stared up at him with need and he smirked before climbing on the mattress and hovering over me. His lips found mine, our tongues tangled with each other. He kissed down my neck, sucking harshly and causing a small squeak of excitement to leave my throat. He bit down on the tender area and I gasped, fisitng at his hair.    
“If you want me to stop, just say so,” he whispered in my ear before kissing the lobe and moving to another portion of my neck to suck and bite. When I didn’t reply, he pushed up my top, yanking it over my head. His kisses peppered down from my neck to top of my breasts and he sucked my skin. “God Val, you’re so hot.” He rasped, pulling away. I arched my back up so he could unclasp my bra and he tossed it on the floor. 

 

One hand played with my right nipple while he sucked on the other and I panted, letting out a slight moan when he pulled away. In the moment, I didn’t care that he was leaving bruises across my pale skin, I just wanted more of him. He kissed down the valley of my breasts, pulling my skirt off and throwing it with my other discarded clothes. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, running his fingers over the lace. I sucked in a breath and his eyes focused on me. “Is that what you want?” He asked, running his fingers along my heat again. I bit my lip, nodding. Luke pushed the material aside, letting me feel his fingers against my bare skin. “You’re so wet,” he continued to rub me and I moaned softly. He moved up to kiss my neck. “Do you like it when I talk dirty to you?” He asked when he heard my moan and I couldn’t bring myself to reply. His pace was much too slow, and he knew he was killing me. He ceased movements, pulling away. My heart was racing, I felt like it could jump out of my chest. “Answer me.” He demanded and I pinched my eyes shut. 

“Yes,” I breathed.

 

He rubbed over me again, surprising me when he slipped a finger in. I let out a moan, bucking my hips up. He held them down with his free hand, slowly pumping in and out, replacing one finger with two. His mouth connected with my nipple again and I moaned. All the stimulation felt like too much and not enough at all. It’s been so long since we’ve done this, and I felt myself quickly getting worked up. 

“Luke,” I moaned and he stopped. 

“Not yet,” he pulled his fingers out. “I’m not done with you yet, baby.” He kissed me, his tongue exploring my mouth as I came down from the high that almost had me crashing. Once my breathing slowed, he broke off the kiss and started to rub me again, his deft fingers moving in slow circles. He sucked on the skin of my neck again and I moaned at the pleasure I felt with his fingers and the pain when he bit the tender skin below my jaw. 

 

Again, I was close to coming undone and he stopped, pulling off my panties. The fingers that we once playing with me were now tracing my lips. 

“We’re taking our time today,” he told me and I made a bold move, grabbing ahold of his wrist and taking his fingers in my mouth, sucking the wetness from them. “God, I want to fuck you so bad.” He groaned, pulling his fingers away from me and I smiled. “What’s that?” He raised an eyebrow at my smile and I bit my lip to try and hide it. “Oh, you like seeing me suffer, huh?” I shrugged. Normally I wouldn’t be so coy, but he was torturing me with such a slow pace. He chuckled, running his tongue over his lips. “Fine. I’ll make you suffer, too.” He decided, kissing down my stomach and stopping above my heat. He moved to my thighs, kissing along the inside and stopping before he reached the point where the real pleasure lied. He repeated the actions, torturing me. 

 

I screwed my eyes shut, whimpering. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asked before pressing his lips to mine and biting my bottom lip. I tangled my hands in his hair.

“Please,” I begged when he pulled away and he smirked. 

“Are you sorry?” I nodded and he kissed down my stomach again, finally connecting his lips to my sex. My grip tightened in his hair as his tongue worked around me. He slipped his fingers back in and I moaned. Within seconds, I was coming apart and moaning Luke’s name. He continued his actions until I couldn’t take it anymore and gently set a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with an evil grin as I tried to catch my breath. 

 

I took him by surprise when I pulled him up, igniting a rough kiss. With shaking hands, I ran my hands down his hard chest and tried to undo the button on his jeans. He laughed into my mouth, assisting me in unbuttoning and unzipping his skinny jeans. 

“You don’t have to-” he began, but stopped when I tried to tug down the black fabric. He moved off the bed, ridding of his jeans and I sat up, pulling him back down. I tried to be dominant, getting him to lie on his back, but he ended up complying to my request because of my weak nature. The bulge in his black boxers intimidated me, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see what was underneath. Luke noticed my fixed gaze and pulled me to him, pressing his lips to mine. It was much different than the other kisses we shared in the past hour—This one was sweet and slow. While our lips were connected, I reached down and let my fingers graze the bulge. 

 

His pulled away from me, drawing in a sharp breath when my fingers explored the length. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hand, and he knew that. He guided my fingers in curling around him, moving up and down. It was a slow, steady pace and I worried that the boxers were uncomfortable and constraining. I didn’t mention this. When his hand left mine, he tucked his arms under his head to prop it up and I fastened the pace. 

“Shit,” he moaned, biting at his lip. “Tighter,” he told me and I complied. His eyes screwed shut and his brow furrowed. He looked so vulnerable in this moment, and I loved that I had so much control over him. So much so, that it prompted my next move. I didn’t draw back the underwear, but I stuck my hand under and touched him— _ Really _ touched him. A throaty moan left his mouth when I picked the pace back up. “God, Val.” He hissed. “I’m going to cum,” I didn’t stop. I loved having this control over him. I continued with my movements and seconds later, he twitched in my hand and a warm liquid pooled out of him, covering the boxers and my hand in the moisture. “Fuck.” He groaned, grabbing my wrist to stop my movements. 

 

I slowly drew my hand back, out of his boxers. I wiped the cum from my hand to his soiled underwear as he caught his breath. I didn’t know what to say to him, but I felt uncomfortable—Both lying there, naked and coming down from our highs. Luke pulled my hand, lying me down on his chest. I covered my breasts with my hands as he kissed my forehead. 

“Don’t cover up,” he told me, noticing the uncomfortable nature I was in due to trying to hide my parts. When I didn’t budge, he kissed my forehead again. “You don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” I appreciated his attempt to make me feel better, but I’ve hated my body my entire life and a couple words couldn’t change that. He pulled a throw blanket over our bodies and I tucked it under my arm, setting my (now free) hand on his chest. My fingers ran through the hair on his chest while his arms wrapped around me. 

 

We stayed like that for a while, the sweat from our excitement molding together as we lied there. I wondered if he did this with all the other girls he’s been with—Holding them and playing with their hair to lessen their anxieties. Before I could ask him about it, he spoke up. 

“Do you want to take a shower with me?” He asked and I crooked my head up to look at him. 

“No!” I laughed, shocked that he’d ask to do something like that. 

“Why not?” He frowned, his blue eyes beaming into me. 

“I-I don’t have any clean clothes,” I tried to reason my way out of it. I didn’t want him to see my body in that light, under the water, when the lust we felt for each other was put on hold.

“I can lend you some.” He stated. 

“I-I don’t know… It just seems very… Intimate.” My face reddened as he raised an eyebrow.

“So was what we just did,” he chuckled. I didn’t reply, subconsciously tightening my grip on the blanket that was hiding me. “Okay,” he accepted. “Well, would you like a shower before I take one?” I nodded and he stood up, pulling down his boxers. 

 

My eyes widened and I quickly looked away before I could see anything. Luke noticed and laughed quietly as he tied a towel around his waist. Once he was covered, I watched him move to the dresser and pull out a pair of sweatpants, two clean shirts, and two pairs of boxers. He handed me the pants, a top, and a pair of boxers. He kept the other pair of boxers and top for himself, grabbing his skinny jeans off the floor. He moved to the closet, getting a clean towel and holding it out to me. 

“Close your eyes,” I whispered and he rolled them before obeying. When I was sure he couldn’t see me, I got rid the blanket and wrapped my body in the towel.

 

Before we ventured into the hall, Luke peeked around to make sure no one was walking around. Then, he led me to the bathroom. I made Luke cover his eyes as I stepped in the shower and let the water run over my body. He was quiet on the other side of the curtain and I worried that he left me alone. I didn’t want to be alone in this house, naked and vulnerable. 

“Luke?” I asked with a quiet voice. 

“Yeah?” I didn’t want him to know that I was unsure if he was still there, so I decided to cut my shower early. I turned off the water. 

“Can you hand me the towel?” I held my hand out and Luke’s fingers grazed mine when he passed off the towel. After drying my body and wrapping the towel around my body, I stepped out. Luke was hunched over, sitting on the toilet seat and busying himself in his phone. 

 

When I cleared my throat, he looked up and gestured to the clothes folded on the sink. I walked over to the mirror, pulling my hair to the side and examining the love bites Luke had left on my skin. I wished they weren’t there. At least, not in such a visible area. He walked up behind me, setting his hand on my waist and pressing a light kiss to each of the bruises. 

“Now they’ll know you’re mine.” I was shocked at his possessiveness. I didn’t know who he was referring to or why he had to label me as his. I wanted to scold him, to tell him that he wasn’t aloud to sign me like a contract, but I didn’t. 

“Yours?” I asked instead, staring at his reflection in the mirror. 

“Are you?” He asked. “Mine?” He clarified. 

“I don’t know,” my voice was quiet, in fear of his reaction. 

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” He turned my body around to look me in the eye.

“We have a habit of building each other up and tearing each other down,” I explained and he bit his lip, refusing my eye contact. “Maybe we could just test the waters for a bit-” I began and he let out an angry sigh, pulling his towel off his waist and leaving me alone while he showered.  


	33. Take Control.

Luke sat at the edge of the bed, one hand typing away on his phone and the other raking through Petunia’s fur, while I sat on the armchair in the corner of his room, feeling ignored. I left the bathroom shortly after he got in the shower to take my place in the chair, and when he walked in, he seemed irritated. He didn’t say anything to me, instead busying himself in his phone. The moments we sat in silent felt like hours, when in reality it was just enough time for his curls to dry and my hair to move from sopping wet to damp. I wanted to walk over to him, to talk about what happened in the bathroom and what I said to him, but I didn’t. I just sat there with my knees pulled to my chest, repeatedly checking my phone for notifications that never came.

 

In the midst of our uncomfortable silence, a knock sounded at the door. 

“What?” Luke called and the door cracked open to reveal Calum. He stepped inside, greeting Petunia as she hopped off the bed to say hello. 

“You okay, Val?” He asked me.

“I’m fine,” I rasped, knowing I wasn’t being very convincing. I couldn’t stop thinking of Luke’s possessive nature and how angry he got when I suggested we take things slow for now. 

“You sure? I could take you home if you want-” I cut him off. 

“I said I’m fine.” I didn’t mean for my voice to come out as snappy as it did. Calum raised his eyebrows, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweater. 

 

“Are you coming to poker tomorrow night?” He turned to Luke, who was still on his phone. 

“Don’t know,” he grumbled. 

“We need a headcount,” Calum pressed. 

“Then ask me again tomorrow.” Luke bit, holding his anger in. Calum nodded slowly, giving Petunia one last pet before exiting the room. When the door clicked shut, Luke threw his phone beside him and lied back, running his hands through his hair as he sighed. He moved his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes and I took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the edge of the bed. He waved his hand to dismiss me, but I didn’t budge. He finally moved his hands back to his hair, keeping his eyes shut. 

 

“You’re not fine,” he mentioned and I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see me. 

“Neither are you,” I shot back and he opened his eyes, staring at me. With a sigh, he sat up. 

“I just don’t get why you’re fucking around with a guy like me,” he admitted and I shrugged. 

“I don’t know.” My voice was quiet. “I like you.” My face reddened. 

“But not enough to be with me.” He snapped, his voice cold and distant. 

“Luke-” I began, but stopped to collect my thoughts. “It’s not that, it’s just-” Again, I stopped. Was  there even a polite way to put it? “We don’t get along for more than one day. You’re destined to hurt me again and I’d like to feel like less of an idiot when you do,” I explained, putting it bluntly. 

“I hurt you?” His eyes were sad and I nodded. 

“All the time,” I told him. 

“How?” He asked. 

“You say things to get a rise out of me. Things that hurt my feelings. And you do such horrible things—Like the dogfight. I don’t know if I can trust you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive,” he muttered and I sighed, turning to walk away. He caught my wrist, pulling me back. 

 

“Like that.” I stated, pulling my arm from him. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t think before I say those things.” He tried to reach out for my hand, but I crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Well you need to start.” I told him. “Because when you do things like that, I’m not sure I even want to be your friend, let alone anything more.” 

“Come here,” he whispered and I dropped my arms from my chest, my feet planted on the ground. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit on his left thigh. One hand hooked across the small of my back, hanging onto my waist, while the other moved to my thigh. My legs fell through his parted ones and he buried his head in my neck, placing soft kisses on the bruises. 

 

“Are you mad at me?” He asked, his lips against my skin.

“You’re the one who was mad in the first place,” I couldn’t help but mutter and he let out a small laugh. I felt his chest vibrate and I wanted to lean into him, but I didn’t. 

“You know I care about you, right?” I couldn’t help but smile and I gathered the courage to wrap my arms around his neck. 

“You always say that,” I told him and his grip on my waist tightened. 

“And you never believe me,” he remarked. I set my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes to breathe in his scent. I wished things could stay as simple as they are in this moment, but they never did. In hours, we’d be fighting again and I’d feel lost. But for now, I reveled in the moment: Sitting on Luke’s lap and imprinting his scent in my mind. 

 

I lifted my head from his shoulder and he looked down at me, planting a small kiss on my nose. As he began to pull away, I caught his neck and pulled him back to me, pressing his lips to mine. I felt him smile against my lips before kissing me back. I felt like I was drunk on him. Like his lips were my muse and I couldn’t get enough of him. His hand slowly inched back and forth on my thigh. Each time he inched away, I tried to follow his touch. After a couple tries, he pulled away from my kiss. 

“Quit moving so much or you’ll give me a hard on,” he told me before connecting our lips again. He continued with his movements and I couldn’t help but ignore his request. “What do you want me to do, baby?” He asked against my lips. I didn’t reply, only deepening the kiss. He stopped moving his hand. “Hmm?” He hummed, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I was surprised when I grabbed ahold of his wrist and pulled it to my heat. 

 

“Do you want me to touch you?” He asked, moving to my neck. With a shaky breath I nodded. He peppered light kisses over my bruises. “You can’t get enough of me, huh?” He teased and I dug my fingers into his shoulder. “Okay baby,” he rasped, kissing my neck again. He slowly rubbed over me and the sweatpants felt too overbearing in my state of need. He seemed to notice, deepening his touch, but made no move to fasten the pace. 

“Luke,” I groaned and he pulled away from my neck. 

“You don’t want to take our time?” He knew exactly what he was doing to me and it was driving me crazy. I shook my head, panting from excitement. Luke chuckled, slipping his hand under the band of the sweatpants and boxers he’d let me borrow. 

 

He kept the show pace despite my request. 

“You’re already so wet for me,” his dirty words caused me to let out a quiet moan and he went back to kissing my neck, rubbing my heat in quick circles. I took in a sharp gasp, my breathing quickening. He slipped his fingers inside of me, his thumb still circling me. I moaned in surprise, my hands pulling at his hair. 

“Luke,” I whispered, not knowing how much more I could take. 

“Shh,” he cooed and I whimpered from his exceedingly fastening pace. I bit at my lip, my body leaning into him for support. I felt his bulge against my thigh but ignored it, tightening my grip in his hair and coming undone. My free hand grabbed his wrist to stop his movements and I panted, pinching my eyes shut and riding out the high. Luke removed his hand from the restraining clothing and I turned my body to him, straddling his lap instead of sitting on his thigh. I placed my hands on his cheeks, pulling his face to me and kissing him as I slid my hips closer to his body. He hummed in response, grabbing ahold of my hips and creating the friction again. 

 

He continued to rub my body against his, his fingers digging deeper into my waist. Our lips stayed connected, our tongues battling. A deep moan left his throat and I smiled against his lips. He stopped his movements, his grip tightening on my hips as another he let out another moan, pulling away from my kiss and setting his forehead against mine. We sat like that for a few moments, collecting our breath. After a while, he opened his eyes. 

“You’re getting bold,” he smirked, disconnecting our foreheads and staring at me. “It’s really hot when you take control.” My face reddened and he brushed a stray hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. “As much as I’d like to stay like this, I should change.” He ushered my body off of his and I sat on the mattress, watching as he moved over to his dresser. “You keep dirtying up my clothes,” he shot me a wink before pulling out a pair of athletic shorts and boxers. When I covered my eyes as he started to change, he laughed. I could picture him shaking his head with a smirk. 

 

After a few moments, I felt the bed indent from his weight and I opened my eyes to see Luke lying down. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” he brought up and I blushed. “I have no problem with you looking at me while I’m naked.” 

“I know,” I rasped, picking at the skin around my nails. 

“Have you ever actually seen a dick, Val?” He grinned and my jaw dropped. 

“Yes!” I defended. “Well... In pictures...” My voice trailed off and he laughed. “Stop making fun of me!” I complained, frowning. 

“I’m not,” he half promised, pulling my arm down so I lied next to him. I set my hand on his chest, my head on the pillow we shared. “It’s... Cute. I like how innocent you are.” His grip around my shoulders tightened. “Do you want to?” He asked, “See it?” My face turned impossibly red. The heat from my cheeks was causing me anxiety. 

“Um... I-I-“ I stuttered, ultimately giving up on stringing together a proper sentence. When I remained silent, he pulled down his shorts and boxers and my eyes widened. 

 

A million questions ran through my mind: how would I fit it in my mouth, how would it fit inside me, was it normal for them to be this large in a flaccid state, how the hell does he keep that thing in his pants? I’d heard they got bigger when they were erect, but I couldn’t imagine it getting any bigger. I felt like it was already big enough. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I’d been touching him and moving my hips against him earlier today. How did I not realize it was so big? I was so overwhelmed that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. 

 

Luke covered himself back up and I diverted my eyes to the ceiling, not knowing what to say. 

“Are you okay?” He asked with a trace of humor. 

“Yeah,” I let out a dry laugh, afraid that if I looked at him, he would see my worry. 

“Hey,” he cooed and I tore my eyes to him, pursing my lips. A small smile played at his lips before he kissed my forehead and his eyes fluttered shut. He let out a tired sigh, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “It’s getting late,” he noted. “Do you want to stay the night or do you want me to take you home?” 

“I really need to go to class tomorrow and I don’t think I’ll go if I’m here,” I admitted and he laughed. 

“Okay, let’s head out then.”

 

***

 

Luke left me with a kiss at the door of my dorm building and I climbed the stairs, feeling exhausted from all the events that took place today. It was nearly 11 when I got to my room and walking in, I was kind of disappointed to see Michael and Lea making out on her bed. I just wanted to sleep and I was unsure if I’d be able to with them here. I thought that maybe I should have stayed at Luke’s and considered calling him and begging him to turn around. Instead, I shut the door behind me and the couple pulled apart from each other. 

 

“Busy day?” Lea asked with a small laugh. 

“What?” I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper, hardly paying attention to them. When I turned to her, she pointed to her neck with a smirk and my face reddened. “Shut up.” Was all I would think to say. I’d completely forgotten about the hickeys. 

“Relax. Ashton already told us about you two fucking,” Michael mentioned and my jaw dropped. 

“We did not!” I defended, crossing my arms over my chest. Lea’s eyes scanned my body and I realized how suspicious I looked: Wearing his clothes, hickeys, my hair surely a mess. 

“Then he must have quite a mouth on him to make you moan that way,” she teased and I glared at her before turning around. 

“I’m going to bed,” I muttered, not bothering to brush my teeth or change out of Luke’s clothes. I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the covers, turning my back to them. It took a long time for me to fall asleep due to Lea’s giggling, but when I did I had dreams about all the dirty things Luke and I did today. 


	34. A Whole Different Person.

When I woke up, I was exhausted and surprised that the room wasn’t full of Michael’s snoring. Shutting off my alarm, I glanced over to see Lea alone in the bed and wondered where Michael had gone or if he even slept over. It wasn’t like him to be over so late and  _ not _ sleep over. With a groan, I lied back down and stared at the ceiling. I really had to stop staying out so late. Back home, I’d normally be in bed by 9:30, just like parents. 

 

I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I knew I couldn’t because I already missed class yesterday. So, I forced myself out of bed and took a long shower. When I was done, I put on a silk lilac skirt that fell just above the middle of my thigh and a plain white button up blouse with black flats. I curled my hair and decided last minute to lightly line my eyes with brown and put on mascara and lip gloss with concealer to cover the marks on my neck. I worried that I hadn’t covered them well enough, and I didn’t want my professors thinking any different of me if they saw the hickeys. By the time I was finished, it was nearly 8:30 and I didn’t have time to grab coffee. 

 

Mandy looked as tired as I did when she walked into class 5 minutes late. She sat in the seat next to me, sliding her extra coffee across the table and I smiled at her, taking a long drink before turning my attention to our Biology professor. When our lesson was over, we went our separate ways and I nearly fell asleep in Beginning Nonfiction Writing. As much as I loved the story we were assigned to read and discuss, I was far too tired to participate or even pay attention. After class, I met Mandy for lunch. 

“God, I almost fell asleep in class today,” she laughed, setting her tray down and sitting across from me. 

“Me too,” I admitted, “Long night?” She blushed, flicking her red hair out of her face. 

“My roommate didn’t come home last night so Calum slept over!” She grinned. 

“Lucky you,” I laughed. 

 

“Val,” she leaned forward. “His dick is, like, the biggest I’ve ever had.” My eyes widened at her confession. “What’s Luke’s like?” She shoved a forkful of salad into her mouth and I blushed, taking a bite of my sandwich. 

“How would I know?” I muttered, realizing that the more time I spent with Luke, the bolder I got in showing others my anger and uncomfortability. 

“Come on!” She urged. “Calum said there was  _ total _ sexual tension when he walked in the room,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, understanding why Luke gets so angry when all his friends get involved in his personal affairs. 

 

Her eyes beamed into me and I bit my lip, glancing around the square to make sure I didn’t see anyone I knew. 

“It’s not like I have anything to compare it to,” I finally answered and she smiled. 

“So you  _ have _ seen it!” She exclaimed and I sighed. 

“Only once.” I wasn’t lying. I’ve only seen it once, but my body had explored it twice. 

“Have you fucked him?” Her eyes fell to the ring that still lied on my finger. 

“No.” I groaned, throwing my head back. 

“So what have you done with him?”

“Mandy!” I laughed, “I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this.” She held up her hands in defense and we ate in silence before heading to class. 

 

Luke was already in his seat with his head down by the time we got there, and I sat in the desk next to him, staring forward. I didn’t know what to say to him. How could I after what we shared last night? Especially with Mandy sitting to my right, knowing she’d eavesdrop in anything I said. Luke finally lifted his head, slouching in his chair and sighing before looking over at me. 

“Hey.” He crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Hi.” I kept my eyes on the board. 

“Are you okay?” I looked over at him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked in return and he raised an eyebrow, glancing at Mandy before ultimately shrugging. I knew what he meant, he wanted to know why I’d been so weird since last night. I also knew Mandy was listening to us, possibly staring. I gave Luke a small smile and he grabbed ahold of my hand, placing a light kiss on my first knuckle before dropping it again. I appreciated the gesture and it seemed to get Mandy to look away. 

 

“Come to poker tonight.” It was more of a request than a question. 

“I don’t know, I might stay in tonight,” Mandy’s interest was back on us and I couldn’t help but feel irritated that we couldn’t have a single conversation without her listening in. 

“Come on,” he smiled. “I’m sure Lea’s coming. Maybe Mandy, too.” She took that as an excuse to butt in. 

“I’m going.” She sent us a smile but I turned my attention back to Luke. Maybe it was the lack of sleep I’ve been getting, but I felt extremely on edge. 

“I’ll think about it,” I told him and Professor Smith started the lecture. 

 

After class, I said my goodbyes to Mandy and Luke walked me home. 

“You seem like you’re in a bad mood,” he commented and I shrugged. 

“I’m tired. I guess I’m just crabby.” 

“Do you want to take a nap?” He surprised me by intertwining our fingers. 

“Maybe,” I sighed. 

“I can come with. We could nap together.” I couldn’t help but smile at his suggestion. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep with your long legs taking up the whole bed,” I joked and he placed his free hand over his heart. 

“Rude!” He laughed. “Damn. You  _ are _ crabby.” He let go of my hand and I fished my keys out of my backpack. 

 

“I guess you can come up anyways.” He rolled his eyes at my comment and followed me into the building. As soon as the door shut behind us, shielding our bodies from the wind, Luke pulled me to him by my waist. 

“Are you too crabby to give me a kiss?” He asked with a small smirk. 

“I guess not, but it’ll have to come with a price.” I teased and he raised his eyebrows, pulling my body closer to his. 

“And what’s that?” 

“You have to say something nice about me.” I bargained and a smile played at his lips. 

“I’m always nice to you,” he lied and I sent him a serious look, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

 

“Fine.” He gave in. “You look great today. This is a lovely skirt-“ he paused, running his hands across my butt and squeezing, a surprised squeak left my lips as I swatted his chest. “And a very sexy shirt.” His hands moved to my waist, one hand pulling at the fabric. “And this shit you’re wearing on your lips makes me want to kiss you until it’s all gone,” he ran his thumb along my bottom lip and I blushed. 

“I think you’ve earned it.” I pulled him down and pressed my lips to his, quickly pulling away and he frowned. 

“That’s all I get?” He asked and I laughed, pulling him down again and giving him another kiss, this one deep and passionate. 

“Okay,” I laughed, pulling away. Let’s go take a nap.” 

 

*** 

 

I woke up to Luke’s phone going off. He pushed me off of him so he could walk over to the desk and shut it off. I watched as he pulled at his hair and slipped on his shoes. 

“I have to go to work.” He sat on the edge of the bed, pushing a hair out of my face. 

“Okay,” I whispered, staring up at him. He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to my forehead. 

“Should I pick you up tonight?” He grabbed my hand, his fingertips pressing against mine. 

“I’ll think about it,” I repeated my decision from earlier and he playfully rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” He kissed me, standing up and exiting the room. I snuggled back into bed, pulling the covers over my shoulder and closing my eyes. 

 

“You should come tonight,” Lea spoke, causing me to gasp and shoot my eyes open. I hadn’t even known she was in here, and she nearly gave me a heart attack. She was lying in her bed, paying more attention to her phone than to what she just said. “Luke is a whole different person on poker night.” She smiled, her head turning to me. 

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s oddly happy. He doesn’t yell at anyone, he makes jokes. It’s nice to be around him when he’s like that.” I gave her a small smile, turning my back to her and closing my eyes again. I found it sad that the only time they saw Luke happy was on poker night. I wondered if he’d be any different there than he was with me. I wondered if he was happy when he was with me. 


	35. It Will Always Work Out.

“Val, this would look  _ so _ good on you!” Lea exclaimed, pulling out a light blue crop top with a rose floral pattern and long sleeves that flared at the end.

“Yes! With those jeans that make your ass look great!” Mandy chimed in and I rolled my eyes. 

“How many times do I have to say no until you guys stop trying to make me wear things like that?” I sighed, lying back on my bed. Lea was skimming through her closet, trying to find something to wear and Mandy was going through my makeup so she could touch up before we left. “I don’t even really want to go anyways,” I complained.

“Come on!” Lea complained, placing her hands on her hips and turning to me. “How could you not want to sit there and watch a whole group of boys play poker and smoke cigarettes while we sit around and mindlessly chat?” Her lips pulled into a smile. 

“I’m excited to get drunk and dance!” Mandy grinned, applying another layer of red lipstick. 

 

“I can stay at Mikey’s tonight… If you want to bring Luke home,” Lea winked and Mandy gasped, flicking her head to me. 

“Are you two going to fuck tonight?” She asked with a grin. I rolled my eyes, sitting up. 

“Why is everyone so interested in whether or not Luke and I are having sex?” I groaned, pushing my hair out of my face. 

“I don’t know,” Lea laughed, “Luke’s just… Weird around you. Like, we’ve never seen him care about anyone, let alone let someone stay in his room and the boys have known him forever. It’s just weird to see him actually care for someone,” she explained and I frowned. 

“I don’t think it’s weird,” I stated. I wasn’t sure whether or not she actually knew what she was talking about. I didn’t think Luke cared about me as much as everyone seemed to think he did. If anything, he was interested in me. Sure, he told me all the time that he cared for me, but he just didn’t show it so I was weary on the fact.

“It’s different,” Mandy spoke and my eyes found the window. 

 

“I think if you get a little made up, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself,” Lea suggested, setting the crop top next to me. 

“I feel  _ fine _ about myself,” I sighed. 

“Okay, well if you get a little made up, maybe you’ll actually see that Luke’s into you.” She shot and I stared down at the fabric, picking it up and running my fingers along the soft material. Maybe she’s right. Maybe if he saw me in a different light, he’d actually like me. 

“He’s not into me,” I spoke, defeated. 

“Are you kidding?” Lea sat next to me. 

“Val, he’s crazy about you!” Mandy joined in and I set the shirt on my lap, biting my lip. 

“He’s not,” I laughed, “But that’s okay. We’re just… Messing around. I’m sure he’s like that with every other girl he’s been with.” 

 

“You know that isn’t true.” Lea set her hand on my shoulder. “Open your eyes, girl. Not everyone is out to get you. People care about you, but you never see it. You’re always in denial.” I met her gaze, pursing my lips. 

“And the boy who took me to a dogfight does?” 

“Maybe he didn’t then, but he does now.” I glanced at Mandy, who gave me a small smile. 

“If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to get you back.” Maybe they were right. Maybe I was thinking too much about this. Then again, I’ve always been known for overthinking the simplest of things. 

“If I wear this,” I began, changing the subject, as I no longer wanted to talk about whether Luke cared about me or not. “Will you both stop prying into all of this?” A smile played at Lea’s lips , one that she shot at Mandy. 

“We will only bring up Luke when you do,” she half promised. 

 

With a sigh, I stood up and went to my dresser, pulling out the white lace set of bra and panties that I bought with Lea a while ago. They were my only attractive pair and I guess I did need the confidence boost. I grabbed my jeans from the closet and headed to the bathroom to change. When I got back, I touched up the curls in hair and Lea drew a thick black wing of eyeliner on me and leant me her dark pink lipstick. When we were finished, I actually felt kind of good about myself. I didn’t look as horrible as I thought I would in the top and the way the lace from my bra peaked out of the collar made me feel kind of hot. Lea and Mandy left to pick up Cass in Mandy’s car, but I stayed behind because Luke had promised to pick me up. 

 

He didn’t arrive for half an hour and in that time, I cleaned up the mess that Mandy had made on my desk. By the time I was wiping away the last bit of spilt nail polish, Luke walked in the room, his eyes immediately raking down my body. 

“Look at you,” he smiled, grabbing me by my waist and pulling my body close to his. “I like this shirt,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to mine. I kissed him back for a split second before pulling away and grabbing my purse. 

“You’re going to mess up my lipstick,” I laughed, buckling my heels on. I stood back up, noticing Luke was staring at my butt and I blushed, giving him a small smile before following him out to his car. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

Val looked great in those tight jeans and that shirt that showed off her stomach, but I didn’t want her wearing that to poker night. As much as I liked to see her in tight and revealing clothes, I didn’t want anyone else to see her like that. I mean, yeah, she looked good, but I knew I wasn’t the only one who’d recognize that. I didn’t want to be some guy who’s telling her what to wear, so I didn’t say anything. Instead, we drove in near silence to the frat house, with only music playing through the speakers. 

 

**_***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

By the time we arrived and made it to the basement, there was already a thick layer of smoke making it hard to clearly make out anything. Luke dropped me off where Mandy, Cass, Lea, and the pink haired girl that Ashton was with the other day were sitting, before going over to the table and taking the only empty seat. The basement was scattered with Luke’s frat brothers: Calum, Ashton, and Michael sat at the table with him along with two other boys I didn’t recognize. There were three boys on a couch next to ours that were engrossed in a video game, and other boys were just walking around and chatting, some sitting at a bar, some dancing. There were a lot of girls here, too. Most of them looked irritated that they were dragged here, some were dancing with each other, some were taking shots, but they all looked bored. 

 

“I’m Monica,” the pink haired girl smiled once I sat in between her and Mandy. 

“Val,” I smiled back at her. She was breathtaking and the red lipstick she wore complimented her blue eyes and the freckle above her lip. 

“Are you dating Luke?” She asked, peering over at the table. 

“Um, no-” I began, but was cut off. 

“You really think that little miss priss could handle Luke?” Cass snorted out a laugh and I frowned, my eyes finding my lap. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mandy crossed her arms over her chest.

“It means that she’d probably run home and cry to her mommy. She can’t handle someone that rough.” A knowing smile spread over Cass’ lips, but I had no idea what she was talking about. Luke had never been rough with me when we did anything intimate. Quite the opposite, actually. He’s always been patient and gently. 

“Shut up, Cass,” Lea spat. I took it she was still mad at her because of the time Michael had compared the two. 

“I’m going to get a drink.” Cass’ face turned sour and she stood up, storming away, the clicking of her heels drowned out with the music that was playing. 

 

Mandy set a hand on my knee and I gave her a small smile. I knew there was a reason I shouldn’t have come here, and I guess that reason was Cass. I looked at the table and saw Luke laughing along with his friends and I felt somewhat better. 

“So!” Monica clapped her hands together. “How do you all know each other?” She had a thick French accent, the kind that made even the simplest words sound beautiful. I could probably sit and listen to her talk for ages. 

“Well, Val and I are roommates!” Lea smiled at me from the other side of the couch. 

“And I’m friends with them. I live the floor below,” Mandy chimed in. 

“I wish I had a roommate,” Monica laughed. “But she switched colleges after the first term.” Her gaze shifted to the poker table again. “I guess now I have Ashton to keep me company,” she joked and we all laughed. Cass was still sitting at the bar, her hand on the thigh of one of the boys sitting there. She was laughing, her body leaning into him. 

 

“Cass talks about Luke a lot.” Monica mentioned when she saw my gaze and all I could think to do was shrug, despite the fact that I didn’t know that. 

“They used to have a thing,” Lea told her, “She’s just angry that Luke broke it off.” Again, I felt somewhat better. I took in a deep breath and Lea whispered something to Mandy before standing up and heading to the bar. She returned with four cups, one for each of us. I wasn’t much in the mood to drink, but I felt so out of place that I lifted the cup to my lips anyways. As the liquid shot down my throat, I coughed, shaking my head. 

“Oh my god, what is that? It’s horrible” I asked and Lea laughed. 

“Everclear. Sorry, Val, I should’ve warned you. It’s really strong,” she told me and I couldn’t help but laugh and take another sip anyways. Maybe I needed to get my mind off of everything for a while, and being drunk was probably my best option to do so. 

“Slow down on that!” Monica laughed. “You’re going to get wasted!” 

“That’s the plan,” Mandy laughed, jabbing her elbow into me as I took another drink. 

 

Lea got up and filled our cups again and the effects of the alcohol were beginning to take a toll on me. I felt warm and giddy, like nothing else mattered. Monica told us another joke and we were all laughing. Cass was nowhere to be seen (and neither was the guy she was talking to), and arguing emerged from the boys playing video games while the poker table laughed. Everything felt so simple, like it should be. 

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Mandy exclaimed, downing her drink. “Let’s dance!” She begged, pulling Lea up by her hand and waiting for Monica and I to comply. 

“I’m terrible at dancing,” I laughed, my voice coming out in a slur. 

“I’ll help you!” Monica offered, pulling me up. “You just move your hips!” She pulled me to the section where girls were dancing and Mandy and Lea followed us. “See? Like this!” I couldn’t help but laugh as she set her hands on my hips and moved them for me. After a while, she let go and I kept up the pace, following along with the movements of my friends. Were they my friends? Surely they are, they wouldn’t stick up for me if they weren’t. 

 

After a few songs, I felt exhausted and Monica grabbed my hand. 

“Let’s go get some air,” she suggested and we left Mandy and Lea to dance on their own. When we got to the porch, I let out a breath of relief. The wind felt nice against my warm body. Monica lit up a cigarette, holding the box out to me. “Would you like one?” She asked, “They’re French.” I knew I shouldn’t, but I took one anyways and she lit it up for me before I took a long puff. I hadn’t had a cigarette since Sister Ellen caught me and Jenny in high school. I breathed out the smoke, closing my eyes and feeling my lungs contract with the tightness of a foreign substance. I couldn’t help but cough on my second puff, laughing as the smoke left my throat. 

 

Monica threw her arm over my shoulder and took another drag of her cigarette. I did the same, at this point I was just finishing it so I didn’t waste it. 

“Do you like Luke?” she asked, using my body to steady herself. If I wasn’t between her and a wall, I would have toppled over. When I didn’t answer, she laughed, setting her head on my shoulder. “You do!” She exclaimed and I blushed. 

“Maybe a little,” I confessed. The alcohol in my system was making admit things I never would when I’m sober. “But we’re two completely different people,” I frowned. “I don’t see how it could ever work out,” she lifted her head to stare at me. 

“When two people like each other enough, it will always work out.” 


	36. Loverboy!

Monica and I were sitting on the steps of the porch, laughing. We’d talked about everything from the stars, to classes, to her experiences with boys, to life in France, and she even gave me tips on how to (properly) give a blowjob. I felt so comfortable talking to her—Like I could share things I didn’t share with Lea or Mandy. Then again, it could be because I was drunk. She had just finished telling me about a boy she liked in France, how he put the stars in the sky and how much she cared about him but how she was reduced to just a friend of a friend. 

“Did you love him?” I asked and she set her head on my shoulder.   
“Yes. I loved him very much, but it was… How do you say… When the love is not returned?”   
“Unrequited?” I asked and she nodded, letting her eyes shut.   
“Yes. It was unrequited. I never got to kiss him or hold his hand or feel his arms around me and breathe in the same air. For a long time, I had all of our good moments, all of his laughter and him saying my name. But when I was leaving, he never grabbed me and told me to stay. I hated myself for so long, for never telling him. I do not know how to get over someone I was never with. Or… Try to forget all the moments I wished I had with him. He never knew how I felt and I was so angry at myself for that… But then I met Ashton,” she smiled. “And I have not thought about him in a very long time. Ashton has been so kind to me and he helps me to see that Drew was not right for me.” I smiled down at her.   
“That’s beautiful, Monica,” I told her and she lifted her head to look at me with a smile. 

“Do you feel that way about Luke?” I let out a dry laugh.   
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe around him because he’s being so kind. But other times, he’s the rudest person I’ve ever met. In such a short time, he’s changed so much trying to show me that he isn’t who I think he is but… He’s done some really terrible things to me,” I explained and she nodded slowly.   
“But does he make you feel more alive?” She asked, “Drew made me feel so… Watered down. Like I wasn’t myself with him. But I can be me when I’m with Ashton.” I felt like she really understood the situation, seeing as she’s only been with Ashton for a little bit and feels such strong feelings, just like me.   
“I do things with him that I would never do with anyone else. And… When he’s nice, I feel like we have a real shot. But it’s when he isn’t that I rethink everything,” I sighed and she set an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.   
“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you are thinking too much.” Before I could reply, a voice sounded from behind us. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Ashton spoke, sitting next to Monica.   
“Go away!” She laughed. “We are having a girl talk!” I smiled at her phrasing and the fact that she’d rather be with me than the boy she’s been talking about all night.   
“You are?” He asked, peering over at me. “Hi Val,” he greeted and I smiled.   
“Yes! We are friends!” She laughed and Ashton stared at her with a smile. The look in his eyes made my heart pang. I wondered if Luke looked at me that way. I wondered about all the things he does that I don’t pay attention to.   
“Well, Luke sent me out to look for you and your friend,” he told her. “You two have been off with each other for quite a while,” he kissed the back of her hand and she smiled, pulling it away.   
“Did you hear that?” She turned to look at me, “Luke is looking for you.” I couldn’t help but laugh.   
“Well, tell him to keep looking,” I told Ashton and Monica laughed.   
“Moni, I’m going to bed. You coming with?” She glanced at me to make sure it was okay and I nodded, smiling at her.   
“I will be there in one second,” she told him and Ashton stood up to go inside. Monica turned back to me. 

“You should go in there and show him that you care because he will never know if you do not show him.” I nodded slowly, opening my mouth to speak, but closing it when she continued. “If he hurts you, then he hurts you and there is nothing we can do about. We will be there to help you through it. But you will never know what may happen if you do not try.” Her words sank in and I smiled.   
“Thanks, Monica,” I rasped and she pulled me into a hug before standing up and going inside.   
“Hey, who said you could have friends?” Ashton joked and she laughed.   
“Hey, who said you could kiss me?” She shot back and the door shut, blocking out their voices. I sat there for a few moments, staring out at the cars passing before finally standing up and heading back inside. 

As soon as I got down the stairs, Lea collapsed into me with a hug.   
“I’ve missed you!” She slurred, planting a wet kiss on my cheek. I laughed, wiping her saliva off my cheek and Michael tore her away from my body.   
“Where’s Mandy?” I asked, watching as Michael tried to steady her. She looked around the room before pointing towards the poker table where she was sitting on Calum’s lap. “You should probably go to bed, Lea.” I laughed, seeing as she was stumbling over her own feet.   
“That’s the plan, Stan!” She exclaimed, giggling.   
“Goodnight,” I smiled at them as Michael forced her body up the stairs. I couldn’t help but thank myself for not being as drunk as she was. Sure I was slurring a bit, but at least I could walk on my own. My eyes scanned the basement and locked onto Luke’s. He smiled, flicking his head to the side and signalling me to come over to him. 

I took in a deep breath and complied, walking over the the table and standing behind him, staring at the cards in his hand.   
“Heard you were looking for me,” I told him and he looked back at me with a smile.   
“You heard correctly.” He laughed, pulling me by my hand and forcing me onto his lap. I placed my arm around his neck. “Where’d you run off to?” He asked and I tried to ignore the stares from the other people at the table. The only one I recognized was Calum (with Mandy on his lap), the other seats, that once occupied Michael and Ashton, were taken by strangers.   
“I went outside with Monica,” I smiled at him and he pressed a kiss against my knuckles before glancing up at me.   
“Were you smoking?” He raised an eyebrow. “You smell like cigarettes,” the mention of cigarettes made him raise his to his mouth and take a drag.   
“Everyone is smoking down here, what did you expect?” I asked and he shot me a serious look.   
“Valerie,” he warned and I rolled my eyes.   
“I may have had one…” My voice trailed off and he shook his head, taking another drag. 

“Don’t do that shit, it’s bad for you.” He blew smoke out of his mouth.   
“Hypocrite.” I frowned and he laughed, putting his cigarette out, setting a hand on my thigh.   
“Hey loverboy!” The guy sitting next to Luke spoke. “You in or out?” Luke glanced at his cards, which were in the hand by my waist before sliding some chips in. When the attention was off us, Luke pressed a kiss to my neck, landing directly on one of the bruises and I took in a sharp breath. The alcohol was having an effect on every part of my body and I craved more of his touch, from his lips on my neck to his hand on my thigh. 

“Luke?” I asked, my voice quiet. He hummed in response, putting more chips in the pile when Calum raised the bet. A few of the boys folded. “Can I stay with you tonight?” I asked and he glanced at me for a brief second before looking back at the game.   
“Sure baby,” he muttered, seeming extremely distracted by the game. When the time came to show the cards, Luke plopped his down with a grin. “Straight,” the others groaned and he pulled the pot to him. I didn’t know how much each of the chips were worth, but he had much more than everyone else at the table.   
“Man, you’re cheating!” The guy next to Calum complained, crossing his arms.   
“You’re just mad that I’m winning,” Luke laughed, his hand inching up my thigh as he finished off his beer. My eyes fell to his long fingers and I bit my lip. I wanted nothing more than to feel his fingers inside of me again, but his friends were around and I was too shy to tell him what I wanted. He threw his cards to the guy two left of us and they were shuffled and passed back out. Luke held the card under the table and I stared at them, wondering if he had a good hand. 

I leaned into his touch and looked across the table, where Calum was kissing Mandy before looking back at Luke’s cards. A quiet sigh left his lips and he turned them upside down, setting them against my thigh. With his other hand, he rubbed circles into my skin with his thumb and I shifted slightly, trying to feel more of his touch. A smile played at his lips, he knew exactly what he was doing. 

When it was time for him to decide whether he was in or out, he pushed all of his chips in.   
“I’m all in,” it was a bold move and everyone seemed to be shocked. A few people called his bluff, pushing their chips in as well, but others folded. When it came time to show their cards, Luke slammed his down. “Royal flush!” He exclaimed and everyone rolled their eyes. He laughed, collecting his chips and pushing his card to the side before turning to me. “Do you want to go to bed?” He asked, his voice quiet and I nodded. He ushered me off him and stood up. “I’m done. I’ll just collect my winnings and be on my way,” his voice was cocky and each of the boys pulled out cash and tossed it at him. With an arrogant smile, he picked up the money and shoved it in his pocket before setting a hand on my back and led me up the stairs and to his room. 

As soon as the door shut behind us, I pulled Luke down by the collar of his leather jacket and pressed my lips to his. He seemed surprised but kissed me back, pushing my back against the door and holding onto my waist. His lips moved to my neck, placing open mouthed kisses along my skin, and I moaned. My hands left the collar of his jacket and I gently pulled it down his arms. His grip left my waist, shrugging off the jacket and pulling away from my neck to yank his shirt over his head. He grabbed my thighs, pulling me up and I wrapped my legs around him. 

One hand supported me under my butt and the other was placed against the door as he pressed his lips back to mine, his tongue exploring my mouth. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling at the roots. A hum left his mouth and he continued to kiss me, taking my body with his as he walked backwards. He turned us around, setting me on the bed. He was about to kiss me again, when Petunia began to whimper.   
“Fuck,” he groaned, pulling away. “Just give me two minutes, okay? I have to take the dog out.” I nodded, out of breath. He grabbed Petunia’s leash and rushed out if the room. 

I sat there for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I should just sit here and wait for him. I used the alcohol in my system as an advantage and stood up, pulling off my top and pants. I sat back down on the mattress, stilling for a second before standing up again and folding my clothes and setting them on top of her dresser. Sitting back down, I subconsciously pushed up my bra and sat up straight. I wanted to look good for him when he came back in. My nerves were through the roof, worried that I wasn’t reading the signals properly. But that all went away as soon as he walked in, he dropped Petunia’s leash on the floor, his mouth agape. He slammed the door shut, rushing towards me and pushing me down on the bed before connecting our lips.


	37. Call You Mine.

Luke’s lips moved against mine as his his hand skimmed across the skin of my stomach, making its way to my breast before giving it a light squeeze. I laughed into his mouth and he pulled away.   
“I love it when you wear stuff like this,” he breathed, pressing his lips to my neck, “Tell me that you wore this just for me,” he demanded. I was so lost in the way his fingers pulled back the lace to brush against my nipple, that I remained silent. When I didn’t reply, his movements stopped and he pulled away from my neck to stare at me with hooded eyes.   
“I wore it for you,” I breathed, trying to catch the breath that he’d stolen from me.   
“Only me?” He asked and I nodded.   
“Only you,” I confirmed and he smiled, connecting his lips to my neck again. He kissed down the valley of my breasts and to my stomach, but I grabbed him by his cheeks and pulled him up before he could move any further. 

“No?” He asked with an amused grin. I shook my head, biting my lip. “Why not?” He positioned himself between my legs and when I felt his bulge against my thighs, I wouldn’t help but take in a sharp breath. “Hmm?” He hummed, deliberately pressing himself further into me. His fingers trailed across my jaw, his thumb grazing my bottom lip. I kissed the pad of his thumb and he smiled, pushing a stray hair away from my face.   
“You first,” I finally spoke and he raised an eyebrow.   
“Me first?” He asked with a grin. I nodded, gently pushing his shoulder and he lied on his back, pulling my body with his and I sat on his thighs, pressing my lips to his. 

He grabbed my hair in one hand, his other on my waist as I grinded my hips down on him, a throaty groan leaving his mouth. I wanted to give myself to him, to let him properly show me his affection. But I knew that it was the alcohol flooding my system and I worried that if I gave myself to him, I’d regret it in the morning. Maybe Monica (Mandy and Lea, too) were right. Maybe I was thinking too much and I just needed to let myself go and live in the moment. 

Maybe I didn’t love him, but what I felt was close enough. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to feel every part of him in every way possible.   
“Luke,” I breathed, leaning down to press a kiss on his neck.   
“Yeah baby?” He asked, his hand grabbing my butt.   
“I want you,” I told him and he smiled, grabbing my hips and pressing himself further into me. The clothes we were wearing were much too distracting in the moment. I wanted to rip them all off so we had no barriers.   
“Can’t you see how much I want you?” He asked, jerking his hips to mine again. I groaned and he sat up, pressing his lips to mine. I lightly pushed his shoulder, my breathing heavy.   
“No Luke, I want you,” I repeated. “Now.” He raised an eyebrow as I set my hand on his chest. 

“Val.” His thumb massaged into my hip. “Baby, I don’t think you’re ready.” His free hand tucked my hair behind my ear.   
“I am,” I told him, even though I wasn’t sure if I really was. I felt like I was, but I also felt nervous.   
“It’s going to hurt,” he said and I nodded.   
“I know.” The hand that was once on my hip snaked around my waist as he pulled my body closer to his, unclasping my bra and tossing it to the floor. His hand massaged my breast and I moaned quietly, leaning into his touch. His lips pressed against mine, our breathing heavy and in sync. He tore his hand from my waist and slipped it into my panties, running over my heat before sticking his fingers in. I moaned into his mouth, bucking my hips up to feel more of his touch. When I did, he flipped us over, setting me on my back and continuing to pump his fingers in and out of me. 

His lips left mine and he began to suck on my neck. I moaned again, my nails digging into his shoulder. He moved to my breast, sucking the skin above my nipple, making a mark before moving to another spot. With shaking hands, I moved down to his jeans and unbuckled them. Luke pulled away to push down his jeans and boxers. I watched as his length sprang out and held my breath. He pulled out his wallet from the pocket of his jeans and grabbed a condom. 

He took his place back over me, his body hovering over mine as he pressed himself against my stomach and kissed me. I stirred underneath him, trying to contain my anxiety.   
“Are you ready, baby?” He asked and I nodded. He was quick to roll the condom on and position himself near my entrance, pushing my panties to the side to give himself more access. “Are you sure?” He asked and I wanted to say yes, but instead, I set my hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back.   
“Wait,” I begged and he stilled.   
“What’s wrong?” I felt like I couldn’t breathe.   
“I-I’m nervous,” I stuttered, sliding away from him and he nodded. 

“Hey,” he cooed, setting a hand on my cheek. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”   
“It’s not that.” I suddenly felt like I was going to cry and I covered my chest with my arms. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered and he pulled the condom off, tossing it in the trash and pulling on his boxers before handing me the plain black shirt he was wearing earlier. I slipped it on, pulling my knees to my chest. “I’m sorry,” I repeated and he gave me a small smile, pulling my body to his and engulfing me in a hug. 

“Don’t worry about it,” his voice was quiet. I snuggled into him, his hands running through the tangles in my hair.   
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I sniffled, a tear escaping my eye.   
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”  
“Yes there is!” I pulled away, pushing my hair out of my face. “I’m not normal. I can’t do things that a normal college kid does.” Luke pulled my body back to his, despite my attempt to push him away.   
“That’s what I like about you,” he whispered and I shook my head.   
“No. You like girls who put on on the first date and that’s not me,” I shot and his eyes saddened.   
“Yeah, I don’t understand it either,” he let out a dry laugh. “But I like you and I want to take my time with you.” He kissed my cheek.   
“You deserve someone who can give you what you need,” I tore my eyes away from him.   
“No,” he pulled my chin back to him, but I still avoided eye contact. “I deserve someone that’s going to make me a better person.” I closed my eyes. “And that’s you, Val.” I couldn’t look at him, not after I refused him sex. “Val, baby, come on,” he pleaded, “Look at me.” I finally tore my eyes to him. “You’re the one for me,” he said, “the only one.” 

“And what’s going to happen when you decide that’s not true?” I asked with worry written all over my face.   
“I won’t.” He seemed more than sure of his answer.   
“How do you know?”   
“Because I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He wiped the tears staining my cheeks. “I like you so much.” He rubbed circles into my back and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. “This isn’t about sex, Val. I don’t care if we ever have sex.” He pulled my body with his to lie down and I set my head on his chest, his hands still tracing circles into my skin.   
“I’m sorry,” I whispered for what felt like the thousandth time tonight. 

“Why are you sorry, baby?” He asked with a small laugh.   
“Because I didn’t trust you when you said you cared.” He kissed my forehead, his grip tightening on me. “I want to be with you Luke, but I don’t want to get hurt again.”   
“I’m not going to hurt you, Val. Not again.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded and he kissed my forehead again. “Be with me. Let me call you mine,” he begged.   
“Okay,” I whispered.   
“Okay?” He shifted under me so he could meet my eyes.   
“Okay, I’ll be yours.” He grinned, pulling up my chin and pressing a long kiss to my lips.   
“I’m not going to fuck up this time, I swear.”


	38. Take a Picture.

I woke up feeling great for the first time in a long while. I didn’t feel tired or crabby, I just felt happy and ready to face the day. As I shut off my alarm, I turned to Luke, who pulled his pillow over his head to protect himself from the light flooding in through the window. I couldn’t help but smile and as much as I knew he wanted to sleep for a little bit longer, I pulled the pillow away from him. I watched as his brows furrowed and a small smile appeared on his face. 

“Morning,” I whispered and he tore his eyes open.

“Good morning baby girl,” he rasped, pulling his hand to his face so he could rub his tired eyes. 

 

My heart fluttered at the pet name, as I couldn’t recall a time where he’d called me anything so sweet. I sat up to get a better look at him, seeing that his legs were being pinned down by Petunia, who was chewing on one of stuffed alligator toy. 

“How’d you sleep?” He asked. 

“Great.” I smiled, pushing my hair away from my face. Luke finally tore his hands from his face, placing them behind his head to prop himself up. A small sigh left his mouth as Petunia jumped off the bed. “How did you sleep?” I asked in return and he smiled. 

“Like shit,” he chuckled and pulled my hand to his mouth, pressing a small kiss to the back of it. He got out of bed and poured some food in Petunia’s bowl before grabbing his phone off the nightstand and checking the time. “Do I have time to shower before I take you back?” His eyes didn’t meet mine, instead glued to his phone as he replied to a text. 

“Yeah.” I hoped he didn’t plan on taking a long time, because I still needed to shower at my dorm. 

 

“You can come with if you want,” he said, shooting a wink my way and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. As much as I wanted to shower with him, I didn’t think it’d be a good idea. I still didn’t want him to see my body like that.

“I’ll just shower when we get back to my dorm.” He laughed at my reply, pulling off his boxers and grabbing a clean towel. I didn’t bother to close my eyes this time. I didn’t know what possessed my eyes to travel down his body, but I couldn’t help but stare. Luke turned around with a small smirk and my face burnt up as I tore my eyes away. 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” He teased, tying the towel around his waist before pressing a light kiss to my lips and heading to the bathroom. 

 

After Luke showered, got dressed, took Petunia out, and drove me back to my dorm, he sat on my bed as I showered and got ready. Lea and Michael were still sound asleep, seeing as she didn’t have class until noon today (though I wasn’t sure of Michael’s schedule). I decided on a short maroon pleated skirt with a short sleeve black and white striped top that left my shoulders uncovered and my black flats. I dried my hair and curled the ends, putting on a light line of black eyeliner with mascara and lipgloss. When I was done getting ready, I met Luke back in my room to find him typing away on his phone. He seemed irritated, so I didn’t say anything as I hung my towel and gathered my books for class. 

 

“Are you okay?” I finally asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. He set his phone down with a sigh, looking over at me. His phone vibrated on the mattress, lighting up from a text. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander down to the phone to see ‘May’ as the sender. 

“I’m fine,” he answered, and I tore my eyes back to him. I didn’t think he was, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of what very well could be nothing, so I just sent him a small smile. I still didn’t know who May was, he’d only mentioned her once and didn’t give any clues to how she knew her. I felt like I should have known, so I didn’t ask. I missed the opportunity to ask when he brought her up in the first place. Maybe I’ll ask Lea later today, I’m sure she’d know. “Do you want to head out early? Get some coffee before class?” It was only 8:15, but I nodded anyways and followed Luke out the door. 

 

He left his car in the parking lot in front of my dorm and we walked to the coffee shop. I’m glad we left early because it was packed, and by the time we got our coffee and made it to class, it was nearly 9. We were in the middle of workshopping a classmates story, when our professor went off on a tangent, telling us a story from his younger years. Luke took the opportunity to set his hand on my thigh and lean towards me. 

“Have I told you how great you look today?” He asked with a smirk and I blushed, pushing his hand off of me. 

“You haven’t,” I whispered back, a smile playing at my lips. Luke set his hand back on my leg, this time on my knee rather than my thigh, and gave it a light squeeze before pulling away. Although I appreciated the gesture, I was uncomfortable that it had to be in class. 

 

I never liked the type of couples who couldn’t keep their hands off each other in public, and I didn’t want to be that kind of couple. It was different if we were around his friends (our friends?), but in class, I didn’t want to give any indication that we were together. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to be with him, because I felt lucky to be able to call him mine (even though it’s been less than 24 hours). I just didn’t feel the need to rub it in everyone’s faces like he seemed to. Maybe he was just a touchy person when he was comfortable around someone. I guess I’d never know, seeing as he was so closed off from everyone

 

Before I knew it, class was over and Luke had to go to work. He walked me to my dorm building, but I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. I wanted the peace we had between us to last just a little bit longer. I snaked my arms around his waist and set my head on his chest, feeling the vibration of his laugh. He pressed a kiss to my forehead as his hands found my waist. I looked up at him, meeting his blue eyes and he smiled. 

“May wants me to come over this weekend,” he said and I furrowed my brows. 

“Are you going to?”

“I don’t know. My dad is there.” He sighed, his grip tightening on me.    
“I didn’t know your dad was in town,” I brought up and he shrugged. 

“Neither did I.” I didn’t expect him to want to go, to see his dad after all these years. Especially after the way he left them. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t reply, I just nodded and he sighed, letting his hands fall from my waist. 

 

“If I go, will you come?” He asked, taking me by surprise. The thought scared me, to be around Luke as he was feeling tense and his alcoholic father who he hadn’t seen in years. Not to mention May and her family, who I still had no idea who she was or how they knew each other.

“Um… Yeah, of course,” my voice was quiet and he smiled. 

“I mean… I don’t want to but…” He paused, “sometimes it’s just easier to do what May wants. She has a habit of driving me up the wall if I say no,” he joked and I nodded, not really knowing what else to do. He pressed a kiss against my lips. “I have to go. I’ll see you later, okay?” I wanted to pull him back, to kiss him for longer, but I didn’t because I knew he had to go or else he’d be late.

“Bye.” I flashed him a small smile and watched as he walked to his car before going inside and up the stairs. 

 

When I got to my room, I was glad to find Lea getting ready, Michael still snoring in her bed. 

“Hey,” she smiled at me. “How was the rest of your night?” I shrugged, sitting on her desk so I could be with her while she did her makeup. 

“Luke… Kind of asked me out,” I admitted, not knowing how else to bring up May. 

“Like on a date?” She asked, perfectly drawing on her eyeliner. 

“No… Like… To be with him.” I didn’t know how else to put it and Lea smiled. 

“What’d you say?” She tried to contain her excitement, but ultimately failed. Her smile was wide, and I knew how much it meant to her that I was finally opening up about Luke. 

“I said yes…” My voice trailed off and Lea squealed. 

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed. “This is, like, major! For both of you!” She pulled me in a hug before going back to doing her makeup. 

 

“Hey… Can I ask you something?” I bit my lip and she nodded, applying mascara. “Who is May?” Her actions stopped and she looked at me with confusion. 

“Why don’t you just ask Luke?” She seemed nervous. 

“He asked if I wanted to come with him to her house. His dad is there, too.” Surprise washed over her face and she sat there, debating whether or not to answer my question. She glanced over at a sleeping Michael before finally sighing. 

“His cousin,” she told me. “On his dads side. They got back in touch last year when he came up here for college.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t know his cousin went here, and knowing I’d meet more than just one member of his family made me anxious. I guess it did make sense, though, considering his dad was staying with her. “Hey, do you wanna go get lunch?” Lea changed the subject. “I was just going to wake up Mikey, but it looks like he could use some more sleep.” I let out a dry laugh before jumping off her desk.

“Yeah, let’s go.”


	39. Broken Door.

“I’m heading out soon. Are you sure you don’t want to come with?” Lea asked, clipping her hooped earrings into place.   
“Luke is supposed to come over soon.” I smiled at her. As much as I wanted to go out to dinner with her and Michael, I also wanted to see Luke. He skipped class today and promised he’d come by tonight instead of going to the party at his frat. I haven’t seen him since yesterday afternoon, when he left me to go to work. Although it hasn’t been very long, I still missed him. Maybe it was because this is the longest we’ve gotten along and haven’t seen each other all the while. Or maybe it was because I didn’t sleep well and I was craving to be held. 

“Okay. Well, if you need anything then text me. I won’t be back tonight. Is that okay?” Lea sat on the edge of my bed, where I was lying, and began buckling her heels.   
“Don’t worry about it.” She gave me a small smile before standing up.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun!” She shot a wink my way and I laughed, calling out a goodbye to her before she shut the door. The still broken door that we put in a request to get fixed, and still hasn’t been. I hated that door for taking the sense of safety away. But I loved it for giving the access of entry to my friends—are they my friends?—and Luke. I loved that, at any second, someone could come in and end my boredom but I hated that it could be anyone, not just the people I hang out with. Maybe I should send in another request to remind them how urgent the situation is. 

As I stared at the ceiling, I couldn’t help but wonder how I got like this. My whole life, I’ve been content with being alone. But now, after meeting Luke, I feel the need to be touched. Not just in a sexual way, but in a comforting way too. Since I’ve met him, I’ve wanted to be kissed and hugged and cuddled with. Or to just set my head on his chest while he runs his fingers down my spine. I rolled onto my side, checking my phone and feeling disappointed when there wasn’t a text from Luke. I had a couple from mom and dad, telling me to FaceTime them when I had the chance, but for some reason I didn’t care. 

I only wanted to hear from Luke, and he still hadn’t texted me. Maybe he’s at work or doing some studying before he comes over. No, that’s ridiculous. Luke isn’t like me, he wouldn’t study on a Friday night, he had much better things to do. I wondered what he’s doing right now and why he hasn’t let me know when he’s coming over, but I tried to push the thought out of my head as I sat up in my bed and called mom. 

She answered on the second ring with a smile.   
“Valerie! Hello!” she chirped and dad appeared in the frame.   
“How are you, sweetie?” He asked and I smiled. I suddenly didn’t feel so upset at my lack of communication with Luke anymore. I guess they made me feel less alone.  
“I’m alright. I just got done studying for the night,” I told them and mom frowned.   
“I hope you’re not planning on going out tonight.” Her tone was full of disapproval.   
“Delia, the girl is in college now. She’s aloud to have a little fun,” dad came to my defense. “As long as she gets her work done,” he warned and I smiled.   
“I’m not going out tonight,” I eased mom’s worries. 

“Well, what’s new?” Dad changed the subject. I bit my lip, debating on whether I should tell them about Luke. I wanted to, but it still felt too early. Although Luke and I had been seeing each other since nearly the beginning of the semester, we only made it official the other night. “Is there something you’re not telling us?” Dad asked, seeing through my silence.   
“What is it, Val?” Again, mom was worried. “Are you okay?”   
“I’m better than okay,” I admitted with a smile. “I’ve been seeing someone,” I told them and mom’s face lit up. This time, dad’s filled with worry. He was never fond of either of his little girls being with boys.  
“That’s wonderful, honey!” mom gushed and I smiled. 

“When do we get to meet him?” It’s just like her to rush into things.   
“I don’t know. It’s new, so I want to see how everything plays out.” I wasn’t sure if I was telling the truth or if I knew that they would disapprove of him the second they saw him. I didn’t want to hide my attraction to Luke, but I knew that everything would change the second he met my parents. They’ve always been too quick to judge people. And maybe I have been, too. At least, until I met Luke. Now, I feel open and ready to accept people’s appearance even if they aren’t like mine. 

“What’s his name?” Mom asked and I heard the dog barking, followed by Gene yelling that she was there. I held in an eyeroll. Every time I had a second to talk to my parents, it was always interrupted by Gene or the mention of her. Even though she’s my sister and nothing would change that, I can’t forgive her for everything she put me through.   
“Luke,” I told her, trying to force a smile. “He’s really nice.” Sometimes, that is, but they don’t have to know about his mean streak. Parker ran up to my parents, jumping onto the couch with them before looking at the phone mom was holding. 

“Auntie Val!” Parker yelled and I smiled—a real one.   
“Hi Parker! How are you?”   
“I’m great! I won an award at school!” He yelled and I giggled.   
“I heard! I’m so proud of you!” Before our conversation could continue, Parker got up and ran away, I’m assuming after the dog because Gene never let him get a dog despite how much he wanted one. Everytime he came over, he was always focused on the dog. 

“Just remember the promise that you made to God,” dad said and my smile faltered before I forced it back on and held up my left hand to show him my purity ring.   
“Of course.” I remained silent as Gene came to the phone and gave me a half-assed hello, to which I just smiled in return. “Is Uncle Paul still there?” I changed the subject, feeling uncomfortable talking about Luke in the presence of Gene. I knew she’d say something about the connection she and Drew had—that I’d never have something like that.   
“He left this morning,” mom told me. “He got a new apartment and a nicely paying job at a warehouse,” she bragged about his successes and I felt a tinge in my heart. How can they speak so highly of him when he hurt me all those years ago? My eyes found my burn scar and I forced myself to look away. 

“Laura Gene! Valerie has her very first boyfriend!” Mom yelled and I clenched my jaw. Why couldn’t she keep it to herself?   
“Hope he treats you as well as Drew treats me.” I could hear the smirk in her voice and I rolled my eyes. I knew she’d do this.   
“I have to go. I promised Luke I’d get dinner with him,” I lied. I didn’t know when Luke was planning to show up, I just didn’t want to talk to my family anymore. More specifically, Gene.  
“Okay, goodbye Valerie. We love you very much,” mom gave me her signature smile and I returned it. “Maybe you and Luke can come home next weekend and we can have a family dinner!” she suggested.   
“I love you guys, too. And I’ll think about it.” With that, I hung up. After getting off FaceTime, I checked my notifications. I felt obsessive, waiting for my boyfriend to text me. 

I was a little bit angry that I hadn’t heard from him. This morning, he said he’d message me around 6 and it was now 7:15. Maybe he lost track of time. Or maybe he doesn’t want to see me, my subconscious told me and I pushed the thought out of my head before turning on my laptop. After scrolling through Netflix, I decided to watch an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit that I’m sure I’ve seen at least 5 times. About halfway through the episode, I began to doze off and let sleep take ahold of me. What’s the point of staying awake if Luke isn’t trying to contact me? I knew it was far too early to sleep, but I could use the extra hours.

I dreamt of Uncle Paul and Gene and all the other people that tormented me throughout my life. They were all there—all teaming up against me. The mean girls from my Catholic high school that made fun of my clothes, the boys from my church group that told everyone I was a prude, the people from my hometown who pretended to like me to get me to come hang out with them so they could humiliate me. And towards the end of the dream, I saw Luke. He didn’t participate in the torment that the others were inflicting, he just stood and watched as they hurt me over and over again.


	40. Don't Kick Me Out.

\--A/N: Picture is updated cast--

 

When the door slammed open, I jumped up from my sleep, causing my laptop and cellphone to clatter to the floor. 

“Goddammit,” I muttered to myself, not bothering to get out of bed to pick them up. 

“You need to lock your fucking door,” Luke’s voice was loud and bounced off the walls of my dorm room. 

“It’s broken,” my tone was cold and distant. I was angry that he’d woken me up and—looking at the alarm clock on Lea’s desk, I was even more angry that it was 3:30 in the morning. 

“Then put it an order to get it fixed!” He ordered, slamming the door behind him. 

“I did put in an order!” I shot back, not wanting to deal with his anger. I was much too tired. 

“Oh, of course you did because you need control over everything!” I heard a clatter on my desk, followed by Luke saying: “Fuck.” 

“If you came here just to be rude, then you should leave.” I told him, turning on the light on my nightstand and squinting to look at him. 

 

He’d tried to set down a bottle of scotch and knocked it over, not bothering to pick it up as it spilt over my notes. I rushed over to the desk and picked up the bottle, trying to shield my notes from being ruined. 

“What is wrong with you?” I snapped before whipping my head around to him and my face fell. He had a black eye and a busted lip with blood pooling from the cut. “What happened?” I asked, trying my best to calm down. When he didn’t answer, I walked over to my laptop and phone on the floor to inspect the damage. I sunk to the floor when I saw a large crack going across my phone screen, but my laptop seemed fine. I pushed my hair out of my face with a sigh and set the electronics on my nightstand before sitting on my bed. “This is just what I needed. To spend money to get my phone fixed,” I spat out. Luke scoffed, sitting next to me on the bed. 

“You don’t have to be in such a bad mood. I said I’d come to see you, and I did. You should have expected me,” he countered and my lips parted. 

 

“I didn’t expect you to come in the middle of the night!” I yelled, much louder than I intended. I hoped I didn’t wake my neighbors, but I didn’t care. “You said you’d text me at 6, and you never did!” Luke rolled his eyes and I felt like I didn’t have much patience left to deal with it. 

“Well, sorry I don’t give you a play by play of my entire fucking life!” he spat and this time, I rolled my eyes. “If you weren’t such a control freak, it wouldn’t have mattered!” His angry words hurt me and I didn’t stop him as he stood up and took a drink from the scotch bottle that was nearly empty. I wonder how much he had to drink versus what he spilt all over my desk. 

 

“You should go,” my voice was quiet and unsure, but I didn’t want to deal with all of this right now. Luke laughed, swinging his arm around and knocking my favorite mug off the desk. It shattered against the floor and I pinched my eyes shut. He was scaring me now, I’d never seen him like this and I wanted him to leave. 

“What? Am I messing up your perfect fucking life?” he boomed, grabbing my notes and textbooks and throwing them off the floor before picking up the book we were reading in Literature and Power and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a loud bang, leaving a small crack in the drywall. 

 

I wanted to cry, to scream at him and make him leave, but I wasn’t sure where that would get me. Instead, I took a shaky breath and hid my hands in my face. When I didn’t reply, Luke stopped throwing the items on my desk and placed the bottle of scotch back on the desk. 

“I came here to spend time with you. I don’t want to fight,” his voice softened and I was shocked. How can he go from so angry to completely calm?

“Well I don’t want to see you right now,” I could hardly hear my own voice, but I prayed it was loud enough for him. 

“Why not?” he asked, sitting next to me on the bed. I felt the mattress sink from his weight, but I didn’t look at him, I buried in my face further in my hands. “Valerie,” he urged when I didn’t respond. I couldn’t hold my tears in any longer and they were hot against the palms of my hands. I just wanted him to go away. This isn’t the Luke I know. This isn’t the Luke I was desperate to see earlier today.

 

“I got into a fight,” he finally told me what happened to him, but I didn’t care much to know anymore. I was angry at him. More than angry. He came in here, threw my stuff around, and started yelling at me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I lifted my face to stare at the wall and folded my hands together. Luke tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but I pulled away from his touch, to which he frowned at. “Garrett said some shit to piss me off, and I got into it with him,” he explained, even though I didn’t ask. I wondered who Garrett was, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of asking. “Garrett is May’s boyfriend,” he said, like he was reading my mind. I bit at my lip and he moved in front of me, holding my hands as he kneeled at my feet. I pulled them away, crossing my arms over my chest. “Come on,” his tone was now less than friendly. He was getting irritated by my lack of response. 

 

“Luke, just go,” I pleaded and his eyes fell to the floor. 

“Val, don’t kick me out.” It wasn’t an order, but it wasn’t a plea either. It was somewhere in between and I didn’t know how to decipher his tone. It was cold but caring and angry but calm. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I wanted to, but how was I supposed to ask? I was so angry at him that I couldn’t bring myself to speak. “Come on, I’m drunk.” It was like he thought that was an excuse for his actions. “You don’t want me to drive home drunk, do you?” He shot me a small smile and I rolled my eyes. 

 

He was right, I didn’t want him to drive home drunk. It would kill me if something happened to him. I’d never be able to forgive myself. His blue eyes beamed into me and I had to look away. I couldn’t stand the desperate look. With a sigh, I pushed my hair out of my face. 

“You can stay until you sober up, but then you have to leave.” I stood my ground and he smiled lightly before standing up and sitting next to me. Once he did, I stood up and turned out the light before walking over to Lea’s bed and pulling the covers back. 

“Where are you going?” He asked. 

“I’m going back to sleep.” I turned my back to him, pulling the blanket over my body. I’m sure Lea wouldn’t mind that I’m sleeping in her bed, given the circumstances. I wouldn’t mind if she was in my position. I couldn’t help but wonder how many times she’s had sex in this bed and if she’s washed the sheets and crinkled my nose in disgust. 

 

Luke’s sigh broke me out of my thoughts. 

“So come sleep with me,” his voice was quiet and I turned back around to look at him. 

“No,” I rejected. “I’m angry with you.” He pouted at my words and stood up, sitting on the edge of Lea’s bed and I sighed. “Please just let me sleep,” I begged. “Luke, I’m tired.” He didn’t seem affected by my words as he pushed my hair back and out of my face. “Luke,” I warned and he nodded, but still soothed my hair down. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and I closed my eyes to prevent myself from crying again. When I opened them, I stared at the broken glass on the wood floor and the mess of papers surrounding it. Then, I stared at the crack in the wall. “I’ll just catch an Uber home.” His tone told me that he didn’t want to go, but I didn’t plan on stopping him. He stood up and downed the rest of the scotch before exiting the room. I thought about getting up to clean up the mess, or to at least move to my bed, but I didn’t. Instead, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. 


	41. We're Fucked Up.

“Hey, sleeping beauty!” Lea’s voice woke me by shaking my shoulder. I gasped, my eyes springing open. I don’t why I thought it was Luke, but the thought scared me. What would he do if he came over today? Would he be as angry as he was last night? Would he be back to his normal self? Was that even his normal self or did his normal self show last night? Is he just putting on an act with me? Who is he, really? My head is spinning from all the questions I have and I feel sick, thinking about everything that happened. 

“Did you forget which bed was yours?” She laughed, walking over to my desk as I sat up. My eyes focused on the mess from last night as Lea picked up the empty bottle of scotch and stored it with her other empty bottles. “How much did you drink last night? This place is trashed.” Her tone was humorous, but I wasn’t much in the mood to joke. How could I be after last night? I was still shaken up from all the hurtful things he said and the hateful look on his face as he threw everything around. Did she know? The way she joked with me made me think that she didn’t, but my anxiety still poked through. What if he went back home last night and told everyone about what he did? What if I was the laughing stock among our friends?

“I wasn’t drunk,” I stood up from her bed and began to collect my notes and pile them together, not bothering to reorganize. I was too tired to deal with it now. I just wanted to sleep the day away. I’m sure I would have, if Lea didn’t wake me up.   
“Then what happened?” She helped me pick up my textbooks and set them on my desk.   
“Luke and I had a fight.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about it, but I needed to at the same time. “He did that.” I motioned to the crack in the wall and her eyes fell to the broken mug as she gasped.   
“He did?” She asked and I nodded, placing the notes on my desk before kneeling down to pick up the broken glass.   
“My phone also has a crack in it.” Although that wasn’t necessarily his fault, I felt like it was worth mentioning. He startled me enough to make me drop it when he barged in. 

Lea’s fingers ran down the crack in the wall before she picked up the book and set it with my other schoolwork.   
“I’ll put in another work order for the door and add in the wall.” She gave me a small smile, trying to pretend like everything would be okay when I wasn’t sure if it would be. “You guys have fights all the time. Everything will work out.” She tried to help, but I wasn’t being very receptive. I stood up, glass in hand.  
“No.” I sighed. “This time it was different. I was… Scared of him. He was throwing things and yelling and he was drunk and I-” I stopped, suddenly unable to catch my breath. I felt the tears wet my cheeks and furiously wiped them away with the back of my hand. 

“I was scared,” I finished and Lea engulfed me in a hug.   
“I know he can be hard to understand, but he’s changed a lot since he met you, Val.” I wasn’t sure how that was supposed to make me feel better. “Maybe it’s worth talking to him about.” She pulled away from me, her hands on my shoulders. “He had a rough night. Garrett beat the shit out of him because he didn’t want to go to May’s this weekend. Maybe that’s why he was so angry,” she suggested and my eyes found the floor. But why does that justify what he did? Breaking my favorite mug, throwing my papers around, cracking the wall. “I mean, I’m not saying that excuses it.” She read my mind. “I’m just saying… Maybe he has an explanation. I don’t want to see you ruin a good thing without thinking it over first. Just talk to him, okay?” I nodded, unsure of what else to say. She was right, he at least deserved to be heard out. 

He didn’t tell me the circumstances of the fight, or that he hadn’t started it. But then again, I didn’t ask. With a sigh, I switched the glass to my other hand before dropping it all together.   
“Crap!” I sucked in a breath, holding my hand out to see blood pooling on my palm.   
“Shit! Val, are you okay?” Lea grabbed my hand and I nodded.   
“It’s just a little cut,” I rasped.   
“Let’s get it cleaned up,” she insisted, pulling me out of the room and to the bathroom. She ran my hand under the cold water and inspected the wound. “I think you need stitches.” To my dismay, she spread open the cut on my palm and I gasped from the pain. “I’m going to call Michael. We’re going to the hospital!”   
“No. Lea, it’s fine,” I pleaded, but she scoffed.   
“It’s not fine! It’s a deep cut! I’m not fighting with you on this! So wrap it up with a paper towel and meet me in the room!” she ordered, storming out. Without knowing what else to do, I followed her orders and wrapped my hand up before grabbing my purse from my room and heading outside to meet Michael in front of the building. 

We were in and out of the hospital in an hour and a half due to the excess of patients and, when we finally made it back to the room, Luke was sitting on the bed. Lea’s face was bright red as Michael pulled her out of the room to give us some time alone. I knew she didn’t want us to be alone, given the fact that I had to get stitches because I was cleaning up his mess, but she allowed Michael to pull her out anyways. Isn’t that what she wanted in the first place? For Luke and I to talk? When I walked into the room, I saw that the broken glass was cleaned up and my notes were sorted by class and date on the desk. There was also a new mug in the place where mine once sat. It wasn’t like the one he broke, that had cat ears and a cat face with a small cat sitting inside it, but I liked the way the yellow sunflowers lined the white porcelain. He also took the time to patch up the wall. It didn’t look very good because of the contrast between the white plaster and the slate gray walls, but I didn’t expect him to paint it as well. I didn’t expect him to do any of this. 

I didn’t look at him as I set my purse down and filed my notes away into their binders.   
“What happened to your hand?” he asked, coming up behind me. I turned around and he grabbed ahold of my hand, running his fingers across the gauze and I winced, pulling it back.  
“I cut it on glass.” I kept my answer short as I turned back around and organized my books by the time of the class and the day I needed them.   
“Did you need stitches?” he asked, and I simply nodded. He took in a deep breath as he pulled out my desk chair and sat in it. “I’m sorry, Val.” He seemed sincere, and as I turned to face him, i saw a pained expression plastered on his face. I let him pull me onto his lap, but didn’t wrap my arms around his neck like I wanted to. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said.   
“It’s not like you were the one who cut my hand. It was just a stupid mistake.” I tried to make light of the situation. It really wasn’t his fault that I was so careless while handling glass, and he’d gone to such extreme measures to fix the mess he made. I didn’t want to be mad at him for doing all of this just to fix his mess.  
“But I was the one who broke it,” he defended, lifting my face to look at him. 

As I met his eyes, I couldn’t help but feel lost in them. I wanted so badly to forget last night.   
“Can you just give me some time to explain?” I wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea, but I nodded anyways, taking Lea’s advice. She knew Luke well and I didn’t think she’d shove me back into his arms if she didn’t think he felt sorry. “I know I should have called, but when I got home, the boys offered me a shot and I took it. Then, one shot turned to four and it was late and I didn’t want to wake you up. I really did want to see you, but I was scared that you’d be angry with me. I kept drinking and then I got into it with Garrett because I told May I didn’t want to see my dad and then I was just in a shit mood. But, I wanted to see you so I came over and I took my bad mood out on you and I’m sorry,” he explained and I bit my lip. 

I didn’t want to be mad at him, but it’s been such a long few days and I was exhausted. The exhaustion was taking a toll on me. I was irritable, my hand hurt, I was hungry. All combined with my horrible sleep and the fight last night, I wanted to cry. It wasn’t just him, it was everything. It was school, our friends (who I don’t really know whether they like me), my family. Everything felt so heavy, but as I was sitting on his lap I felt somewhat okay. He made me want to forget about all the problems.  
“You really scared me last night,” I admitted and his eyes found the floor.   
“I know,” he mumbled. “I wish things turned out differently and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.” That was one thing we can agree on. We can’t take back what happened, we can only move forward. Was it right to move on from that, though? I had so many unanswered questions: Mostly being why. But for some reason, I didn’t want to ask. 

“I’m sorry, Val. Is there any way I can make it up to you?” I frowned, thinking for a moment as I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. I couldn’t stay mad at him, not with the way his bright blue eyes bore into me and the worry etched across his face.  
“You can take me to lunch. I’m starving.” He laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist.   
“You drive a hard bargain,” he joked and I smiled when he kissed my cheek. “I missed that smile,” he said and I rolled my eyes.   
“That’s so cheesy!” I laughed.   
“You love it.” He scrunched his nose. “Look at us: Both beaten up and laughing. We’re fucked up, you know that?” Again, I was laughing. I set my head on his shoulder and he tightened his grip around me. He was right, we are fucked up. But for some reason, I loved that about our relationship. I loved that we were no good together and that we were disastrous. It made my affection for him all that much stronger. 

“What do you say I order a pizza and we can relax until we go to May’s?” I raised an eyebrow.   
“We’re going to May’s?” She was the reason for our fight. I figured he’d want to steer clear of her until his father left town. Then again, maybe he wants to see his father after all this time.   
“I don’t want to, but… I guess I got it beaten into me.” He dropped his bruised eye in a wink and I smiled. I loved that he could make the fight he got into a joke, and I hope he doesn’t do that with ours. Maybe it would help us move forward, though.   
“As long as we can get a Hawaiian pizza.” He laughed.   
“Disgusting. I’ll go half Hawaiian, half meat lovers.” I pretended to think about it. “Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza,” he said and I rolled my eyes.   
“I can work with half, but don’t you dare say that again!” I warned and he laughed before pressing his lips against mine.


	42. Luke's Father.

“Are you ready?” Luke asked as he put his car in park. We were outside a beautiful, small house with flowers lining the pathway.  
“Not really.” I let out a dry laugh, pulling down the sun visor to look in the mirror one last time. After Luke and I ate lunch, I took a shower to ensure I had enough time to get ready. I curled my hair and drew a thin line of black eyeliner on my top lid with mascara to top it off and my favorite lipgloss. To wear, I chose a white blouse with a black skirt that stopped just past the middle of my thighs with black flats. 

“What, are you nervous?” He asked with a small smile.   
“Aren’t you?” He hasn’t seen his father in so long, how is he so calm about all of this? He shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. To pass the time, I pulled out my mascara and touched up my eyes. I noticed Luke staring at me out of the corner of my eye as I ran my finger along the bottom of my lip to fix my gloss.   
“Relax!” He laughed, taking a drag. “You look great.” I wanted to ask why and when he started smoking again, but I didn’t. I figured that maybe he was nervous, and smoking cigarettes was his way of coping. 

“I’m not good at meeting new people,” I told him, though he already knew.   
“People love you,” he said, his eyes focused on his cigarette as he ashed it. “You make a great first impression. I’m sure my aunt will love you.” I smiled at his comment, but still felt anxiety. I’m sure it’d be tense in there, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to deal with it. Not only with Luke’s father being there, but with Garrett as well. I worried whether Luke would get into another fight. If he did, was he more likely to get in one with his father or Garrett? I had so many questions in my mind that I knew wouldn’t be answered until I met his father. All I knew was that he was an angry drunk who walked out on his kids. I wondered if he changed at all. If he still drank or if he knew if Luke was coming. 

“Thanks for doing this,” he said, taking me by surprise. “I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t with me.” He tossed the cigarette butt out the window before setting his hand on my thigh and giving it a light squeeze. “It… Um… Means a lot.” Embarrassed, he looked away.   
“I’m glad to be here.” I tried to hide the excitement I held from his words, but lost my grip then he looked back at me with a shy smile.   
“We should go in.” He pulled his hand away from my thigh and opened his door to climb out of the car. When he met me on my side, he grabbed my waist and pressed a rough kiss against my lips. I giggled into his mouth before pulling away and staring up at him. “I…” he began, “think we should go in.” Nodding, I followed him up the path. 

Without knocking or ringing the bell, Luke walked into the house, interlacing our hands and leading me through the hall and to the living room, where there was a girl and boy our age—I assumed to be May and Garrett.   
“I’m glad you came.” The girl smiled, pulling herself off the couch and sending a glare to the boy, telling him to stand as well. Once he did, she grabbed his arm and pulled him to us. “I’m May.” She pulled me into a hug. Surprised, I let go of Luke’s hand and hugged her back. “It’s nice to meet you, Val!” she gushed. “I’ve been begging Luke to bring you around!” I glanced at Luke, who shrugged, and wondered when he’d brought me up to her. We hadn’t been dating for a week, why would he tell her about me? “This is my boyfriend, Garrett!” She happily introduced and I smiled at him, noticing his black eye. He shook my hand before turning to Luke and they smiled at each other. I let out a breath of relief that I hadn’t even known I was holding in. Maybe that’s just how boys are. They dish it out, then everything is fine. I noticed that May didn’t have Luke’s accent and assumed she grew up in the states. “You should go say hi to mom. She’s in the kitchen,” she told him and he snaked an arm around my waist, whisking me away from the couple. 

May was a lot like Luke, tattoos scrawled on her arms. She had thick eyeliner and long brown hair that stopped at her ribs and was dressed in all black. Garrett had short black hair that covered his forehead and he wore a navy blue shirt that showed off his sleeve of tattoos with black skinny jeans. When we got to the kitchen, I saw his aunt. Her brown hair was cut into a bob and she had a small, thin frame. She wore a thick purple dress that went down to her knees, but showed off her figure nicely, and a white apron over it to protect her dress. She wore a diamond necklace, earrings, and bracelet to match her wedding ring. Her fancy jewelry didn’t match the small house or the cheap decorations, but I felt like she wanted to impress Luke. 

“Hey Aunt Teresa,” Luke called once we entered the kitchen. She immediately stopped setting the table and rushed up to him.   
“Luke!” She pulled him into a hug, but he tensed up and didn’t hug her back. Although the gesture was kind of rude, I felt somewhat of a sense of pride. He hugged me, but he wouldn’t hug someone he’s known his entire life.   
“This is Val,” he mumbled once she pulled away and she, then, hugged me. I didn’t want to be rude, so I hugged her back. Her Australian accent was thicker than Luke’s, but sounded lovely nonetheless.   
“Your father and Uncle Dave are in the backyard. Why don’t you go say hello?” She suggested. I guess Luke’s family had a habit of forcing him to say hello to each member before he was able to relax. I suppose he wouldn’t greet them unless prompted to. She looked me up and down with a wide grin before going back to set the table. 

Luke walked to the door leading to the back and stared out at the patio. I immediately recognized which one was Luke’s father by his long blonde hair with gray highlights, slicked back and pulled into a low ponytail. They lacked his lovely curls, but still held a slight wave. He was wearing a leather jacket and smoking a cigarette. Maybe that’s where Luke got his style. Maybe he was seeking approval from the father that left him. My heart tinged at the thought, and Luke opened the sliding door. The other man was balding and had a large frame. He looked a lot like May with his kind eyes and large smile. When Luke opened the door, the pair stopped talking and Luke’s father took a drink of his beer. I guess he didn’t stop drinking, after all this time. 

“Hey.” He shoved his hands into his pockets as he stepped out into the heat and I followed after him, nearly hiding behind his large frame.   
“Lucas.” His father grinned. “You’ve grown up.” He held the same, cocky smirk that Luke had and I already disliked the man.   
“That’s what happens in 16 years,” Luke spat out. I wanted to reach out and grab his arm, but I was stuck standing in shock. This isn’t really the way I thought their reunion would go. I thought, at least Luke’s father would be happy to see him.   
“And who’s this lovely lady?” he asked, his accent dripping down his tongue.   
“My girlfriend. Val.” Luke was extremely unattached to his words and I felt embarrassed to be there. I felt like I didn’t belong.   
“Never thought I’d see the day where Luke would settle down,” his uncle joked with the same American accent as May and I, and Luke shrugged.   
“What can I say? She’s a pretty great girl.” I looked up at him with a smile on my face. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so out of place anymore. 

“Glad to see you’re still drinking.” Luke turned his attention back to his father, who merely smiled.   
“I’m sober three years.” He told him. “Thought it was time to reconnect.” Luke rolled his eyes at the statement.   
“Sober means you don’t drink.”   
“Sober means I don’t get drunk,” Luke’s father retaliated.   
“Let’s go back inside.” His jaw was tense and before I could reply, he pulled me back inside.   
“How’d it go?” His aunt asked with high hopes.   
“How do you think?” he snapped, pulling me into the living room and sitting down with his cousin and her boyfriend.


	43. Daddy Issues!

Teresa finally called us in for dinner and we sat awkwardly at the table while May told her parents about the fight that Luke and Garrett had and her classes. I didn’t really have much to say, and I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation. At the beginning of dinner, Teresa asked about my major and how I was liking U of F, but then turned the conversation to her daughter. Luke kept his hand on my knee under the table and, though I appreciated the gesture, I felt uncomfortable by the physical contact. I didn’t want his family to think lowly of me, but they seemed unphased by Luke’s gesture. 

I wondered how many girls he’s brought here and if he put his hand on their knees, too. I also wondered if they were used to it because May often brought Garrett around. They seemed extremely comfortable around each other, at least enough that the couple was holding hands on top of the table and continuously sneaking kisses. 

“So, Lucas,” his father began. “Are you and that girl finally going to make me a grandpa?” he asked with a smirk, talking about me as if I wasn’t there… Or as if I didn’t have a name. Not to mention, I was irritated at the personal question. Luke and I haven’t even had sex yet, not that it was any of his business.  
“You’re already a grandpa.” Luke’s eyes were focused on his plate as he picked at his mashed potatoes.   
“Simon’s got a kid?” Luke’s father seemed surprised to say the least. Both Luke’s cousin and I shared an uncomfortable glance and Luke scoffed.   
“It’s Tiff. She’s pregnant.” We were all surprised at Luke’s admission. None of us really thought he’d bring it up, but Luke’s father looked angry.   
“You should have been taking better care of your sister,” he stated. Luke rolled his eyes, his grip on my knee tightening. I set a hand on top of his, hoping to relax him. It worked, and he loosened his hold before pulling away altogether.   
“Tried to. But she was too busy chasing her daddy issues!” Luke spat. 

“I made apple pie for desert!” Teresa brought up, tearing the attention off of Luke and his father. I wondered what would happen if she didn’t. Luke sighed, placing his hand back on my knee.   
“We can’t stay for desert.” his tone was cold and I felt bad for him. I wasn’t sure if he was expecting a different man when facing his father, but I hated that this blew up in his face. We finished eating dinner as Garrett and Dave talked about movies and said a quick goodbye to Luke’s family. As he led me out of the house and to the car, a voice stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Lucas!” His father called, running after him.  
“What do you want?” Luke crossed his arms across his chest and I stepped behind him, wanting to cower away from what I thought would be an inevitable fight.   
“Can I have Tiffany’s number?” Luke laughed loudly, throwing his head back.   
“No.” His face returned back to a serious glare. “You ruined her. You ruined our entire family. Just because you have a couple chips from AA doesn’t take back what you did to her.” He stepped forward, and I set a hand on Luke’s back, hoping to remind him that I was here. “You don’t deserve to be in her life anymore.” Luke’s father sighed and nodded.   
“It was good to see you, Lucas.” He set a hand on Luke’s shoulder before turning around and walking away.   
“If you so much as call her, you’ll regret it.” Luke warned before turning on his heels and grabbing my wrist, pulling me to the car. I didn’t want to worsen his mood, so I stayed silent when his grip became a little too tight. 

Luke sped down the freeway and kept the music loud for most of the ride. At first, I was content with the silence. But when his knuckles turned white from gripping the wheel so hard, and his jaw remained tense, I leaned forward and turned the radio down. That seemed to snap him out of his trance, as his jaw relaxed and he loosened his grip on the steering wheel. His right hand left the steering wheel and settled on my thigh as he glanced at me. 

“Are you okay?” I asked, worried that he wouldn’t tell me if he wasn’t.   
“He’s still the same prick he always was,” Luke mumbled. “I knew he would be.” I wanted to ask if he was disappointed, or if he was going to tell his sister or his brother about it. Then again, why would he? He warned his father not to go anywhere near them.   
“Are you upset?” He raised his eyebrows at my question.   
“It’s just like he never left.” He pulled off the freeway and the streets became more familiar. We were getting closer to the college. “I need to get drunk tonight.” He let out a dry laugh. “Meet me at the party tonight?” He gave me a light smile.   
“I’ll talk to Lea about it.” I didn’t want to give him a definite answer, as I didn’t want to go if the girls weren’t. As he pulled into the parking lot of my dorm, he gave me a light kiss.   
“Hopefully I’ll see you in a couple hours.” It was nearly 9, and we didn’t go to the parties until 11. With a smile, I gave him another quick kiss before disappearing into my dorm building. 

As I walked up the stairs into my room, I felt a sense of relief from being away from all the tension. But as I opened the door, all my relief was blown away.   
“Oh my god!” Lea jumped up from the bed. Mandy and Monica were waiting for me, too. I sent them a small smile as Lea shut the door behind me and pulled me to sit on the bed with the rest of the girls. “What happened with Luke’s dad?” She pushed.   
“It was… Awkward.” I sighed. “Really awkward.”   
“Did they get along?” Monica asked and I laughed.   
“Does Luke get along with anyone?” I joked, somewhat feeling bad for talking about him that way.   
“He gets along with you,” Mandy pointed out, standing up and grabbing Lea’s makeup bag before sitting at her desk and starting to get ready.   
“Yeah. He does,” my voice was quiet. 

“Are you coming tonight?” Monica asked, joining Lea at the closet to raid her clothes.   
“Actually, yeah.” I smiled up at them. “Luke asked me to come. I figured I could use a night out.” I went to my closet and pulled out the jeans that Luke liked—the ones that were far too tight on me. “I think I’ll wear these.”   
“Yes!” Monica squealed, pulling out a crop top. “With this!” I stared at the revealing material before taking it with a smile. What harm could come from wearing this? After changing and touching up my makeup, the girls and I took a shot together and headed out. 

We took a bus to the frat house, sneaking swigs of Mandy’s flask on the way. When we got into the party, Lea pulled us to the kitchen and poured us some drinks. It was already packed and Luke was nowhere to be found, but neither were Ashton, Calum, or Michael. After two mixed drinks, I was starting to feel good and less insecure about my outfit. Monica and I danced together while Mandy and Lea did the same, and we were having a great time—laughing, moving to the beat, and drinking more. As much as I wanted to find Luke, I felt at peace with the girls and was having an amazing time. For once, I felt like I belonged at a party. It felt right.


	44. Watch Me.

“Hey you,” Luke whispered into my ear as his hands found my waist. Surprised, I spun around in his grip, teetering into him. His hold on me tightened as I fell into him and I wrapped my arms around his neck to steady myself. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek before glancing at the girls to see that they’ve been occupied by Luke’s friends, their boyfriends.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He chuckled, pulling me out of the crowded living room and to the kitchen.   
“I’ve been dancing!” I told him.  
“You’ve been dancing?” He threw his head back, laughing. “The only times I’ve ever seen you dancing is when you’re wasted!” he mocked.   
“I’m not wasted! I’m just… Having a good time.” I intertwined my fingers in his and he brought my hand to his lips, pressing a light kiss to the back of it. 

“Where have you been?” I asked him, leaning against the wall in hopes to steady myself.   
“Playing poker with the guys.” He leaned his body into mine, his hands on either side of my head, and he kissed me. I smiled into his lips as I kissed him back, but when he tried to slide his tongue into my mouth, I set my hands on his chest and pushed him away. He tasted like rum, mint, and cigarettes. As much as I wanted more of his kiss, I couldn’t help but notice the lingering stares from people walking through the kitchen. 

I can’t imagine how this must look to everyone else—me, a shy innocent girl, and Luke, the boy who never settles down. Together, though, we’re different people. I want to experiment and he wants something deeper than what he normally has. Together, we found each other.   
“Do you want to go to bed?” I asked in a hushed tone and he grinned before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. 

I giggled, squealing as he walked up the stairs with me and to his room. As soon as he unlocked the door and walked in, he plopped me down on the bed, hovering over me.   
“I like what you’ve got on.” He smirked, his eyes trailing down to my exposed stomach.  
“I wore it for you,” I whispered and his index finger traced around my belly button and I sucked in a sharp breath. I wanted to feel every inch of his touch. Something as simple as his finger running down my skin could give me goosebumps. 

I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him and our eyes connected. He moved up to my face and pressed his lips against mine. He pulled my body to his and flipped us over before sitting up and positioning me on his lap. 

As my weight settled on his thighs, he leaned back, peeling off his shirt. I couldn’t stop my eyes from travelling down to his defined chest. My mouth fell agape as I met his eyes again, causing him to smirk, brushing the hair out of my face. Before I had time to react, he pressed his lips against mine, his hand gently settling on the back of my neck. His plump lips continued to move against mine as his tongue slipped into my mouth, gently gliding over my tongue before pulling back, taking my bottom lip in his teeth. 

“What are you doing?” I whispered as he connected our foreheads, unbuckling his pants with one hand.   
“I want you to see what you do to me,” He stated. “I want you to watch me.” I couldn’t help but gasp as he touched himself over his underwear, a throaty moan escaping his lips. As I tried to scramble to my feet, he pulled my head back to him. “It’s okay,” He whispered, soothing my nerves. My small hands travelled to his curly hair, finding themselves intertwined as I gently massaged his scalp. 

“I want you so bad,” He whispered, biting his lip. “Just the thought of you makes me hard.” He chuckled as I gasped, continuing to rub himself. My hands moved from his hair to his shoulder as I peered down at him. “Do you want to touch me?” He asked. I nodded, surprising myself. 

My hand shook as he guided it down his chest and to his underwear, gripping his fingers around mine as he showed me how to move. He kept the pace slow as he moaned, his chest moving fast as his eyes screwed shut.   
“God, Val. You’re going to make me cum,” he strained. I attempted to pull my hand away, only for him to tighten his grip on me. Only seconds passed until I felt him throb in my hand and I watched a wet patch cover his underwear as I pulled away, I noticed his chest was twitching and he was forcing his eyes open. “Fuck,” he whispered, breathing heavily. 

As he gently ushered me off his lap and stood, he grabbed clean clothes. He changed in silence before turning off the light and lying next to me, pulling the comforter over my body. I set my head on his bare chest, my eyes shutting and quickly taking up sleep once he wrapped his arms around me. 

I dreamt of Luke and all the things we’ve done together—sexual or not—and I dreamt of being with him forever. I dreamt of him meeting my parents and everything going well and getting their approval. I dreamt of Luke and I being happy, and never having another disagreement again.


	45. Waited My Whole Life.

“Good morning,” Luke whispered as soon as I opened my eyes. We were still in the position we fell asleep in; my head on his chest and his arms secured around me. Petunia was at our feet, chewing on a bone.   
“Morning,” I mumbled, tearing myself away from him to stretch my arms above my head. A frown flashed on his face, what I assumed to be from the lack of touch between us. “How did you sleep?” I asked when Petunia nuzzled her head towards me for a pet.   
“Great.” He grinned as my fingers grazed Petunia’s fur. “What about you?” He pulled my body back to him, pressing a kiss against my cheek. Petunia jumped off the bed and walked to the corner she kept her toys in before collapsing on the hardwood and finding a new toy to indulge herself in.   
“Pretty well.” I kept the gory bits hidden, like the dream I had of me touching him the night before. In my dreams, I relived our memories and it felt just as real as it did when I was awake. I longed to bring him the same peace I did last night.

Luke’s hands snaked around my waist as he set his chin on my shoulder, staring down at my phone as I replied to a text from my mom.   
“Valerie?” He asked once I set my phone down and I turned in his grip to face him.   
“Lucas?” I shot back at him with a smile. He rolled his eyes when I used his full name, but opened his mouth to speak, quickly shutting it again.   
“Nevermind.” He brushed it off, pushing his curls out of his face.   
“Tell me,” I urged, curiosity getting the best of me. When he didn’t reply, I tilted my head to the side and intertwined my fingers in his.   
“It’s stupid.” He let out a dry laugh, his thumb running across the back of my hand.   
“No it’s not.” Although I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t believe a single stupid thing could come out of his mouth, especially something that wasn’t easy for him to say. I assumed it to be something raw of emotion, as emotions never come easily for him. 

Silence struck us for a long while. I was unsure whether it was because he was trying to decide if he wants to tell me, or if he was trying to decide how to word it.   
“I was just…” he began before stopping to sigh. “I was wondering if you… Would ever…” He pulled his hand away, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s stupid. I said nevermind.” Whatever it was, he seemed to be uncomfortable saying it.   
“If I would ever what?” I so desperately wanted to know. This conversation could lead to so many different roads, and I wanted to know which one he planned to take it down.   
“If you would ever let me meet your parents,” he finally finished, his face turning red. It took all my might not to smile at the sight of Luke blushing. I would have, if it hadn’t been such a hard topic for him to bring up.   
“Yes,” I told him. “But they can be…” My voice trailed off in search of the right adjective. Judgemental? Rude? Over the top? Religious? “Overbearing.”  
“Oh.” He looked down at his lap, as if to tell me that he regretted asking. 

“But they want to meet you.” I reassured. “I told them we were seeing each other and they asked if we wanted to come over next weekend.” I let him know, even though I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to see them yet.   
“Really?” His face lit up and I couldn’t help but smile.   
“Yeah.” I bit my lip. “I mean… We don’t have to, if you think it’s too soon or something, but… They offered to have a family dinner.”   
“No one has ever actually wanted to meet me before,” he told me and my heart panged. Although my parents wanted to meet him, I knew that they’d get offended the second he walked through the door, and I didn’t want him to be upset by their negative backlash.   
“Well, you have a whole bunch of religious Italians who want to.” I joked, and we shared a small laugh. “And I wanted to meet you,” I blurted out, my face reddening as his blue eyes met mine. “I mean… I’ve waited my whole life to meet someone who has made me feel comfortable with intimacy.” I finished off with a bright red face, rising my hand to hide my blush, only to have Luke pull it down and interlace our fingers.   
“I’ve waited my whole life to meet someone who’s made me care about them more than myself.” The second his confession left his mouth, I grabbed his cheeks and pressed my lips against his.

I craved the feeling of intimacy that we had last night, so I gently pushed him down on the mattress before straddling his lap and deepening the kiss. Luke smirked against my lips, his hands settling on my waist before he pulled away.   
“You are getting bolder every time we do this.” His lopsided grin was enough to drive me crazy.   
“Shut up!” I warned, rolling my eyes.   
“I’m just saying, it’s extremely hot when you take control,” his voice lowered to a whisper as he pulled me back down, colliding our lips. I grinded my hips into him and he moaned into my mouth, his fingers digging into my sides. “You’re going to give me a hard-on,” he mumbled as he moved to my neck, tenderly kissing the skin as his hands grabbed at my breasts. I set my hands on his bare chest, allowing them to gently scale down until I reached the band of his sweatpants. He let out a shaky breath once he pulled away from my neck.

“What are you doing?” he asked, pushing the hair out of my face and behind my ear.   
“I-I want to do what we did last night,” I told him, climbing off his lap as Luke slid himself up to sit against the headboard as he bit his lip. “But-But differently,” I whispered.   
“Different, how?” He urged and my eyes fell to the bulge in his pants.   
“Um… With…” I struggled to get the words out. He knows how shy I am, but I didn’t want that to stop me this time. I wanted to give him what he wanted, and what I’ve wanted to try since our first intimate encounter. “My mouth,” I blurted out, my face turning bright red as his broke out in a huge grin.   
“Really?” he asked, overexcited. “I mean… You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.” He tried to soften, but I could see the excitement in his eyes (and his pants). 

Luke watched me with dark eyes as I pulled down his sweatpants and urged him to buck his hips up, sliding them down, along with his boxers. Staring up him, I slowly moved up and down his shaft. After a second, I leaned down, putting my lips around him and taking him in my mouth. Luke gasped sharply, moaning as he threw his head back. I bobbed up and down, being extremely careful not to hurt him with my teeth. Luke pulled at my hair, fighting the urge to buck his hips or push me down, I took him into my mouth fully, gagging as I did.   
"Holy fucking shit." He swore, I felt him begin to twitch in my mouth, I swirled my tongue around his head as he stuttered. "Sh-shit, Val. I'm going to—fuck—if you don't stop I'm going to come in your mouth." His words came out in a rush as I quickly bobbed my head, taking him into my mouth further as his grip in my hair tightened. He released into my mouth and without knowing what to do, I swallowed the salty substance and pulled back, staring at a flustered, out of breath, and cursing Luke. 

I set my head on Luke’s chest as he pulled his pants back up and held me close to him.   
“Baby…” he began. “That was… Wow…. That was amazing,” he complimented. “I can’t believe you’ve never done that before.” He pulled my face up and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “I’m glad to have been your first.” My face turned red as I buried it in Luke’s chest, embarrassed by my provocative actions. “Val?” He asked, and I snapped my head up to him.   
“Yeah?” My voice was soft, feeling like if I talked too loud I would shatter him after the vulnerable state he was just in.   
“I have to tell you something,” he confessed and my green eyes met his blue ones before he looked away. I feared the worst, my heart pounding in my chest. “I… I really like you.”


	46. Leaving a Light on for Nobody.

“I have to tell you something,” he confessed and my green eyes met his blue ones before he looked away. I feared the worst, my heart pounding in my chest. “I… I really like you,” he said, and I felt my heart stop as the heat rushed to my cheeks. That was the last thing I expected him to say when he told me he had a confession. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in and shut my eyes, snuggling into his chest.   
“I really like you too, Luke,” I told him, though I knew it was obvious. How could he not know? Why would I put up with all of the stuff he’s put me through if I didn’t? Regardless, I still wanted to tell just in case he didn’t know. His fingers combed through my hair as mine traced the tattoos on his chest. 

“For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me.” His voice was quiet, he was full of confessions this morning. “That I was too angry and too sad and I drove people away too much.” I didn’t look at him, fearful that he’d stop talking if I did. “But now, I realize it was all because I needed someone like you, Val.” My heart ached for him. “I’ve been leaving a light on for nobody, not even realizing that—this entire time—it was for you. I’ve been leaving a light on for you.” He let our a deep breath, like he’d been holding that confession in for so long. 

I continued tracing the lines of his tattoos and he chuckled. I wondered if he could feel the heat of my cheeks on his chest.   
“I love it when you do that,” he said. “When you outline my tattoos.” Although he said he loved it, I stopped and looked up at him. “And I love the way you look up at me.” His voice was so soft, hardly audible. I kept my breathing slow, as if I could blow him away, and my lips curved into a small smile. “And I love your smile.” There it was again. That word—love. But he only liked me. I wondered if he’d ever love me, like the way he loves the simple things about me. 

I wondered if I’d ever love him. I wondered if I’d take the time to pick my brain and figure it all out. But for now, this was good. Just liking each other, consumed in each other. I wondered what would come next. Was I the one expected to speak, or would he continue his display of emotions? Before I had the chance to decide on what to say, he leaned down and kissed my forehead before sitting up and ushering my body off of his.   
“Wanna go take P for a walk?” Although I wanted to lie in bed with him all day, I nodded anyways and pulled on my shoes. 

I was surprised when Luke took my hand, leading me throughout the house and down the street. We got looks from his frat brothers and other college students as we walked, and it irritated me. What was so weird about seeing Luke and I together? Shouldn’t they be used to it by now? Luke pulled his hand away from mine, and I feared it was because of the unwanted attention, but that fear diminished when he set his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer as Petunia led us down a path that she’s memorized. 

“When I was a kid, my dad had this huge pickup truck,” I told him, not sure why. Maybe it was because he’s been sharing with me all morning, and I wanted to share in return. He looked at me, confused and waiting for me to continue. “My sister and I used to fight over who got to sit in the middle seat because dad would dangle his arm over the back of the seat and let us hold his hand. We loved holding his hand while he drove.” As if to show him, I interlaced my fingers with his on the hand that was dangling over my shoulder, leaning into him. 

“But when Laura Gene turned 14, she stopped fighting with me to sit in the middle because she was too cool to hold dad’s hand.” I looked up at him with a smile. “I was 7, so I wasn’t too cool or too old, I was just scared.” My smile quickly faltered. “Right after my uncle did what he did… I was scared of my own father. I thought he’d do what my uncle did and…” My voice trailed off. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” I confessed with a sigh.   
“I’m glad you are.” He tightened his grip on my hand. 

“That’s when I got the purity ring. For the longest time, I thought it was because of my faith and my morals, but now, I think it’s because I was so scared.” We stopped in our tracks as Petunia used the bathroom. “Because no one tries to get with a girl who has a purity ring, and if they do… They know nothing would happen if they tried to pull a move.” We turned back around, heading back to the house. “I guess it’s just been my way of pushing off the inevitable, pushing off my fear of being abused again.” 

We stopped at the door and I set a hand on his arm, stopping him before we went in.   
“But I’m ready now,” I said. “I just want it to be special.” He pulled me into a tight hug, pressing his lips against mine before bringing me inside. I stayed with Luke, cuddling, through two movies and lunch before he brought me home so I could do my work for tomorrow’s classes. 

***

As soon as I walked into my dorm, I was met with Lea sitting on her bed. I’m surprised she was home, considering she usually spent her entire weekend with Michael.   
“I have to tell you something,” she blurted out before I could greet her, grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit on her bed with her. “And it’s going to be really hard to say.” I studied her face, trying to guess what she was getting at.   
“Um… Okay… What is it?” Her eyes fell to my hands as she grabbed them, in hopes to soothe me.   
“I just found out about it last night. I’ve been waiting all day for you to come home so I could tell you. Michael was drunk and he just blurted it out and-” I cut her off.   
“What is it?” I asked, feeling impatient and nervous. That seemed to shut her up, because she bit her lip and let tears brim her eyes. “Lea,” I urged. 

“I-I thought he didn’t do it anymore because he’s been different ever since he met you and…” She let out a shaky breath.   
“Lea, just tell me.” My voice was more serious, and I pulled my hands away from her’s.   
“He used to take these videos of girls… When they were having sex or messing around and… I-I thought he stopped, but there’s a video of you.” I could stop myself from gasping and covering my mouth.   
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s impossible.”  
“He showed the boys. Only the first time something happened but… He showed them.” I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t pry my gaze from the floor and let tears fall out of my eyes. I bit my lip hard to try and stop them, but it didn’t work. 

“I’m so sorry,” she gushed, pulling me into a hug. “I really thought he changed.” I didn’t hug her back, I couldn’t even move. “Please don’t be mad at me. I really didn’t know until last night, I swear Val.” I felt her tears against my skin and knew she felt mine as well. We sat there for a while, holding each other as we cried. I let all of the words we exchanged today to swarm around my head and I felt sick. How could he be so honest and open with me, if he knew what he did the whole time? Was he even being honest and open? I pulled away from Lea, wiping my eyes and letting out a long sigh.   
“I can’t believe it,” I whispered. How could I? After all he’s said, all we’ve done. Did I ever mean anything to him? Was I just another conquest? I did things with him that I’d never do with anyone else. I was ready to give my body to him. And for what? A video that he showed around to make fun of me?


	47. People Who Actually Care.

Ignoring Luke’s texts and calls had proved to be easier than I thought it would be. Well, it’s only been a few hours. He knew his secret was out. As Lea had told me that she pried it out of Michael, Michael had told Luke that he’d let it slip. I turned off my phone to stop the incessant buzzing and tried to focus on the story I had due next week. The story I hadn’t started. The story that was once about gain, but now all I can think to write about is loss. Lea left an hour ago to yell at Mikey, and I sent Monica and Mandy away when they showed up to try and cheer me up. I knew it wasn’t their fault, but I was still mad at them. 

 

They drove me back into Luke’s arms each time we fought, and reassured me that he was changing when he wasn’t. I was mad at them. I was mad at Luke. I was mad at the entire world. For what seemed like the fifth time in the past hour, I pushed my laptop away from me and walked over to the window, staring out at the soccer field where a group of students were sat, having dinner together. They were laughing, enjoying each other’s company. I just wanted to be as happy as them. I wish I never met Luke in the first place. If I were still who I was when I came to college, I’d be content. 

 

I wish I was still without a roommate, without any friends. If I hadn’t met  _ any _ of them, I wouldn’t be in so much pain. Not just emotionally either, but physically. My heart is aching so bad it’s pounding against my ribs and giving me heartburn. I’ve been crying so much that a migraine is forming. My hand aches from the stitches of the glass I picked up when Luke smashed it. My body was restless, no position I sat or lied in would ease the aching in my muscles. 

 

My gaze travelled to the streetlamp, where a man was leaning against the metal and holding a cigarette up to his lips. I wanted to open the window, let the breeze flow in and let the cigarette stench fill up the room. It may be the closest I ever get to being with Luke again, smelling someone else’s cigarettes and thinking about him. I didn’t open the window. Instead, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t need to open the window to smell his scent, it was already plastered all over me. 

 

From the morning, when he said all those thoughtful things. From my dirty clothes, where I spent my days with him in. From my comforter, where he lied with me. Even from Lea’s comforter, where he spent his time before he met me. My mind reeled back to the words we exchanged, how he wanted to meet my parents, how he said he likes me, the things he said he loves about me. Hell, we were  _ dating _ . So close to love, sharing so many intimate moments, so close to me giving my body to him. The only thing I hold sacred. 

 

What would I have done if I gave my body to him? What would I have done if I let him meet my parents? What would they say? Hell, I already  _ know _ what they would say. ‘ _ Valerie, you’re too good for him. Valerie, he’s a punk. Valerie, he’s dangerous and he’ll only hurt you. Valerie, you don’t belong with a man like that _ .’ And they’d be right. I hate to admit it, but they’re always right. I wish I would have listened to my instincts, that mom and dad wouldn’t like him, and stayed away.

 

What am I supposed to say when mom asks about the dinner next weekend?  _ Sorry mom, we broke up because he’s a piece of shit—he’s always been a piece of shit, but I thought he was changing—and he ruined me. _ They didn’t have to know about the video or the dogfight or the stitches. They only needed to know that it didn’t work out. First boyfriend, first heartbreak: That’s what mom said the first time Gene got dumped. Does this qualify as heartbreak? What does heartbreak feel like, because this is pretty damn painful. 

 

My eyes focused on the sidewalk beneath my window as I wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop. It was like a leaking faucet—sometimes it slows, but never enough to allow the sink to dry. Familiar boots hit the pavement and I panicked. He’s coming up here. He has to be. In a panic, I swung around and made eye contact with the door. The broken door. How was I supposed to keep him out when the door doesn’t lock? 

 

I don’t want to see him, not like this. Would he be angry? Upset? Where could I hide? My eyes darted under the bed, but what if he looked? I can’t jump out the window, we’re on the third floor. Under Lea’s bed? No. Under the desk? No.  _ Fuck _ . I heard a light knock on the door and, without knowing what else to do, tucked myself into the closet and shut the door. I clutched my knees to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. He couldn’t see through the door, but what if he opened it? Then again, why would he? What kind of lunatic hides from someone in the closet so they don’t have to face the inevitable talk.

 

“Val?” Luke’s muffled voice came from outside of the closed door and I held my breath, biting my lip so hard that I tasted metal. The doorknob jiggled and I heard it swing open, hitting the wall. It was silent for a long while before I heard the door close again and boots hitting the floor, the bed creaking under his weight. He  _ has _ to know I’m in here. My purse is on the desk, my laptop on the bed, and my phone on the nightstand. Maybe he thinks I’m in the bathroom. Or that I left with nothing of mine because I was so upset. He let out a long sigh before sniffling. He’s not crying. He can’t be. This is all his fault. 

 

It’s his fault that I’m hiding in the closet out of fear and praying he goes away. 

“Hello?” Luke’s voice sounded and I clamped my hand over my mouth. Did he hear me? “Is Val with you?” he asked and I let out a silent breath of relief. “Well, where is she?” he snapped. “She’s  _ not _ in her room.” I wondered what he was doing. If he was lying on my bed or sitting. If he was looking at the wall or out the window. “I just want to know where the fuck she is!” he yelled and I jumped. “I’m not leaving until I talk to her.” That was the last thing I heard him say before it went silent again. I set my head against the wall, subtly changing my position to get more comfortable. I’m going to be in here for a while. He’s not leaving until he sees me, and I’m not coming out. Maybe Lea will come back and make him go. 

 

***

 

My eyes shot open when I heard a voice. I hadn’t realized I fell asleep until I was awake again. I was still shut away in the closet, and extremely uncomfortable in the cramped space. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lea asked. Her voice was angry and I wondered how long I’d been asleep. 

“Waiting for Valerie.” I could practically hear the eye roll in his voice. 

“Well she isn’t here, so you need to leave.” 

“Where is she?” he asked, like he had the right to know. 

“I don’t know. She probably went home, to people who actually  _ care  _ about her!” I momentarily closed my eyes, not sure if I should be offended by the comment. “Because you make her think that none of us give a shit about her!” She softened, making me feel slightly better. “It’s only you, Luke! You’re the only one who doesn’t care about her! All of us, we would fucking  _ die _ for Val, and you make her feel like some kind of fucking toy we’re passing around!” I lifted my head from the wall, pulling my knees back to my chest.

 

“Don’t you dare say that I don’t care about her!” Was all he countered with and I rolled my eyes. 

“If you cared about her, you wouldn’t have done what you did. Hell, you wouldn’t have done  _ any _ of the shit that you’ve done to her!” When he didn’t reply, she continued. “You’ve ruined her, Luke. You took every good thing about her and molded it into something else. How could you do that? We all  _ really _ like her, and you’re taking her away from us!” Lea was crying now, but I’m not sure why. She wasn’t the one who had a video of her engaging in something intimate. How many people did he show? Did Lea see it? What about Monica and Mandy?

“I love her. I can’t let her go,” he said, and my heart leapt. I wasn’t sure why it did, because I was so mad at him. Just the thought of Luke  _ possibly _ loving me gave all the pain he’s inflicted meaning. But I know he doesn't mean it. He can’t. He doesn’t  _ do _ love. The room was silent for a long while. 

“If you love her, you’ll leave her alone,” Lea finally said and I heard him sigh. His boots collided with the floor, and the door opened and slammed shut. 

 

“You can come out now.” Lea muttered, her bed creaking under her. I pushed myself off the floor and left the closet. 

“How’d you know I was here?” I asked, sitting next to her. It was dark out now, I’d probably been hiding for a couple hours. 

“Because you have nowhere else to go.” Her voice was quiet. “You weren’t with Mandy or Monica. Or even in the bathroom. So you had to be here.” I stared at my hands, ignoring the stinging pain in my back. 

“Do you think he meant that?” I asked, and she knew what I meant, so she nodded. 

“That’s what's so fucked up about it: The fact that he  _ definitely  _ meant it.”


	48. Get Away.

“I don’t know what to do.” I sighed, plopping on the bed. My legs were bent at the knees and my feet were planted on the ground, my back on the mattress with my arms at my side as I stared at the ceiling, wondering if I’d lied there long enough, maybe I’d sink into the mattress and become nothing but the foam that Lea lies on to help her adjust to the hardness of the springs. I was in the same position that Luke was lying in the first time I straddled his lap. Right before he leaned up to kiss me and—  
“I don’t know either,” Lea said, breaking me out of my thoughts. She lied down next to me, her right arm resting on top of mine and looked at me. My head rolled over so I was looking at her, too, and I wanted to cry. Why did I have to let myself be drawn in by Luke? Why did I have to let him hurt me? “Can I be honest?” she asked and I nodded immediately, in need of clarity. 

“I don’t think he deserves a second chance,” she stated, her head rolling to look at the ceiling, but I still stared at her, watching her face for any hint of emotion. “I mean, he’s fucked you over so many times. He doesn’t deserve it. People like Luke… They think they can just go around and fuck with whoever they want and in the end, everyone is hurt but them.” She took the words out of my mouth before turning her head back to me. “Not this time, though. He’s hurt, too, because he really cared about you. Now, he’s feeling what he makes all the other girls feel. He deserves to feel as miserable as he does.” This time, I was the one to look away. I couldn’t look at her and ask what I wanted to know. I’d hear it all in her voice, and if she gave me the answer I didn’t want, I didn’t want her to see me cry. She’d seen my tears enough lately.

“Do you think he was with other girls?” I asked. “When he was with me?” She was silent for a long time.   
“No. Actually, I don’t.” Sincerity was hinted in her voice. “Since I’ve known him, he’s had a different girl everyday. But not with you. With you, he was different. It was like… Like no one else mattered.” I wished that were true. If no one else mattered, he wouldn’t have taken the video. Or he’d at least tell me about it.   
“I don’t get it.” I let out a dry laugh. “He changed—in a lot of ways—and he didn’t even tell me or try and make it right. He just shows up and expects me to accept his apology.” I looked back at Lea, who was combing her fingers through her hair.   
“I don’t think you should forgive him.” Silence fell on us. “Well… I mean, unless he does something really fucking special, because he fucked up really bad.” 

“I wish I could just get away,” I admitted, sitting up. Lea followed in my lead, grabbing my hand.   
“Where would you go?” she asked.   
“With my mom and dad. Go see my nephew.” I smiled at the thought of them, knowing that only they’d be able to make me feel better at a time like this.   
“Then do it. Go. Fuck school. Take some time for yourself to unwind and forget about this mess.” I wanted, believe me, but I couldn’t.   
“My parents would know something is up. And I can’t miss class.”  
“Val.” Her voice was serious. “Tell your parents that you have a week off of classes because of—shit, I don’t know—a faculty death. And tell your professors that you have an emergency at home. I know you’re ahead in your classes, they’ll understand.” I thought for a long while before finally nodding. “And when you come back, the door will be fixed—I’ll make sure of it. And I’ll also make sure that Luke stays away. He won’t know where you went or when you’re coming back. This is for you.”

***

I woke up in Lea’s bed. I begged her to let me stay on her side with her and she hugged me, playing with my hair as I fell asleep. When I awoke, she was sitting at her desk, getting ready to start the day. I sent a quick email to my professors before packing, and Lea told me that she and Michael would drop me off at the train station on their way to class. The train ride was long and exhausting, but at least I’d stopped crying. I imagined what it would be like to come home with Luke, but quickly pushed the thought out of my head because I didn’t want to think about him any longer. I guess it’s better this way, mom and dad would have hated him.

***

“Valerie, we’re so happy that you have a week off from school!” Mom gushed as she joined us at the table. She invited Gene, Drew, and Parker over as well for that family dinner she was longing for. I didn’t want to see my sister, but I didn’t want mom to know I was upset, so I kept my mouth shut about the whole situation.  
“What happened again?” Gene pushed, sending me a smirk as I rolled my eyes.   
“The dean of students had a heart attack, Gene. Do you know what a heart attack is?” She was taken back by my boldness. Everyone was. I’m not the same person I was when I left for college, and with all that happened with Luke, I wasn’t in the mood to be pushed around. I couldn’t stop the sassy remark from leaving my throat.  
“Girls, please.” Mom scolded. “Let’s just have a nice dinner.” Gene’s eyes narrowed at me before she sighed and turned to Parker, cutting up his chicken for him. 

“How are things going with your boyfriend?” mom asked and I fought back an eye roll, knowing I’d get an earful if I disrespected her, especially in front of Drew and Parker.   
“We-Um-Luke and I actually broke up.” I mumbled, rolling the peas around my plate and suddenly losing my appetite. Gene stifled laughter, pretending it was Parker she was laughing at and Drew gave her a hard glare.   
“What happened?” Drew asked. He was always nicer to me than Gene, and often yelled at her for being so cruel. He was like the brother I always wanted. I wondered if my life would be different if he was my sibling and not Gene.   
“It just wasn’t working out.” I shrugged, trying to hide the fact that I’d been crying all night about it. Also trying to hide the fact that I was lying about our breakup and the horrible things he’d done to me. 

“Awww. Did Valerie’s first boyfriend break up with her?” Gene fake pouted and I clenched my jaw.   
“Actually, Laura Gene. Valerie broke up with him. So stop acting like a know-it-all and shut your trap!” I normally didn’t fight back this much, but I couldn’t take it. I just wanted her to shut up.   
“Valerie, stop mouthing off! And Gene, quit taunting your sister! We just want to have a nice dinner without all this nonsense!” Dad yelled and we both stopped talking, sitting up straight. Dad wasn’t one to yell, so when he did we knew he was extremely angry. Normally, he’d ignore our bickering. I guess having two fighting girls rather than one was enough to drive him up the wall. Gene cleared her throat, sticking her hair behind her ear. 

“Val, Parker actually has some exciting news that he wanted to share.” Her tone was much different. Almost warm, now. I wondered where my sister’s rudeness had went. Maybe I had a knack for taking rudeness and shaping it into something else.   
“What is it, Park?” I smiled at him and he dropped his fork, nearly jumping out of his seat.   
“Mommy and daddy are letting me get a puppy!” He shouted and I laughed, actually laughed. It felt like the first time I was happy in days (when in reality, it's only been one).   
“That’s amazing!” I gushed, knowing it was a big step for Gene to allow a dog in her house. She even threw a fit when dad brought Warren home and refused to contribute in taking care of him. As if he knew I was thinking about him, Warren set his chin on my knee, begging for food. I threw him a pea, not caring that we weren’t supposed to give him table scraps. Luke gave Petunia table scraps all the time. Luke.

“What kind do you want?” I asked and Parker furrowed his brow.   
“A big yellow one! Like Warren!” At the sound of his name, the goldendoodle pranced over to Parker, waiting for the next piece of food to fall off his plate.   
“Well, that dog is going to be very lucky to have you to play with!” I focused my eyes back on my plate, and the rest of dinner was occupied by Gene and Drew talking about work; Parker talking about the friend he made in daycare; and mom and dad talking about the garden they’re building. I stayed silent, wishing I had something worthwhile to talk about. I wished I could talk about Luke.

***

“Valerie?” mom asked, knocking on my door before letting herself in. I wondered what the point of knocking was if she was just going to come in, but I didn’t say anything. Gene and Drew left about two hours ago and I just finished getting ready for bed.   
“Yeah?” I set down my book before looking up at her and she sat on the edge of my bed.   
“What happened with you and Luke?” There was a certain sadness in her voice that I couldn’t pinpoint. I’d never heard it before. Maybe she thought that her daughter (who’s always been unwanted) was now, indeed, wanted and lost that chance. Maybe she thought I’d never have another chance at being with someone.   
“Sometimes people just aren’t who you think they are.” I told her and she nodded. 

“Are you upset? Do you miss him?” I didn’t know how to answer that. Of course I missed him, of course I’m upset. I wanted to scream my lungs out about it. How could I not? He’s the most amazing person I’d ever met, given the circumstances surrounding what he did.   
“Yeah.” I stuck my hair behind my ear before folding the corner of my page and setting the book on the nightstand. I picked at the fuzz on my blanket and Warren came into the room because mom left the door open. Usually I didn’t like when he slept on my bed, but maybe it would make me feel closer to Luke. Maybe I’d feel like I was in Luke’s bed with Petunia lying on my feet. Or maybe Warren would lay next to me and I could wrap my arms around his body and feel his breathing, pretending it was Luke. 

“What was he like?” She asked and I smiled to myself.  
“He was really funny. And handsome. And he had this temper, but he always kept it under control when I was around-” I paused, lying down. “He was in a band and they were quite good, and he wore leather jackets, and he always opened the door for me, and he had a dog who was the sweetest thing ever.” I smiled at the memory of him, but frowned when I realized I was talking about him like he was dead. “Oh, and he has blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. He’s wonderful, mom.” Wonderful, despite what he’d done.   
“So what happened?” she asked again.  
“I thought he was wonderful, but that isn’t who he actually is.” 

“And who is he really?” I was getting sick of her questioning, but I desperately wanted to talk about Luke—even if I had to censor myself.   
“He’s rude to his friends—he’s only nice to me. His temper gets out of control when I’m not around. He only cares about his dog. He hates his family. He’s angry. He’s just… very angry.” I pulled my blanket up to cover my arms.   
“Does he make you happy?” I could tell she disapproved of my description, but I was truthful with her and nodded anyways. “Then why don’t you get back together with him?” How could I tell her about the video? I couldn’t, it would break her heart as it broke mine.   
“He did something unforgivable.” Tears welled in my eyes and I turned away from her. “I just want to go to bed. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” I didn’t want her to see me cry. With a sigh, she left my room and turned out the light, letting me cry myself to sleep in peace.


	49. Everyone Wants Her.

I was finally back in my dorm after five days of being away, and I felt exhausted. I forgot how stressed my family made me and how irritating it was to be around Gene. I was planning on staying through the weekend but I couldn’t take that crowded house one moment later, so I left on Friday afternoon and just got back to campus. Although, some good  _ did _ come out of my week away. I got a trim and some layers added to my hair, as well as some new clothes. Mom didn’t approve of the clothes I wanted, but she was glad that I was accepting myself and bought them for me anyways. 

 

As I walked into my room, three heads turned to me. 

“Val!” They yelled, collapsing me in hugs. I was glad to be around the girls again, around people who cared without judgement. The people I could  _ actually _ talk to about Luke—without censorship or worry. 

“We’ve missed you!” Monica spoke as they pulled away. 

“How was visiting your family?” Mandy asked. 

“Stressful.” I let out a dry laugh. “My family is definitely a handful.” We walked to Lea’s bed, sitting together before Lea turned to me with a wide smile. 

 

“So… The girls and I are getting ready to go to a party-” She began, but I cut her off. 

“No.” I immediately rejected. 

“It’s not at the frat, I swear!” Monica come to her defence.    
“It’s at Walter Pierce’s apartment.” Mandy chimed in, sending me a smile that told me he was attractive and well known (yet I’ve never heard of him).

“I just think it’ll be really good for you to get out-” Lea spoke, but was cut off.

“Let your hair loose!” Mandy laughed. 

“Get drunk!” Monica squeezed my hand. 

“Heaven knows you deserve it after all the shit you’ve been through.” I didn’t want to go, but maybe they were right. Maybe it’s what I needed. Maybe drinking would stop the pain. 

 

“The guys aren’t coming?” I asked and they all lit up. 

“Just us!” Monica replied. 

“We won’t even tell them where we’re going!” Lea bumped into me and I sighed. 

“Val, you don’t have to.” Mandy told me. “But I think you  _ need _ this.”

“You’re right. I do need this.” I leaned past Lea to look at Mandy. “But you guys have to help me get ready.” The thought excited them, and Monica stood to rummage through my clothes, Mandy started on my hair, and Lea did my makeup. 

 

***

 

The small apartment seemed to be more crowded than the frat house. Then again, maybe it wasn’t and the small space made it seem more cramped. Lea and Mandy went off to make us drinks, while Monica and I danced together. We’d only been here for about an hour, but I was having a great time. Somehow, knowing that Luke couldn’t possibly show up made me feel at ease and free to do whatever I wanted. As we swayed to the beat, Monica stopped her dancing and pulled out her phone before pulling me close to her. 

“It’s Ashton. I should answer, it might be important.” I gave her a small nod as she kissed my cheek and excused herself to walk out on the porch. As I stood alone, a hand touched the back of my arm. 

 

Turning around, I was surprised to see Jeremy. 

“Valerie!” He pulled me into a hug. “It’s nice to see you.” He shouted over the music. 

“It’s nice to see you, too.” I looked in the kitchen, trying to see what was taking Lea and Mandy so long. “How are you?” I turned back to him when I didn’t see them. 

“I’m alright.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Is Luke here?” 

“No.” My face fell. “We aren’t really together anymore.” I bit my lip, wondering why he’d ask. 

“Oh.” His eyes fell to the floor in embarrassment before he looked back at me. “Well, maybe I could take you on a second date, then.” He suggested but it was much too soon for me to even think about going on a date with anyone. 

“Maybe.” I shrugged it off, knowing I probably wouldn’t take him up on the offer. Before he could speak again, Mandy and Lea joined us. 

“I should get going. It was nice seeing you.” He pulled me into another hug, but I still didn’t hug him back. 

“Yeah, you too.” I gave him a smile before turning to Lea and Mandy, rolling my eyes. 

 

“Everyone wants you now.” Mandy laughed, handing me my drink. It was my first of the night, and I immediately took a sip. 

“You tamed the untameable.” Lea added and I rolled my eyes again, wanting to disappear. Why did they have to keep bringing him up? Did they do it on purpose?

“Let’s not talk about him.” I sighed. “I want to have a good time.” Monica joined us again, not knowing that we were talking about Luke and other boys, and pulled us back onto the dancefloor. I downed my drink before joining them. After about half an hour of dancing, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and found myself alone. Mandy, Monica, and Lea had left the spot they were in and were nowhere to be seen. As I searched for them, I was stopped in the kitchen. 

 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing here alone?” A voice asked and I turned around to see a tall man with dark hair in a buzzcut and tattoos on his biceps. 

“Um… I’m looking for my friends.” I tried to move past him, but he stood in my way. 

“Who are they?” He smiled at me and I noticed a small gap where his canine tooth should be, wondering how he lost it. 

“Lea, Monica, and Mandy.” Again, I tried to walk further into the kitchen but he stopped me. 

“Haven’t seen them. Why don’t you have a drink with me?” He gave me another smile and I sighed, wanting to suddenly go home. “I’m Walter.” He held out his hand and I shook it. 

“Val.” I felt obligated to follow him into the kitchen and accept the drink he poured for me, it was his house after all. 

 

***

 

“Luke?” I mumbled into the phone. I knew I shouldn’t be calling him, but my vision was blurring and I had to sit down on the curb before I fell. 

“Valerie? Are you okay?” he asked, sounding worried. Or angry? Maybe he’s drunk? I couldn’t decipher his tone. Was it the fact that he was disguising his voice, or was I too disoriented?

“No.” I held my head in my hands, trying my best not to drop the phone. 

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Um... O-Only two drinks but I... I think he put something.” I stopped, my breathing heavy. I could hardly string together a sentence without feeling the urge to puke.

 

“Why didn’t you stay with the girls?” He was definitely angry, now. 

“T-They... I don’t know... Where they are,” I pinched my eyes shut, trying to focus on the coolness of the air. 

“Where are you? I’m coming to-“ he began, but I didn’t hear the rest, as another voice called my attention. 

“Val?” Walter asked. “Come back inside.” I lowered my phone to my waist, worried that if he saw me on the phone, he’d get mad. 

“Walter, I-I want to go home,” I rasped and Walter laughed, pulling me up by my wrists. 

“Let’s go lie down, yeah?” he asked and I tried to pull away, but I was too weak. 

“No...” I breathed, but he picked my body up anyways, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me inside. 

 

Everything felt fuzzy as Walter threw me down on the bed. I tried to get up and walk away, but when I did, I fell off the bed and onto the floor. Walter just laughed and picked me back up, placing me back on the bed and hovering over me. His lips met my neck and I tried to push him away, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them down. 

“Stop!” I tried to yell, but it hardly came out as a whisper. He was about to push up my top, the door pounded open to reveal a furious Luke. 

 

I wanted to scream, to yell for him and beg him to stop Walter, but I couldn’t open my mouth. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to stay awake. Luke pulled Walter off with a hand on his shoulder and began punching him. Walter fell to the floor and Luke got on top of him, continuing his assault. I couldn’t see what he was doing to him on the floor, I wanted to get up and look, but I couldn’t so much as turn my head to the side. My eyes were getting heavy and I couldn’t fight off the sleep anymore. Knowing Luke would keep me safe (at least from being physically hurt), I let the sleep take over me. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

I stepped away from Walter, who was gasping and covered in blood and rushed over to Valerie. 

“Val?” I shook her, but her eyes remained closed. “Fuck,” I muttered to myself and, without knowing what to do, I picked up her small body and carried her to my car. I didn’t know where to go, so I drove her back to her dorm and carried her up the stairs, searching her pockets for the keys. “Come on baby, where are your keys?” I knew she couldn’t hear me, but it comforted me to talk to her. It’d been so long since I’ve seen her (or even spoke to her), and I was mortified that it has to be when she was in such a horrible state. Last time I saw her, we were so happy to be together. God, where was her purse? Didn’t she bring one with? I’d have to talk to her about being so stupid for coming here. 

 

After I gave up on looking for her keys, I sighed angrily and carried her down the stairs and back to the car. Why’d she have to get that fucking door fixed? My arms were tired and I was so overwhelmed. Without knowing where else to go, I took her back to the frat house. I carried her up the stairs and set her on my bed, taking off her shoes and pulling the comforter over her. Petunia lied next to her, in the place that I would usually lie. I didn’t think she’d appreciate me lying in a bed with her after all that’s happened, and especially not while she’s in this state, so I grabbed the pillow that she wasn’t using and the throw blanket at the end of the bed, taking up sleep on the hard wooden floor. 

 

I wanted to wake her up, to tell her how sorry I am. To beg her to forgive me. To let her know that I can’t stop crying. I fucked up so bad this time, and I worry that I’ll never get the chance to make it right. I don’t deserve to, either. But I love her, I’m sure of it now. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, and I can’t bear the fact that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore. I wondered if she loves me, too. She can’t possibly love me, not after what I’ve done. And if she did before, she doesn’t now. I lost my chance with her. I’ll never get one again. She’s not mine. She’s not my girl. She doesn’t want to kiss me or hold me or listen to me talk about my day. She doesn’t want anything to do with me, I’m a lost cause, and I just have to deal with it. She’s not my girl anymore and now, everyone wants her. 


	50. Nothing to Talk About.

My eyes peeled open, but quickly shut once the sun entered my vision. My head was pounding and I couldn’t take the pain spreading to my eyes. The acid in my stomach began to rise up, but I swallowed it down, not wanting to get up  _ just _ to vomit. How much did I have to drink last night? I raised my arm to cover my eyes, hoping to block out more of the light. My bed was soft, softer than it’s ever been. Then again, maybe that was because every muscle in my body ached. And the blankets were comforting. I felt them dip into me and fill me with warmth. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to check my phone for the time. 

 

I knew that if I did, I would see the texts from Luke, begging me to forgive him. If I looked at them, I knew I would consider it. I knew I would consider the choice of talking it over and getting back together, but I didn’t want him to win that easily. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did, but at the same time I didn’t want him to hurt at all. If I could have it my way, Luke would be pain free, and so would I. If I could have it my way, this never would have happened. But it did. Oh god, it did. I can’t just  _ forget _ that it did, no matter how much I want to.

 

A sigh came from my left, but I still didn’t open my eyes. Maybe if Lea thought I was still asleep, she’d leave me be. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially not with the hangover I had forming. I debated turning on my side before deciding against it due to the sound of metal clinking together. 

“Come on P. Knock it off. Don’t wake her up,” Luke’s voice was quiet and my eyes sprang open, my arm ripping away from my face as I whipped my head over to him. His eyes were soft and inviting. He was sitting on the window sill, bringing a cigarette to his lips as he stared at me. Despite the window being open and the fresh breeze rolling in, I still felt like I had no air to breathe. “Morning sleeping beauty.” I suspected humor in his tone, but his face was flat—showing no emotion whatsoever.

 

“What am I doing here?” My tone was the exact opposite of his. It seemed like he was trying his best not to scare me off, whereas I was angrier than I’d ever been. Did he call me while I was drunk? Did I pick up and allow him to lure me here? Did he have sex with me while I was incapacitated? 

“Relax.” He sighed, putting out his cigarette. When did he start smoking again? “I helped you last night. I slept on the floor, look.” He pointed to my right and I glanced down to see a single blanket and pillow lying on the hardwood floor. I felt bad for taking off his bed, but also felt that he deserved the back pain. 

“What do you mean?” I brought my knees to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. Luke stood up and walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I scooted away from him, trying to create more distance in between us. 

“Walter tried something on you.” his voice was still soft, despite the anger I was showing him. 

 

As he was sitting closer to me, I noticed the stubble on his chin and the bags under his eyes. He looked like a mess, like he hadn’t slept since I left. 

“Yeah, what?” I rolled my eyes. I vaguely remembered meeting Walter last night, but I also remembered leaving him inside. 

“He put something in your drink, Val. You called me. And when I got there he was trying to-” he stopped and I let out a shaky breath, not wanting to hear any more. “So I beat the shit out of him. I tried to take you home, but I couldn’t find your keys.” I didn’t bring my keys to the party. Lea brought hers and assured me that we’d leave together. “You shouldn’t have left the girls. I’ve told you a million times not to wander off at parties. This is what happens when you don’t listen. You could have gotten hurt,” he nagged and I rolled my eyes, not believing that he  _ actually _ cared. I suddenly wondered what had happened with the girls and grabbed my phone off of Luke’s night stand, frantically opening up my text messages. 

 

_ From Lea: Val where are you? _

_ From Lea: Luke told me what happened. I’m soooooo sorry, I should have stayed with you.  _

_ From Lea: Please come home soon. I’m sorry! _

_ From Mandy: Hope you got home okay! _

_ From Mandy: OH MY GOD VAL I’M SO SORRY I JUST HEARD. _

_ From Mandy: I SWEAR I’M GOING TO CHOP OFF WALTER’S BALLS. _

_ From Monica: Where’d you run off to? _

_ From Monica: Did you find a new man to wow you? ;) _

_ From Monica: Holy shit. I didn’t know Walter was like that. Please don’t be mad! :( _

 

Locking my phone, I tossed it on the bed and sighed. I knew Luke deserved an apology, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Why did I call  _ him _ ? Out of everyone, why him? Sniffling, I tried to stop the tears from falling, but ultimately failed. 

“Can you take me home?” I asked, just wanting to be with Lea.

“I was actually hoping we could talk.” Luke looked at me with desperation, but I shook my head. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I told him. “Not anymore.”

“But, I was thinking that… Well if we have a conversation, maybe we can work this out.” He pleaded and I wiped the tears falling out of my eyes. 

“Don’t you understand, Luke? We’re never going to work out.” I whispered. It hurt to tell him that because I wanted, more than anything, for  _ us _ to work out. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

She was crying again. She’s always crying and I know it’s wrong, but I can’t bring myself to comfort her. She wouldn’t want me to anyways. Her eyes were forming to the bright green hue that they always turned when she cried. I wanted to hug her, to hold her, but I know she’d only pull away from me. I tried to pull her in anyway, interlacing our fingers, but she did what I thought she would and retracted her hand, leaving my grip.

 

“Valerie, I’m sorry, I-” she cut me off, her face turning red with anger. 

“No! You’re  _ not _ sorry!” she yelled and I couldn’t help but widen my eyes. She’d hardly ever raised her voice at me, let alone like this. “You’re never going to change, Luke. I’m so  _ stupid _ for ever thinking you would!” Her bottom lip was quivering and I looked away from her. I wanted to reply to her, but what was I supposed to say? I don’t trust myself to say anything anymore. When I didn’t reply, she huffed in annoyance and pulled on her shoes, grabbing her phone and walking out of my room. Seconds later I heard her knocking at another door. “Michael, can you take me home?” she whimpered and I watched the pair walk down the hall before falling onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. 

 

I wondered where she’d been this week. I wondered if I’d ever see her again. Did she switch out of the classes she had with me? I thought about the freckles lining her back and the way she laughed when she was with me. I thought about all of our special moments and how she changed me into a better man, and I want her back. I fucking love her, and she doesn’t care about me anymore. I can sleep without her. When I do sleep, I dream about her and I wake up crying. I’ve never cried this much. 

 

I didn’t care that Cass wanted to hook up or that all these girls were begging me to teach them what I taught Val. I didn’t care that the boys wouldn’t shut up about how stupid I am. I  _ know _ I fucked up. I wish I didn’t but I did, and there’s nothing that can take that back. Without knowing what else to do, I sat at my desk and started writing a song about her. Maybe that would win her back. Would anything I ever do win her back?


	51. Want You Back.

Monday, the day I’ve been dreading. I’ve avoided class with Luke for a week and now, I had to face him. I couldn’t escape any longer. I was grateful that the only class I have with him today was Literature and Power, a class I also had with Mandy. She’d protect me, right? She has to. So, I did what mom always taught me to and took a long shower—curling my hair and applying makeup before putting on a white button-up blouse and a lilac skirt. Mom always told Gene and I to act like other people’s opinions don’t matter so that one day, they won’t. 

 

But today isn’t that day and I know what everyone thinks about me. The girls look at me with pity, probably wishing that they told me Luke’s secret before he ruined my reputation. The boys looked at me with lust, wanting me because I  _ broke Luke’s heart _ . But he broke mine, too. Were girls looking at him the way boys looked at me? Would Luke give into them? Should I care if he did? No, I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t help but miss him and with we were still together: Still happy and spending all of our free time with each other. 

 

I stopped in the coffee shop before class, waiting patiently for my drink before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Before I could turn around myself, I was forced to meet eyes with Cass. 

“Val,” she spat out and I gave her a small smile, though I wasn’t happy to see her at all. 

“Cass,” I said right back. 

“I want you to leave Luke alone.” Her demeanor completely changed as she glared down at me. 

“I’ve  _ been  _ leaving him alone. I wish he’d do the same to me.” I rolled my eyes, unable to stop myself. After all this time, she just appears and tells me to get lost?

“Then why won’t he fuck me?” I was taken back by her language, but shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask him yourself instead of hounding  _ me _ down.” I couldn’t stop my anger from boiling up as I grabbed my coffee from the counter. 

 

As I walked away, Cass followed me outside. 

“This is all because of the video, isn’t it?” she asked and I held my breath as I turned back to her. 

“Yes, Cass. It’s because of the video. I broke up with him  _ because _ of the video he took of me. He’s upset  _ because _ of the video.” I ran my free hand through my hair as Cass’ brow furrowed. 

“Not that video, dumbass.” She crossed her arms and I cocked my head. 

“What video, then?” I badgered, suddenly feeling the need to know what she was talking about. Did he take more than one video? If he did, I’d be devastated. Even more than I am now. 

“You haven’t seen it?” she asked, her face lighting up with humor. 

“No?” My voice came out as more of a question and Cass just laughed. 

“That’s… Hilarious. All that hard work for nothing.” With that, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away, leaving me confused. 

 

I got to Biology early, but stopped in the hall when I heard Calum and Mandy’s voice. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I wanted to know if they were talking about the video that Cass brought up. 

“Calum, that’s seriously fucked up!” Mandy’s voice was low. 

“I know, babe… But… Luke doesn’t let his feelings show and it was a rare moment, so we just went with it.” Calum explained himself as I chewed at my bottom lip. 

“When Val sees it, she’s going to be so upset!” Mandy growled. 

“Then don’t show her,” he spat back and I’d heard enough, walking into the room before either of them could speak again. 

“Val!” Mandy smiled a worriedly before pulling me into a hug. “You look great!” She complimented, but I just took my seat. 

“Haven’t seen you in ages.” Calum smiled down at me. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.” I lied. I wasn’t fine, not at all. But like mom said, if I pretend it doesn’t matter then it won’t. Who knows, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and forget all this happened. Maybe I’ll wake up and forget to even care about it. Calum and Mandy exchanged glances before they sat down next to me and our lecture started. 

 

***

 

My nonfiction writing class breezed by. I pretended to jot notes down while my professor lectured, but I was really just doodling in my notepad, dreading the fact that I have to see Luke in just ten minutes. As my professor dismissed us, she called me over to her. I waited until all the students piled out before walking over to her. 

“Valerie, are you a freshman?” She sent me a warm smile and I nodded. “Great. Listen, I’m really impressed with your work and I wanted to ask you if you’d be interested in becoming a writing tutor next year? I run the programs in the Center for Teaching and Learning. If you’re interested, just send me an email and we can sign you up for the appropriate training classes.” I smiled at her, feeling like my day had gotten ten times better before thanking her and promising to email, heading to lunch with Mandy. 

 

***

 

“Have you seen it?” Mandy asked as she sat down in front of me. 

“Yeah, have you?” Monica joined our table and I sighed. 

“No, I have not seen the video. No, I do not know what the video is about. I just found out about it this morning and no, I’m not really interested in finding out more.” I rattled off all the answers I could think of before looking up at them. “And no, I don’t want to talk about Luke,” I added. Mandy and Monica gave each other a look before Mandy sighed. 

“Well, I think you should at least watch it,” Monica told me and I rolled my eyes. Couldn’t they just leave this alone? I didn’t  _ want _ to watch the video, no matter how curious I was about it. 

 

“My professor wants me to become a writing tutor next year.” I changed the subject and mood drastically, a fake smile planting on my face. Ever since I heard about the writing tutor program, I’ve wanted to become one. I planned on talking with my professor about it, but she beat me to it. Just the fact that she noticed  _ me  _ in our large class gave me extreme confidence. 

“Oh my god!” Monica gushed. 

“That’s so great! We’re happy for you!” Monica added and we enjoyed the rest of our lunch with small talk and jokes. 

 

***

 

It was finally time to go to Literature and Power. I wanted, more than anything, to leave class before Luke got there. I almost did, but when I began to gather my stuff, Mandy set a hand on my arm and pulled me down.

“It’s not worth it,” she whispered. “He’ll just show up at your dorm.” She was right. If I didn’t go to class, I’d still have to see him. But at least here, there were other people around and he wouldn’t get too emotional. The dreaded moment came, and Luke walked into the class. His tired eyes fell to me and he smiled, but I broke the eye contact by looking down at my desk. Before I had a chance to object, he was sitting next to me—the seat he’d occupied since the beginning of the term. My mouth felt dry when he turned to me. 

“Val-” he began, but I got up and moved to the seat on the other side of Mandy, not wanting to deal with Luke. After class, I left before he got the chance to stop me and ran back to my dorm.

 

***

 

“Hey girl!” Lea smiled at me as she came into our room. I wanted to nap  _ so _ badly, but I also wanted to wait up until Lea returned from classes. As soon as I came back, I turned off my phone and lied in bed, staring up the ceiling until Lea came home. 

“Lea?” I asked, propping myself up on my elbows to stare at her. I was surprised, but glad, that Michael wasn’t with her. I don’t think I could ask about the video if he was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I  _ needed _ to know.

“What’s up?” She tossed her backpack on the ground before laying next to me in my bed. At this point, we should just combine the beds. I’d been sleeping in her’s with her since I left Luke. Then again, if we did, I’d have to sleep with Michael as well and I’d have to face the fact that Lea and Michael had sex on  _ my _ bed, too. 

 

Lea set her head on my shoulder, letting out a loud sigh. 

“I’m exhausted.” She complained and I hoped it wasn’t because I was sleeping in her bed with her. She seems to sleep fine with Michael. Maybe she  just had a bad night. 

“Everyone’s been telling me about this video.” I finally admitted and she looked up at me, knowing  _ exactly _ what I was talking about. 

“I bet they have.” She sighed. “Want to watch it?” Before I could respond, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through Michael’s text feed and clicking on a link. “Mikey’s friend, Dee, she had to make a video for her editing class. Mikey told me that Luke stayed up all day and night writing this song, then the boys stayed up all night practicing. Sunday, they spent all day and night recording it. So, I guess Luke stayed up for three days straight—hell, he’s still up.” She told me while we waited for YouTube to load.

 

“Michael and Ashton skipped class today so they could catch up on their sleep. Calum went because Mandy was pissed about the video. I guess Luke went to class to see if you would.” I grabbed Lea’s phone from her as she set her head on my shoulder again and watched as a slow melody played and Luke began singing. I held my breath every time Luke’s face showed on the screen, recognizing the frat house in the background and taking in the lyrics. He seemed so happy to be expressing himself, but so upset about the context. 

“I’m always gonna want you back, want you back.” By the end of the video, I was crying. I took a shaky breath and set Lea’s phone on my stomach before staring at the ceiling. 

 

“Listen…” Lea broke the silence. “I’m not saying that you should forgive him, but-” she sat up, taking her phone back. “But people write about what scares them, and Luke wrote about losing you.” Her words struck me and I sighed, nodding without knowing what to say. “Are you going to talk to him about it?” She prompted, setting her feet on the floor

“I don’t know… I think…” How could I not? Luke isn’t someone who  _ likes _ to talk about his feelings. How could I ignore them after he put them out there for the world to see?

“Do you want me to leave? I can go if you want to talk to him,” she offered, but was already pulling her shoes on. 

“I guess.” I sighed for what felt like the millionth time as Lea gave me a supporting smile and walked out of our room. With shaking fingers, I turned my phone back on and sent out a text. 

 

_ To: Luke _

_ I saw the video. We need to talk. _


	52. Now What?

I waited hours for Luke to reply, but he never did. Around 5pm, I dozed off and was awoken by a knock on my door. It was nearly midnight and Lea wasn’t home. I checked my phone, ignoring the texts I had from Luke and scrolled to Lea’s name. She told me she’d come back when I was done talking to Luke, but never got the confirmation so she never showed up. The knocking at my door sounded again and I cursed to myself, nearly forgetting that someone was at the door. I pulled myself out of bed, soothing my wrinkled skirt and opened up the door to see Luke. His hair was wet and he was dressed in a white shirt with black skinny jeans. 

“I’m sorry, I was at work and I didn’t see the texts until I got home then I had to let Petunia out and I took a shower because I didn’t think you’d want me coming here smelling like raw meat and-” he rambled on, but I cut him off by stepping aside and opening the door wider for him to come in. I was too tired to talk to him about always showing up late. Once he was inside my room, I closed the door and turned on my lamp, sitting on my bed. Luke grabbed my desk chair and sat in front of me, his eyes beaming into mine. “Did you fall asleep in your clothes?” he asked, but he already knew the answer to it. 

I nodded anyways, rubbing my eyes and likely smearing my mascara, but I didn’t care. It was already smeared from the crying I did when I saw the video. Luke ran his hands through his wet hair, setting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward, intertwining his fingers.   
“You wanted to talk?” He prompted, his eyes full of hope.   
“I wanted to talk about the music video.” My voice was slow. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, I haven’t thought that far ahead.   
“You saw it?” His face lit up.   
“Lea says that people write about what they’re afraid of… And I realize that all this time, I’m writing about love. Maybe I’m scared of falling in love.” I told him and his face twisted with confusion, not sure what I was getting at. “And you wrote about losing me…” My voice trailed off.   
“Because I’m scared to lose you.” He finished the sentence for me, his eyes finding the ground. “I guess I’m still hoping it’s not too late, that I haven’t lost you quite yet.” I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t too late, that he still had me, but I couldn't. I still needed answers. Now was my time to ask him anything I wanted, and he’d have to answer.

“I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me… If it stopped, if you only took that one, why didn’t you tell me about it?” He was silent for a long while before finally sighing.   
“I don’t know. I tried to, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I couldn’t bear to hear your response. I never thought it would come out, and I thought it’d stay a secret forever.” He still didn’t meet my eyes, but I wanted to look into his to see if he was telling the truth.   
“That doesn’t answer my question.” I crossed my arms over my chest and he pursed his lips.   
“I didn’t tell you because I knew it would hurt you. I care about you… More than words can say… And I knew that if I told you, I would have lost you. And I did, didn’t I?” His eyes finally met mine and I saw how red they were. Had he been crying?  
“Why did you do it?” I asked, ignoring the redness around his blue orbs.   
“It’s just what I did with girls. I never respected anyone like I respected you. I never cared about anyone like I care about you. When I realized how much I cared, I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t.” He tried to reach forward, but I pulled away. 

“Do you still do cocaine?” I asked out of nowhere. I’d wanted to know since we met, but I never had the chance. Now was my chance.   
“No.” I didn’t suspect any hint of lying in his tone.   
“When was the last time you used?” He let out a deep breath.   
“The night I met you.”   
“Why?” I had all these questions coming into my head that I can’t help but ask.   
“I don’t need it anymore. It used to make me happy, but I found a new vice.” I couldn’t help but cock my head to the side and he chuckled. “You, Val. I don’t need all that shit because you make me happy.” I smiled at his words, realizing how much I’ve missed the sound of his voice.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?” I asked, almost immediately regretting it. Luke’s eyes went wide as a blush spread across his face.   
“How did you know about that?” His tone was rougher now, but still soft. I forgot I’d been hiding in the closet when he told Lea.   
“Lea told me.” I covered my hiding up and he sighed, pulling at the roots of his hair.   
“Of course she did.” He sat back in the chair, crossing his arms.   
“Well?” I pushed, but he stayed silent. “Luke, if you want to talk this out, you have to answer my questions.” He threw his head back, acting like a child who didn’t want to speak. “Luke.” My voice was stern and he rolled his head back down, our eyes meeting.   
“Yeah, I meant it,” he mumbled, hardly audible. “I love you, Val… And it kills me to know that you don’t love me back.” This time he was more bold in saying it, and there was something I couldn’t recognize in his eyes. 

“You can’t love someone if you’ve only known them for three months.” I denied, not wanting to admit how strong my feelings were for him.   
“Don’t feed me that bullshit, Val. I’ve known from the moment I saw you. It just took me a while to figure out what it was that got me feeling that way.” My heart flipped at his words. I’ve known from the second I saw him that there was something different about him, but I’ve been unsure what it was. Could it be love? Is that why this hurts so much? Do I love Luke? “Valerie.” He sighed, grabbing my hands. I allowed his fingers to slip in between mine, closing my eyes at the tingling feeling his touch gave me. “Do you love me?” he asked and I opened my eyes to look at him again. His eyes pleaded into me.  
“I don’t know.” I whimpered, tears forming in my eyes. “This whole mess has made me so confused and-” I stopped suddenly, but he nodded.   
“I understand.” He tried to pull his hands back, but I tightened my grip and he stayed. I wanted to feel his touch for longer, even if it was just between our fingertips. 

“It’s killing me not to be with you, Val.” He admitted and I let out a dry laugh.   
“It’s killing me, too, Luke. But-” before I could finish, he cut me off.   
“Then why can’t we just forget all of this and start over?” His thumb ran across the back of my hand and I stared at the way he traced over my knuckles.   
“It’s not that easy. I wish it was, but it isn’t. You really hurt me.” He flinched at the words.   
“I know.” He closed his eyes. “All I can seem to do is hurt you and I’m sorry. I wish I could stop because it hurts me to hurt you, but it’s just how I was raised: To hurt before I am hurt.” I gently pulled Luke’s hand towards me and he took the hint, sitting next to me on the bed and pulling me in for a hug. He smelt so good and his skin was so warm. 

He pulled away and I set my head on his shoulder as his arm stayed on my shoulders. His other hand moved over and grabbed mine as he brought it up to his lips and pressed a light kiss on each of my fingers. When he pulled away I examined his hand, picking my head up to look up at him with confusion.   
“This is new,” I noted, my index finger running along the new heart-shaped tattoo on his wrist.   
“Yeah, I got it as a… Reminder, I guess.”  
“A reminder? For what?” He twisted his wrist to look at it. The hair was still shaven, his skin was still red, and I wondered how new it was.   
“That someone like me—someone who’s lived in darkness his whole life—can actually love. And someday, maybe I can be loved in return.” I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he could be loved, that he is loved, but I’m unsure. I don’t want to lie to him, just to give him hope. 

Instead of saying anything, I pulled him closer and planted a kiss on his lips. He kissed me back immediately, but we pulled apart before anything got too serious. Our foreheads stayed connected and my eyes stayed closed as his hand touched my cheek.   
“So, I take it we had a good talk?” he asked and I couldn’t help but laugh as I pulled away to stare at him and nodded. “Now what?” I didn’t have an answer to the question, so I just sighed.   
“I don’t know… I guess… Maybe we try again?” We gave each other small smiles as he stood up to leave.   
“Okay. I guess I should let you get to bed then?” he assumed, scratching the back of his neck, but I shook my head.   
“Stay,” I pleaded, and he was quick to nod, pulling his shirt over his head and taking his jeans and boots off. I followed in his lead and began to unbutton my blouse before he tossed his shirt at me. I catched it, surprised and confused.   
“Um… You can wear it… If you want.” I agreed, ridding of my clothes and putting Luke’s oversized shirt on before climbing into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me as I set my head on his chest. It felt so good to be in his arms again. It felt even better when he kissed my forehead and whispered that he loved me before I fell asleep.


	53. It's So Weird.

My eyes jolted open with the sound of a drop. Lifting my body up to see the cause of it, I saw Lea crouching down to the floor to pick up her phone.   
“Hey, sorry.” She whispered, coming to stand by the side of my bed with a small smile. “I was just getting my clothes and books. I’m getting ready at the frat house though, don’t worry.” I nodded slowly, hardly comprehending what she was saying.   
“What time is it?” I asked, my voice as quiet as her’s. I didn’t want to wake the sleeping boy next to me, as I wanted to go back to sleep after Lea left.   
“Half past six.” She brushed a piece of hair out of my face and I let out a dry laugh. “I take it everything went well, then?” I shrugged.   
“As well as expected. We’re just… Trying again, I guess.” Her smile widened as she hiked her backpack on her shoulder.   
“I’ll leave you to it, then.” She shot me a wink before exiting the room and I sighed, lying back down in my bed. 

I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep, but the way Luke’s arm draped over me made me far too warm and I couldn’t. I tried to wiggle out of his grip, but he only pulled me in tighter. When I attempted to lift his arm off of me, he groaned and nuzzled his face into my shoulder.   
“Valerie, stop.” He mumbled into my skin and I sighed, staring up at the ceiling. I wondered what it would be like when Luke wakes up. Would it be awkward? Would our friends judge us for getting back together, or were they assuming that we would? I wondered what Cass would do, seeing as she was so angry that Luke wouldn’t sleep with her. Part of me was proud and thankful that he didn’t, and I hoped he didn’t sleep with anyone. 

As I was lying and consumed in my thoughts, a ringing sounded next to me. I ignored it, hoping it would go away or that it was just my imagination, until Luke groaned and lifted himself off of me, clamping his hands over his ears.   
“Baby, answer your damn phone.” When I was finally free of his grip, I pulled myself out of the bed and grabbed my phone off my nightstand, glancing at the caller ID to see my mom’s name popping up for a facetime. I wasn’t sure if Luke wanted to go back to bed, so I pressed answer before walking out to the hallway. 

“Hi, mom.” I couldn’t help but smile as soon as I saw her face.   
“Hi, sweetheart!” She gushed, setting her glasses on the brink of her nose. “I see you’re feeling better.” She immediately brought up the brief breakup and my smile faltered.   
“Yeah, actually… I am. Luke and I got back together,” I told her, leaning against the door.   
“That’s great news, honey. I’m so glad!”   
“He wrote a song for me, mom!” I couldn’t help but overshare, but I wanted her to know so badly because Gene never had a boy write a song for her, and I wanted her to spread the information.   
“Wow! He must have really missed you! Are you going to send it to me?” I thought about it for a brief second before shaking my head.   
“I kind of want the first time you meet him to be in person, not through a video.” Her eyes flicked up to the ceiling as she laughed.   
“Regardless, dear, we’re still very excited.” I was surprised at how supportive she was being, especially since I explained to her that Luke wasn’t my type. 

My parents are huge control freaks, they always have been, and maybe that’s where I get it from. But this time, everything feels different. Maybe it was because she saw how broken up I was about me and Luke’s split, or maybe it was because I had a radiation of glow coming off me from Luke’s confession of love last night.   
“I have to get ready for class,” I told my mom, unsure whether I actually wanted to go to class. I wanted to sit with Luke all day, lay in his arms, make up for the time we missed. But I’ve missed so much class that I can’t decide if it’s worth it. 

After saying a quick goodbye to my mom, I crept back into my room to find Luke exactly where I left him. His eyes were still shut and he had a peaceful look on his face. I needed to decide now. Was I going to skip class, or was I going to spend the day with Luke? I knew fairly well that he’d agree to whatever I came up with, but I didn’t know what to do.   
“Baby, come back to bed.” He rasped, pulling me out of my thoughts. It was the second time this morning that he called me baby and my heart quickened. “Come cuddle with me.” His eyes opened the slightest amount and I dragged my feet across the wooden floor, crawling back under the covers. 

His arms immediately wrapped around my torso and he pulled my body to his. I giggled at the action, my thoughts becoming clear as to what I wanted to do: I didn’t want to leave his sight at all today. I need to be with him. I need him to hold me like this for as long as possible. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, closing my eyes and breathing in to smell him.   
“Luke?” I asked, my voice hardly audible.   
“Yeah, baby?” His voice mimicked mine, soft and quiet.   
“Can we skip class today and just lay here together?” His breathing slowed, his grip on me tightening.   
“I would love nothing more.”

***

When I woke up, my head was on Luke’s chest and he silently scrolled through his phone. As the memory of skipping class just to be with Luke came back into my mind, I sat up quickly. Was it a good idea? Was it weird that I requested it? Was it weird that I felt extremely uncomfortable? Why did I feel this way?

“Morning, Val.” He set his phone down, tucking his arms behind his head.   
“Um… Good morning.” I couldn’t help but fidget with my fingers, not knowing what else to do. Just the fact that I know Luke is in love with me makes me feel nervous. I don’t know if I love him, but how am I supposed to figure it all out? How does one decide if they love someone else? Especially someone like Luke: So moody and unpredictable.   
“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting up and trying to get me to look into his eyes.   
“I don’t know.” I let out a dry laugh. “This is just… It’s so weird. You know? Waking up next to you and knowing how you feel about me. It’s all just so weird.” His expression immediately changed. Once so at ease, now upset and confused. 

“Is it a good weird, or a bad weird?” he was clearly worried of my answer and I reached forward to grab his hand.   
“A little bit of both.” I chuckled. “Good weird because I missed it so much. But a bad weird because I can’t stop wondering if I love you, too.” His eyes stayed shut fora long time while he nodded, trying to comprehend my words.   
“You don’t have to figure it out right now, okay?” I cocked my head to the side, trying to understand what he was getting at. “I’m not asking you to figure it out. I just want you to know how I feel. You don’t have to feel the same.” He pressed a light kiss to my lips and suddenly, I felt a lot closer to him than I ever had before. Maybe I did love him. Maybe this was meant to be. After all, we couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. No matter what happened, we always found our way back to each other.


	54. Another Fight.

Luke and I were sitting in his room, watching movies as Petunia curled up in between us. We’d moved from my dorm to his room for more privacy, in case Lea came home. We wanted to be alone all day, not interrupted by a single person. As the movie played in the background, my phone vibrated from a text. Pulling it out, I smiled at the group chat with the girls to see Monica had sent a picture of a shirtless Harry Styles. 

“What are you smiling at?” Luke asked, crooking his neck to look at my phone. 

“Nothing.” I subconsciously hid the picture from him, knowing he’d likely be upset by it. 

 

_ From Lea: HOLY SHIT _

_ From Mandy: I think I just died and went to heaven _

_ From Monica: Do you think there’s an endless supply of Harry Styles in heaven? _

_ From me: Geez, I hope so _

_ From Lea: Don’t tell Michael but I might have to think of Harry during sex tonight ;) _

_ From Monica: I never stop thinking of Harry tbh _

_ From Mandy: Do any of us? _

_ From me: Petition to ONLY think of Harry Styles. Nothing else, just him _

 

Before I could read any of the replies, Luke snatched my phone out of my hand. 

“Luke!” I complained and his jaw stiffened. 

“Nothing?” he asked, mocking my voice. “This isn’t nothing, you’re fantasizing about another man!” He overreacted and I rolled my eyes. 

“He’s a celebrity. I don’t even know him.” I tried to defend myself, but Luke only rolled his eyes. His full lips landed in a pout and I felt somewhat guilty. 

“Do you think about Harry Styles while you’re kissing me?” he asked, his voice holding a hint of mockery. I rolled my eyes again, grabbing my phone back. 

 

_ From me: Gotta go, Luke’s freaking out because I think Harry Styles is cute smh _

_ From Lea: Ooooooh, good luck _

_ From Mandy: I’m in the next room if you need me! _

_ From Monica: Praying for you! xxx _

 

“You’re being ridiculous.” I leaned against the headboard, watching as he turned his attention back to the movie. “We were having such a good day, and now you’re acting like this.” He still didn’t reply, merely raising the volume. I was offended at the action and snatched the remote from him, turning of the tv. “The other boys wouldn’t overreact this much.” He finally looked at me, raising his eyebrow.

“Maybe you should date one of them, then!” He blew up, standing up and grabbing Petunia’s leash. She immediately jumped off the bed. 

“Luke, come on!” I complained and he connected her harness to her body. “It’s not even a big deal! I never got mad when you were fucking other people!” 

“Jesus Christ, Val! Just shut up!” And with that he stormed out of the room, slamming the door. 

 

I couldn’t help but sigh, plopping back on the bed and pushing my hair out of my face. Tears stung in my eyes, but I didn’t want to cry. Why couldn’t we just have one nice day? I hated it when he acted like this. I couldn’t help but wonder if I provoked this fight? Or was he overreacting about the situation? I couldn’t decide and honestly, I was too annoyed to. 

 

***

 

I waited for a long time, debating whether I should go home. By the time I’d given up hope that he’d come back, he walked in. When Luke finally came back, he seemed much more relaxed. He reeked of cigarettes and unleashed Petunia before hanging up the leash. Sighing, he sat on the edge of the bed. I was still lying down, but watched as he rubbed his hands together, staring at the floor. 

 

“I’m sorry, Val.” he finally spoke. “I overreacted, you were right.” I felt like he was saying exactly what I wanted to hear and didn’t mean it. I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him as he turned to face me. “I realize now that it’s ridiculous to think you’d leave me for him because you don’t even  _ know _ him. I shouldn’t have gotten so jealous. I’m sorry.” I sighed, sitting up completely. 

 

“It’s just another fight, baby. Right? It doesn’t mean anything?” he asked, his voice dripping with worry. Maybe he  _ did _ feel bad.

“It’s just another fight.” I confirmed, because that’s all it truly was. That’s all our fights ever were after all. “But why does there always have to be another one?” 

“That’s just how we are. We fight and make up. It doesn’t mean anything, it just makes our relationship stronger.” I couldn’t help but smile. I didn’t feel angry at all. I felt somewhat relieved, knowing he was right. 

 

“Let’s go,” I said. 

“Go where?” He let out a dry laugh, almost as if making fun of me. 

“Anywhere but here.” His mouth parted slightly as he took my hand and led me through the house, to his car. “Take the top down.” I suggested as I got in, watching Luke fumble with the buttons to reverse the top of his car. Then, we were off on the roads. Luke drove fast on an empty road, and I stood, raising my arms in the air as I closed my eyes, feeling the cold wind in my face and pretending I was flying away from all my problems. 

 

Luke laughed as he rounded the corner and pulled into a backroad. I sat back down, feeling free. I wondered if he noticed my change in composure, how reckless I am with him. How I never would have done something like that before I met him. Luke pulled off to the side of the road and drove through bushes and twigs before putting the car in park. 

“Where are we?” I asked. 

“Anywhere but there,” he replied, getting out of his car and opening the door for me. He helped me on the hood of the car, and we lied against the windshield, staring at the stars. 

“Wow.” I breathed. “It’s so amazing.” My small body rolled over and landed on Luke’s, my head settling on his chest as his breathing slowed. I listened to his fast heartbeat and soon let my eyes close while his arm wrapped around me lulled her to sleep. 

 

***

 

When I woke up, I was significantly less stressed out from our fight. I sat up and scratched my head, looking around at the nearby trees and the emptiness of the area. 

“What time is it?” I rasped. 

“Late,” he replied with a gentle voice. 

“Can you take me home?” I asked, feeling weak from exhaustion. Luke nodded and helped me into the car, driving off into the night. When he pulled up to my dorm, I smiled at him, unable to stop myself from giving him a long, passionate kiss. 

 

“I love you.” I told him for the first time, feeling completely sure of myself.

“I love you.” He repeated, his smile wide. “Do you want to go on a proper date tomorrow?” he asked, and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

“I’d love to.” I smiled. 

“Goodnight Val.” I clambered out of the car after one last kiss. 

“Goodnight Luke.” My heart skipped a beat, unable to believe the confession I made tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I just wanted to apologize for being so absent.  
> I'm dealing with a lot of mental health issues and trying to cope with my bipolar disorder.   
> That on top of work and trying to get everything together for moving.  
> Also I'm going on vacation for a weekend in August.  
> Please understand and don't give up on this story because I WILL finish it!  
> If you want updates faster, a good way to motivate me is to comment and like my stuff.  
> When I get comments, I usually feel a lot better about myself.   
> This being said, I'm more likely to update quicker if I get comments.   
> Thank you all for being so patient.  
> I love and appreciate you all.   
> -Mili


	55. So in Love.

Luke and I were sitting in a quaint restaurant. He’d gotten us a nice table near a window that overlooked a view of the beach. We watched as the mothers played with their children and the tourists splashed around in the water as the sun slowly set. His arm was outstretched over the table, his fingers intertwined with mine. We ate in the most comfortable silence, both enjoying the beautiful view of the sun slowly descending, casting it’s glow onto the water. For a while, he stared out the window too, but then he started to look at me. 

“What?” I asked with a small laugh, finishing my dinner shortly after Luke finished his.   
“Nothing.” A smile crept on his lips as he looked back out the window.   
“Tell me!” I urged, squeezing his fingers tighter and he laughed. The mood was so light, that it felt like we’d never had a single fight in the entire time we’ve known each other. After being honest with my feelings last night, I just felt so free and open. I felt so in love.   
“It’s too cliche.” He pushed the subject aside, unlocking our fingers so he could pull my hand to his lips, pressing a light kiss against my knuckles. “I don’t want to lose my macho-man status by being cliche.” I laughed, shaking my head. 

“Oh, we wouldn’t want that!” I played along and now, he was laughing. He threw his head back, a loud chuckle leaving his lips. That sight was so beautiful, so childlike, that all I wanted to do was spend every waking moment with him for the rest of my life.   
“I was just thinking that…” His voice trailed off, a small sigh escaping as his beautiful blue eyes met mine. “Fuck, Val. You’re so beautiful and kind and amazing. You have no idea what you do to me. I’m so in love with you.” The confession released the huge grin I’d been holding in. So large, I must have looked ridiculous.   
“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” I whispered. He reached across the table, his deft fingers pushing strands of hair behind my ear before his large hand settled on my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed at the touch. It was so simple, yet it made me feel so alive. My eyelashes fluttered against his thumb and when I opened my eyes back up, he withdrew his touch.

***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***

If someone told me that this is where I would be at the end of my sophomore year of college, I’d laugh in their face. If someone told me that I would be sitting in front of Valerie, someone I hated the second I laid eyes on her, and that Valerie would have opened up the lock around my heart, I’d tell them to fuck off because they couldn’t be serious. But here she was, here I was. As crazy as it seems the someone like me, someone with a bad temper who used women and put them through so much pain, could ever be in love. But fuck, I’m so in love with her. 

I love everything about her; from the way she scrunches her nose when she laughs, to the way she always sits up straight, to the way she plans her classes around her life rather than vice versa, to all the stupid posh outfits she wears, and the way her hair is always neatly trimmed and done up. I couldn’t even sit here and list all the things I love about her because it would just take too damn long. Even if I did, I would never capture it all. There are too many things, an infinite list. I love every single thing about her and more.

And here she is, talking away, but I’m not listening. I’m too focused on the way her smile is lighting up her face. All I can think about is how beautiful she looks. Maybe she’s talking about her passion for writing, or a new story she’s working on. Maybe she’s talking about her nephew, or her dog. Either way, I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to listen to her talk—because her voice is the sound of angels and I could listen to it for days on end—I just can’t get over the lovely girl in front of me. I can’t wrap my head around the simplicity of her beauty. 

She’s unlike any other girl I’ve ever been with. She’s conservative yet confident. Shy yet outspoken. She believes in morals yet she doesn’t know what they are. She’s so unique, so creative. And I’m, once again, so in love.   
“I want to get a tattoo,” she told me, finally breaking me out of my trance. 

***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***

“I want to get a tattoo,” I told Luke as I grabbed his hand, turning his arm to look at the heart he’d gotten for me with a small smile on my face.   
“Of a sunflower?” he asked, his smile mimicking mine. My heart warmed at the fact that he remembered. I knew he wasn’t listening to me drawling on about the opportunity to become a writing tutor, but I didn’t care because the way he was staring at me made me feel so warm and cozy. It would only give me an excuse to tell him again, another excuse to strike up an exciting conversation.   
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I want something small first. Something that won’t take long. I don’t know how I’ll react to the pain, so I want it simple.” He hummed, as if to tell me he was listening, watching as I outlined the heart with my index finger.   
“Get a matching heart.” His voice was wary, unsure of my response. The idea seemed lovely and I couldn’t help but think it over. 

“And what if we break up?” I asked and he let out a dry laugh. It’s funny to think we’d break up because we always end up back together. No matter what.  
“Then you’ll know that, know matter what happens, you’ll always have my heart.” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The desperation in his eyes and the thought of having a reminder of Luke permanently on me gave me hope. “And I’ll always have yours.”   
“Let’s do it.” My voice was rushed. I wanted to live. Luke made me feel alive, and with that newfound feeling I wanted to make impulsive decisions.   
“Now?” He raised an eyebrow and I smiled.  
“Before I change my mind!” 

***

Once Luke and I got back to the frat house and locked ourselves away in his room, I stared at the tattoo in disbelief. It was mine. I did something for myself. Without consulting my parents. And it was so amazing. Luke came behind me, one arm snaking around my waist while the other held the hand I kept in the air. I loved the way we inked ourselves for each other, even more as we were standing like this. 

“It’s so beautiful.” I whispered, mainly talking about us as a couple. He flipped me around, my back gently touching the wall as he took a step towards me. Our bodies connected and I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him in for a kiss. He responded quickly, pulling me even closer to him.   
“You’re beautiful.” He breathed once he pulled away. Despite my smile, I cocked my head in confusion.   
“Who are you, and what have you done with Luke?” I joked and he laughed.   
“What do you mean?”   
“You’re acting different. Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?” He chewed at his lip, increasing the distance between us as he sat on the edge of the bed.   
“I’m always nice.” He defended.   
“When you want to be.”

“Come here.” He patted the space next to him, but I took a seat on his lap instead. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. He didn’t object, one hand settling on the small of my back and the other pulling my legs onto his thigh. “I have to tell you something.” His voice was soft and my chest felt tight.   
“Is it bad?” I asked, knowing that the last time he said that, it was heartbreaking news.   
“Not really. Not that bad, at least.” I nodded, encouraging him to go on as I drapped an arm around his shoulder.   
“Tell me, it’s okay.”  
“Do you remember my sister, Tiffany?” He didn’t make eye contact, and that worried me. Did something bad happen to her?  
“Of course. Is she okay?” He was quick to nod, clearing his throat.  
“Yeah. She’s great, actually. But, she’s due to have her baby soon. She’s eight months along.” I was confused as to why that could possibly be bad. 

“That’s great! You’ll be an uncle!” I encouraged the thought and he shook his head.   
“I want to be there when it’s born,” he told me. “I’m going back to Australia for the summer. I want to be there for my niece or nephew.” My smile fell and I pulled my arm off his shoulder, fiddling with my fingers as I stared at my lap. He was leaving for the summer. That meant I only had two more weeks with him, then he’d be absent for three months. How can I be without him for three months? “I’m sorry, Val.” His voice cracked as he lifted my chin so I could look at him.   
“No, no. Don’t be sorry.” I tried to be supportive, but my voice wasn’t strong enough. “I understand. It’s important for you.” His thumb grazed my cheek. I wanted to cry, but I refused to. I couldn’t make him feel guilty for reconnecting with his family.   
“If it were a different situation, I would stay but-” I cut him off, grabbing his face and causing his hand to fall from mine.   
“Don’t be sorry,” I told him. “Don’t you dare be sorry about trying to patch things up with them, okay?” He slowly nodded and I gave him a gentle kiss, which he reluctantly returned.

“We can still make it work, right?” he asked, his eyes sad and I smiled.   
“Of course we can. We’ll always make it work.” He kissed me again, this time more passionate.   
“I’m so in love with you.” He whispered.   
“I’m so in love with you.” I returned and we sat there, holding each other. I set my head on his chest and he wrapped my arms around me. I felt safe, but all I could think was that I only had two more weeks with the boy I loved before he left for the summer.


	56. Valentine.

Luke was different tonight, as we sat in the bar waiting for his band to play. He was fidgeting with his hands, he’d hardly touched his beer, and he kept sending me nervous glances. In fact, Calum and Ashton seemed to be off as well. The only one who  _ didn’t _ seem nervous was Michael—and Lea seemed giddier than usual. I suspected something was going to happen tonight. What it is, I’m not sure of. But Lea knew about it while Monica, Mandy, and I are left in the dark. I couldn’t blame Lea for knowing, though. She and Michael shared  _ everything _ . Every secret, every piece of food, everything. 

 

So it wasn’t a surprise that Lea knew about whatever made Luke, Calum, and Ashton so nervous. But why wasn’t Michael? Even if Lea knew, shouldn’t he at least be on edge? Whatever was coming, I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for it. I tried to force a smile, pushing out the worry of what may come, pushing out the thought of Luke leaving. I just kept sipping on my drink, sharing glances with the girls until the boys went on stage. 

 

“Okay, is it just me or are they acting weird?” Mandy was the first to speak, tearing all of our attention away from the boys setting up. 

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Monica asked and we all looked to Lea, who started laughing. 

“Just wait.” There was a hint of cockiness in her tone because she knew what we didn’t. “You’ll see.” Her grin was wide. I gave her a small smile before looking around the bar, my eyes locking with Cass. She took that as an excuse to walk over to us, sliding into the booth before any of us could react. My throat felt dry, as the last time I saw her she was telling me how much she wanted Luke. 

 

“Hey Cass.” Lea’s real smile turned into a forced one. “What are you doing here?” Her tone was a little harsh, her cheeks burning up when Cass’ gaze turned into a glare. “I mean, you usually don’t come to the shows.” She softened. 

“Just thought I’d show my support.” She shrugged, looking up at the stage. “Luke looks  _ really  _ sexy tonight, don’t you think?” Her eyes locked with mine as she gave me a vindictive smile. 

“You do realize that you’re talking to his girlfriend, right?” Mandy defended me and I fought back an eyeroll, not wanting to show Cass that she was getting on my nerves. 

“She won’t be for long.” She shrugged. “Boys like him don’t stay with girls like you for long.” She took a sip of her drink, her red lips staining the glass. “Something always happens, and he always comes back to me.” She stood up, walking to my side of the table and glaring down at me. “All I have to do is be patient.” She looked to the crowd surrounding the bar stools and smirked. “But for now, I’ll protect the sanctity of your relationship and keep myself busy with someone else.” She was already eyeing a potential suspect. “Bye for now, girls.” She turned on her heels and clicked away. 

 

“Don’t worry about her.” Monica reached over, setting a hand on top of mine. 

“Luke doesn’t care about her.” Mandy assured. 

“She’s… Determined, I’ll give her that.” I sighed, subconsciously touching my tattoo. 

“She’s also a liar. Luke hasn’t done anything with her since he met you.” Before I could say anything else, Calum’s voice sounded. 

“Hey guys, we’re 5 Seconds of Summer!” He spoke and the crowd cheered. 

“Tonight, we’ve got a new song for you! It’s an original, all of our songs are original!” Michael chimed in and the crowd yelled even louder. 

“This one, we just recently wrote. And we wrote it for our girls. This one’s called  _ Valentine _ and it’s for you, baby.” Luke’s eyes connected with mine and I couldn’t help but blush.  _ This _ is what they were so nervous about. A song for all of us. I looked back to where Cass was and gave her a smile to which she huffed and stormed out of the bar, a man following in tow. The music started and my heart raced as I looked at the girls, all on the edge of their seats with the same silly expression as me. 

 

“I love the light in your eyes and the dark in your heart,” Calum started and I couldn’t help but look over to Mandy as she set a hand on her heart. “You love our permanent chase and the bite of our bark. We know we’re classic together like egyptian gold. We love us.”

“It don’t matter be combative or be sweet cherry pie. It don’t matter just as long as I get all you tonight.” He sounded like an angel and I found it hard to contain my excitement. It was nothing like the song he wrote about me before. This one was about love—pure love. Not heartbreak.

“I can take you out - oh, oh -” Michael, Luke, and Calum sang together. “We can kill some time, stay home. Throw balloons, teddy bears, and the chocolate eclairs away. Got nothing but love for you, fall more in love every day. Valentine, valentine!” I knew that part was about me, the time I told him that no one’s ever wanted me and how he told me that he did. 

“So deep, your DNA’s being messed with my touch. Can’t beat us. So real, fueling the fire until we combust. Can’t touch us.” Michael sang and Lea laughed along side me, holding her phone steadily to record them.

 

“It don’t matter be combative or be sweet cherry pie. It don’t matter just as long as I get all you tonight.” Luke’s part repeated, followed by the chorus that I knew was about us. I couldn’t believe he remembered that, it felt like ages ago. “Full plate, don’t wait. Have your cake and eat it, too.” Luke’s part changed as the tempo slowed and I smiled up at him when our eyes locked. He repeated the phrase, this time with Calum and Michael joining in before the chorus began again: My part.  _ Mine _ . Not Cass’. Mine. When the song finished, we all screamed as loud as we could and jumped up and down, clapping along with the rest of the bar. Lea even went as far to throw her bra on stage and we all laughed. We didn’t care about the stares we were getting. We were all so proud that it didn’t matter. For the first time, I didn’t question my status in this group. These people are my friends. I belong here. 

 

***

 

Luke and I were in his car on the way to an afterparty at the frat. All of his fraternity brothers came to his show and they wanted to celebrate how great they did. It was only right to go because the party was  _ for _ him, even though neither of us wanted to. I wanted to sleep and he wanted to spend time with me alone. But neither of us are getting what we wanted because everyone else was going and we had to as well. 

 

During our drive, I couldn’t help but look over at him. He was so handsome, so strong. And thinking of the song he sang for me, for the girls too, I couldn’t stop the growing need to kiss him. In a bold move, I turned to him. I felt like he’d knocked the wind out of me, just by glancing over at me. He reached over, grabbing my hand and bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss against it. When he let go, I let my hand fall down to his thigh and a smile crept onto his lips. 

 

I wanted him to know how much I wanted him, how crazy he was driving me. So, I slowly slid my hand up towards the zipper on his black skinny jeans and he raised an eyebrow. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, a smirk forming. 

“Nothing.” I kept my voice as innocent as possible as I palmed over his jeans. He took in a sharp breath, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“You’re going to make me crash the car.” He let out a dry laugh, slightly bucking his hips up and further into my touch. 

“So pull over.” He was quick to follow my orders, screeching to a halt on the side of the road. He positioned his seat back as far as it would go, quickly pulling me by my arms to straddle his lap. 

 

His lips immediately met mine, his hands tanging in my hair as he bucked his hips up into mine and let out a soft groan. 

“Baby, I’m already hard.” He mumbled against my lips and I smiled, my hands trailing down his chest and fumbling with the button of his jeans before sliding the zipper down. His hands left my hair as he nudged me off his lap and back to the passenger seat. I encouraged him to pull his pants down, unable to stop my eyes from widening as his length sprung out. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how large it is. I wrapped my fingers around him, slowly moving up and down as he threw his head back and groaned. “God, baby.” He moaned, sinking back into the seat. 

 

I wanted to surprise him, so as his eyes shut I leaned down and put my mouth around him, bobbing up and down. 

“Fuck!” He exclaimed, his hand settling back in my hair as he pulled it all together and gripped onto it. He guided me up and down as I used my hand to get rub the length I couldn’t get in my mouth. When I tried fitting it all, he pulled my head up by my hair. “Easy, baby.” He rasped. “Don’t push yourself.” He warned, but I did it again. This time, I succeeded without gagging and my confidence rose. I continued the actions, going as deep as I could and working my tongue around his length. His grip on my hair tightened every time he moaned, easing up on the roots as to not hurt me. “I’m about to come, Val.” He warned me seconds before the warm substance sputtered out and down my throat. Taking the advice that Mandy gave me, I went down one more time, licking up the rest of the substance before pulling back and swallowing it all. 


	57. You're Lucky I Don't Kill You.

 

For a while, the girls and I sat on the couch of the living room, talking as the boys socialized and thanked everyone for coming to the party and their show. I couldn’t find Luke in the crowded house, but I was too ashamed to look for him. I’d already gotten questions from the girls as to why it took so long for us to get there, and my blush was the only response they needed. Though they questioned further, and though I hadn’t answered those questions, I knew that they knew it was due to  _ some _ sort of sex act. So, I tried my best to look like I hadn’t done anything dirty. I knew that going off to find him would only raise more suspicion. 

 

After an hour, I found myself alone on the couch. I didn’t feel misplaced like I did at my first party, I only felt bored. I kept turning my cup in my hands, watching the alcohol swirl around. The girls all left to find their boyfriends. I considered doing the same, but I knew Luke would return to the place he left me. I didn’t want to stray from that place in fear that I’d never find him. 

 

This party was different from all the others. I recognized a lot of the people from the bar and from Luke’s frat, but most people I’d never seen before. I was nervous to be surrounded by all the drunk men I couldn’t name and all the drunk girls who screamed over the music. From where I sat, I recognized only Cass—who sat on the lap of a boy and was engrossed in his lips. It wasn’t the boy she left the bar with, but I doubted that either of them cared. I saw Mandy’s red hair for a second before she disappeared up the stairs with Calum, and Monica pushed against the wall by Ashton before a crowd appeared around them. 

 

The flashing lights and thumping music was getting to be too much for me, and I needed some air. I considered going to the front porch, but when I got to the door I saw a girl puking over the old wood. Scrunching my nose in disgust, I maneuvered my way through the sea of people and out to the back porch, sitting on the top step and letting out a breath of relief. There were significantly less people outside, and it was still quite loud, but the atmosphere was different. It was more relaxed, more calm. 

 

I stared up at the sky, setting my cup next to me and enjoying my own company. There was a haze of smoke surrounding me, but I didn’t mind. The smell somewhat reminded me of Luke; though, I couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a cigarette in front of me. The smell made me feel safe, even with all the strangers I was facing my back to. I wanted to stay outside until the party was over, until Luke came to get me so we could go to bed. However; as I sat alone, a voice sounded next to me. 

 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here alone?” it asked and I turned to the source as a boy sat next to me. 

“Um… Just getting some air.” I gave him a fake smile, trying to ignore the stench of alcohol that washed over me when he opened his mouth. 

“You here with anyone?” He set his hand on the porch behind him, nearly falling back as he did so. I considered helping him, but quickly decided against it. 

“My boyfriend.” I stared forward, hoping he’d get the hint that I wanted him to go away. 

“I don’t see him.” The man made extra effort to look around before placing an arm around my shoulders. I pushed him off, rolling my eyes. 

“Yeah, well, he’s inside.” 

 

He tried to set a hand on my knee, laughing when I pushed it away. 

“Come on, he’s not here. Let’s have a little fun until he comes back.” He pushed my hair off my shoulder, his breath hitting my neck and causing goosebumps to run across my skin. 

“Stop touching me,” I growled, pushing him back by his shoulders. To this, he only grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me forward. “Stop-” I began to yell, but was cut off when his lips crashed to mine. My hands found his chest, pushing him with as much strength as I could gather. The alcohol in my system made me a lot weaker, and I couldn’t help but punch his chest in hopes to get him to stop. I thought my actions were successful when his lips left mine, but when I looked up, I saw Luke had pulled him back. 

 

“What the  _ fuck _ is going on here?” he boomed and I held my breath, unsure of what would come next. The man stumbled to his feet, backing away as Luke walked towards him. 

“You’ve got a feisty one, there.” He gestured to me, trying to make light of the situation. Luke pushed him and the man fell onto the floor. 

“Why the fuck were you touching my girl?” he asked, glaring down at him. 

“Calm down-” he began, but was only cut off. 

“I heard her saying stop. I  _ know _ you did. So I’ll ask you again: Why. Were. You. Touching. Her?” Luke’s face was red and his eyes were hooded. When the man didn’t answer, Luke delivered a kick to his stomach before grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him to stand. “What do you think gives you the fucking right to touch her?” His voice was loud, and I was paralyzed with fear. Luke pushed him against the railing, his fist connecting with the guy’s jaw. “You’re lucky I don’t kill you where you stand!” Luke yelled, punching him again and again and again, too many times to count. 

 

“Luke!” I finally managed to yell, jumping up and grabbing onto his arm. “Luke, please!” I begged, not realizing I was crying until the tears rolled onto my neck. Luke’s breathing was heavy and his jaw was tense as he looked back at me. He shrugged me off him before pushing the man off the porch and onto the grass, earning a loud groan. 

“Pete? Hey, what the fuck!” Another voice sounded from across the yard and my head snapped towards it. Luke grabbed my hand and ran into the house, pulling me alongside him. I was hardly able to keep up with his long legs, looking back to see three men running after us. 

“Luke!” I called out, but he only kept running, pulling me through the crowd of people and down the hall of the frat house. He made a sharp left, pulling me into a bedroom and locking the door behind us. Without a word, he ran to the window and opened it, pulling the screen off and jumping out. It became clear to me that he’d done this far too many times. 

 

“Come on!” he called, outstretching his arms. I was still for a second, until pounding at the door sounded. They were going to break it down and we needed to get out of here. “Valerie, jump!” He ordered and I climbed on the window sill, my feet dangling off the edge. It wasn’t much of a jump, but I couldn’t move. 

“I-I can’t!” I cried, a muffled sob coming out of my mouth. 

“Do you trust me?” he asked and I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t. “Valerie, do you trust me?” he repeated. 

“Yes,” I breathed. 

“Then jump!” His voice was much softer now, and I closed my eyes, trying to block out the bangs on the door.

“I’m scared!” 

“There’s nothing to be scared about, baby. It’s just me and you right now. If you’ve got me, I’ve got you.” I opened my eyes, staring at the drop as I nodded. I was about to let go of the ledge when the door shot open. In a panic, I jumped out the window and Luke caught me, grabbing my hand and taking off in a sprint.

 

We ran a couple blocks down the street before he pulled me down an alley and whipped me around, pushing me against the brick. 

“Lu-” I began, but he pressed his hand over my mouth.

“Shh!” He demanded and I nodded, closing my eyes as his hand fell from my mouth. I couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t want to see if they were getting closer. When I did open them, I saw Luke’s angry expression, looking out toward the street. His body was pressed into mine and the discomfort from the hard surface and the impact of his push was becoming much too evident. My legs were tired, I was out of breath, I just wanted to go to bed.  _ My _ bed, not Luke’s. We stood there for a long time, both panting, until Luke grabbed my jaw and forcefully tilted it up. He pressed a rough kiss against my lips, one which I didn’t respond to. 

 

“You’re mine.” His voice was rough, angry. “No one else’s. Just mine.” With that, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the alley to begin our walk back to his house. I was too worked up to tell him I wanted to go home. My eyes itched from all the crying I did and my back stung from being pushed against the wall. So, I kept my mouth shut and just walked behind him. I didn’t want to walk next to him, I feared what he would say. When we finally got back to the house, the party was over. I wondered just how long we were hiding out, long enough for the party to die out. We silently walked up the stairs and to his room, and I jumped as he slammed the door behind us. 

 

“Luke,” I whispered from the door as he sat on the bed. “Luke,” I repeated, louder this time. “I-I told him to stop.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure you fucking did!” He blew up and I regretted saying anything. I walked towards him, trying not to show him that I was scared to make the wrong move. “It sure looked like you enjoyed it!” he accused and my mouth fell open. 

“N-No, I was pushing him away, and-” he cut me off. 

“-and then he kissed you, so you thought you’d just roll with it! That’s really fucking rich, Val!” I sat next to him on the bed, only for him to stand up and begin pacing. 

 

“I was trying to stop him.” I defended myself, but my voice was weak. “I-I didn’t know what to do.” He didn’t respond, his fist clenched as tight as his jaw. “I couldn’t find you, and then he came.” Still, nothing. “And  _ he _ kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back. I was scared!” When he didn’t answer that time, I stood up and grabbed his arm, trying to get his attention. He only pulled it away. “I…” I began, but didn’t know what else to say. “Luke, please.” My voice cracked. “Talk to me.” 

“Trust me, you don’t want me to talk right now.” His back was to me and I tried to hug his waist, but he pushed me away yet again. “Valerie, stop touching me.” He warned, but I didn’t listen. I walked around him, taking a stance in front of him and looking up. 

“Then fucking talk to me!” I yelled, unable to stop myself. “You beat that guy half to death and I had to watch! How do you think  _ I _ feel?!”

“I don’t care how you feel!” his response was quick. 

 

“You’re acting like your father,” I spoke before I could stop myself and his face twisted with anger. My gaze fell to the floor, hoping he didn’t hear me. 

“I’m  _ what _ ?!” he yelled, but I didn’t answer. He forced my face up to look at him, but I pulled away. Instead, he grabbed onto my wrists. So tight, I winced. “Say it again, I fucking dare you!” The stinging pain I was gaining from my wrists gave me courage, so I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. 

“You’re acting like your father,” I told him again and his grip tightened on my wrists before he threw me down on the bed. I gasped, and his body hovered over mine. 

“Don’t  _ ever _ say that again!” His voice was threatening and my lip quivered. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. 

“Luke, you’re scaring me.” I was hardly able to speak, and he just laughed. 

“Oh, so I’m  _ scaring _ you now?” he asked, pushing himself off the bed and walking over to the corner of the room. I timidly sat up, watching his every move as he strided over to the lazy boy chair. “What about this, Val?” he asked before grabbing the back of it and flipping it over. It landed in the middle of the room, just next to the bed. “Is  _ that _ scaring you?!” he yelled and I didn’t know what to do. 

 

I was terrified of the man I love and I had nowhere to go, so I got up and ran. I ran down the hall and into the bathroom, hardly closing and locking the door before Luke got to it. He was banging on the door and I cupped my hands over my ears, trying to block him out. 

“Valerie!” he yelled. “Open the fucking door  _ now _ !” I sunk down to the floor, sobbing as he continued to hit the door and curse my name. I was in hysterics, hardly able to breathe, hardly able to concentrate on anything but the sound of Luke’s pounding and screaming. Then, it all stopped. I heard muffled yelling, not just Luke’s voice anymore, before I heard a door slam. I bit at my lip so hard that I tasted blood, and jumped when I heard a soft knock on the door. 

“Val? It’s Ashton. Will you open the door?” I was so thankful to hear a voice that  _ wasn’t _ Luke’s and wasn’t so angry. I crawled over to the door, sliding the lock over before cowering back in the corner. “I’m coming in,” he called out, creaking the door open and peering in before coming in fully and shutting the door behind him. 

 

I kept my face buried in my arms, my knees pulled to my chest, as I cried. I watched out od the corner of my eye as Ashton squatted down and set a hand on my back. 

“Can I take you home?” he asked and I sniffled, nodding but not moving. He moved his hand up and down, trying to comfort me as I cried. 

“I was so scared,” I sobbed as Ashton pulled me in for a hug. He ran a hand through my hair, his grip on me tightening as he sighed. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of here so you can sleep it off. It’s okay.” He grabbed my hand and led me through the hall. As we passed Luke’s door, I looked in to see him sitting on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands. I followed Ashton out of the house and we got in his car. He drove me back to the dorms and as much as I wanted to wake up Lea and cry into her shoulder, I didn’t because Michael was sleeping next to her. So, I crawled in bed and cried myself to sleep. 


	58. Always.

“Hey, Val!” I woke up to Lea shaking my body and sat up with a gasp.   
“What?” I asked, noticing the small, humorous look spreading across her face.   
“You slept through your classes.” I was quick to grab my phone from the nightstand and check the time. It was near noon, causing me to groan and fall back on my bed. “Are you okay?” she asked and my eyes diverted to my wrists. From how roughly Luke grabbed the, I expected them to be bruised—but they weren’t and I was glad. There was no physical reminder of anything. I could pretend it all never happened if I wanted to.   
“I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine, the memories of last night flooded my mind. How scared I was, the way Luke beat that guy up, Ashton driving me home.   
“Michael said he heard you crying last night. He didn’t know what to do, so he just went back to sleep.” I couldn’t help but crack a small smile. 

“Luke and I had another fight.” I told her, unsure of what else to add. She immediately rolled her eyes, sitting on my bed.   
“God, he’s an idiot. What about this time?”   
“A guy was hitting on me at the party. He got mad about it, even though I was trying to get him to stop. We just… We each said some bad things and he flipped his chair over and then I left.” I picked at the fuzz on my blanked, not wanting to see her reaction.   
“Sounds like everything will be alright. It’s just a small fight.” Small fight. Well, compared to everything else Luke and I have fought about in the past.  
“I don’t know, maybe.” I sighed.  
“Maybe? What do you mean, maybe?” she asked and I finally met her eyes, mine filled with sadness and overthinking. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about breaking up with him.” Her mouth fell open and I shrugged. I didn’t want to, but he was leaving… And yesterday… I was just so scared. How could I forget that feeling?

“He’s leaving for the summer. We’re not like you and Michael. We can’t make it work long distance, we don’t have that kind of patience.” She nodded, though I wasn’t sure she fully understood. “If it doesn’t happen now, it’ll happen when we’re away from each other and be more painful.” She was silent for a long while, her hand on top of mine as she tried to think of what to say. Maybe there was nothing for her to say.   
“Talk this through, see where that gets you,” she told me and I nodded. “We’re all rooting for you guys. But, we’ll all be here for both of you if it falls apart.” I pulled her into a hug, surprising even myself when I didn’t cry. Maybe I was used to Luke fucking up. Maybe I was used to all these fucking fights. Just then, as if he knew we were talking about him, Luke walked into the dorm. He was biting his lip, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I gotta go. I’m meeting Mikey for lunch.” Lea gave me a small smile, setting a hand on my shoulder before standing up. “See you guys later.” And then she was gone, leaving me to decide what I wanted to do. 

“Hey.” Luke’s movements were slow as he sat on the edge of my bed. I pulled my feet underneath me, hoping to create more space between us. All I wanted to do was nuzzle into him, go back to sleep. But I knew if I did, then I’d never have the courage to do what I need to do.   
“Hi,” my voice was quiet. I pushed my hair out of my face before struggling to pull it all up into a ponytail. If I’d known he was coming, I’d have at least have brushed my hair and teeth.   
“Why weren’t you in class?” He wasn’t sure whether he knew the answer to that question or not, I could tell by his sad blue eyes. He didn’t know if it was because of him.   
“I forgot to set an alarm. Lea just woke me up.” He nodded, seeming less on edge because I wasn’t purposefully avoiding him.   
“I’m really sorry, Val,” he told me, surprising me by gently taking hold of my wrists and examining them for bruises. “I didn’t mean to scare you last night.” He pressed kisses against the skin on my right wrist before moving up to my hand and kissing the back of it, repeating the actions on my left. I knew I shouldn’t forgive him, but I also knew that I said a really horrible thing. 

“I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was angry and-” he cut me off.   
“No, you were right. I need to learn how to control my anger before it gets out of hand. I don’t want to end up like him.” I didn’t know what to say, so he kept talking. “I don’t want to be the type of boyfriend who scares his girlfriend into staying with him. I don’t want to be the one who keeps fucking things up and hurting you. I want to be the type of man who brings you flowers and buys you things and takes you out for dates. I just want you to know that… Well, I’m going to work on becoming that type of man.” I picked at the skin around my nails, nodding. How was I supposed to say what I need to say now? After that? “Are we okay?” he asked and I opened my mouth to speak before closing it again and sighing.   
“I don’t know, Luke,” I answered honestly.   
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

"Maybe we should just call it quits now... While we're angry at each other and can't overthink it." Was he even angry with me anymore? Was I angry with him?  
"What? Call it quits? Why?" His mood instantly dropped, his mouth falling open and tears lining his eyes.   
"You're leaving, Luke. For three months, we won't be together. Maybe it'll hurt less if we call it off now instead of in the middle of summer. It's going to happen sooner or later, long distance won't work out for us." I couldn’t look at him as I spoke, repeating the same reasons I gave to Lea.  
"So come with me. Fuck being apart.” I couldn’t believe the offer, and the thought crossed my mind. It would be so amazing to come with him, but what happens when we have a fight like we did last night? Where would I go?  
"Luke... I-I can't come with you." It hurt to tell him that, but I knew it hurt him more to hear it.  
"Why?" His responses were urgent, full of need. 

"M-My parents would kill me, I have so much shopping to do for my apartment next year, and I need to take an online class to be a writing tutor. What if my sister needs me? What if something happens to Parker? Or one of the girls? I need to be here. People need me here." I hoped the reasons I listed would be enough for him, even if they weren’t enough for me.  
"But, I need you with me." He grabbed my hand, bringing it up to his face in a desperate attempt to get me to touch him, but I just let it fall back down.   
"Luke, I-" He cut me off.  
"All those things you just said, they were about other people. What about you? What do you want?" You. Honesty was the only thing coming to mind, there was nothing else to say but the truth, as painful as it was for both of us.  
"To be with you, always." My voice cracked as a tear fell out of my eye.  
"So come with me." He wiped it away, his thumb lingering on my cheek.   
"I can't, Luke. As much as I want to, I just can't." Withdrawing his touch, he hung his head in sadness. Once the tears started, they would stop. Was this it? Is this where we say goodbye?

“If you’re going to leave me…” he began, his words laced with pain. “At least give me our last three days. We deserve it, Val. Three more days together. Just us, happy, together.” The offer sounded too good to be true, and I wanted it. I needed it.   
“Okay.” My voice was hardly above a whisper as he stood up, holding his hand out to me.  
“Come here,” he begged. Despite how apprehensive I was, I took his hand and allowed him to pull me up and into a hug, kissing the top of my head. “Let’s dance.”  
“There’s no music.” With a smile, I rolled my eyes at the request. So cliche and overused, but it still melted my heart.   
“I’ll be your music.” He set his hands on my waist, encouraging my hands to snake around his neck and pulled me closer. When I set my head on his shoulder, he started humming and we swayed to the beat. 

THIS BOOK WILL BE ENDING ON CHAPTER 60 (FOUR MORE CHAPTERS, AS THIS IS 56) BUT THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL


	59. Do You Know?

“Valerie,” Luke whispered, his fingers tangling in my hair as he ran his fingers through the knotty strands. I let out a soft groan, burying my head further in his chest. His body vibrated from a laugh while his hand moved from my hair and to my back. “Wake up, baby.” His voice was low and raspy. He began rubbing circles in the fabric of my shirt. His other hand found its way to the hand I had set on his chest. He picked it up, bringing it to his lips and placing a delicate kiss on each finger. 

“My hand is so cold.” Luke chuckled, removing his hand from my back and pulling the blanket over my shoulders. His hands rubbed against mine as he blew hot air on them. I couldn’t help but laugh, finally lifting my head up to look at him. 

“Your hair looks absolutely ridiculous,” he teased, causing me to laugh and swat his chest.

“Well, that’s what you get when you wake me up too early. Can’t we sleep in just a little bit more?” My head fell back on his chest. Why am I so  _ tired _ ? 

“Baby, it’s already noon.” My eyes shot open and I jumped out of bed. 

 

This is probably the only time that I’ve  _ ever _ been excited to sleep with Luke in my twin sized bed, and it came with me being late in the morning. 

“What’s wrong?” Luke asked as I pulled my hair into a ponytail. 

“I’m late,” I muttered, running around and shoving things into my backpack. 

“Late for what?” I didn’t even notice him getting up and following me, only dodging around him to find what I needed. “Baby.” I didn’t answer, too consumed in the rush. “Baby!” he repeated with a laugh, catching hold of my waist and turning me around. 

“Luke, I can’t do this right now. I’m  _ very  _ late!” I ran a hand through my hair, ignoring the bumps and stray hairs I missed. God I must look awful. “I hate being late.” I brought my hands down, rubbing my eyes. 

 

“What are you late for?” My panicked state didn’t seem to worry him, he still had a smile drawn on his lips. 

“I need to be at the train station at twelve-fifteen to get on my twelve-thirty train so I can be at my mom’s by four-thirty for dinner at five with my family and-” I rambled, suddenly stopping and looking down at my pajamas. “God, I can’t wear this! I can’t even have my  _ hair _ like this! My mom will freak out!” Luke smiled at me as I wriggled out of his grip and rushed to the mirror, pulling my hair down and attempting to make it look decent. 

“It’s okay, Val-” I cut him off. 

“No, you haven’t met my mom. You have  _ no _ idea how strict she is about our appearance.” Again, Luke spun me around, pressing my back against the closet door. 

“But I could…” His voice trailed off. “Meet your mom.” I stopped dead in my tracks, setting my bag on the floor. 

“Luke-” I began, but was cut off. 

“I could drive us… Then, you’d have time to get ready.” I couldn’t tell if he was serious, so I cocked my head. 

 

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious,” I confessed as he set a hand on my cheek, allowing me to lean into his touch. 

“I am. I mean… You already know that I want to meet your parents… Maybe now is the perfect time.” Maybe I shouldn’t overthink this. If I didn’t give mom any warning, she wouldn’t be able to overthink it either. That’s how I need to introduce Luke, right? Without any warnings. Would that be horrible of me? No… Mom  _ does _ want to meet Luke, afterall… 

“On one condition…” I told him, a smile playing on my lips. Luke raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue. “You have to bring Petunia so she can play with Parker and Warren.” Luke laughed before nodding. 

“She’d love to come. She even has a pink ribbon for special occasions.” I giggled, getting on my tippy toes and wrapping my arms around his neck before pressing a kiss on his cheek. 

“I’m so excited that you’re coming,” I said. 

 

He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me forward. I laughed when our chests collided, smiling into the kiss he was pressing on my lips. Although it was such a rough kiss, it had so much passion. 

“Now that we have time…” His voice trailed off as he walked backwards, pulling me with him and swinging us around before plopping me on the bed. I laughed, watching as he walked over to the door and locked it.  _ The broken door, my old friend, was no longer broken. _ I couldn’t help but chew on my bottom lip. When he got to the bed, he hovered over me, pressing his lips on mine. Our tongues battled for dominance, and his  _ definitely _ won.

 

His hands nudged up my tank top up, his lips moving down to my neck. I drew in a sharp breath when he got to a sweet spot on my neck. His lips left my skin before my shirt was tugged over my head. Then, he was back to this gentle attack. He kissed down my breast bone, his hands palming my breasts as I moaned. 

“Luke,” I whispered, my breathing heavy. 

“Yeah, baby?” he spoke against my skin, his hands snaking down my waist and hovering over my panties. I couldn’t speak, I was too focused on how good Luke’s lips felt against my skin. He kissed over the lace, his lips hovering over my heat. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked, his fingers nudging my panties aside as he traced circles in my skin. 

“N-No, please.” A smirk formed on his face as he slowly withdrew his touch. “Please don’t stop,” I begged, rolling my head back. 

 

Luke stood up, walking to the head of the bed and sitting down, his legs outstretched and his hands hooked behind his head. 

“Come show me how much you want it.” He flicked his head to the side and I crawled over to him, straddling his lap. Holding his face in my hands, I pressed a quick kiss on his lips before moving to his jaw then his neck. He let out a throaty moan, grabbing my hips and grinding them against his. He was hard, rubbing himself against me in the sweetest way. My breathing was short and sharp, my hands burying themselves in his hair. “Do you know how bad I want you, Val?” he asked, kissing my shoulder as I threw my head back. His boxers and my panties were too restricting. I wanted to feel him.  _ All _ of him. If only we had more time. “Hmm?” He encouraged me to speak, bringing his hips into contact with mine. I moaned from the contact. “Do you know?” He repeated, bucking his hips into mine again. 

 

“Y-Yes,” I rasped, pinching my eyes shut. 

“Are you close? Look at me.” I obeyed, forcing my eyes open and trying not to focus on his wonderful the contact felt. 

“I wish I could feel you,” I whispered, my forehead pressing against his as he kept his movements up. 

“Shhh, soon baby.” He cooed, one hand finding the back of my neck to keep me in place. His movements became quicker and rougher as we both got closer to the edge. I finished moments before him, my fingers clawing into his shoulders as his grip on me tightened, all movements stopping. We stayed still for a while, trying to calm our breathing. 

 

“God, do you know how much I love you?” he asked, the hand that was on the back of my neck moving to my cheek. “I love you so much that I don’t even have the words to explain it.” I held his hand against my cheek, giving it a light kiss. “I mean it, Val. I never thought I could be with someone for this long and  _ not _ have sex. Hell, I mean, I used to fuck on the first date. But now… Shit like that doesn’t matter anymore.” I gave him a light smile, giving him a quick kiss. 

“I love you, too.” I whispered. How were we supposed to part when things are going like  _ this _ ? So peaceful and happy. Am I ever going to stop teetering back and forth on the topic?

“I really think we can make it. If we stay in contact, I think-” I cut him off. 

“This is a conversation for another time, okay?” He stared at me for a long moment before finally nodding. “Let’s just be happy today and have dinner with my crazy family.” He smiled, ushering my body off of his. 

“I’ll go shower and get ready,” he said, pulling his pants on before picking up his shirt. “When do you want me back?” 

“We should probably leave around one-thirty.” Pulling his shirt on, he kissed my cheek. 

“I’ll be quick, then.” And with that, he left me to get ready. 

 

***

 

Luke was back in my room by one, knocking on the door and being pulled in once Petunia saw me. I gave her a quick hello before looking at Luke. 

“Did you get a haircut?” I asked walking over to him and running my hands through his hair. It no longer reached to just above his shoulders. Instead, lying in the middle of his neck. Luke pulled away from my touch with a bashful smile. 

“Yeah… Well… I just wanted to look nice.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his dress pants. He looked so handsome, his hair freshly cut and gelled, his light blue dress shirt that perfectly matched his eyes, and black dress pants and dress shoes. He  _ really _ tried. 

“You look great.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, laughing as he rubbed the lip gloss away. Grabbing my hand, he spun me around. 

“I look great? Look at you!” He complimented. I was wearing a white and gray striped shirt that ended at my elbow crease, a yellow skirt that fell to just below my knees, and black heels with a simple strap in the front. 

 

My makeup was simple, as mom hated it when we wore makeup. I only put on mascara and lip gloss. My hair was neatly curled and pinned away from my face. 

“You look beautiful.” He kissed me, his arms securing around my waist. Petunia sat at our feet, staring up at me and panting. 

“And Petunia looks absolutely lovely!” I laughed, fixing her bow. “Are you ready to go?” I asked, straightening my posture as I held my hand out. He took it with a wide grin and we headed out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been so bad at updating lately.  
> I've been very stressed with college and work.   
> Also, I know I said that Pretty Girls would end at chapter 60, but I lied.   
> It's actually ending at 65.  
> Thank you all for the support and sticking with me.   
> I WILL FINISH THIS BOOK!   
> HOPEFULLY SOON!


	60. Call Me Daddy.

As Luke pulled up to my house, I gave his hand a tight squeeze. I smiled at him, trying to show him how excited I was for this moment.

“Do they know I’m coming?” he asked, straightening his tie in the visor’s mirror. 

“No.” I grinned, reaching back and petting petunia. 

“What? Really? Val-” I cut him off. 

“Trust me, the best way to meet my parents is without any warning.” He got frustrated with his tie and I couldn’t help but smile. “Here, let me-” I straightened it, staring up at him with a smile. 

“Any advice?” He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, setting one in between his lips. 

“For one, no smoking!” I scolded, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and giving him a stern look. “They’d kill me!”

“What? I’m stressed, okay?” I couldn’t help but smile, placing the unsmoked cigarette back in it’s pack. “Seriously, though. Any advice?” 

“They’re very old fashioned. So just shake their hands and agree to their opinions.” He took a deep breath before nodding. 

 

We walked up the path and to the door. As Luke raised his hand to ring the doorbell, I stopped him with a laugh. 

“I live here, remember?” As soon as I opened the door, Parker ran up to me and jumped into my arms. “Hey, Park!” I laughed, picking him up. “I want you to meet someone.” Luke stepped in the house, keeping Petunia out of sight. “This is my friend, Luke.” Parker buried his face in my shoulder. “Say hi, silly!” I giggled as Parker whispered a  _ hello _ before burrowing his face once again. “Parker, Luke brought someone with him that I think you’d like to meet.” Luke stepped aside, allowing Petunia to nudge her way into the house. Immediately she looked up to Parker, who was squirming in my arms. 

 

“A puppy!” He gasped, jumping down and running towards her, locking his arms around her neck. 

“That’s Petunia,” Luke said, kneeling down. “She’s my very best friend.” 

“Wow!” Parker gasped, falling into a giggling fit when Petunia licked his face. “I like her a lot!” He nuzzled his face in her neck. 

“I think she likes you, too.” Luke’s voice was soft as he gave Petunia’s head a pat before standing up. I couldn’t help but smile as I reached out for his hand, pulling him towards me. 

“Mommy! Mommy! Come look!” Parker yelled as I gave Luke a quick peck on the cheek. 

 

“Parker, I told you to stop yelling! Mommy has a headache!” Gene complained, walking into the hallway with a glass of wine in her hand. “Oh.” She stopped once she saw me, her eyes raking down my body as if to judge me. “I didn’t know  _ you _ were coming.” Her eyes fell to where Luke and my hands connected before trailing up to Luke’s face. 

“Luke, this is Laura Gene.” My eyes fell to the floor, watching as Parker ran in the other room, Petunia darting after her. Luke moved forward, setting a hand on my back and reaching the other one out to shake Gene’s hand.

“Call me Gene,” she said. If she was judging him, I didn’t want to know. She looked down to Petunia, raising her eyebrows. 

 

“Wow. The dog is… Fat,” she teased. 

“She’s no more overweight than Warren is,” I argued. 

“And Warren is fat, too.” Silence struck us for a long while before I tried to get past.

“Can we… um… get through?” I asked, my eyes slowly finding Gene’s. She always makes me so nervous. “I’d like to say hi to mom and dad.” Her lips curled into a fake smile. 

“Don’t forget about Drew,” she taunted, moving against the wall. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Rolling my eyes and moving past her, pulling Luke with me. 

 

We walked past the living room and through the dining room, finally reaching the kitchen. I gave Luke’s hand a supportive squeeze before entering the kitchen. 

“We’re here!” I smiled, greeting her with a tight hug. 

“Valerie! I didn’t think you’d make it!” She held my face in her hands, giving me a smile. “You look nice.” I shook my head, pulling out of her grasp. 

“This is Luke!” I grinned, stepping aside to reveal him. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Moretti—ma’am.” He reached his hand out to shake hers, but she pulled him into a hug instead. I mouthed an  _ I’m sorry _ as he uncomfortably hugged her back.

“The famous Luke,” she gushed, reaching out to touch his face. Before she could, the oven beeped. “Oh! The chicken!” And she was off, taking a drink of her wine as she pulled the chicken out of the oven. “Go say hi to your dad, dear!” She waved us off and I led Luke outside. 

 

“I think she’s drunk!” I laughed as we walked through the yard. “You’re doing amazing.” I stopped in front of the garage. “Just two more people and we’ll be done.” He let out a deep breath, nodding. 

“I expected… Worse.” He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“They usually are,” I told him. “Worse, I mean. Gene’s always nice to people I bring home. It’s like a… Fake nice, I guess… And mom, well she’s drunk.” We shared a laugh. “And since they’re already in the garage, I’m guessing my dad is drunk, too.”

“Let’s go find out.” He put on a large grin and I smiled back before opening the door and stepping into the cigarette smoke-filled garage. 

“Hi, daddy!” I gushed, running up to him and crushing him with a hug. 

“Hi, sweetie!” His cigarette was in between his lips as his arms wrapped around me. I moved to Drew, giving him a quick hug as well.

“This is Luke. Luke, my dad and Drew.” I introduced for what felt like the hundredth time. Luke shook Drew’s hand before dad’s, and dad gave him a hard look. 

 

“So you’re the one who’s been dating my youngest daughter,” dad said as their hands disconnected. 

“Um-” Luke cleared his throat. “Yes sir.” I could tell he was nervous. I imagine most parents weren’t fond of him. But he looked so formal. He was dressed nicely, all his tattoos covered. He cut his hair. They wouldn’t see what everyone else sees in Luke. They wouldn’t see a tall, scary man who’s covered in tattoos. They’d see a sweet guy who dressed up to meet them. Maybe it would all work out after all. 

“I’m messing with you, son.” Dad laughed, playfully slapping Luke on the shoulder. 

“Oh.” Luke let out a dry laugh. “Good one, sir.” 

“Please, don’t call me sir. Mr. Moretti will do.” I laughed, rolling my eyes as Luke mindlessly nodded. “I’m kidding. Call me Martin, please-” I cut him off. 

“Dad, quit busting Luke’s chops. He doesn’t know you well enough to recognize your jokes.” Dad winked at me before taking a drag of his cigarette. 

 

“I thought you quit, dad.” I frowned. 

“As far as your mother knows, I did.” It was another one of his jokes, but I shook my head. 

“I’m telling,” I teased, crossing my arms. 

“What if I said I had a present for you? Would you tell then?” I cocked my head. 

“Hmmm… It depends on what it is.” I fell into his trap and he walked over the fridge, opening it up and pulling out a bouquet of sunflowers. 

“As per tradition.” He handed me the bouquet and I brought them to my nose, taking a deep breath in. 

“Thank you, daddy.” He put out his cigarette before going back to the fridge. 

 

“Luke, would you like a beer?” Luke immediately to me, as if to ask if it was okay. I gave him a quick nod, turning to Drew. 

“Please, thank you.” Through the corner of my eye, I saw the beer can soar through the air for Luke to catch. Dad popped his open, taking a long drink. 

“Drew?” Dad asked, holding up his can. 

“I’m alright, Martin.” Drew’s attention fell on me. “Did Gene tell you the news?” he asked, already knowing the answer. 

“What… News?” I furrowed my brow as he grinned. 

“We’re getting that puppy for Parker. Picking it up tomorrow,” he announced. 

“Wow. That’s great!” I forced a smile. Of course gene wouldn’t tell me. 

“It’s a three month old Shiba Inu. An early birthday present.” I was about to ask if he had a picture, when Gene’s shouting startled me. 

 

“Andrew! Your son is running in the house and  _ not  _ listening to me!” I held in an eyeroll as Drew sighed, giving me a small smile before excusing himself. 

When I turned back to Luke, dad was standing next to him, his hand on Luke’s shoulder. 

“This is the part where I tell you that you better not hurt my little girl. But I think we can skip that. Looks like you already know.” Luke’s face fell as he nodded. 

“Dad!” I complained, giving him an annoyed look. He withdrew his touch, lighting another cigarette. 

“Why don’t you two go help your mom set the table. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I knew better than to disagree, and I didn’t want dad to yell at me in front of Luke. So I kissed his cheek. 

“Thank you, again, for the flowers, daddy.”

 

Luke and I walked out of the garage, following the path to the house. When we reached the side of the house, Luke caught my hip and pulled my body to his. I let out a loud squeak as he pressed his lips against mine. My shocked turned into a smile as I kissed him back. 

“I’d like to hear you call  _ me _ daddy.” He whispered in my ear. Gasping I swatted his shoulder. 

“Now is not the time to talk about your kinks.” I whispered back, my eyes wide. He kissed me again before allowing me to pull away form his body. 

“I love you,” he said as we started walking again. 

“I love you, too.” When we walked into the dining room, the table was already set. I sent Luke to the living room to sit with Gene and Drew. Although it worried me to leave him alone with Gene, I trusted that Drew would stop her from saying something rude. 

 

“Mom, do you need any help?” I asked as she grabbed serving spoons and set them with the platters. 

“You could bring these to the table.” She handed me the scalloped potatoes and broccoli salad, taking the dish of chicken and biscuits for herself. I followed her into the dining room, setting the platters down. “Would you and Luke like some wine?” I followed her into the kitchen, taking the glasses from her as she brought the bottle of wine to the table, filling the white in each cup on the table, including the ones I set down in Luke and my place. The glasses of water were already next to the wine. Mom was really on top of dinner tonight. Usually she’d forget something in the kitchen and leave during dinner to get it. She set the bottle down, grabbing her glass and drinking nearly half of it. 

 

“So, you’re drinking again?” I asked, remembering her old habit of drinking a bottle of wine each night. She laughed, setting her glass back down and refilling it. 

“I had one before dinner and I’m having one during. I’m just trying to relax.” I sighed, giving her a slow nod. 

“Don’t you think you’ve already had enough?” I inquired when she picked the glass back up and took a sip. 

“Sweetie, I’m not drunk!” As she spoke, her arm flailed and some wine spilled out the side of the rim. I watched it fall onto the rug, seeping in the fabric. “Now, why don’t you sit nice and pretty, and I’ll call everyone in.” Her glass was set back on the table, with the sip refilled, before she left me alone. She’s always nicer when she’s drunk. 

 

***

 

We all sat around the table, nearly finished with dinner. Conversation was full of Parker talking about daycare and my family asking Luke questions about himself. Luke was to my right; Parker,  Gene, and Drew across from us; with mom and dad at either ends of the table. I held Luke’s hand under the table, giving it a light squeeze as Petunia nudged my knee. Warren was by Parker, waiting for scraps to be dropped. 

 

Luke was holding up pretty well. I could tell he was tired and it was hard for him to keep a positive attitude. I was worried he’d slip up or conversation would go awry. Sure he was saying all the right things now, but what if that changed? I set my elbows on the table, leaning forward to grab my wine. 

 

“Val, what’s that on your wrist?” Gene asked, her lips forming into a smirk. I knew  _ something _ would happen to ruin the good mood. 

“It’s nothing-” I began, getting cut off by mom. 

“Valerie,” she warned. “Is that a tattoo?” The mood instantly dropped as I held my wrist up, revealing the small heart. “Valerie!” She scolded, covering her mouth. “I can’t believe-” I was quick to cut her off. 

“Gene has a tattoo!” I tried to defend myself. 

“Delia, she’s an adult, she can make her own decisions.” Dad sounded bored as he brought his last forkful to his mouth. 

“I don’t want my daughters running around with God-knows-what inked on their skins!  _ You must not make any cuts in your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord. _ It’s Leviticus 19:28, Martin. It goes against God’s wishes!” Dad forced a smile. 

“ _ I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. _ Isaiah 43:25. I think God will forgive them. They’re young. They make mistakes.” Irritated, mom stood up and began grabbing the empty plates. Gene and I stood to help, Gene bringing the desert plates and me bringing the silverware as mom brought out the apple pie and vanilla ice cream.

 

“You have to forgive us, Luke. We take religion very seriously in this house.” Mom plastered on another smile, serving pieces of pie and passing it to Gene to scoop ice cream on. Then to me, where I put silverware and delivered it to each table setting. 

“Don’t apologize,” was the only thing Luke said. 

“We commit ourselves to God. In fact, our Valerie made a very special  _ promise  _ to God.” Dad brought up and my face reddened. 

“Dad-” I began, but was cut off. 

“I know about that… I support Val in anything she believes in.” I couldn’t help but smile, setting the last plate down and taking my seat again. 

“And what about you?” Mom asked. “Do you believe in God?” The room went silent for a split second. 

“I haven’t attended church since I was young.” I wasn’t sure if he was lying. Luke and I have never really talked much about religion. Just that my family was religious and his wasn’t. 

“Oh.” Mom cleared her throat.

 

It was quiet, the mood awkward and uncomfortable. 

“Luke is coming with me to Sunday mass this week,” I said, hoping that Luke would go along with my lie. 

“Really?” The smile returned on mom’s face. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Maybe you can come to our church sometime. It’s wonderful, really.” Dad spoke with his mouth full of pie and ice cream. 

“You know, dad. It’s really just so hard to find the time to come up here.” I tried to get out of the subject. 

 

I was surprised that Gene was busying herself with Parker, not aiming to get me in trouble. This wasn’t usual for her. Maybe she liked Luke. Or maybe she’s just in a good mood.

“Speaking of which,” I began, setting my fork down. “We really should get going. We have to study for exams.” 

“Oh, of course!” Mom stood up, grabbing our plates and putting them in the kitchen. “We don’t want to distract you from your studies.” I finished my glass of wine, standing up and grabbing my bouquet of sunflowers as Luke put Petunia on her leash. 

“It was nice to come home for dinner. I’ll see you guys soon.” After a long goodbye to everyone, Luke and I got in the car and headed back to campus. 


	61. You Weren't You.

“Do you think your parents liked me?” Luke asked when we hit the highway. It’d been quiet up to now, the only sound was Petunia’s snoring and the quiet music playing. 

“Yes,” my voice was slow, unsure. 

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” he joked, glancing over at me. 

“It’s just… You weren’t  _ you _ tonight. They liked the man I brought home, but that man wasn’t my boyfriend.” His smile fell and guilt panged in my stomach. 

“Right. So if they find out that I have tattoos and wear leather jackets and that I’m in a stupid band, they won’t like me?” It hurt me to see him so upset.  _ I caused that. _

“That’s not what I’m saying-” he cut me off. 

“Then what are you saying?” He raised his voice, causing Petunia to shoot up. 

“That I wanted my parents to meet you! Not this guy that you’re pretending to be to impress them!” This is coming out way worse than I mean it. 

 

“Isn’t that what boyfriends are supposed to do? Impress their girlfriend’s parents?” He shot back, causing me to sigh and sink into the seat. 

“I don’t think it’s necessary to impress them. All I’m saying is that their opinion doesn’t matter to me.” I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. All the shouting was giving me a migraine. 

“Well I tried to impress them. I’m sorry that I can’t be effortlessly perfect, okay? I’m not  _ you _ . I don’t walk into a house and get immediate acceptance. I walk into a house and people get  _ scared _ . They lock up their things. I’m sorry that, for once, I wanted people to like me.  _ Important _ people. People that love the girl I love. I’m sorry if that upset you.” There was a moment of silence as I tried to wrap my head around what he just said. Petunia whimpered in the back seat. 

“It didn’t upset me, Luke. I appreciate the fact that you did it and that you tried really hard to make a good impression. I don’t want you to doubt that I appreciated it. I really did. I’m trying to say that I don’t care if my parents like you. That won’t stop me from being with you, and it certainly won’t stop me from bringing you around. Their opinions stopped mattering a long time ago.” Luke didn’t speak and Petunia whined again. 

 

“Luke…” I turned to him, but he kept his eyes on the road. Petunia’s whimpering wouldn’t cease and Luke’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “What matters is that they liked you  _ now _ . I don’t think their opinion will change once they already know how kind you are and-” Petunia’s barking interrupted me. 

“Petunia! Stop!” Luke yelled, causing me to gasp as he turned around. “Stop barking!” He ordered. A horn sounded and Luke whipped around, jerking the steering wheel to get us back in the lane. My breathing was heavy as I gaped at him, my mouth parted. Petunia let out a quiet whimper and Luke hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “Jesus  _ fucking _ christ!” I reached back, trying to soothe her by scratching her ears. It seemed to shut her up, so I turned forward again. As soon as I did, she started whimpering again. “Petunia!” Luke scolded. 

“Why are you yelling?” I complained, holding my head in annoyance. All the commotion was killing my head. 

“I’m not yelling. I’m just upset.” He pushed his curls out of his face. 

“I understand that, but there’s no reason to be. They liked you. I love you. That’s all that matters. Now can we stop, please!?” I sighed, leaning back into my seat and staring out the window. 

 

Petunia started barking again, and Luke jerked the car to the side of the road, putting it in park and getting out. He walked over to my side, letting Petunia out of the backseat. 

“Where are you going?” I asked, but he only shut the door and walked off. It was dark, and I quickly lost sight of him. Maybe he was going to clear his head, but why would he take Petunia? Maybe he was taking her to use the bathroom. I waited for him to get back. Five minutes turned into ten, then fifteen, then twenty. I was beginning to get nervous. I could hardly see ten feet in front of me, and there were no cars zooming past. The road was empty, and the only noise came from the radio static. It was extremely unsettling, and I locked the doors about 5 minutes into Luke’s absence. Maybe he forgot where he parked. I reached over, flipping on the headlights and looking out the window. I gasped when I saw someone walking towards the car. It wasn’t Luke. He was much shorter and heavier. 

 

He got closer to the car, stopping to look in the driver’s side window. His eyes fell on me, his lips curling in a smile. 

“Do you need any help?” He asked through the window. 

“No, I’m okay.” I faced forward, bringing my knees to my chest. Please go away. 

“Where you heading? Can I get a ride?” I pinched my eyes shut, pretending I didn’t hear him. The gravel crunched under him as he walked around the car. It went silent and I opened my eyes, straining to look around in the dark. All of a sudden, there was a banging on my window. I screamed, whipping around to see Luke. I was relieved to see him, but my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was so worked up, that my eyes started to water. 

“Open the door!” He called and I reached over and hit the button. Luke opened the back, helping Petunia in before getting in the driver’s side. 

 

“What?” he asked, noticing my glare. 

“You scared the life out of me!” I yelled, the tears finally escaping my eyes. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” He pulled me into an awkward over-the-counsel hug. 

“There was a man and he was next to the car and talking to me.” I cried into his shoulder as he rubbed my back. 

“What? Someone was outside?” I nodded, sniffling. “Where did he go?” Luke tried to pull away, but I held onto his arm. 

“Can we go home? Please?” I pulled away, sinking into the leather seat and Luke set a hand on my thigh before driving away. 

 

***

 

“Val, baby. Wake up.” Luke cooed from the door, brushing my hair our of his face. “I just brought Petunia up. Do you want to sleep here, or do you want me to take you home?” I groaned, keeping my eyes shut. I hadn’t realized I fell asleep until the car stopped. 

“Here.” I mumbled. Luke let out a small laugh, unbuckling my seatbelt. 

“Give me your arms, baby.” I held my arms out and Luke picked me up, carrying me inside. I felt every step and every stair, the movements making me nauseous. I clung to his neck as he set me down on the bed. I didn’t want to let him go. “Let go now, love.” He gently unhooked my arms. I opened my eyes, watching as he picked out one of his white t-shirts and set it next to me. He changed slowly, taking his time to unbutton each button and hang up the dress clothes. By the time he finished, wearing only his boxers, he sat down next to me. 

 

“You should change,” his voice was soft. I held out my hand and he helped me sit up.

“I’m too tired,” I complained and he smiled, lifting my shirt above my head and helping me out of my bra. 

“I love every part of your body,” he whispered, replacing my shirt with his. I lied down, bucking my hips up so he could pull off my skirt. He then went to work on taking off my heels, taking them off and dropping them with a clunk on the floor. He pulled the covers back, tucking me in and kissing my forehead. I watched as he folded my dirty clothes and set them on the dresser before climbing in the bed with me and wrapping his arms around me. In seconds, I fell asleep. 


	62. Brains and Eyeballs.

“Have you ever been to the Harn Museum of Art?” I blurted out as Luke and I ate lunch, in hope to reignite the conversation. “I used to go with my parents. We’d come all the way up here just to look at some paintings. I used to hate it, but now I wonder if I’d have a better appreciation for it now that I can understand the hard work and back stories.”

“No. I haven’t. Thought about it, though. I didn’t want to go alone, and the boys wouldn’t go with, so…” his voice trailed off, his shoulders hiking up in a shrug. 

“Oh. It’s lovely. You should really go.” Luke nodded, dragging a hand across his neatly shaved chin. His eyes scanned the cafeteria before shifting back to me. “I just thought, since you like art so much, that you’d appreciate it.” His lips pulled into a smile. 

“Would you go with me?” he asked, lightening my mood. As many times as he told me that he wanted to be alone with me today (and yesterday, and tomorrow), he still couldn’t help taking me out. Maybe he really  _ was  _ changing. Maybe everything would be alright after all. 

“I would love to.” I smiled.

 

“Today?” he asked, becoming excited. It reminded me of a young child. The way he was so ecstatic and on the edge of his seat. 

"I have to study for my finals, we already took the day off yesterday to see my family." I giggled and he shrugged, trying to seem subtle but ultimately failing. He didn’t have any finals—he was strictly sticking around for me, hanging out with me while I studied for my Bio and Art History final that were both schedule the night after Luke left. His plane left around 9am, and we planned for me to come with to drop him off. Then, I’d do some last minute studying, to make up for the time lost, until 7pm. The next morning, mom and dad were due to pick me up and take me home at 10. 

"You can study tonight. Come on, we only have today and tomorrow. Make the most of that time with me." It saddened me—the way he so desperately wanted to spend time with me, doing anything and everything. “What if we take the bus and you study on the way there? I won’t bother you, I swear.” He mouthed a please, trying not to seem clingy or persistent. I couldn't possibly reject his offer. 

 

All he wanted to do was turn back time, to make our previous lazy afternoons worth something; to give me something to hold onto before he left; to present memories that would never leave my brain no matter how hard I forced them out.

“Okay.” I promised, gathering my things quickly, at the expense of his impatience. "Let's go." Nearly jumping out of his seat, he grabbed my hand and walked toward the door at a fast pace. I couldn't ignore the feeling I had. Deep inside my stomach, tingling. Ticking. Like a bomb was about to go off inside me.

 

When the bus came, we boarded and Luke paid my fare. He guided me to a seat in the back, sitting so close that our legs were touching. He didn't seem to notice, though. I did. I wanted more than anything to reach over and set my hand on his thigh, like I have seen girls do to their boyfriends. Is that the normal thing to do? There was a couple sitting a few seats in front of us, her head was set on his shoulder, his hand on her upper thigh, and they were speaking quietly. Maybe we could do that. If our time together wasn’t running out, I would. I’d take the risk and show the public display of affection. Then again, he’s only ever held me in front of his friends. He’s never shown me much affection in front of strangers. I couldn’t possibly face the rejection of him not wanting to hold me right now. As much as I wanted him to, I had to respect his boundaries. And; as always, if we hadn’t fought yesterday, I’d be much more comfortable leaning into his touch. But fighting, for us, is inevitable. 

 

I wonder how he’d react. If I just set my head on his shoulder. Would he pull away? Or accept it? Perhaps I should take a less subtle approach. Like touching his arm. Or accidentally touch his leg. I took a deep breath, staring at the ink stained into his skin. Delicately reaching over, I ran my finger over one. He looked at the patterns my fingers traced, seeming unphased. He leaned over and pressed a kiss on my forehead, his fingers interlacing with mine. His grip didn’t leave mine the entire ride. We didn’t talk much, he only stared out the window, his thumb running over the back of my hand until we reached our bus stop and he led me off.

 

As we waited in line, he glanced down at our intertwined hands and pulled me closer to him. His arm draped over my shoulders. I closed my eyes, trying to forget that he was leaving soon. When I opened them, he was smiling and paying our admission, leading me down a hallway and to one of many exhibit rooms. I admired him as he stopped to watch a painting. His head crooked momentarily before straightening as he crossed arms.

 

“What are you looking at?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but it’s wonderful!” He glanced at me with enthusiasm in his eyes. “Just look at it, Valerie!” he exclaimed, pulling me so I stood in front of him, his chin settling on the top of my head. “The-the colour scheme! And how it secretly portrays—Wow.” He breathed, staring at. “I love it.” He turned to me. “Don’t you love it?” he inquired. 

“It’s wonderful.” I nodded. “Lovely… Beautiful.” But I was really staring at him. I could care less about the painting. He was the most beautiful work of art I’ve ever seen and _ I don’t want him to leave me. _

 

***

 

“Luke, where are we going? The bus stop is over there.” I asked, but he only laughed, pulling me alongside him. When he noticed me struggling to keep up with his long legs, he slowed his pace and snaked an arm around my waist. His hand slipped into my back pocket as he gave my ass a gentle squeeze. I couldn’t help but laugh, gently swatting his arm. It amazed me how we were walking on eggshells earlier today and now, his hands were all over me and we were laughing. 

“I thought that… Well, since we’re already out-um-” he stopped, sighing as we crossed the street. 

“What?” I asked with a small laugh. He’s never been one to shy away. 

“I just wanted to take you on a spontaneous date. So you’re not allowed to know where we’re going.” His voice was rushed and mumbled as his speed picked back up and he led me down the street. We were walking for what seemed like forever until finally stopping in front of a large building. Luke took his bottom lip between his teeth, swaying back and forth on his feet and waiting for me to react. 

 

“An arcade?” I wasn’t sure what he wanted to do here, but gave him a bright smile anyways. I didn’t want to discourage his efforts, so I leaned further into his touch as we walked into the crowded building. 

“We’re going rollerblading.” He grinned, pulling me to the back of the building where the rink was. 

“I don’t know how to rollerblade!” I laughed, but followed him to the desk anyways. 

“Me neither.” He turned suddenly, causing me to stop dead in my tracks so I wouldn’t bump into him. “But that’s what makes it fun.” The smile returned on his face as he rented rollerblades for us and led me to a table where we set our things. He helped me take off my shoes and replaced them with the skates before putting his own on. He held onto my hands, easing me forward as he moved backwards.

 

His movements were slow and calculated, stopping once we reached the edge of the rink. 

“Are you ready?” he called over the music, stepping into the rink and pulling me closer. 

“I’m going to die!” I laughed, my legs wobbling as Luke pulled me with him. My eyes were glued to my feet, nervously watching them in attempt to focus. I chewed on my lip, my brow furrowed. Luke’s movements were smooth, one leg sliding back before the other followed. I kept my knees locked, allowing Luke to move me effortlessly. There was a loud pop song playing through the speakers, bright lights flashing around, and kids zooming past us. 

“Move your legs!” Luke encouraged, glancing down to see my resistance. He skated to a stop, moving behind me and setting his hands on my waist. 

 

“Come on, Val!” He laughed. 

“I’m scared!” My voice was high-pitched, not wanting to wipe out on the hard floor. 

“I’ve got you baby. Come on. Left, right-” I followed his orders, slowly sliding my feet forward. My legs were shaking. Despite Luke’s firm grip on me, I still felt like I could fall any second. 

“Why do we have to use the ones with the wheels in a line? I can’t balance on these!” Luke laughed, shaking his head.

“You’ve got it, baby. You’re doing great.” He picked up the pace a bit. “I’m letting go now-” he warned, but I cut him off. 

“No! Luke don’t-” He ignored me, releasing his grip. “Luke!” I screamed, flailing my arms. I was about to lose my balance and fall face forward, when Luke whizzed past me, spinning around to face me and grabbing my arms, steadying me. 

 

“I thought you didn’t know how!” I complained, swatting his chest before immediately grabbing back onto him. He laughed, his thumb rubbing into my skin. 

“I may have… stretched the truth. It’s been a while.” I gaped at him, shaking my head. 

“You lied!” He continued to move backwards with me, pulling me in circles around the rink. 

“My mum used to take us rollerblading all the time,” he shrugged, his face tinging pink. “Then, she got remarried and never had the time anymore.”

“How old were you?” I asked.

“God, I must’ve been 11 or 10… So Tiff was like 6 and Simon was 13ish.” He sighed, glancing at a passing family. “She used to let us bring our friends and we’d get nachos and then have a huge sleepover at our house.” Luke spun around, skating to the side of me and allowing me to hold onto his arm. 

 

“She used to be great at those,” he said, looking down at me. “Sleepovers,” he clarified. “We’d have themes. Like, I don’t know… Scary stuff. And she’d peel grapes and make spaghetti, telling us that they were brains and eyeballs, and put on horror movies before we went to sleep.” He was smiling, staring forward and leading us in a curve. “And in the morning, she’d make a shit ton of pancakes to pig out on for breakfast.”

“It sounds like some parts of your childhood were happy.” I wasn’t sure if he realized this. If he knew that there  _ was _ a time when he was happy with his family life. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, pulling me to the side of the rink and helping me step up. “We were all so much better off before mum married Rick.” We sat back at our table, Luke slowly helping me to sit before moving next to me. 

 

“Luke?” I asked, my voice quiet as he drummed on the table with his thumbs. “What happened with you and your mom?” I wasn’t sure if he’d answer me. The only person he ever talked about was his father and, even then, we only spoke briefly. All I knew about his mom was that she had three kids (including Luke) and was on her second husband. 

“We were so happy, the four of us—me, my brother, my sister, and mum. Then when I was 15, she married Rick. It was like we suddenly didn’t matter anymore. And Rick was always so fucking mean to us. He’d hit us if we said the wrong thing or ground us for months if we didn’t do our chores. That’s when I started smoking cigarettes. To ease the pain, I guess. Then I met the boys when I was 16 and saw how fucking happy their families were and it fucked with me. And back then, we didn’t give a damn about anything. I started doing drugs and drinking and Rick kicked me out because Tiff needed a good influence.” He paused, pushing his hair out of his face in frustration.

 

“I was living in Ashton’s basement for two years and I’d work at a diner with my mom after school. It was the only way I’d get to see her. I’d tell her how bad I wanted to leave this town and never fucking come back. She’d cry, so I’d stay. Ashton was done with school at the time, so I’d always skip to hang out with him. It’s a miracle I graduated. And when I did, I knew it was my chance to leave. The boys and I all got in here and we decided to come out. Tiffany was so angry when I told her. She was only 13, and I was leaving. She told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. Rick and Simon didn’t give a shit. Simon was too busy doing drugs of his own, Rick never really cared about me in the first place. And mum? She wouldn’t look me in the eye. She’s the only one I’ve talked to in the past three years. Simon and Rick don’t care enough to pick up the phone, and Tiff is still angry.” I was shocked by his admission, but didn’t know what to say. 

 

“So, I haven’t been back. No one wants me there.” He finished, staring at the wooden table. 

“I’m sure that’s not true-” I began, but he only cut me off. 

“That’s why I need to go back.” He finally looked at me. “I abandoned them just like my dad, and I need to make it right.” He grabbed my hands, bringing them up to his lips. “You showed me that I could be loved. I just want to be loved by them again.” I set my hand on his cheek, giving him a reassuring smile. 

“They never stopped loving you,” I told him, meaning it with every fiber in my body. “I’m sure they can’t wait to see you.” He gave me a small smile, pulling out of my grip. 

“Only my mum knows I’m coming. I wanted to surprise Tiff and Simon.” 

“That’s amazing, Luke. I know they’ll love it.” He pulled me close, his arm draping around my shoulders as he kissed my forehead. 

 

“They didn’t think I could do it—College, I mean. They didn’t think I’d make it this far. Hell, neither did I. I was too busy getting in fights and doing coke these past two years, that I’m  _ so _ behind in credits. But I’m here still, and this term is going really well. I used to believe them when they said I’d be back, but now I don’t. I think I can graduate college and do what I really want to do. And that’s all because of you. You helped me realize that I  _ can  _ do this.” He squeezed my hand looking down at me. “Thank you.” Again, he kissed my forehead, his breathing heavy and his heart beating fast. “What do you say we get some nachos and get out of here?” he asked and I laughed, nodding. 


	63. 23.

Luke and I woke up at 10am to help his frat set up for a studying event that they were throwing. Last night, I spent my time studying while Luke packed what he was bringing home. The furniture belonged to the frat house, but he was in the same room next year so he wasn’t too worried about bringing anything but clothes and Petunia’s toys. It was jarring, waking up this morning to see his room packed up and ready to be parted with.  _ Today was our last day together. _ It’s finally sinking in. He’s leaving and we only have 23 more hours together. 

 

Luke was in charge of baking for the event, so I was helping him make batter for cookies, cupcakes and brownies. As we mixed and baked, conversation was limited. We were focused on what we were doing, neither of us wanting to be out in the open. We wanted to be in his room together, hoarded away and spending our last hours in peace. But Luke said that if we baked, we wouldn’t have to be in the living room while the event was going on or help clean up after it was over. He said it was the least we could do to get the most time alone, so I went along with it. 

 

As I mixed the ingredients together for homemade icing, Luke came up behind me. He set his chin on my shoulder and snaked his arms around my waist. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be putting the cookies in the containers?” I asked with a small laugh. 

“I finished,” he mumbled into my skin, tightening his grip. 

“What about the brownies? Are they-” he cut me off. 

“Yes, they’re in the containers  _ and  _ already in the living room.” I couldn’t help but laugh, opening my mouth to speak. “And before you ask, the cupcakes are done and cooling off” Closing my mouth, I scooped up some of the frosting on my finger for him to try, turning around in his grip. 

“Thank you.” My voice was soft, Luke crooking his head to look at me as his body leaned into mine. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before wiping my cheek with a rag. 

 

“You had flour on your cheek.” He explained himself, tucking my stray hairs behind my ears. My hair was tied into a messy ponytail, frizzing out from all the moving around the kitchen. 

“You have something right…” My voice trailed off as I wiped the sample of icing on his nose. He fake gasped, swiping it off with his finger and bringing it to his mouth. I stared at his lips, watching as he sucked the icing off his skin. 

“I’m not mad that you did that because it’s  _ so  _ good.” His voice was low and raspy. 

 

I took the rag from him, getting the spot he missed. Our eyes met and, within a second, our lips were smashed against each other. His hands found my hips, gripping onto them and lifting me onto the counter. His body immediately found its way in between my thighs, my hands flinging down to push the bowl of icing out of our way as I dropped the rag on the floor. I wrapped my hands around his neck, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth. I let out a quiet moan as his hand creeped up my thigh, pushing it down gently. 

 

He pulled away and connected our foreheads, our breathing heavy. 

“We have to do this cupcake shit.” His voice was quiet and irritated. I nodded, keeping my eyes closed. He slowly inched away from me, his hands guiding my hips as I jumped off the counter and soothed my skirt back down. Luke was quick to move away from me, grabbing the cupcaked from on top of the stove and putting them in front of us. He kept his distance, which was odd for him. Instead of snaking an arm around my waist, he grabbed a piping bag and shovelled icing in before going to work on a cupcake. I repeated his actions, taking a piping bag and cupcake for myself. After luke finished two and I finished four (as Luke was going much slower due to inexperience), I grabbed a plain cupcake and set it in front of me. 

 

“Are you okay?” I asked, turning to him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked in return and I sighed. 

“Usually you… Stand… Closer.” I explained, immediately feeling stupid for asking. 

“I  _ stand _ closer?” his brow furrowed as she set down his third cupcake. 

“Yeah… I mean… Like, after we kiss…” He tried to go on icing, but sighed and set the baked good on the counter. 

“I just know I’m going to miss you is all.” He didn’t look at me, instead focusing back on icing the cupcakes. 

“I’m going to miss you, too.” I whispered, turning back to face the plain cupcake. My hands shook as I applied the icing, the next couple cupcakes turning out much messier than intended. Irritated, I threw the piping bag down and pushed my hair out of my face, walking away from Luke and to the patio door. 

 

I stared out the glass and to the backyard, trying to calm my breathing.  _ I was going to miss him, too. _ In 20 hours, he’s leaving.  _ And I’m going to miss him. _ I crossed my arms over my chest, biting at my bottom lip as Luke came up behind me, pulling me into a tight hug. I sniffled, tears immediately falling out of my eyes as I buried my head in his chest. My hands placed themselves just below Luke’s shoulder blades, trying to keep him as close to me as possible. 

 

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

Val cried into my chest, her small hands fisting the back of my shirt as I rubbed her back and set my chin on her head. I didn’t want her to be sad or angry at me for leaving. Hell, I don’t want to leave at all—but I have to. 

“I’m going to miss you, too.” Her voice was muffled from being pushed so far into my chest. “I know you need to go, but I don’t want you to leave me.” This was the moment I’ve been dreading. The moment it all sinks in. This is it. All we have left. The moment we both realize I’m leaving and that I don’t want to go.  _ She _ doesn’t want me to go. Why won’t she just come with? I don’t know how I’m supposed to live for  _ three months _ without her. 

 

“Say something!” She demanded, ripping out of my grip and staring up at me. She had tears running down her cheeks and I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing I could say that would fix this. So, I grabbed her face and wiped away her tears before giving her a gentle kiss. 

“Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down? I’ll ask Lea and Mikey to finish these up and I’ll be there in a second.” She was still for a moment before finally nodded and disappearing in the halls.

 

**_***VALERIE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

By the time Luke joined me in his room, I was calm again. My tears stopped and I was finally able to catch my breath. I spent the time waiting for him to join me by fixing my hair. And by the time he did, I was petting Petunia. He walked in the room, shutting the door behind him. As if his presence triggered that same feeling as before, I crashed into him with a hug, holding onto his waist and burying my face in his chest for the second time today. He held no resistance in hugging me back, seeming surprised when I pulled away so quickly. 

 

“I’m sorry for freaking out,” I told him, our fingers intertwining. 

“It’s okay, baby.” He gave my hands a quick squeeze before dropping them altogether. 

“I’m going to go freshen up. I look like a mess and-” I stopped, making my way to the door. As soon as my hand touched the doorknob, I turned back to him. He was only a few feet away, his strong arms crossed over his chest. Just standing there, in that moment, I recalled the  _ daddy  _ comment he made yesterday and it filled my mind with questions. “Luke?” I asked and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. 

 

“Do you have a daddy kink?” In a split second he was backing me against the door, my hands pinned above my head. 

“Why? Do you?” he asked in return, his breath fanning across my face. My face heated up, suddenly embarrassed for asking. 

“I-I-Well, I-Um-” I stuttered, not knowing what to say. I didn’t even have the  _ answer _ to that question. 

“Go to the bathroom, baby girl.” He released me from the door, my body immediately cold from the lack of contact. I stood there for a split second before taking a shaky breath and exiting the room, ignoring Luke’s smirk. 


	64. A Thanksgiving Note

Hello everyone, 

This is currently a day late, but I'm overcome with emotion and just had to share this with you.

All I've ever wanted to do in life is be a writer. And although I'm not as successful as I hope to be in the future, I'm still so grateful for all the fans I have. 

Whether it's a like, a comment, or a message; hearing from the people who take the time to read my stories truly warms my heart. 

It's insane to think of how far I've come and how far I'll continue to go. 

Living with bipolar disorder is one of the hardest things I can imagine, but I do it everyday. And I do it for all of you. I do it because I want to put out work that you'll all love and relate to and read over and over again because that's that I do. 

I want to share my love of writing and push through the dark days just so I can write one more chapter or one more story or have one more idea. I know that life gets hard sometimes, and I'm living proof of that, but I want you all to know that you can come to me if you have any problems or have anything that you need to talk about. 

Even if all you do is read my stuff or leave a vote every once in a while, just know that I know you. I realize when my commenters don't comment, or my voters don't vote, or I have less views on a chapter. And know that I do my very best to find out who isn't present and I worry about you until you come back to my stories. 

You all mean the world to me. Each and every one of you. It doesn't even matter if you don't read my stories, you still matter to me. 

You're all single-handedly helping me make my dreams come true and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Whatever you do, wherever you are, never stop reading. 

Never stop writing. Never stop obsessing over band members. Because it's all worth it in the end. We finish a good book and our hearts feel warm, we write a story and we feel like we have purpose again, we follow those band members and they light up our lives. 

Never think that anything you do isn't important or worth it, or whatever those voices in your head tell you. To me, you matter. I love you all. 

You're all my reason for writing and not giving up on this dream. 

That being said, I've finally made the decision to change my major in college. I'm now majoring in creative writing with a minor in journalism. I'm doing what I really want to because you all believe in me. 

Just know that I believe in you, too. 

Thank you for reading my stories and thank you for supporting me. 

One day, I'll make it and you'll all be able to say that you were here from the beginning.

For that, I am truly grateful.

Mili (exiiliious)


	65. Daddy Kink.

****

The second I got back to Luke’s room, he smashed his lips against mine. I immediately responded, fisting his shirt and stepping into his body. He moved backwards with me, allowing me to push him onto the bed. The second our lips parted, I climbed on top of him while he pulled off his shirt and threw it aside, reconnecting our lips. 

“I have to feed Petunia,” his voice was quiet, hardly audible over Petunia’s scratching at her bowls. I shook my head, not wanting to lose my boldness. 

“Stay,” I pleaded. 

“As much as I’d love to-” he began, trying to sit up. I pushed his shoulders back down. 

“Can’t it wait?” I frowned. He glanced at Petunia, who was lying next to the bag of food. 

“I don’t know,” he sighed. We stilled for a second, Petunia remaining still with us. 

 

“If you don’t stay, I’ll make you,” I teased, Luke’s eyes widening. 

“And how’s a small thing like you going to make me stay?” He played along, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“I’ll do this.” I pulled his arms above his head, holding them in place with one hand as the other drew a line down his bare chest. “And this,” I whispered, peppering kisses down his jaw, to his neck and chest. 

“Hey,” he protested, his breathing heavy. “That’s not fair,” he rasped, grinning. 

“I never said I played fair.” I kissed his neck again, smirking. 

“Well if you don’t play fair, then neither do I.” Before I could register what he said, he flipped us over, pinning my wrists above my head and hovering over me. 

“That’s not fair!” I giggled, stealing his phrase. 

“I never said I played fair.” He stole my phrase as well, his eyes travelling to my chest. “Now it’s my turn.”

 

His lips were on mine again, a warm hand sliding into my shirt and across my stomach. I let out a breathy laugh at our reversed roles. 

“Look what you’re doing to me.” He smirked, rolling his hips into mine, I moaned at the sudden pressure to my body. “I’m already hard and all we’re doing is kissing.” He moved to my neck, peppering kisses down to my collarbones. “Someday, daddy’s going to show you how he likes to fuck.” He ran a hand down my cheek. “But I’ll have to break you in first.” He winked and I gasped, our eyes meeting each other. 

“So you  _ do _ have a daddy kink?” He stared at me, a smile forming on his lips. He leaned down, kissing my neck and whispering into my ear. 

"You caught me." I laughed, which only causing him to inch closer in response. His hand let go of my wrists, holding me by my waist and kissing me while he moved his body in between my legs, leaning over to keep our touch in contact. My arms snaked around his neck, hands tangling in the thick, curly mess. I moved my hips slightly to connect with his; he let out a small moan in response. 

 

"Luke." I mumbled against his lips and he pulled away, thinking something was wrong and worriedly stared at me. "I want to try something." I panted. He raised his eyebrow. "I want to do it. I’m ready," I whispered. His eyes widened as he crooked his head.

"N-Now?" he stuttered, I nodded. "Oh, baby, I don't think we should. I mean, I’m about to leave and-" He stopped as soon as I frowned. Does he not want me? "Are you sure about this?" He asked and I nodded. "Say it." He rasped. "I need to hear you say it." I took a deep, shaky breath.

"I want to have sex with you,” I said and he sighed, eyes beaming through me.

"Are you positive?" he asked. 

"Don't you want to?" My voice was slow, unsure.  _ He doesn’t want me _ .

"Oh, baby... Trust me, I do... But, I want to make sure you want to, too." I bit my lip. 

"I'm sure!" I snapped. "I want to do this." He slowly nodded, connecting our lips.

 

"Make love to me." I whispered, feeling his lips slowly slide down my neck.

"Within good time." He cooed, his hands traveling to the bottom of my shirt, lifting it gently. Suddenly, I was nervous. Do I want to do this? Do I want to share this intimate of a moment with him? He makes me so angry sometimes, then just goes and intoxicates me with his lips and I can't breathe. I can't breathe right now, and I'm praying for forgiveness. I'm praying that God will forgive me for the sin I was about to commit.  _ It's going to be okay… It's going to be okay… It's going to be okay…  _ I kept reminding myself, it was getting harder to breathe. 

 

Somehow, now, I was completely naked, kissing Luke as he took off his jeans. My hands were tangled in his hair, slowly moving down to his shoulder blades. I felt them as he moved his hands down my curves; kissing every inch of my body. I felt like I was going to throw up. So scared, so nervous, so undecided. No, this is exactly what I did last time. I  _ will _ go through with his. Now is our only time to do this.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked again, his forehead creased with anticipation.

"Yes." I breathed, lying. I'm not sure. Fuck, I’m freaking out. 

 

He nodded slowly, pulling his boxers down and kissing me some more. I felt him against my thigh as he kissed my jaw. 

"Are you ready?" He asked, I nodded. I was sure about that. If we didn't do this now, I'd overthink it too much and I'd never get it done. Luke ripped the foil packet, rolling a condom on to him. A small part of me says _ it's just your virginity. It's just sex. You can do this, God will forgive you. God forgives everyone. _ Another part is afraid to admit that Luke is a God. He's so beautiful, so kind, and so hard on himself. 

 

His hands were on either side of me, the head of his erection was touching me, and I was so scared about what it'd feel like. Yet, I was anticipating it. This is what I’ve been missing out on, and I was about to experience it with someone I love. 

"It might hurt,” he rasped. "But only until you get used to it." I bit my lip, nodding even though I could barely hear him. My thoughts were louder than his words.  "I don't want to hurt you." He lightly ran his hand down my cheek. I nudged my face into his palm, smiling lightly. My breath was shaky as he took his hand off me, placing it back on the bed. His eyes beamed into mine, seeming unsure as well.  _ How many other girls has he been with? Were any of them virgins? Does he know how to handle this? Is he as scared as I am? As confused? _

 

"You're so beautiful." He brought me back, smiling down at me with blue eyes and a dimple stamped into his cheek. 

"You are too." I whispered, my voice weak. His eyes softened, and if I didn't know better, I'd think it was pain. 

"No, baby." He whispered. "I'm not." Oh, Luke, you're the most beautiful man I've met. We’ve been here before—this exact position, ready to give it all. "Are you sure, baby?" he asked for the millionth time and I nodded for the millionth time, smiling weakly. 

 

Within a second, he pushed himself inside me. I gasped, arching my back off the bed and pinching my eyes shut, digging my nails into his skin. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he gushed. "Maybe we should stop." I shook my head, opening my eyes and trying to ignore the sharp, stinging pain. 

"No," I refused. "Keep going." His lips pursed as he moved slightly, my nails stabbing his skin and whimpering.

"I'm sorry." He frowned, leaning forward and kissing me briefly. 

 

He moved himself, filling me, then leaving me empty, back and forth, a steady pace. After a while, I wasn't clawing him in pain, it was for pleasure. He rocked his hips back and forth, taking my body with him. His eyes beaming into mine.

"Does it feel okay?" he asked. I nodded, unable to speak. I felt like I melted into him, his hands moved to my hips and he was slowly pressing himself into me. Our breathing was heavy, matching each others, and I wondered if his heartbeat was as fast as mine. I wonder if it felt as pleasurable to him as it did to me. My eyes clamped shut as I moaned; unintentionally leaving scratches along his back. It didn't seem to phase him, as he followed in pursuit.

"Luke, I-" I moaned, louder than I intended. 

“Come on, baby. Let go.” He groaned, releasing himself into me and falling down, careful not to put all his weight on me. 

 

He was dressing and feeding Petunia within seconds, walking around the room as if he hadn’t just taken my virginity. I couldn’t move. I pulled the blanket to cover my exposed body and sat up, watching as he moved around the room. He wasn’t speaking. He wasn’t even  _ looking  _ at me. Instead, he was rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair out of his face. I grabbed his shirt from the floor next to the bed and slid it on along with my panties. 

“Are you coming back?” I finally asked, my voice quiet and unsure. He was facing away from me, nodding slowly. 

“Yeah. I just need a second.” And that’s all he took, returning back to the bed with me. He climbed in, lying on his back as he pulled the covers up. 

 

“Everything’s weird now… Isn’t it?” I was scared to hear his answer. If everything was fucked  _ now _ , what would they be like in three months? 

“No.” He sighed, propping his head up with his arms. “I just… I’ve never had sex with someone I actually care about.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as I moved closer to him, pulling his arm away from his face so I could look at him. “It was just  a big step for both of us.” He took a deep breath, holding his free arm out. “Come here, pretty girl. Let’s take a nap.” I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to his chest. Before I set my head down, I gave him one last kiss. 

“I love you,” I whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair. 

“I love you more.” He tightened his grip on me and I finally let my eyes shut, falling into a much needed, deep sleep. 


	66. One Last Date.

“Valerie,” Luke’s voice was soft as he pushed the stray hairs out of my face. “Val, baby, wake up.” He cooed, but I couldn’t move. I was too exhausted. Groaning, I turned towards the sound of his voice, squinting my eyes and trying to adjust to the light. 

“What time is it?” I asked, afraid that we’d slept all afternoon and through the night. My body nearly sprung up, my heartbeat quickening as I looked out the window. 

“Half past midnight.” He smiled as I let out a sigh of relief, pushing my knotted hair out of my face. “Come with me.” He held out his hand, and I reluctantly took it, allowing him to pull me up. 

“Where are we going?” He already had Petunia attached to her leash, and she waited patiently by the door while Luke pulled a sweater out of his suitcase and handed it to me. 

 

He didn’t need to tell me to put it on, as I figured we were going to take her for a walk. But when we went downstairs and headed straight for his car, I gave him a confused look. 

“I’m taking you out for one last date.” He grinned, seeming proud of himself as he opened up the passenger side door for me. I climbed in the car, forcing a smile as he ushered Petunia in after me. He said it like this was it, like we’d never see each other again. And maybe we wouldn't. Maybe we’d breakup before he left, maybe we’d breakup in the middle of the summer, or maybe we’d just lose touch. 

 

It hurt to think about. My whirlwind of a year was coming to an end. I’d no longer be a freshman. And in 9 hours, the man I love is going across the globe. The worst part, is that I really  _ don’t know _ how we’d get on without each other. I wasn’t sure if we’d both be hurting, or if it would only be me.  _ Would  _ I be hurting? From the moment we met, Luke and I have spent nearly every day together. That is, unless we were fighting. And we were always fighting. But now, I couldn’t remember the last time we fought. 

 

How did we get here? How did this beautiful, damaged man get me to forget about my  _ own  _ damaged past? How did we become  _ so _ in love, that I felt comfortable giving up my purity? It all happened so fast, but so slow at the same time. I wondered if he felt the same. 

 

As he got in the car and buckled up, I slid my purity ring off my finger and placed it in the cupholder. I don’t think he noticed, but I didn’t want him to. I wasn’t sure if he was somehow taking his car with him, but if he was, I wanted him to find my ring and think about me. I knew mom and dad would be upset when they noticed I stopped wearing it, but I didn’t care. I needed  _ something _ to leave him, as if my purity wasn’t enough. 

 

I wasn’t paying attention much to where we were going, but smiled at him when he reached over and grabbed my hand. The music played quietly on the radio, and he brought my hand to his mouth and pressed a light kiss against the back of it. All to soon, he put the car in park and shut it off. 

“What are we doing here?” I asked with a small laugh when we got out of the car. We were in front of the park we went to for our first date. 

“I thought it’d be nice to relive an old memory.” He let Petunia off the leash, and she immediately ran towards the water, jumping in. Luke pulled me close, his arm draping across my shoulders as he led me to the dock. “Do you remember coming here? We sat right here-” he paused, sitting on the wood and letting his feet dangle over the edge.

“And we talked about our families.” I finished the sentence for him, smiling as I sat next to him. 

 

Nothing was said for the longest time. Luke finally broke the silence, changing the subject.

"It's warmer then I thought it’d be tonight." I laughed a bit, nodding. 

"It is." I agreed.

"I bet the water’s warm." He smirked. I tore my eyes away from the water and to him. What is he thinking? "Perhaps we could go for a dip." I scoffed.

"Perhaps not!" I exclaimed, laughing. "You're crazy!" He smiled a warm, enchanting smile.

"Aw, come on, baby! It'll be fun! Live a little!" I shook my head.

"I live everyday!" I said, pretending to be offended while he laughed

"Only when you're with me. Come on! Only for a bit?" He compromised, pulling me to my feet as he ripped off his shirt, throwing it on the dock. 

"You're insane!" His eyes were bright blue, staring into mine as he ran his thumb along my bottom lip. I nearly melted. 

"It's probably not even deep." He whispered. "It'll be fun." 

"Okay." I whispered back. 

 

He kicked off his shoes and socks, followed by his jeans and jumped in as I stared at him, shocked and still fully clothed.

"The water's perfect!" He yelled, standing so it reached his chest. “Come on, you said you would!" He frowned. Without wanting to overthink it, I slowly undressed to my bra and panties. "I'll help you in." He breathed, walking toward the dock. I knew it was just an excuse to touch me, but I didn't complain. His long arms reached up, settling on my waist. "Ready?" He asked, I eagerly nodded. He lifted me with ease, and set me in the water. I felt the sand sink into my toes as I shrieked.

"Luke! It's freezing!" I gasped. He threw his head back, laughing. “You said it was perfect!”

"You wouldn't have came in if I told you... And then, I couldn't do this." He grabbed my waist, pulling me close to him. Our chests touched as he leaned down, pressing his lips against mine.

 

As I responded to the kiss, he lifted me, allowing me to wrap my legs around him. I was vaguely aware that Petunia was swimming circles around us, but I didn’t care. My arms wrapped around Luke's neck, my fingers digging in his hair as he held me up by my thighs. Our tongues battled for dominance and, like always, I let him win. 

"I'd love to stay and do this with you, Val... But I'm freezing." I laughed a bit as he carried me to the dock, lifting me up and setting me on the wood as if I were as light as a doll, then climbing up himself. When I was about to stand to get dressed, he grabbed my chin lightly, pulling it toward him. How I wish he was this Luke the whole time. How I wish he didn’t put up so much resistance before falling in love with me. So sweet and gentle. His thumbs scaled the bottom of my eyes, wiping off most of the smeared makeup as he chuckled.

"You know, you don’t need this shit." He whispered, and I didn’t know how to respond to him. So, I merely nodded. We slowly dressed, Luke leaning over and kissing me every now and then while I wrung out my hair, letting the damp hit my back. 

 

He helped Petunia out of the water and held a hand out to me. When I took it, he led me down the path. I knew exactly where we were going. Petunia beat us there, lying in the grass as we made our way to the swings. He helped me on one, immediately walking behind me and giving me a gentle push. I laughed as he repeated the action twice more before taking a seat on his own swing and gaining momentum. 

 

We didn’t talk as we swang, only giving each other quick glances as we laughed. He reached out to grab the metal chain of my swing but before he could catch it, I jumped off. My feet implanted in the wood chips before I took off running. 

“Where are you going?” Luke called after me, laughing. I heard his feet crunch in the wood chips before he ran to catch me. I kept up the pace, looking back at him and letting out a small shriek when he caught my waist. He pulled my body against his, our chests touching as he pressed his lips against mine. “Are you running away from me?” he asked, his forehead lying against mine. I shook my head, my eyes closed. 

“Never.” I whispered, setting my hands on his cheeks and getting on my tippy toes to give him another long, deep kiss. “Take me home, Luke.” That was all he heeded to hear. He grabbed my hand, called Petunia over, and we headed back to the frat house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW STORY: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16777693/chapters/39371038


	67. Better Off.

**_***LUKE’S POINT OF VIEW***_ **

 

3am and I haven’t slept at all. My thoughts were racing and I couldn’t get them to stop. Valerie stirred next to me, causing my heart to pang. How am I going to leave her in a couple hours? There was blood on her thighs, seeping through the cloth of her panties.  _ I did that. I stole her purity. And for what? To leave in a couple hours? _

 

I don’t know if I can handle saying goodbye to her. How was I supposed to leave after  _ that _ ? Her first time having sex, and my first time have sex with someone I care for. And in the morning, when I leave, she’ll cling onto me and beg me to stay. I made a mistake tonight. She’ll never get over this. Her first time, thrown out the window, given to someone she  _ knows _ will leave in the morning, whether I want to or not. 

 

Maybe I should just make it easier on both of us. Maybe I should leave now. Change my ticket and get out of here before she wakes up. That’s the easiest way, right? If only she’d come with me. If only she’d at least  _ visit _ . Then, I’d know things would be okay. If I knew I’d at least  _ see _ her in these past three months, then I’d know I can keep a hold on this. 

 

But I’m no good for her. I’m too angry, too impulsive. I’ve hurt her too many times. Would she even want to be with me after three months? She’ll find someone new, someone who treats her better, and move on from me. Maybe I’m just her stepping stone. Someone she used to get to a place where she can have a  _ healthy _ relationship. 

 

I need to leave. I need to go, get out of here. If she wakes up and I’m here, who can tell what’s going to happen? But if I leave while she’s asleep, we’ll both walk away broken-hearted. At least, then, I have control over when I get hurt. I would have control over the inevitable breakup. 

 

Sighing, I wriggled out of Val’s grip and stood beside the bed. She looked so innocent, that I couldn’t help but cover her shoulders with the blanket. At least I can give her this one, last good night’s sleep. I pulled on my jeans and shirt that I left out for this morning, stuffing my feet in my boots and grabbing my suitcase. 

 

After putting it in Mikey’s car, I went back for Petunia. She was lying at Val’s feet, sleeping soundly, but springing up when she heard me grab the leash. 

“Come on P,” I whispered, but she only whimpered and set her head on Val’s leg. It was like she knew what I was about to do. She knew I was leaving Val without any explanation. “Don’t look at me like that.” The dog immediately looked away, staring at the pretty, sleeping girl. “Fine. I’ll leave a note. Happy?” Petunia finally jumped of the bed, allowing me to clip her leash on. I walked over to my desk, scribbling down some meaningless words and placing the paper where I was sleeping. 

 

_ ‘Valerie,  _

_ We lived without each other before, we can live without each other now.  _

_ I’m sorry it had to be like this _ .

_ We’re better off this way. _

_ \- Luke’ _

 

Perfect. Cold and callous, just like she knows me to be. I gave her one last look-over. I couldn’t help myself from leaning over and kissing her forehead. She stirred, a small smile playing on her lips. So pretty, so innocent. 

“Goodbye, Val.” I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat before leaving my room for good and waking up Mikey to take me to the airport. 

 

This is it. This is our goodbye. I need to leave because I can’t make this work. I need to leave her. I don’t want to, but I need to. It’ll happen eventually, it might as well happen now. I need to do this. I need to leave. But why is it so hard?


	68. Our Goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826557/chapters/39498307
> 
> And if any of you are on Wattpas, show some love to Pretty Girls (https://www.wattpad.com/story/144672801-pretty-girls-%E2%87%BC-luke-hemmings) I'm #9 in Hemmings and would DIE if I got up to the top 5!!!

Waking up the next morning, there was a certain stinging between my legs that I wasn’t used to. I was sore and swollen from the night before, when I gave myself to Luke because I had nothing else to give. And it was lovely, everything I’d ever dreamed of. He was kind, gentle, patient. He was perfect. It was perfect. Though anxiety was still running through my veins, I felt at peace. Luke and I have never been closer. Never been more in love. Maybe we could make long distance work after all. 

 

I let out a deep sigh before turning around to face Luke. My face fell when I saw he wasn’t there, and I sat up quickly, only to find a piece of paper lying on the pillow he fell asleep on. 

 

_ ‘Valerie,  _

_ We lived without each other before, we can live without each other now.  _

_ I’m sorry it had to be like this _ .

_ We’re better off this way. _

_ \- Luke’ _

 

In a panic, I jumped out of bed and pulled on the shorts I was wearing last night before running out of the room. I took the stairs down, trying to be as quick as possible, running out of Luke’s room. 

 

I was out of breath by the time I finished scouring the common spaces for him, but still ran down the hall and up the stairs to Luke’s room. I got to the door, swinging it open. Nothing of his was here anymore. Did he leave early? He couldn’t have. He  _ wouldn’t _ have. I took off running again, stopping in front of Michael’s door and banging my fist on the wood. Seconds later, Lea opened it and her smile quickly fell upon seeing my state. 

 

“What’s going on?” she asked, stepping out of the room and pulling the door shut behind her. 

“Where is he?” My voice was louder than I thought it’d be, and there were people poking their heads out to look at what was causing the noise. 

“Michael went to drop him off at the airport a couple hours ago.” She seemed confused, and I clasped a hand over my mouth to try and conceal my sob. 

 

I fell to the floor and Lea tried to pull me up, but I only pushed her away and fell back down. I couldn’t stop crying, it hurt so bad. How could he have sex with me and just  _ leave? _ Why did he take an earlier flight? Why didn’t he say goodbye? How could he do this? 

 

“Val,” Lea croaked, kneeling down next to me. She didn’t know how to react, and I didn’t know how I  _ wanted  _ her to react. She slowly put her arms around me, pulling me into a hug, and I cried into her shoulder. 

 

This is it. This is our goodbye. He’s gone and he doesn’t want to make it work. He just… Left. He just left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826557/chapters/39498307
> 
> And if any of you are on Wattpas, show some love to Pretty Girls (https://www.wattpad.com/story/144672801-pretty-girls-%E2%87%BC-luke-hemmings) I'm #9 in Hemmings and would DIE if I got up to the top 5!!!


	69. Deleted Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this deleted scene from chapter 29!

**_(THIS WAS DELETED FROM THE MIDDLE OF CHAPTER 29)_ **

 

“What are you doing?” Luke asked when I flipped his hand over. 

“I can read palms. You said you wished there was a way for you to know what lies ahead. This is a way… Kinda.” I straightened his fingers, examining his palm. “So the fun thing about you being a guy is that the  _ left  _ hand is what you’re born with, and the right is what you’ve accumulated. That’s why we’re looking at the right. It tells your story.” I looked up to him, his eyes burning into the portion of his hand that I was soothing my fingers over. “It’s the opposite for girls.” I filled the awkward silence with a stupid fact, returning my gaze back to his hand. 

 

His focus on me was too intense for me to confidently tell him what his palm was saying. It wasn’t good—it was horrible, in fact. I’ve never seen someone with  _ all _ the worst options. 

“You know what, this is stupid. We shouldn’t do this.” I tried to let go of his hand, but he wouldn’t let me.

“What does it say? Come on, now I want to know.” When I didn’t reply, he sighed. “It’s bad, isn’t it?” 

“Well, palm reading isn’t a  _ science _ . Sometimes it’s completely inaccurate. It all depends on someone’s beliefs and attitude.” I attempted to cover up the fact that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and he let out a small laugh.

“Okay, with that in mind: What does my palm say?”

 

“This is your heart line.” I traced over it lightly. “You see how it’s broken?” He nodded. “That indicates—um—emotional trauma.” I skipped to the next line, not wanting to dwell on the emotional trauma. “This is your head line, and this one is your life line. The way that your head line is separated from the life means that you’re enthusiastic.” His lifeline, diagonal on his skin, came after. “Since your life line is straight, you’re cautious when it comes to relationships, and-” Finally, onto the fate line. Deep. “—Oh my god,” I lowered  my voice to a whisper, pulling his hand closer.  _ Maybe a joke could cover up this awkwardness.  _

 

“What do you see, baby?” That word stopped me dead in my tracks. He’s never called me that before. He’s never called me  _ anything _ endearing. 

“Um… You’re going to die.” I finished my original joke, but it came out more serious than I originally intended. 

“Ah, that’s not news to me.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re joking, aren’t you?” Nodding, I chewed on my bottom lip. 

“But you do have a fate line. It’s deep, so you’re controlled by fate.” When I looked up at him, he was already staring at me. “Not everyone has a fate line.” I tried to fill the silence, clearing my throat and finally letting go of his hand. But he grabbed mine instead. 

 

“It’s my turn now,” he said, tracing over my life line first. “You live a cautious life,” he guessed, moving over to draw my head line. “But those wheels in your head never stop turning. You don’t want to be cautious, but your brain outweighs the things you want to try. Really, deep down, you want danger.” I stifled my laughter as he moved to the heart line. “And you are uncontrollably, undeniably,  _ insanely _ attracted to me. Really Val, wow, your heart line is telling me that you’re just crazy about me.” My face heated up. 

“Am I?” I asked with a small laugh

“The lines don’t lie, Val. They are scientifically correct 100% of the time.” I rolled my eyes. “Now because your life line is telling me you’re cautious, and your head line is telling me you’re  _ longing _ to break out of your shell, I think it’s only fitting that I help you do that.” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, but I smiled anyways. 

“Well, you’re the one who brought it to my attention. It’s only fair.” And with that, he leaned forward to press his lips on mine. 


End file.
